A/N: Vermont was pretty cool :) Beautiful place for a bit of relaxation. It was too damn hot, though. Cooler than it was back home, but still. I will, at some point in August, disappear for another week long trip, but I'll warn you all when I get closer and actually find out when I'm leaving.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, but neither do you. SO HA! Unless, of course, you happen to be Stephanie Meyer, in which case…what the hell are you doing on a fanfiction site? Seriously, Steph. Jeez.
Chapter 12: Even I Need Protection
"There must have been a reason…there must've. They wouldn't have done this. They wouldn't just run away. There must be a reason. There must be," muttered Bella to herself as we sat in the plastic seats near our gate at the airport. She'd been repeating this to herself quietly for most of the ride to the airport, a perfect echo to the thoughts inside of my head.
But why wouldn't they tell me? What on Earth is so dangerous that it has to be kept from me and the rest of the family?
I hadn't been able to get a hold of any members of my family in time. Neither Jasper nor Edward picked up their phones, and by the time I was finally able to reach someone else – Rosalie, returning from a hunting trip – it had been far too late to catch up to them. Their plan had worked marvelously; they took off south through the forest, then turned west right before their futures had disappeared completely. I had no idea what they were planning, but I knew where I might get my answers.
I'd have to talk to Jacob about his newest pack member. My one encounter with the boy hadn't gone terribly well, but I thought that maybe, without the stress that had been imposed upon us during the last brief meeting, we would be able to be civil with each other. As much as I disliked the idea, I had to talk to Jacob.
I heaved an enormous sigh and turned my head to look at Bella. She had abandoned her constant muttering and was now slumped in her seat, head resting against the metal top of the seat back in a way that I was sure could not be comfortable. As soon as that thought entered my head, my arms opened themselves and Bella turned to lean against me instead of the seat. I held her tightly and kissed the top of her head, content to let the silence surround us for the moment.
"You promised me a talk," she finally whispered, surprising me.
I let my eyes close slowly and gently let the air out of my lungs. "I did," I agreed softly. Despite the invitation for conversation, several more moments of silence passed. Bella seemed to take my silence for reluctance, which, for the most part, it was.
"You don't want me to change," she whispered.
I shook my head. "That's not it, exactly. I guess I just don't understand why you want to. I could see why when you were with Edward, since becoming one of us would be the only real way you could be with him. But you're not with him now and…I don't know. I originally thought that, since you were still interested in the idea, that maybe you were seeking the change for the wrong reasons."
Bella stared at me, clearly confused. "What do you mean?"
"Well…" I hesitated, "I sort of thought you wanted to become a vampire for…the immortality, or the heightened senses," I admitted, lowering my gaze to the ground.
I felt her hand slide under my chin, lifting my head up so that I could look into her eyes, which were currently wide with disbelief. "That's what you thought?"
"Erm…no?" I covered lamely.
"Alice…" she murmured my name softly as her forehead met mine, "I don't care about living forever. Not if I have no one to share it with," she bit down on her lip, "I want to be one of you because…because I want to be with you, Alice. That's the only reason. And I can't, not like this. I'll grow old eventually, I'll fall and crack my head open" –I winced at that – "or…something. If I have to become a vampire to be with you, I'll become a vampire to be with you. As long as…" her voice trailed off and she closed her eyes, leaning away from me slightly. I heard her heart pick up, thrumming heavily against her chest.
"As long as…?" I questioned softly.
Her eyes opened and, to my surprise, she lowered her head so that her face was hidden in the crook of my neck. "As long as you'll have me," she finished, heating my skin slightly as her face flushed.
I turned to look down at her, meeting her soft brown eyes with my hard gold ones. "Of course I'll have you, you silly human." I didn't bother lowering my voice, so the middle-aged woman sitting in the row of seats behind us turned around to stare at me in confusion. I smirked inwardly.
Her smile widened, "Then, you'll change me?"
"Not so fast," I answered, earning a soft groan from the girl next to me. Speaking quietly this time, I continued, "It's not all fairy tales and unicorns, Bella. Getting your instincts under control is incredibly difficult. If you do change, the first year or so, as a newborn, you will slip-up. I promise you that. We'll do everything we can to help you, of course, but we won't be able to control you very easily. Newborns are very powerful. Not even Emmet will be able to match you in strength, nor will Edward in speed. You won't have much of a conscience; there won't be much going on inside of your head besides thirst."
She looked at me thoughtfully before tilting her head slightly in curiosity. "What was it like for you?"
Torture.
