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Chapter Twelve

October 1966

Rose had been utterly dumbfounded at how her brother managed to convince their parents to allow him to throw his birthday party at their house, but somehow he had managed it. Of course, they may have just been feeling lenient, it was his 18th birthday after all.

Most of the people at the party were only relatively familiar to her, excepting her boyfriend and the Curtis gang. But she didn't mind. Diego seemed to be having a good time, being at least mildly drunk and currently exchanging spit with his girlfriend. It was actually slightly sickening for her to watch, from her spot next to Billy.

"I'm gonna get another beer," she said, pushing herself up from the couch, "Want one?"

"Nah." Billy replied, only glancing up from his conversation, waving at her dismissively, "I'm good."

Rolling her eyes as she strolled away. It wasn't as if she was overwhelmingly surprised by his nonchalant attitude, recently he hadn't shown a whole lot of interest into what she was doing. A drastic change from his initial insistence to be involved in far too many aspects of her life for her liking. He'd made so many promises at the start of their relationship, and she was glad that she'd never believed any of them for a single second. At least now he'd never really disappointed her.

Walking into the kitchen where the alcohol had been stored, she leant down to grab a beer from the bucket on the floor.

"Grab me one two." A voice said, and she didn't need to even look to know who the voice belonged to.

It wasn't all that surprising to see him at the party, given that her brother had taken to buddying around with him. In fact, Tim Shepard now frequented her house, and had once interrupted a make-out session with her boyfriend. Something she knew he had taken gleeful pleasure in doing, even more so when Billy had glared at him but had done nothing. Fighting wasn't Billy's style and she was glad for that, she didn't need to feel guilty when Tim kicked his ass.

"Hey, Tim." She greeted, standing up as she handed him the beer, not missing the way their fingers brushed, almost like he planned it.

"Hey," he replied. "You here with that boyfriend of yours?"

His face didn't betray how he felt about that. She wasn't surprised but she was disappointed. As much as she wished otherwise, she wanted him to be jealous.

"Yeah," she said, "Billy's in the living room."

"You know you can do so much better than him." He said, moving to lean his hip against the counter beside her, "He don't treat you right."

As untrue as that may have been at the start, lately she was beginning to agree with that statement. It seemed just when she committed to the relationship - well, sort of - he started pulling back. Or maybe he just stopped trying to push her into loving him back. She didn't know why he ever thought sticking around would make her realise they were meant to be. And now she wasn't sure why he wasn't staying at all. Complacency perhaps. At least this way it wouldn't be hard for her to walk away when the time came. She was good at leaving, Billy had only told her that half a dozen times.

"And you would?" She asked, raising her eyebrows.

She was only giving words his implications. They were vague and awfully confusing but they were there, and she needed to know if they intentional.

"Probably not." He acknowledged, "Doesn't make it any less true."

There had never been any doubt in the truth of what he said. Tim didn't lie to her.

"And when did you become an expert on relationships?" She asked, "Thought they weren't your thing."

"I do believe you were the one that said that."

"Doesn't make it any less true." She countered, "I actually really like Billy." She told him, "Fact I think I love him."

There was nothing true in what she was saying now. Unlike with Tim, she never had a problem lying to Billy. She might have said the words back to Billy but she'd never meant them. She knew that made her a terrible person, but she'd known that not saying them would have only hurt him more.

Now that she knew he'd meant those implications she had to pull back, she couldn't risk getting close to him. Every time they were together it felt she was getting sucked into, and she couldn't let him see anymore of her than he already had. This was the hard thing to do, but it was the smartest thing she could do.

It was a moment before Tim replied, as he took as drink of his beer and seemingly mulled over his words. It was an excruciatingly painful wait, not knowing how he'd react which left her even more time to regret saying it.

"Good for you." He finally said, moving to push himself off of the counter to step away.

She was equally unsure of why she called out his name and grabbed onto his arm to stop him from leaving, because once he turned back she was overcome by a sudden inability to speak. What she wanted to say she didn't know, but she just wanted to say something, anything that might stop him from looking at her with his cold eyes.

But no words came, and a part of her was grateful when Beth came barroling into the room.

"Oh, Tim" Beth said, and he nodded back in greeting.

"I guess I'll be seeing you." Tim muttered, pulling away from her to walk out of the door.

