Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer not me.
Author/Note 1: This one-shot follows what happens during chapters 34 and 35 of Our Dawn 2.
A/Note 2: I'm not a native English speaker so I'm sorry for my grammar and spelling. Thank you for reading.
Our Dawn Series Specials
Episode Twelve – Meant to be
Jacob Black
There's a time in your life you think that things can't get any worse. I was feeling like that for a week now. Seven miserable days.
I wasn't as far from home as I wanted to be but it would have to work for now. After a week on the road I needed a rest. Sleeping inside the Rabbit was too uncomfortable for a 6'7'' guy like me and I didn't want to spend one more night parked on a service area somewhere in Reno.
I opened the door of the motel room and carried my bag inside. The furniture had a coat of dust indicating lack of cleaning for the past few months or maybe even years. The sheets on the bed were clean though. I put the bag on the bed and took a quick shower. It was almost ten o'clock and I had plans for tonight. A few miles from the motel I was staying at there were a few bars and I had plans to visit every single one. That was kind of a ritual for me now.
Unlike some of my friends, I never liked to go to bars frequently. But things changed a week ago and I decided I should change too because I was sick of sitting on my ass waiting for someone who clearly didn't care a rat's ass about me or about my feelings. I was tired of her mind games, her fucked up personality, her insecurities, her lies and lack of respect for everyone around her, especially me.
I had been an idiot trusting her. It had been stupid on my part to believe she could forget about Sam and move on. She had done quite a nice job convincing me she loved me a week ago but now I knew she was only trying to forget about him, she was just using me.
When Alice, Bella and Jasper found Leah and she returned to La Push to be with Sue I was there waiting for her. I drove non-stop all the way from Gold Beach to La Push to be able to be there for her. That night, she cried in my arms, terrified of losing her mother just like she had lost Harry not so long ago. And I held her tightly, I made sure she felt safe, and I only let her go in the morning when I realised someone could get suspicious about me spending the night at the Clearwater's place.
I stayed by her, I showed her I cared about her and when Leah chose to be on my pack instead of Sam's I thought that sooner or later, we would be official. I thought she was going to give me a chance.
Sue's surgery was a success and instead of putting pressure on her I gave Leah all the space she needed. I knew she wanted to have some time to be with her mother and help her through recovery. Besides I didn't want her to think I was that desperate.
But I should've known things wouldn't be so easy. Actually the words "Leah" and "easy" where complete opposites.
First she asked some time, then she told me she had a virus, and finally she vanished into thin air after the most amazing night of my life.
It was a full moon night and I noticed she was outside my house as soon as I stepped out of the shower. I had no idea why she didn't knock on the door and asked my dad to speak to me so I gave her a few minutes to come through my window and when she didn't, I pretended to be asleep. That's when she finally came to see me.
This time she took the lead, she came to me, not the other way around.
I never knew why she was there so late at night because Leah was the most complicated and unpredictable girl I had ever met but I could feel her anxiety. When she took her clothes off, I was beyond shocked but the moment she touched and kissed me nothing else mattered anymore. From that moment on I did what my instincts told me to do.
Leah's scent was different that night; it was sweeter, stronger and even more addictive. She set the pace, clearly stating her dominance. I let her took the lead because I felt that was what she wanted; I was compelled to please her and abide to all of her wishes. She didn't allow me to do much but I knew she was pleased with my performance as much as I was pleased with hers. She sure drove me insane with the slow motion of her hips. Just before reaching the edge I kissed her neck and she moaned my name a few times.
The wolf inside me was possessive and wanted more but once she fell on top of me, I knew I had to control myself. We kissed and I waited for her to fall asleep in my arms, thinking that I had won her heart at last.
That night I really felt she loved me. I felt she needed me in her life and I promised I would stay by her side and protect her. I also felt oddly protective about her. When she woke up a few hours later and started to get dressed, I begged her to stay with me. I could smell my scent on her, stronger than the other times we had slept together and I felt a primal need to force her to stay with me, sleep in my bed and wrap my arms around her again.
She declined, as I expected. She didn't want Seth to wonder where she was and she didn't want to meet my father and my sister in the morning. It would be too embarrassing. I didn't care that other people could learn about our relationship. I had put up with a lot of criticism in the past and I didn't regret anything.