My body stiffened slightly and I closed my eyes to the onslaught of memories. Fire. Thirst. Screaming. Death. Blood. Horror. So much of it I had tried to block out, with no success. It wasn't me. The vampiric newborn from my memory, the one with flaming red eyes and an overwhelming urge to kill, wasn't me at all...and yet she was.
"I…" I turned away, unable to look Bella in the eye.
"Alice?" she asked, and I felt her warm hand on my cheek, coaxing me to turn back towards her. "It's alright, if you don't want to talk about it –"
I didn't want to talk about it. I never wanted to talk about it again. But I'd have to live with the vivid memories for the rest of my unnaturally long not-life, anyway. The words tumbled out of my mouth without my permission.
"I was the only member of the family besides Carlisle to completely overturn my instincts on my own," I said quickly, knowing that I'd have to get this out now or else I may never be able to say it again. "But it was so hard, Bella. I didn't know what I was doing or who I was or what had happened to me. All I knew was my name. Alice."
I paused to take a completely unnecessary breath, still unable to look at Bella. "I…killed a few dozen people before I received even the slightest idea that what I was doing was wrong. I was walking down a deserted street in the rain one night and there was a man. And I thought immediately to kill him, but I had already hunted myself full that night and so…for the first time, I made the conscience decision not to kill.
"I didn't expect what happened next. I was suddenly taken by a vision, far more elaborate than the usual brief flashes I received…I saw the man's future. I saw him return home, thoroughly soaked, to his small house. I saw him open the door and smile as he greeted his two small children, who ran to the door, calling for him excitedly. I saw his wife step out from the kitchen, saw him wrap his arms around her and twirl her through the air and kiss her before setting her down and smiling as he stared into her eyes. I saw that, the next day, he returned to his simple factory job, where one of the coal boilers exploded. He saved two fellow workers by dragging them out through the smoke. I saw that the incident had inspired him to develop new safety procedures at the factory he worked at, procedures which would save hundreds of other lives as the years passed. I saw him spend his whole life at that factory before he retired and moved out to the country with his wife, where they both grew old together. I saw everything…everything that would happen, the moment I made the decision not to kill him."
I looked back at Bella now, my eyes filling with tears. She was looking at me in shock, and I felt her hand move to cover mine. She said nothing, simply waited for me to continue.
"I hated myself for the lives I had ended, for what I had done. From then on, I made a point of deciding not to attack my potential human victims…as long as I could truly make the decision before I did them harm, I would see their lives flash before my eyes, and I would be unable to kill them. I took me a year, but finally, I could stand to be around them without the overpowering urge to feed, as long as I had hunted animals recently beforehand. It took time, but I was willing to try my hardest to make it work. Eventually I gained more control over my instincts, met Jasper, then the family, and of course, you know the rest."
"Wow…" she breathed, looking at me in awe, "That's incredible." Her hand moved to wipe away the few stray tears that threatened to fall down my cheek. "You're so brave, Alice."
The girl who normally spends her days hanging out with vampires was calling me brave? "That means a lot to me, Bella. I just really don't want to put you through that. My first memories are of being burned alive. Most of us block that part out – the blinding pain of the change – but I didn't. I remember the horror, the feeling like it was never going to end, the feeling that I was fire. It took me years to gather enough memories so that I wouldn't have to think of it constantly. I…I couldn't burn you, Bella. I just couldn't."
Her expression changed then, hardening with determination as the hand on my cheek moved to run through my hair. Without a word, she gently pulled on me, and I allowed myself to be tugged closer to her, curling up against her body as her arms circled me protectively. It felt strange, almost, to be the one in her arms. My instincts had barely given me a break lately, constantly calling me to defend her, to hold and support her. This felt oddly…backwards.
Yet, even as I thought this, my insides seemed to relax, infinitely soothed at the feel of a warm body covering me as if intending to shield me from the rest of the world. I closed my eyes and hid my face in the fabric of her shirt, a soft hum escaping my throat. I stopped feeling strange right at that moment. It felt completely natural to be in the warm embrace of Bella Swan. I had already known that I would face an army to protect the girl I loved, but now, in this moment, I realized that Bella would just as easily do the same for me.
Her lips found my ear then, her warm breath tickling the side of my face as she spoke softly, causing me to shiver with delight. "Sometimes, you have to go through hell to get to heaven."
I didn't speak. There were no more words needed. Words just got in the way. And so I waited for the boarding to start, hiding in my comfortable human-shelter and feeling, for the first time in my life, as if nothing in the world could harm me.