Linking arms, Beth steered her outside, waiting until they were safely away from prying ears before questioning exactly what she'd interrupted.

"We were just talking." Rose claimed.

"Please, you don't just talk with an ex." Beth replied, "Especially not an ex who so obviously still likes you."

"He's not really an ex." She said, "And he doesn't like me."

"Whatever you say." Beth said, completely unconvinced, "But you better not let Billy see Tim giving you the eye again. Cause then he'd be obligated to fight Tim, and I don't know if he'd win."

"You read into things too much." She said, "I've said it before, and I'll say it again. There's nothing between me and Tim. End of story."

"Sure."

Rose spent the rest of the night milling around, drifting from group and doing her best to avoid her boyfriend. It wasn't that he'd done anything wrong, or that she thought she had, it was just that anytime she saw him she felt terribly conflicted. She was just glad that Tim had left the party, with a girl on his arm but she'd chosen to ignore that part.

"Hey, Ponyboy." She said, stopping beside where he stood leaning against the fence, "How are you?"

She'd never been especially close to Ponyboy, although they shared some friends and spent some time together. Not to mention multiple shared classes. But despite all this, their paths just didn't seem to cross all that much. At least, if they did she hadn't noticed.

"Good." He replied, "You?"

"Same." She nodded, "Have you done the homework for English?"

"Nah, not yet."

"Okay." She said, "So, what've you been up to?"

"I went to the movies the other day." Ponyboy said, "I saw that cowboy movie, the one with Steve McQueen."

"I really like that one."

That was enough to get the conversation flowing, talking about movies and books and the movies some more. It was nice and easy, a reprieve from the rather heavy conversations of the night. But then he'd had to leave with his brothers, and she could no longer avoid the boyfriend who was now approaching her.

"Haven't seen you much tonight." Billy said when he reached her, "You went off for a beer and never came back."

"I just thought you'd like to hang with your friends." She said, "Without your girlfriend as baggage."

"You could never be baggage." He told her, reaching out to take her hand, "So, ah, Mickey told me that he saw you and Tim Shepard looking awfully cosy."

Well Rose thought that Mickey needed to learn when to keep his mouth shut and his nose out of other people's business. She also thought that she rather despised the way her heart raced when she heard his name, even more so given her boyfriend was the one saying it.

"And?" She asked, crossing her arms and raising her eyebrow, "He's friends with Diego. We know each other."

"That's not what Mickey said it was like." Billy contended, "And given how you're reacting I'm inclined to believe him."

"What exactly are you accusing me of?" She asked, indignantly. There might be an attraction between her and Tim, but she'd never act on it. She wouldn't intentionally hurt Billy like that, even if they were at the tail-end of their relationship.

"I'm not accusing you of anything. Christ, Rosie." He sighed, but she couldn't feel bad for him when he used that nickname. He knew she hated it. "I don't care if something happened between you and Shepard. I care that I don't know."

"Why?" She demanded, "Don't want to look the fool, having some other guy's leftovers."

"Because people who love each other don't keep secrets." He said, softly, moving to pull her closer and she let him. "And we love each other, right?" He asked, and she nodded in response. "Then just be honest with me."

There were two ways she could answer him, lie or tell the truth. So she decided to do both.

"Nothing's going on between me and Tim." She told him. "It's just you."

It was only half a lie. There really wasn't anything currently between her and Tim, aside from some sexual tension, though she failed to say that there was something between them previously. Billy didn't seem to notice that part.

"Look, if we're confessing things," he said, "I kinda kissed someone when we were broken up."

"Who?" She asked, her face expressionless.

"Peggy Jones." He answered. "I think she's in your grade."

"Yeah, she is." Rose nodded. "Was it any good at least?"

"I'm pretty sure it was her first kiss, so no, not really." He said, frowning at her. "You don't have a problem with it?"

"Well, we weren't together, so I don't really have any right to be mad at you." She reasoned. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"How did I get so lucky to have such an understanding girlfriend?" Billy asked her, and she just shrugged, throwing him a smile that was almost completely forced. "I better be getting home. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Yeah, okay." She nodded, and he pressed a quick kiss to her lips.

"Love you." He whispered, smiling at her with his bright blue eyes, even though the words sounded like an apology. Those were the only times he ever really said the words, when he thought they were what she wanted to hear, and she was starting to doubt if he'd ever really meant them.