Leah, on the other hand, wanted more time to prepare Seth and Sue so I let her go. Maybe she was right. Maybe I should talk to dad and Rachel before they'd find out about us. If dad caught us that morning he could have a heart attack.
My father loved Leah like a daughter. She was his best friend's daughter and she had helped taking care of my dad the years that followed Rachel and Becca's departure from La Push when I was thirteen. But he would freak out about us being together like that. He'd probably ask us if we were using protection and I didn't want to go through that right now. It was bad enough when he tried to give me the 'sex talk'.
I decided that we should remain a secret for the time being but when Leah disappeared without a trace, I changed my mind.
I was unable to control myself when I got Seth's phone call announcing that his sister had left him a farewell letter that morning. Of all people, Leah left Seth a letter. And what did she leave me with? A broken heart for the third time! She had come to my house, my room, my bed; she had made love to me and instead of a letter what did I get? Nothing.
Was Seth the only person she cared about? Could she really be this cold? It was like her brother meant more to her than the guy she had made love to. I had never felt so used. Then what the hell was last night about? One last time for the ride? If that was the case, Leah had played me for a fool.
So, when Seth hung up the phone I was unable to control my anger and I wrecked my bedroom in the spur of the moment.
Rachel and dad walked inside, alarmed by all the noise of breaking furniture, but my rage was at its peak. Before I could phase I ran outside and went to the forest. My goal was to follow her scent, find her and question her about last night. I wanted to hear from her lips that she had been using me.
Despite my great abilities as a good tracker I couldn't find her scent anywhere. I search all of the area that surrounded La Push but there was nothing there. Several minutes later I had to accept the inevitable: Leah was gone. She had left me. She had enough of me and left for good.
And that's when I felt Sam's thoughts in my head. My anger returned, stronger than ever, because deep inside I blamed Sam for Leah's departure. She was still this cold person because Sam had dumped her. She couldn't love me because Sam had hurt her.
Therefore Sam deserved a punishment. And I was sick and tired of keeping my thoughts all to myself so I showed him. At first Sam didn't realise what he was watching through the mind link but then a vivid memory of me and his ex-girlfriend in my bed the night Emily had announced she was pregnant, mortified him.
I felt the tension, shock and anger building up. In that moment we were already face to face and I knew he wanted my blood. He was hurt because I had possessed something he thought would only belong to him. I, on the other hand, thought he had no right to be angry. He had imprinted and he had chosen Emily, he had married her, she was pregnant with his child. He had no right to claim Leah anymore.
It was not like Leah had cheated on him with me. She was free to do whatever she wanted as much as he was free to let her go instead of holding to their memories.
It was only when I showed him the memory of that night at Thanksgiving's eve that Sam acted. He slammed his massive wolf's body against mine and sent us rolling down a small hill. I could hear his insults but instead of feeling insulted I felt proud. That fuelled his anger even more.
I didn't quite understand what shocked Sam the most: the fact that Leah had allowed another man to have her or the fact that that person was me. Sam had finally learned every single sordid detail about my on-and-off relationship with his ex-girlfriend. He knew how I felt about Leah and how hurt I was when she had told me that she loved me but couldn't be with me because she was scared that I would imprint. And he knew she had feelings for me as well. He wasn't blind and he had noticed the changes in our relationship ever since his wedding day.
While we fought he told me I was an idiot. He told me we should've stayed away from each other because we were not meant to be together. He believed that there was no way Leah could love me like she had loved him. Besides there was the imprinting subject. Leah would never put herself in that position again.
I tried to prove he was wrong. If Leah was afraid that I could imprint that meant she did have feelings for me. Otherwise she wouldn't give a shit, right? But in that case why did she leave?
We kept fighting. Sam wanted to rip my head off as much as I wanted to rip his. Because of him Leah was too scared of loving another wolf. She had told me that herself that night in Dawson. She was in love with me but she couldn't stay because we wouldn't last. She was one hundred per cent sure I would imprint one day and I would leave her just like Sam had done.
'Have you ever thought that she left because she was using you? Have you ever thought that she left because she still loves me and can't stand to watch me and Emily together with a child on the way? Have you ever thought she is jealous of Emily being pregnant?'
