Disclaimer : I own nothing.

Author's Note : *EDITED*


Chapter Twelve : I'm A Mess (Part 2)

/

"Stay."

Something resembling a whimper tumbles from Spencer's mouth hearing the invitation, low and raspy and full of promise and so much want. She's searching her face for something, and that something Ashley hopes she finds quick because her control's a wobbly mess right now. And those eyes are not helping her problem. Ashley would've felt embarrassed if she wasn't feeling just about everything else right now. God, stop biting your lip. Fuck. The tug in her belly deepens, and she's in too deep now to fully register the consequences of her actions. Fuck.

Her heart raced. Everything was going to change—Everything has changed. Ashley was sinking the second they'd met, and was truly gone the night she'd died for the second time strung up to that ceiling. Images of Aiden, Sophie, of her family skirt across her vision and it sends her stomach plummeting in another wave of guilt. She was going to break their hearts. But she couldn't fight this world anymore, it was as much a part of her as they were.

"We can't—" Ashley palms up Spencer's stomach anyway, swallowing back the guilty tears pricking her eyes. If she's going to ruin everything, she's going to make it worth it. "—and for the love of everything holy, stop saying fuck. You have no idea how—"

"I do." Fingernails sink into the skin below her bra. "Payback for all of those damn tank tops."

When the statement is followed by sure fingers palming her breasts over her bra, Spencer moans before she can stop herself and honest to god growls. She pulls herself away, retreating away until her back meets a wall. She knows what's going through Ashley's head, she's trying to stop this.

"I need to leave. Now."

Despite the rational part of her practically screaming in protest, Ashley inches forward. "You probably should."

"Yes."

Closer. "Definitely."

There's tears filling their eyes now, taking them both by surprise because the reality of the moment is drowning them. It wasn't right, it was so wrong on so many levels, but that doesn't stop the blonde from ignoring all of that. Spencer's whimpering again, so soft with defeat Ashley nearly misses it over the blinding arousal in her eyes. But Spencer's surging forward and wrapping strong arms around the girl's thighs and lifting Ashley effortlessly to tangle around her waist. An annoying pain pangs her heart in the seconds leading up to Ashley's decision to kiss her. At the last second, she hesitates, convincing herself to shift lower and pressing her lips into the girl's neck instead.

Spencer's breathing deepens fast, "Ash, we shouldn't be—"

"Shut up."

Ashley nips at the throbbing skin underneath mouth, and lets her hips thrust upwards, her body just wanting to be closer, needing some sort of contact before she was going to fucking pass out. But it's a mistake, a big, big mistake. Because the intense pleasure it causes shoots through them both, and Ashley can't will her lower half from doing it again. And again, and fuck, this was definitely something that was happening.

"Oh, merciful—fuck—"

The rest die in Spencer's throat, feeling a hand snaking down between them, forcibly popping open the button of her jeans. Spencer's eyes her in surprise and reluctantly moves to yank Ashley's hand away from going any further—still wanting to stop this—and pressing into a picture frame Ashley can't will herself to recognize. Please. She'll beg if she has to because she needs this. She needs her. So Selfish. She should be listening to Spencer, clearly it's not smart, and she's knowingly taking advantage of the girl's feelings, and their god damn connection, and she hates herself for being so weak.

Nails are digging into the back of the blonde's neck before she can stop them. Her hips are swirling fast now, met with equally forceful pushes from Spencer against her will. Ashley ignores the wetness on her face, pressing deeper into the beautiful, breathless woman against her, and at this point it's getting painfully hard not to kiss her. Those lips are parted and willing, but she can't will herself forward all the way. There's so much more there in the way, and the guilt starts to creep into her chest. No, dammit, Ashley pushes back a sob, losing herself in another roll of Spencer's hips.

A picture drops and thuds against the carpet.

It's enough to break the spell of the moment they'd built. Spencer's hands are pulling at her chest to lock their eyes. They're blown wide, dazed and much too dark underneath the florescent lights of her home. Brown stares right back through a film of tears, her heart breaking underneath the sight of everything she was battling being mirrored through Spencer's. The speed of their menstruation come to a sudden stop. Spencer takes this time to catch her breath, panting up at the breathless girl above her who can only respond with a teary kiss to her cheek. Her lips linger longer than Ashley intended, temptingly close to Spencer's mouth. But the air wasn't right anymore and their moment was gone. They were almost grateful. The moment wasn't right, and if they'd continued, they would've regretted it. So much was already broken. For this to happen, for them to have any future together, they had to have it happen the right way. Not like this.