I stood before the edge of the La Push border, sitting cross-legged on the ground and trying to look as non-threatening as possible. Half of me still couldn't believe I was actually doing this, but the other half of me was driven to find answers and was willing to look anywhere to get them. I wasn't entirely sure he would come, since I couldn't scan his future of course, but I had done everything I could to get him to this spot.
"Cullen?" asked Billy Black in confusion when he answered the phone and picked up on my rather distinct voice as I spoke my greeting. His tone seemed guarded and untrusting, but more surprised than anything else.
"Yes, Alice Cullen," I clarified. "I know this is a bit…strange. I got your number from watching Bella dial the house and I…well, I very much need to talk to your son."
Something about my tone seemed to have lowered his defenses slightly, but he still spoke carefully, as if considering every word. "He isn't in right now. I'll, uhh…tell him you called –"
"Wait," I cut in, knowing the dog would never have anything to do with me unless I gave him reason to, "Tell him it's about his newest pack mate." I knew I was going out on a limb here, but I figured my plan would work as soon as I caught Billy's reaction.
"Seth!" he exclaimed, his rough voice shooting up an octave, "You know about him! Where's he gone? What have you done to –"
"I haven't done anything to him, Billy, I assure you. I very much need to speak to a pack member about him, and seeing how Jacob's the only one I met, naturally I thought of him. Please, with Jacob's help, we might be able to bring him home safely. I just need a bit of information."
The other end was gravely quiet. I could hear the man's heartbeat pounding rapidly, nervousness settling in. "I can assure you," I added as an afterthought, "I mean your son, nor your pack, any harm. But I recognize that we both have a common goal and I need to speak to Jacob as soon as possible." I was careful not to tell him that the youngest member of his tribe's wolves was now traveling with two vampires, considering that it seemed like he didn't know and the knowledge would most likely only serve in making him more hostile.
"Alright," he finally said with a heavy sigh, "I will make sure my son receives this message…"
"Tell him to meet me at the border at 10 tonight, if you please."
"Y-yes. Understood." There was a definitive 'click' as the man on the other end quickly hung up the phone, dropping it onto the receiver as if it had suddenly morphed into a snake.
I didn't need a watch to tell me what time it was now. 10:06 on the dot. I sighed, scanning my future again. I saw myself sitting in this same spot for hours, sitting…and sitting…and sitting…
Suddenly, the vision went dark, as if someone had cut the power supply of my mind. I blinked and returned to the present, trying to focus on the relief that he was actually coming instead of the incredibly unnerving fact that my whole future had just disappeared.
Surprisingly, it was his sound that reached me before his scent. I heard him approaching from a half mile off, the pounding of his footfalls telling me that he was in human form. His smell didn't hit me until several seconds later…and it startled me.
I recalled the memory of the only other time I had been face-to-face with Jacob Black, watching him standing in Bella's doorway, quivering with anger and releasing one of the most unpleasant odors I had ever smelled in my life.
This was not the scent that caught my attention now.
Oh, it was Jacob alright; the similarities were enough so that I could tell that the source was still the same. But, although before my instincts had recoiled, fighting an urge to get away from the putrid scent, this time my nose merely flicked in mild irritation. Jacob smelled…not good, exactly, but…far more natural than before. He smelled of trees and earth and the air during a rainstorm. The stench of wet dog still clung to him, but it was masked, at least in part, by the far less unpleasant scents surrounding him. I took another deep sniff, wondering what on Earth was causing this change.
He appeared then; tall, tan, and shirtless, with dark circles under his eyes and a guarded, yet curious expression on his face. He reached the area about 15 feet from where I was sitting and stopped, tensing slightly.
"Cullen," he stated simply for greeting, "You smell weird." I saw his nose wrinkle at this admission before he mimicked my earlier actions, pulling in a deep whiff of air.
"I was going to say the same thing, actually," I responded, not moving from my position on the ground. "I wouldn't say you smell like perfume, exactly, but…something's changed."
His curious expression fell into one of annoyance, as if he was mad at himself for agreeing with me about something. "Whatever. That's not important right now. Where the hell is Seth?" he demanded.
He was asking me? That was odd… "Isn't he your pack mate?" I asked in confusion, "You should know…"
He growled softly and crossed his arms, clearly unhappy with the fact that I was pointing out something that he'd obviously failed at. "He is? Gee, thanks for telling me, I hadn't noticed," he spoke with heavy sarcasm before softening slightly and stating with a hint of concern, "He hasn't phased since he left. We have no clue where he is," he admitted.