Leave it to Sam to ruin a guy's hopes. He refused to believe that Leah had feelings for me. It was a lot easier to believe Leah was gone because she hadn't forgotten him instead of fearing I could imprint at any moment.
Thinking that what I had with Leah had only been an illusion and that she had just been trying to forget about Sam, that I was just a mere distraction to her was sickening. Unfortunately it also made sense. Leah was a complicated woman, with complicated feelings. The walls around her heart were too strong for me to break. Maybe in the end, she had just realised I could never take Sam's place. Maybe she loved me but she still loved Sam more.
I just quit this façade and let Sam win. Maybe he was right about Leah.
'If she loves you, she would be here, wouldn't she?' He asked me with arrogance.
After that I remember we changed back into our human forms. I hit him and he hit me and then Paul and Jared arrived and broke us apart. When we calmed down, I pushed Paul away from me, making him fall on his ass and left towards my house. I put on some old clothes and I packed a few things.
I remember Rachel begging me to stay and my father wheeling himself out of the house after me. I kept going and never looked back. I too had made my choice. I couldn't stay there any longer, not after that night. If I stayed in La Push I'd be unable to move forward. The only way to move on was to forget about Leah and live my life my way.
I weak ago I had started a journey hoping I'd find something better than what I had left behind. I was on a quest to find my true love, my soul mate, my imprint.
You chose the easy way.
For some reason my brain was against me walking out on the pack and leaving La Push. My subconscious kept telling me I should go back.
You want the pain to stop but if it stops how will you know it was real?
It wasn't real. I shot back. Nothing was real.
Her warmth was real. Her body melting every time you touched her was real. Her words were real.
They were not! If she was serious about me, she would've stayed. She wouldn't have left me without a word after making love to me and after telling me she had no regrets. She was lying.
You're against imprinting. How can you prefer a magical bond over true love?
What true love? The first girl I loved married a freaking bloodsucker and now she's one herself. The second one…doesn't even love me enough to give us a chance.
It's wrong. An imprint takes away your will. You won't be you anymore. You won't be able to choose who you want.
It works for the others. Why can't it work for me?
Because you want something real. Because you're better than all of them.
I just want this pain to be over. If she can live her life, so can I. I will show her that I can be happy without her. I won't sit around waiting anymore.
If Leah returned to La Push one day she wouldn't find me there crying my eyes out for her. I was going to find my soul mate and rub it in her face. I was going to make her regret leaving me. She had her chance and she threw it away.
I will find my soul mate and I won't look back. I won't remember the way Leah's body fit underneath mine, I won't remember the way she screamed my name when we were making love, I won't remember her sweet scent on my skin. This is my final decision.
I left the motel a few minutes later with a mission. It was the same every night. I met several girls each time I went to nightclubs, bars, discos, but so far I hadn't found my imprint. Many women showed interest in me. I didn't enjoy receiving all that attention from women but I wasn't completely oblivious. I knew girls found me hot. And usually my night didn't end before getting a half a dozen sexual invitations. Some of the girls were actually cute, others not so much.
And even though I could have any girl I wanted, from the cheapest whore to the finest and classiest girl in the area, I always ended up sleeping alone.
You still love her. My conscience told me every night before I closed my eyes.
I know. But she doesn't love me. I answered back every time.
xxxxxxxxxxx
I had travelled around two or three states, visited several cities and met several girls and I hadn't found my imprint. A little more than a month was enough for me to understand that I was going the wrong way. The more I went farther away from La Push, the more idiotic and hopeless I felt, so I did the only thing I could do: I went back home, defeated.
When I left the reservation I wanted to find my imprint. I wanted to forget about Leah and move on but now I didn't know what I wanted anymore.
I didn't feel better than a month ago, the pain wasn't gone, the anger of being rejected still remained. All in all I was still a mess. I was still in love with Leah Clearwater.
My sister and my father were relieved when I arrived. Rachel even cried when she hugged me. My friends came to visit the next day. They were happy to know I had returned safe and sound, all of them except for good old Sam. He wasn't happy about my return, especially when he realised I hadn't imprinted yet.
We ended up arguing and we fought again but this time we didn't phase. We decided to set the scores as humans, not as rabid animals. Sam wanted to make sure I wasn't after Leah anymore and I wanted Sam to go to hell. It was a stupid argument that escalated quickly but had no major consequences. No one saw us fighting and we ended up going separate ways.