The smile on Spencer's face is heartbroken, but full of so much adoration and affection Ashley was awestruck for several more seconds.

"Hey."

Ashley gives her a watery laugh, "Hey."

Their foreheads press together clumsily. Even underneath a sheen of sweat and tears, Spencer couldn't figure out how the girl could still look so breathtakingly beautiful. She watches Ashley shift underneath her lingering gaze, and feels her whole body shudder. But Ashley's eyes are on her lips again, no longer laced with apprehension as they had been earlier. Spencer's heart swells. She loves her so much.

She's gentle to lean in, ignoring everything inside of herself, and cradling the brunette's face,
"It's okay."

Brown eyes drift closed the closer Spencer edges herself into the space between them. Spencer gently grips onto the girl's sweater with her free hand, and steels herself as warm lips brush over her own until—

A noise.

Spencer stills immediately at the sudden minuscule rustle presumably from Sophie's bedroom. She begrudgingly pulls back a fraction of an inch to assess the stir. A few seconds pass while she closely listens to the child's breathing evening out again. Relief floods her body, and Spencer reattaches her gaze to Ashley's adorably flustered expression. She would've resumed her earlier intentions if it weren't for a small shift in movement to the left of her vision. Dark eyes snap over toward the intrusion, immediately falling onto Ashley's package from earlier. Something was different now, something in the coloration of the packaging relenting off the light. Spencer squints harder, training her heightened eyesight to catch a sudden but very distinct ripple of the markings on it's side.

"Wait."

On top of her, Ashley slowly reemerges from her daze, brown eyes fluttering open.

"What? What's wrong?"

There's no reply, only a cautious disentanglement from the confused girl as Spencer gently settled her onto the carpet. Spencer walks toward the package with slow, deliberate steps, eyeing the now visible slivers of black smoke swirling from a nicked corner.

"That package," is finally slipping past her lips. "Something's wrong. There's smoke, symbols, ancient of some kind, and—I'm not sure. But just stay back, okay?"

Ashley's quick to protest against that plan, but Spencer waves her off. She approaches the package slowly as the brunette watches at a respectable distance. Every instinct inside of Spencer told her to keep away, that markings and smoke meant danger, a trap, but she had to keep Ashley and her daughter safe. Even if it meant harming herself in the process. The closer she managed to get, the more the ominous smoke's confidence grew until it began to snake out and towards them with menacing promise and very much alive.

"Ashley, stay back!"

Spencer feels the disturbance in the air around them seconds before it happens, enough time to jerk an arm back in Ashley's direction and use as much strength inside of her bruised body to telepathically propel her back. Ashley screams, body knocking safely into the couch cousins in the living room and stumbling to the floor. Before her eyes, the package explodes into a harsh explosion, and the smoke has grown a third of it's mass now, swirling into a growling void of darkness. Ashley's on a prompted elbow, horrified, watching the net few seconds happen so fast she thinks this must all be a nightmare.

The swirling mass shakes and shudders violently, jerking itself at Spencer's still form and hooking her in. A muffled scream fills the girl's mouth as she struggles against it, wide eyes glancing back at Ashley on the ground before closing. She watches Spencer's body stop moving as the blackness wrapped itself around her like a cocoon, sinking into her mouth and nose, into her lungs.

"No! Leave her alone!"

Ashley stumbles forward only to clutch at her chest. The pain was like an echo, Ashley swearing she could feel it fill up her own lungs like water. Gasping for breath, she inches forward anyway, reaching out to Spencer who and crumbled onto her knees within the smoke. Then, just as quickly as it appeared, the smoke shudders and shakes around Spencer's convulsing body until it's molded itself into her skin. The blonde's shoulders crumble first, forcing her head down between her legs.

Ashley dashes forward. "Spencer! Are you okay?"

There's no response. Panic washes over her as she sinks down in front of Spencer and pulling her face into her hands.

"Spencer? Spence, say something."

Still no response; those eyes are downcast and hollow of any recognition of the brunette's voice. Ashley concentrated until tears stung her eyes, sending anything and everything out there into the void of silence inside Spencer's head. Something wasn't right, something was very, very wrong.