"Damn it…" I cursed in frustration. "Do you have any idea where he might have gone? Any at all?"
Jacob uncrossed his arms and looked at me furiously, shaking slightly. I realized my mistake immediately. "Why the hell do you want to know? Want to keep our pack from growing by killing pups? That's low, even for you, Cullen!" he spat the name as if it had a bad taste.
I held up my hands defensively, "Jacob, I –"
It was pointless; he continued as if I hadn't spoken. "I can't fucking believe you guys! Stay the fuck away from Seth or I'll make you wish you'd never been reborn!" he boomed, his hands clenching into fists.
"Listen!" I pleaded when he paused for breath, "I don't want to hurt him! I just want to find him because…because he's with two of my siblings somewhere, and I don't know where they are, either!"
Jacob's expression softened, then he realized what I'd just said and grit his teeth together. "He did what…"
"Edward and Jasper won't hurt him, I assure you. They only brought him so that my visions would be blocked. I've got to find them…all of them. Please understand…"
I waited several minutes, watching him closely. The shaking slowed, then stopped. His fists unclenched and exhaustion came back to his features, and I watched in surprise as he seemed to slump forward, hitting the ground with a loud 'crash' that would definitely leave a dent in the pavement. Instinctively, I reached out my hand to him, but a short growl cut the movement off and I quickly returned to my former position. Several minutes passed.
"I haven't slept in a week," Jacob finally mumbled, "I was chasing down that red haired leech, running watch duty in the forests, and then Seth disappears and I…I'm so tired."
I was surprised he was letting his guard down in front of me, but I had a feeling that his instincts were still working overtime, even if it didn't show. "I'm sorry," I whispered, surprising myself with the sincerity in my tone.
He just snorted humorlessly, "No, you're not."
"I am."
"Whatever," he grumbled. "Just…tell me everything. Everything you know that might help me find him." I looked at him then, his massive body moving up and down slowly to the rhythm of his deep breaths. He truly was like a dog, I thought randomly; fiercely loyal and incredibly protective of his pack. Part of my mind did not forget that it was Jacob who had saved the life of the girl I love.
"Jasper and Edward were planning on leaving the family temporarily as soon as Victoria was taken care of," I began. "Think of it as…an extended vacation. We do that sometimes, go off for a while just to take breaks," I gave him only the briefest of explanations, knowing that: a) he didn't care about vampire family dynamics at all, and b) he really, really didn't need to know that the reason they were leaving was largely because I was in love with Bella.
"I took Bella to Jacksonville, as you know, just as a precaution. After Victoria's attempted attack…I had a vision."
"You all can't do that, right?" he cut in, staring at me from the ground as if I had three heads. I had to suppress a chuckle.
"No, just me. I see the future," I explained, "Though it's…kind of spotty. Especially lately. And I can't see werewo –" I cut myself off, pausing for a moment. "Why the hell am I telling you this?"
He snorted again, "No clue," his tone was mildly annoyed and dripping with impatience, "Just get on to the part about Seth."
"Right," I sighed. "While in Jacksonville, I had a vision of Edward going to Jasper and convincing him to leave earlier than they had planned. He wouldn't tell him where they were going just then because he figured I'd see them leave. He mentioned that he'd explain everything when Seth joined up with them. They then ran south west – towards La Push, I imagine – and that's where my visions cut off. Edward must have figured out that I can't see the wolves by reading Carlisle's mind, though how he convinced Seth to join them, I can't really imagine."
Jacob closed his eyes tightly and growled, "I can. Ever since he joined the pack, he's wanted to prove himself. He's the pip-squeak of the pack. He was getting fed up of the fact that we never let him do anything. He was also the only one of us to show any interest in you bloodsuckers, once he found out about the treaty. The kid doesn't seem to have much in the way of instinct." Jacob paused, his tone now turning remorseful. "It was my fault. I shouldn't have treated the kid the way I did. Maybe then he wouldn't have run off…"
"Blaming yourself isn't going to bring him back," I said gently.
"I don't even know why the hell I'm talking to you," he said as a reply. I couldn't say anything against it, though, because I had been wondering the same thing. Without the horrible smell warding me off, he wasn't actually all that hard to talk to.
"What do I smell like to you?" I asked randomly, surprising even myself.
He opened his eyes and looked at me with exasperation. "What the hell?"
I shrugged my shoulders and lifted my legs, hugging them close to my chest. "You said I smell different. You do, too. You smell more like the forest and less like wet dog," I explained. "What do I smell like to you?"