During the fight I learned that Sam hadn't spilled the beans about me and Leah to anyone, not even his pack which was a great deed. He was able to control his thoughts when he was patrolling so no one knew I had slept with her. Even though I couldn't care less about what other people thought, I was kind of glad that Sam had managed to keep it a secret since I didn't want Seth on my tail nor Quil and Embry making jokes about how I had lost my virginity to Leah Clearwater.
It had been a week since I had arrived to La Push and since I had fought with Sam. I was not feeling particularly happy today. Watching my sister getting married to an idiot wasn't exactly the idea of a good day. Rachel had postponed her wedding when I left and now that I was back she wanted to exchange vows with Paul before I changed my mind about staying.
Ever since last week people thought I was on the verge of insanity. Especially after the argument I had with Sue. After the fight with Sam, I went to Charlie's house in Forks to ask Seth for the letter Leah had left him. He wasn't home but Sue was and she asked me to leave her daughter alone.
She thought I wanted Leah to return to La Push so she could take my place as the pack's leader and so I could go back to Bella. She told me I was being arrogant, selfish and I should take my responsibilities like a man because I was Ephraim's heir and people were expecting me to act like it.
Upon hearing Sue calling me selfish, I flipped. I raised my voice and told her that her daughter was the one being selfish. I told her Leah was a coward for running away from us like that. I told her many other things that I probably shouldn't have but Sue kept defending her daughter.
In that precise moment I realised that Sue knew more than she was telling me. If Seth and Quil didn't arrive seconds later, I would've phased inside Charlie's house to force Sue into telling me truth. Since then, I wasn't allowed to be alone in public.
Thinking about it now, I was lucky Sue didn't rip my head off after that episode.
"You can go and have some fun." I said to Quil and Embry. "I won't do anything stupid on my sister's wedding party. Besides, Edward's here. If I think about attacking someone he'll know and he'll stop me."
Quil and Embry exchanged a worried look but then they both nodded and left. I sighed in relief. I was tired of having them following me everywhere. It made me feel like a criminal.
A few feet away from the place I was sitting, Paul and Rachel were dancing. I growled a little when I saw Paul's hands on my sister's waist but they were married now. They were going to have their happily ever after and I had to behave, so I diverted my eyes away from the newlywed couple and watched Paul's family talking to my father. James and Livia Lahote, Paul's parents, hadn't argued until now which was some sort of a record. Everyone in La Push knew James and Livia didn't have a normal relationship.
James Lahote, Paul's father, had always been a problematic kid, so my father said. His younger sister Evelin, Clayton's mother, and her friends used to be bullied by James and his gang. As he grew up, James started to hang out with the wrong people and his parents sent him to the Puyallup reservation, home of his maternal grandparents. There he met Livia Derley, knocked her up and they ended up getting married. When Paul was five years old, James left Livia and came back to La Push, bringing Paul with him.
A couple of years later James tried to have a divorce but Livia never signed the papers. When Paul was ten, his mother came to La Push to have a serious conversation with her husband and she stayed here ever since. They had a pretty fucked up relationship. They fought and argued in public, Livia used to leave James for weeks and return when things were calmer but they were still together. I guess that was why Paul was the way he was.
His father was hardly a role model. He only married Paul's mother because she got pregnant. He had never wanted the responsibility of having a child to take care of. Livia wasn't the best of mothers either. She had once told Paul she was supposed to have an abortion but changed her mind just to make James' life more of a hell. Recently there were even rumours about her having a lover, though no one knew who that man was or even if he existed.
"A child should never be blamed for coming into the world." Edward said sitting on the empty chair beside me. "A child can never be a mistake, even when he or she is unplanned. Right?"
I shrugged.
"I didn't know Paul was born in the Puyallup reservation." Edward kept talking even though he knew I wasn't interested in what he was saying.
"My Aunt Jane left years ago because she was in love with my father. Since dad was engaged to my mother already, she decided to leave La Push and she never came back. No one knows where she is. She didn't even come to my mother's funeral."
"Small talk, huh? You think I'm going to leave if you simply ignore me?"