"Skip, Skip, hey. Talk to me."

With the girl's face now cradled in her hands, Ashley pulls those eyes up to hers and is shocked to find them filling with swirls of black. Underneath her fingertips, she watches in horror as faint dark veins snake over paled skin, up her neck, across colorless cheeks, and pulsing up until they're sinking into the skin under her eye socks. The darkness builds within the blonde's eyes quickly, filling them whole. Silence.

"Ash—"

Brown eyes stretch open wider, if possible. "Spencer?"

The girl's voice takes her by such surprise that Ashley genuinely thought she'd imagined it. Hands cover hers weakly, melting into Ashley's touch with everything she could muster. Echoes of the blonde's thoughts and faint reassurances are registering in her ears finally, and she feels a little of the pressure leave her panicking chest.

Less than a second later I was crouched against the wall.

"Did it—" The blonde clutches at her chest, taking in pained breaths. "Did it hurt you?"

"What? No, I'm fine." Ashley glances down at herself, forcing herself to look away from those eyes for the first time. "You're the one who just got smoked, I'm more worried about..."

Two coals blink back at her, worried at the sudden silence.

"What?"

"You're eyes." Ashley trails a thumb across her cheek, keeping her gaze soft as to keep Spencer calm. "They're black."

The blonde's dark eyes freeze at the words, alarmed and eerily unblinking. When she finally breaks away, Spencer lifts a pale hand to her lips, trailing a pale finger to dip into her mouth, where her bottom lip and gums met. Brown eyes widen at the blood coating the fingertip when she pulls back. Spencer's head tilts, black eyes glinting at the substance with an unreadable expression.

"Impossible."

Ashley's brows furrow, "What do you..."

Black eyes clench shut without warning.

The air between them snaps before Ashley can process what's happening. Spencer's hand drop to clutch at her middle with a pained moan before dropping to her side on the ground. Kicking into action, the brunette rushes to the writhing girl's side; No incantation could cover the amount of pain ricocheting from her onto Ashley. No doubt, it was diluted and gritty, nothing compared to the hell Spencer was going through internally.

"What's happening to you?"

She's met with an unintelligible response before Spencer's boy jolts violently, sending her onto her back. Ashley barely hears the scream leave her lips as she watches it arch off the ground into the pain at such a harsh, unnatural angle that Ashley was afraid it'd snap in half. She continues to plead into her friend's space, but the pain was too great, only moans and whimpers fell from Spencer's mouth before a deafening silence fell over the room.

/

/

Ashley wills her hands to stop shaking, but it's to no use. There's still blood on them. Her blood.

She felt sick.

The entire thing felt like a nightmare put on slow motion, rewound to slow motion every wonderful and painful detail in cruel, detailed frames of memory-then put on repeat, forcing her to relieve it all over and over. Images of Spencer's limp body held in her lap fills her eyes for the dozenth time, unresponsive and so horrifyingly cold.

She had panicked and called 911. The longest eleven minutes in Ashley's entire life had passed before Spencer's body was being braced, prodded, and lifted into an ambulance. Having left Sophie with her neighbor Phil until her mother arrived to take her, Ashley wasted no time in demanding her presence be with the girl along with them. The next six minutes rushed passed her in a blur of machine beeps and syringes sinking into Spencer's all too willing, lifeless arm. Through her hysteria, Ashley had blinked several times at the sight, eyes wide at the sight of blood dribbling from the IV being hastily administered.

The blood continued to bead down the girl's arm with purpose, the injection hole with no intention of closing up or giving way of the needles intrusion. Paired with the faint, faint echo of a pulse from a machine thudding in her ears, Ashley found herself almost fainting for an entirely different reason that night.

Thanks to a sudden epiphany and a few awkward cries to a hospital bathroom ceiling later, Warryn and Noah hadn't left Ashley's side.

"You're sure?"

"Last time I checked, immortals didn't have much trouble with blood loss," She deadpans, letting her back fall against the wall. "Or, you know, having their heart stop beating three times on the way to the hospital. Or at all, actually."

"The package must've been a trap. Someone must've found you, or her, and wanted to send a message."

From her seat, Ashley gives Warryn a hard glare. Anger helped. Anger meant no more crying on her ass, it meant fueling her to do something about it. "What, do demons have something against phones? In person threats? Literal hate mail at my doorstep just to send a message?"