He continued staring at me blankly from his spot on the ground before he muttered, "Like someone dug up a corpse and drenched it with perfume, actually."
I nodded, not bothering to take offence to his words since I was sure they were probably pretty accurate. I didn't expect his next words at all.
"You're not like them," he said, clearly fighting to keep the tiredness out of his voice. "You have their freaky eyes and weird looks, you're pale as hell, you sit like a freaking statue, but you're not like them. Not really."
I blinked and met his eyes. "What do you mean?"
He scrunched up his face, as if he was trying to find the right words, which was probably incredibly difficult given his degree of exhaustion. "You're…I don't know. They all seem like statues that can move. Or re-animated corpses or something. They don't look…don't feel…like life. Like…alive." His words were starting to slur and his eyelids were dropping fast. "You're the first leech I've met that…" he paused to yawn enormously, "…that seemed like you were once…somebody."
I smirked. "Did you think that when you first saw me?"
He shook his head slightly. "Nope. Couldn't get…past the smell."
I closed my eyes and again recalled the memory of the only other time we'd met. "I thought you were a monster," I whispered, though I knew he could hear me. "I fought against that instinct because I knew you'd saved Bella's life, and I wanted to give you a chance. But I couldn't, not really. Not with you smelling like that. I guess now I see what you really are," I eased my eyes back open and tilted my head, studying the enormous figure on the ground several feet in front of me. "You're a dog. Loyal, protective, dependent on your pack."
He laughed quietly at that one. "I'm not a poodle, Cullen. Don't forget that."
"I know, and I won't."
We fell into silence for a few minutes after that. I kept expecting him to get up and leave; to return to his house for some sleep. I couldn't imagine that he was enjoying the feeling of lying stomach-down on an asphalt pavement with a vampire not fifteen feet away from him. It was then that I realized that my own instincts had relaxed considerably, hardly bothered by the werewolf in my presence. By all accounts, I should want to get away from him as well. Yet he looked so…helpless, lying there on the ground, limbs heavy with exhaustion as he continued to deny himself sleep. He wasn't helpless in the slightest, of course, but the illusion still held in place.
The dog is tired, and hardly smells like dog. Of course I'm not wound up.
"I've got to find him…" he said under his breath, concern momentarily overpowering exhaustion. I had to admire his dedication, if nothing else.
"What you need is sleep," I answered.
He growled half-heartedly, "Don't tell me what I need. I've gone this long, I can go longer. Seth needs me. Leah's…freaking out. Sam's really…worried and…Sue…after Harry…died…" his words became impossible to distinguish after that and, to my amazement, his jaw fell slack on the road and he fell asleep on the pavement.
I'm not sure how long I sat there staring at him before I stood up and turned in the direction of the house, but when I finally did, something stopped me short and caused me to turn back around.
I couldn't just leave him there, could I? I knew full well he was capable of defending himself against any enemy conceivable, but he sure didn't look like it at that moment. I couldn't bring him back to his pack for several reasons, the main one being the fact that I wasn't allowed on pack territory. And his pack would be back soon, right? They'd probably be patrolling this area eventually, find him, and bring him home. There was nothing to worry about.
Still. This was Bella's savior. It was because of this boy that she was alive. This boy had jumped into the water and saved the girl I loved from drowning.
I wasn't even aware of myself as I dropped right back to the ground in my previous position, looking relaxed, but alerting my senses to all of my immediate surroundings. I sat there for several hours, unmoving, keeping silent guard over the sleeping wolf boy. I knew that he would probably not be happy with me had he been aware of what I was doing, especially if he knew of my relationship with Bella. But I would not leave him here. I owed him this, at the very least; the small amount of protection I could offer.
It wasn't until the sun started lightening by miniscule amounts that I heard the footfalls of wolves approaching through the trees. Their smells, although more potent than Jacob's due to the form they were currently in, were very similar to his: musty, of the forest, and largely less unpleasant than they should have been.
When they were a half mile away I turned and silently left my post, heading back towards Forks.
I will forever be indebted to you, Jacob Black.
A/N: Personally, I like this chapter.
What do you all think of the Alice and Jake interaction? I didn't want to play into the whole "mortal enemy" thing yet, but I don't want them to go skipping through a meadow like best friends, either. And I always thought that Jake was a bit of an ass at times in the book, and I wanted to make him a little less…ass-ish.
As always, give me your feedback, thoughts, theories, and whatever else by clicking the shiny little button directly under this author's note. This would make Alice and I very happy.