"I hope so." I stated firmly. I had nothing to say to him. "Is there any more stuff you want to hear about my family or the people of La Push. I have quite a good story about my Aunt Emmie as well."
"How are you doing Jacob?" Edward asked ignoring my little rant.
"I'm fucking fine."
"Empty words."
"It's my sister's wedding. I'm happy for her." I sighed defeated. "She could've done a lot better than Paul Lahote but at least he won't leave her, since he imprinted on her."
"You fought with Sam again…" Of course he knew all about the fight. He was a mind reader and even if I wasn't thinking about it, Sam probably was.
I glanced over where the other alpha was with his family. The Lahote family was a minor branch of the Uleys. Charles Uley and Daniel Lahote, Sam and Paul's grandfathers, were cousins. Sam was holding his baby girl, Ella while Emily was preparing her bottle. He never looked my way but I knew he was aware of my presence.
"It's not my fault he's an ass." I stated.
"He's worried about you. Just like Embry, Quil, Seth…"
"He's not worried about me. He's hurt because I had her. His ego is bruised. He still thinks he has a claim on her."
"Maybe he is hurt...a little…but he's worried about you nonetheless. He's your friend."
"There's no need to be worried."
"I'm worried too." Edward confessed. "You're not well. You're confused, angry and hurt. A bad cocktail…"
"I don't understand. People were worried when I left… now they're worried because I'm back."
And I am the one being accused of having a bipolar condition.
"You argued with Sue, you forced Seth to give you Leah's letter, you don't want Quil and Embry around you. You're pushing everyone away from you. You're drifting away Jacob."
I would never admit it out loud but he was right. I felt that something had died inside of me. I just didn't know what to do to reverse the situation.
"Have you ever thought about why she left this time?"
"Because she's a sociopath who likes seeing other people suffering?" I tried. "Because she's still in love with that jerk?" I motioned my head in Sam's direction.
"I think that boat sailed a long time ago Jacob. Sam's in the past. I think that she would never leave you after telling you she has no regrets if she didn't have a good and valid reason."
"I don't care anymore." I lied. "She's gone, she chose her path, I'll choose mine."
"Maybe she's gone because of something far more important than your feelings."
I looked at Edward unable to read his expression. He was talking to me but his eyes were focused on Emily and Ella.
"A baby sure changes everything, doesn't he?" He asked. I shrugged. Was he trying to tell me something or was he jealous of Sam because he could never have children with Bella?
"I need a drink." I was about to get up when Edward held my wrist.
"Sometimes you have the answers right under your nose." Edward let me go and left towards his wife.
It was already dark when Paul and Rachel left to the airport. They were going on a honeymoon. Carlisle Cullen's courtesy, of course. Bella wanted to talk to me before leaving to Dawson but Edward kept holding her close and she just waved back at me before getting inside the silver Volvo.
Rosalie and Emmett were the last ones to go to their car. The blonde vampire was hypnotised by Sam and Emily's baby girl. Truth to be told, the tiny little girl was cute. Fortunately she looked more like Emily than Sam. Rosalie had a soft spot for kids and Emily let her held Ella a few times during the party. I had to confess that I did feel sorry for Rosalie. Despite her bitchy personality she would've been a great mother.
It was only when Rosalie waved and went inside her husband's car that I realised there was a familiar scent lingering in the air. It was a sweet scent but not like the Cullen's. It was more addictive and more intense. It made my heart jump and my skin was set on fire. It was Leah's scent, I was sure. But how?
The scent died when the vampires left. Why could I feel Leah's scent on Rosalie and Emmett? Had they hurt her? Had Leah spoke to them before leaving me? What was going on? Before I could start thinking about a way to find out what that meant, Seth materialised himself next to me.
"Can I have my letter back?" He asked.
"No."
"She left that letter to me." He pointed out.
"I know, but I haven't read it yet."
"It's not for you to read. It was for me. And I want it back."
"I'll give it to you as soon as I read it."
Seth glanced at me suspiciously.
"I'm not happy about my sister leaving either Jake, but you have to let her live her life. She doesn't want to be here. She wants to stop phasing and have a family."
I wanted the same, preferably with her.
"I'll give you the letter tomorrow, okay?"
As I was ready to leave the party, Embry and Quil rushed to my side, ready to follow me.