Noah's thoughts are uneasy. "Spencer's isn't any mundane gifted though. What's happened to her? With her abilities, it's impossible. And yet here we are."

"Whoever or whatever did this," Warryn voices her growing concerns. "Someone powerful, much more than we have ever encountered. To turn her human, one of the oldest gifted I have come across in all of my time...It's left a dark mark inside of her. And it's hungry."

"I heard the doc's thoughts in that OR," She's off her feet now, eyes hard on the closed doors separating the group from Spencer. Her deteriorating heartbeat still lay in her ears, growing weaker by the hour. "It was only a small patch on a crater. Rapid muscle atrophy, organ failure..." Ashley's stomach churns again, letting their thoughts roll over in her mind. "She'll be dead by sunrise."

Behind her, the two brothers exchange a look before Warryn steps forward. "I'm going to Terra Nova, to the archives. Nathaniel, you will stay with Ashley. Protect Spencer. There are volumes there, as old as our people that could have the answers. If all is lost, I will have word with father if I must. She needs all the help she can get right now."

/

Several hours pass by the both of them in the waiting room of the emergency room before a doctor stepped through the surgical doors separating the two areas. After enduring the several other waiting inhabitants marathon, anguished ramblings, upon seeing the man step up to them, Ashley could've sworn she'd heard every heartbeat in that room stop. The silence was terrifying. Thankfully, her name had been announced from his mouth, and she'd never leaped up so fast in her life. The doctor had informed them of Spencer's fluctuating stability, that she was in critical condition due to partial organ failure. Her kidneys were shutting down abnormally fast, and during surgery one of her lungs had collapsed without cause, making it difficult to breathe on her own without oxygen, so they were warned Spencer would be coming down from some heavy medication to ease the pain. She'd been moved to an ICU room to which she could now visit her. Having given the staff a few incantations to get past the obvious lack of an identity on Spencer's part, Ashley found herself breathing a little easier. As the two of them rounded corner after corner in search of Spencer's room, however, the task had become difficult again.

She tried to picture her as she'd last seen her, blushing cheeks and lidded eyes, grinning up at her with so much happiness and warmth. It was enough to calm her racing heart for the remaining seconds toward the room. That was, up until she'd watched the door slowly dragging open to reveal that beautiful face without any emotion or warmth left in it.

"Oh, god, Spence..."

Ashley stifles a cry into her palm, eyeing the girl in front of her. Noah all but had to support her in the shaky steps toward Spencer's bed. She didn't even remember sitting down, or the door closing minutes later with Noah slipping out of it. It takes a few minutes of deep breaths to finally get her to move. With shaking hands, she turns one of Spencer's cold palms over to lace their fingers over the bed's safety rail.

"Hey you," she whispers, voice cracking on every syllable. Dammit.

"I, uh—I can't really get a read on what's going on in that stubborn head of yours right now. Must be whatever's causing this, the smoke...and it's honestly scaring the hell out of me. So, it's time for you to wake up, okay? Please."

Ashley glances toward the vitals machine beside the bed, hoping for a signal of change that doesn't come.

"You gotta wake up, Skip. You gotta wake up and talk to me, okay? I know it's dark, and it hurts, but I'm here..." She rests her cheek against the back of Spencer's hand. So cold.

"I'm right here."

Minutes pass slowly, Spencer's heart rate deteriorating more and more along with them. Just after the hour mark, and on Ashley's last leg of hope, the steadying decline seems to ease up enough to buy them more time. Spencer was fighting whatever it was inside of her with everything she had. And soon after, Ashley's given another miracle. Because those eyes she loves so much are twitching to life under bagged eyelids, and Ashley nearly faints. Staring speechless, her grip on the hands tightens as they begin to painstakingly flutter open underneath the harsh florescent lights, much too languid and weak underneath the weight of medication still lingering in Spencer's still body.

"Hey."

Ashley's grin is blinding, "Hey."

The blackness had long faded from the blonde's eyes now, instead leaving behind a silvery grey in its wake. It was a color she had yet to see until now, but she knew it wasn't good. Grey meant colorless, lifeless. Spencer was worse than she'd feared.

Ashley throws a light jab at her shoulder. "You can never scare me like that again, you jerk!"

