Early posting! YEAH! You can thank my girls over in Kitkat's Korner on facebook for that…

I tried so very hard to reply to reviews…but I failed. Know I love you…and your words.

I came in sixth in the Lemonade Stand poll, which was admirable considering who I was up against. Thank you to all of you who voted but I did not stand a chance against Awesomesauce, Cosmo and Sheviking.

Melanie fixed so many things in this chapter and I can't thank her enough for that. She is the salt to my margarita.

One week from right now I will be lounging in Dalloway5906's family room enjoying the first of many glasses of wine. Can't wait!

No one read that did they? I figured not…

Bella held her breath as she watched the nurses and doctors work around Edward. His body jumped off the bed as they used the paddles to try and shock his heart into re-starting. Esme was crying hysterically and someone had taken over for Carlisle so he could hold his wife. No one noticed that Bella and Jake stood in the doorway as they watched Edward fight for his life.

Bella had never been more afraid.

She was afraid she would lose him before she ever really had him. She was afraid she might kill Rose with her bare hands for making her leave his side, losing those precious hours with him. She was afraid this might be the tipping point that would start her slow descend to darkness.

"We got a rhythm." A nurse shouted and Bella and Jake were pushed into the hall as Edward's bed was wheeled out of the room.

"Get an OR booked stat. We need to get in there before he codes again." Someone shouted as the room emptied. Carlisle was talking rapidly to someone in the doorway while Rose and Esme embraced inside. Bella leaned against the wall, Jake lying at her feet, staring at the closed doors Edward had just disappeared behind. God she hated hospitals. Other than on site at a disaster, she had not been inside one in nearly four years, not since…

Her eyes blurred with tears and she bit the inside of her cheek to get off that train of thought. Thinking of that night would not help anyone right now, least of all Edward who needed all the positive thinking she could muster. Carlisle turned around to go back in the room and caught sight of Bella and Jake. His blond hair was mussed and he looked exhausted but he managed a small smile for them, holding his arms out for a hug. Bella leaned against him stiffly, trying to keep her emotions under control. She pulled away and looked up at him, desperate for answers.

"He was fine when he left in the ambulance…I thought it was just a laceration." Bella said, worried she had missed something when she checked him over. Carlisle shook his head sadly and put a hand on her shoulder.

"No one could have known Bella. It seems he had some internal bleeding, they think it might be his spleen or pancreas. It was not until his blood pressure started to drop that we suspected anything and by then he had already started to crash." Carlisle said quietly.

"Was he awake at all?" Bella asked, dreading the answer. She had promised him she would be there when he woke up…and she wasn't.

"Yeah, he was in and out of consciousness for a while there. He asked for you…thought he had been dreaming. When Rose told him she sent you back out, he was livid." Carlisle said with a chuckle. Livid was an understatement, Edward had been furious. He had never seen his son that angry about anything.

"Well, I did tell him I would be there when he woke up, but Rose was right. Jake and I were more valuable out there than in here waiting, even if we would have rather been here." She said with a tired sigh as she reached her hand down and patted Jake's head. Carlisle gasped and Bella's eyes flew up to his face, worried.

"You love him don't you?" Carlisle whispered, a brilliant smile spreading across his face. Bella shook her head frantically, holding her hands up in front of her as if she could stop his words from infiltrating her brain.

"No…wait…hold up. Edward and I are just…well I guess you can't even say we're friends. We know nothing about each other and the last thing I heard from him was him asking me to stop." She defended, but her words sounded weak in her ears. She was right…she really did not know him at all. She did not know what kind of foods he liked to eat when he was drunk or how he took his coffee. What she did know about him could fit on an index card.

She knew he was kind and thoughtful, that he was an amazing photographer and loved his family dearly even if he did not always know how to show it. He treated his car better than most people treated their kids and for some reason she could not get him and his sad smile out of her head. She constantly wondered if he was happy or sad or in danger. She wanted to see him smile and laugh and be the reason for both. Did she love him…

Well fuck…maybe she did.

**()*()**

Three hours later they still had not heard anything. Carlisle had disappeared behind those closed doors every 20 minutes or so but always came back wearing that same cautious look, as if he did not want to say or think anything positive for fear he might jinx the outcome.

Bella had walked Jake outside to sniff around and do his business but other than that, her ass had not left those waiting room chairs. Carlisle had giving Esme something to help her sleep and Rose had come out to sit and wait with Bella and her father. As much as Bella wanted to be mad at Rose for making her leave Edward, she understood why she did it, and she couldn't get angry at her for wanting to try and help save as many people as possible. She just wished she could have been able to see Edward before he…

No, she thought, no negative thoughts. He will come out of the surgery just fine and then…

And then exactly. The last contact she had with him had been brief and to the point.

Stop…just stop.

The problem was she had not wanted to stop. She wanted to push. She wanted to get inside of him and find out why he acted the way he did. What worried her was that if she got inside him…he might want to get inside her as well and no one but Jake and her mother knew what lurked behind the walls she carefully erected.

"Carlisle." A scrub wearing, blood covered doctor called from just outside the doors. He looked almost as exhausted as Bella felt, but the cautious smile on his face made her jump to her feet and follow behind Carlisle and Rose, Jake at her side.

"Looks good right now." He said, running a hand through his dark hair and tossing a wink to Rose. Ahhh…either a past or future conquest right there, Bella thought. She tore her eyes from Rose's fake smile and focused back on the doctor. "We had to remove part of his spleen and a section of his liver. He lost four liters of blood but we were able to run in type specific and he seems to be rebounding. I have him sedated for now. We should be able to start weaning him off the meds by morning."

"When can we see him?" Bella asked, ducking her head and flushing scarlet when everyone turned to look at her, Carlisle with a smirk and Rose looking flabbergasted.

"Uh…you can go in and see him one at a time." The doctor said before reaching out and shaking Carlisle's hand, pulling him aside to talk about a more clinical diagnosis. Rose spun towards Bella, holding her hand out towards Edward's recovery room in invitation.

"No, no. You go ahead. I need to take Jake out." Bella said, suddenly worried about how she might react seeing Edward hooked up to all those machines. She spun on her heel and ran towards the exit, Jake following close behind her. She burst through the front doors of the hospital, taking great gasps of air as she paced. Her heart was hammering in her chest, no doubt a delayed reaction to the news that Edward was going to be okay. She had prepared herself for the worst…ignoring the prospect that he might end up being just fine.

Shit…what was she doing? She knew she was no good for him. What could she give him? She was tainted…God knows she had heard it from her mother enough in the past four years to have to believe it. Bella stopped pacing and stood staring up at the darkening sky. It had been nearly 24 hours since Seattle had been hit by the worst earthquake on record. People were dead and lives were ruined, an entire city and the surrounding area were destroyed. And not once did she think about her mother who lived only 3 hours away. The tremors did damage in Forks for sure, but did she pick up the phone to check on her mother? Nope…not once. God what a shitty person, Bella thought as she reached her hand into her pack and pulled out her phone. Dialing the number she had memorized since she was a child, she was surprised when she heard it ringing.

"Hello?" He mother's voice answered and Bella lost her breath for a moment at the sound. When she repeated the greeting, Bella snapped out of it.

"Mom?"

"Oh…it's you."

See...he's alive...I would not kill our boy...Update Wednesday!