"I'm going home guys." I told them. "I need to rest. Will you take my dad home when the party is over?"
"Sure." Quil said. He and Embry went back to the party to drink, eat and dance some more.
I changed clothes as soon as I got home and I sat down on my bed with the folded letter on my hands. I had read it several times. And I read it again.
Dear Seth,
I know I'm breaking a promise but I need to do this for everyone's sake. I take comfort knowing that you'll take care of mum and that the worst is over now. You can count on both packs to help you if you need and I'm sure doctor Cullen and the rest of the leeches will be there for you as well. I want you to know that I'm not doing this to hurt anyone. I wanted to stay, I really did. I was going to stay and try to embrace new challenges. I have many reasons to stay and only one to leave. You will know why I left one day and you will understand that I had no other option. I feel too confused to keep explaining it to you.
I know many people will think I'm just running away again. They'll think I'm still in love with Sam but they're wrong. Sam is my past but he's not my present or future. I once thought I would never be able to forget about Sam, but I did. And I don't regret it because I became a much happier person after that. I was fixed, healed and I will never forget it. As I will never forget that you waited for me all of this time and you made sure to be by my side through the hard times. I thank you for that. I hope that one day you'll forgive me. I hope that you won't end up hating me for this. I love you.
Yours sincerely,
Leah.
That last paragraph was for me but I didn't know what to think of it. She was thanking me and asking for forgiveness at the same time. And in the end she kept saying she didn't regret it and that she loved me. But if that was the case why did she leave? What was the reason she was talking about?
It was already dawn when I decided to go to Dawson. I knew Leah wasn't there but maybe Rosalie and Emmett knew something about her whereabouts.
I was able to leave the reservation unnoticed. I didn't believe I would find any answers with the vampires but I didn't have anything to lose either. A few hours later I reached the Cullen's property. There were no vampires around however there was definitely someone else there.
I could hear a regular heartbeat and an echo as well. The person staying at the Cullen's property was inside the small house that Seth and I had once shared and she was humming a tribal song that my mother used to sing when I was a child.
I phased back and got dressed quickly. If my senses were correct, the person in that house was Leah. My heart almost stopped when I walked inside and saw her. She was in my old bedroom. The walls that had once been painted in white, were now covered with a bluish colour and some shades of green. There were bags and clothes all over the large bed and Leah was standing in the middle of the room covered in a towel with her dark hair dripping.
When she saw me, her body tensed and I couldn't tell if she was scared or just surprised to see me.
"You've been here all along…" I mumbled as I walked towards her. "You left me to come and live with the Cullens? I never thought this could happen."
"I'm sorry…" She whispered.
"You're sorry? Is that all you can say? Do you have any idea what I've been through since you left?" I raised my voice and she recoiled a little. Now that I had found her safe and sound, I wanted her to feel guilty about leaving me. I didn't understand why she was there so I began to unleash my anger.
"I never meant this to happen."
"But it did! You said you loved me, you said you didn't have any regrets and then you vanished without a fucking word!" I was yelling now. The emotions of seeing her again were all over the place and I couldn't tell what I was feeling in that moment.
"How did you find me?" She asked.
"Yesterday, on Rachel's wedding I felt your scent on the Cullens. I thought I was imagining things but even Rosalie had it on her… And now here you are living happily side by side with the leeches you always claimed to hate."
Now I understood Edward's words. The answer was right under my nose. It was a hint.
"I didn't want to come." She confessed and she hit the wall. Now she couldn't escape.
"But you're here. You left without a letter, a note… you wrote Seth, you said you were confused but to me... you didn't even breathe a word. Why did you do that Leah?"
I stepped forward again. I could tell she wasn't comfortable with us being so close.
"I gave you time… Hell I gave you my heart and you were using me the entire time." I continued.
"That's not true. I gave you my heart too."
"That's a lie! You still love Sam!"
"I don't care about Sam!" She yelled back. Her temper getting the best of her, as expected of Leah Clearwater.
"Then why did you leave me?" I reached her bare shoulders and I forced her to look at me. I wasn't leaving without the truth.
"Because things changed and… I was scared."
"It was so hard and so painful to be away from you. Not knowing where you were… who you were with… and then Sam kept showing me that kiss when he returned from his honeymoon… I thought…"
"We didn't kiss… I didn't kiss him. And that was a long time ago."