Spencer's lip furls into a silent laugh, but her entire form is wrecked in sweat and struggling breaths. But those eyes are looking up at Ashley like she's god, and she feels like she's in more pain than she's letting her see. It's in that moment, both hands wrapped around one of her limp palms, that Ashley fully takes in the girl's heaving chest. Heaving. Breathing. The thrumming pulse spiking against the skin of Ashley's hand still surprised her. It was faulty and enduring, and entirely human. Ashley refocuses back onto Spencer's face after she'd zoned out on the sound, seeing Spencer's lips are moving in a silent whisper, of what she can only make out as her name. After a few tries, another raspy admission is made, and its heavenly sound over all of the machine beeps around them.

Spencer grins as best as she could. Guess you quite literally took my breathe away, sweetheart.

"Oh, of course you'd make a joke out of this," Ashley rolls her eyes, watching Spencer's chest fill up with air instead of looking up. If she did, she'd fear she would start crying again and not stop. "And that's not true. I mean, technically, if you hadn't shown up and put yourself in danger like that then—"

You would—There's a sharp intake of breath underneath Ashley's gaze, snapping her eyes up to Spencer giving her a determined look.

"You—would—be dead."

Ashley tries not to cringe at the audible crack in the girl's words as grey eyes bore up at her. Which were worse for ware, bloodshot and heavy, and frighteningly dead. Spencer's voice quivered like she hadn't spoken in days, shaking with every exhale of air leaving her lungs. Squeezing her hand, the brunette swallows down her emotions and responds with only a firm, thankful nod. Spencer was deteriorating, it seemed, every minute she lay there holding onto her hand. It was terrifying. Warryn and Noah had came in and out along with several oddly dressed doctors and nurses to care for her as the time passed on and on. They'd filled her in on the package situation, and kept updates as research furthered. It was only when the whatever was low in the sky that she'd heard Spencer finally muster up more than gasps of words.

"Ash?"

Ashley hums at her side, rubbing at her tired eyes.

"M' sorry."

"For what?" Her back straightens into the completely broken tone in Spencer's voice. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

Spencer attempts a shrug,"Being a jerk. All these months...you didn't deserve it."

"Shut up," Leaning forward, she kisses the girl's clammy forehead. "You're forgiven, okay? You're under probation though." Squeezes her hand, and forces a smile. "You're gonna to be okay."

But Spencer's bottom lip trembles anyway, "Ash..."

Ashley hovers over her. She almost doesn't look down because she knows what she's going to say. But Ashley does look down, and Spencer's giving her this knowing look that feels alot like last words and goodbye and there's pressure in her chest again. No. No, no. That is completely unacceptable, so Ashley licks her lips, head shaking as she shifts closer. Repeating, "You're gonna to be okay."

There's a shift in weight on the small bed before a sudden, tight grip bunches the fabric of her shirt and pulling her down. Ashley has to steel herself against the back wall with the arm not holding Spencer's hand in order to not go careening onto the bed. Brown snaps down to connect with grey that's inches from her face in a steady, immovable hold. The hand gripping onto her is shaking like a leaf.

"You're—so beautiful," the blonde's pupils are blown with more than just medication,"—ever tell you that?"

Ashley breathes into those words as they latch onto her heart, feeling herself lean into the girl's space until their foreheads touched tenderly. Pain still flitted across Spencer's face, but her thoughts were true and unwavering and all too bold underneath the fluorescent lights above them.

Ashley bites the inside of her cheek, "How much morphine did they give you?"

"Enough."

She pulls back to catch vulnerable eyes. "Enough to what?"

"To tell you that I—that no matter what happens now—that I won't—" Spencer winces at an unseeable pain in her chest, but pushes forward anyway; playing with her fingers in thought before letting out a soft, nervous laugh. "God, why is this so hard?"

"Hey," Ashley squeezes her hand tight, watching her lips open, close,"It's okay. It's just me."

"About what happened—before," her jaw locks in frustration, cheeks blushing rapidly, "I don't regret it."

A sudden shyness washes over the blonde as soon as the words leave her, and it stirs a pleasant warmth inside of Ashley. She bites her lip and leans back on the balls of her feet to level their eyes properly. Spencer gives her a small, almost sad smile as she moves to avoid her eyes, expecting rejection again. But there's something different laying within the brunette's eyes as they searched hers, taking them both by surprise.

"Me neither."


RR!