"Then prove it. Prove me you don't love Sam anymore."
Before she could actually do something I joined our lips in a passionate kiss. She answered the kiss faster than I thought she would but the next minute she pushed me away.
"Jacob, we can't…"
I couldn't take it anymore. This in-and-out sort of relationship was killing me. I had to know what she wanted.
Because now I knew what I wanted. Twenty-four hours ago I was a mess. I was just a guy living an empty existence because without Leah by my side I was nothing. Now, after meeting her again, I felt more alive than ever. I wanted her. Not just today, forever.
I took her face in my hands and kissed her again. This time it was a slow but intense kiss.
"I thought about you day and night. I left La Push and tried to find my imprint because I wanted the pain to stop… I love you too much." I whispered between kisses.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you."
"Please, just tell me you still want me…tell me you love me." I begged.
I could feel her tensing up but I could also see that she wanted to tell me she loved me. Her eyes didn't lie. Then, out of the blue, she wrapped her arms around me and we stood there for a few seconds, in silence, relishing in the heat of one another.
Wanting more, I lowered my hands to her waist and my heart stopped again. Was I imagining things again? Because Leah's stomach used to be flat and now it was swollen.
Releasing herself from me I looked down to her belly. It was round. Not flat. I could hardly believe my eyes.
"What the… How…?" I was at a loss for words.
"I can explain." She assured me.
"Are you pregnant? How did that…? How is it possible?"
"I don't know how it was possible either… I couldn't believe it myself."
"That's why you left the reservation…" I finally understood. Now I knew her reason and now I knew why Edward had told me that a baby changes everything.
Leah was pregnant. The second heartbeat I could hear wasn't an echo it was the baby inside of her.
I looked intensively at her, searching for more answers but she was mute. How could she be pregnant if she was barren? And more importantly, who was the father?
The baby could be mine. We had slept together but it was only three times.
One is enough. My brain alerted me.
But if the baby was mine why did she leave? Wouldn't it be better to talk to me so we could decide what to do together?
Unless… it's not mine. And that was what hurt me the most. The mere thought of Leah carrying another man's child was infuriating. It could be a new boyfriend. Or that guy from Gold Beach. Or even Sam. Sam had pestered Leah every day since she arrived in La Push to stay with Sue.
"It's not mine, is it?" I managed to say. "That's why you ran away… you knew I wouldn't forgive you, that's why you didn't tell me."
I clenched my fists and my shaking began. She had lied and cheated and ripped my heart out with her bare hands. I had no idea how I was able to contain myself.
"Is it Sam's? It must be his… I can't believe I fell in love with you. I would do anything for you… I was ready to fight off an imprint bond if I had to but I guess I was just a diversion to you, right?"
She was frozen in her spot. Her eyes were watering and her breathing was heavy. I stepped forward but when I realised I could phase and hurt her I backed off.
"Jacob…" She was crying now but I couldn't stay any longer.
"Don't speak to me." I turned around and left. I didn't want to hear her confirming my suspicions.
I heard her calling after me but I ignored her calls. I phased as soon as I was outside. She followed me and I growled, warning her to stay away from me. In my current state of mind I could hurt her unwillingly.
"It's not what you're thinking." She said.
Before she could say another word I jumped over her and entered the woods. And then I ran as if my life depended on it. I ran until my legs were aching and my head was spinning. I had nowhere to go, my mind was all jumbled, my feelings were a mess. I was crying on the inside, my heart was too broken to be mended.
How could she do that to me? How could she be pregnant with another man's baby?
You don't know that for sure. You slept with her too. You didn't use protection. Who says the kid isn't yours? Maybe she doesn't know who the father is. Maybe that's why she left.
All sense of logic had abandoned me now. I wanted to disappear from the face of the earth.
I kept running for hours until I finally fell on the grass passing out from exhaustion.
xxxxxxxxxx
I woke up with Seth's enraged thoughts filling my head.
'You got my sister pregnant you fucking asshole!'
I didn't know what shocked me the most: the fact that he was swearing like a sailor or the fact that he had said Leah was going to have my baby.
'When I put my hands on you Jacob Black, you're going to wish you were never born!'
I didn't know where I was but I knew Seth was coming for me as well as Jasper, Bella, Alice and Edward. I could see them through Seth's thoughts running full speed but they were going to take a few hours to find me.
For what I could remember I had spent the last forty-eight hours running east and blacking out of exhaustion from time to time. I should be somewhere in the Northwest Territories in Canada but I couldn't pinpoint my exact location.
'Who the fuck do you think you are? Just because you're the alpha doesn't give you the right to mess with my sister, much less get her pregnant!'
He had said it again. He had said I had knocked up his sister. Was he serious? Could Leah's baby be mine?
'Of course it's yours! My sister's not a whore!'
'Who told you it's mine?'
'Leah did. I can't believe you did that to my sister and you even had the nerve to doubt that it's yours.'
'So... It's really mine?' I was trying to keep calm but I was failing.
'Leah isn't a liar.'
I phased back to human and dressed my old shorts. I wanted to scream and make the victory dance. I wanted to hug Leah and tell her I love her. I wanted to apologise and beg for forgiveness. A minute later I felt sick, nauseous, and most of all angry with myself. I sat down on the ground, my head between my knees. I should've stayed with Leah and asked her if the baby was mine instead of assuming she had been with another person. I shouldn't have felt jealous of Sam. I should've listened to her. I was an idiot.
Yes, I was an idiot, but I now was a happy one.
You got a girl pregnant, you moron. You should be freaking out. My mind alerted me.
Who said I'm not? I'm freaking out but I'm also glad. If the baby's mine, Leah will stop running away from me. We'll finally be together.
"It's mine." I muttered to myself. Saying it out loud made it seem more real. "Fuck…it's mine. I'm going to have a kid."
The mini me that I've always wanted. I thought with pride. The kid wasn't born yet but I knew I'd be proud of him. I was even proud of myself.
Shit. I was going to be a father and Leah and I weren't even married. Reality came down on me hard and cruel this time. Was I ready to be a father? Could I raise a child? I didn't have a job, a home of my own, I didn't even know how to change a diaper.
What if Leah didn't want my help to raise that baby? What if she didn't need me at all? What if she wanted to give him up for adoption? Why didn't she tell me? How did she end up pregnant? She was supposed to be barren. What if the baby was somehow different because of the wolf gene?
There were too many questions and so little answers. I had to talk to Leah as soon as possible; I had to know how she was doing and I had to make sure she was being closely followed by Carlisle.
Time seemed to have stopped since I had phased back to human. My brain was not functioning right and I was nervous to say the least. Leah was probably thinking I wanted nothing to do with her and the baby. The thought of causing her pain almost made me phase again and go back to Dawson, but I stayed put so Seth and the others could find me. There were things I wanted to ask Edward first.
While I waited for Seth and the others to arrive I allowed myself to imagine my future with Leah and our child. I was only eighteen but I would make sure to do my best as a father and a husband. I should propose to Leah and we should get married before the baby was born. I didn't think Sue would like to know her daughter was going to have a baby out of wedlock. Besides my son or my daughter, was not going to be a bastard child. Over my dead body.
But would Leah accept to be my wife? We were way too young to get married and have a family but I was not going to bail out on her. An unplanned pregnancy could turn out to be a good thing. With a child on the way, Leah wouldn't be able to deny me anymore. We were bonded for life.
Fuck imprinting. I have my heir at last. I thought with pride.
Two days ago I was pretty sure that my relationship with Leah had gone down the drain, now I was thinking about spending the rest of my life with her and with a mini me running around and calling me 'daddy'.
When the baby was born, Leah and I would have our happy ending. And I would make sure my kid would not be an only child. I was zoning out. I was letting myself get carried away by this amazing feeling.
"How could you?" Seth's growled and the next thing I knew I had his fist making contact with my face. I went to the ground.
My lip was bleeding but I hardly felt the pain of his punch. I was way too ecstatic for that. "She said she's in love with you but I don't believe her. You seduced her and took advantage of her, didn't you?"
Seth took another step towards me. He was pretty angry. I had never seen him like that.
"You said Leah isn't a liar, didn't you?" I retorted. "If she told you she loves me, then it's true."
"You forced her! She would never fall in love with you after what happened with Sam!"
"You can think whatever you want Seth. I love your sister and she loves me too. I didn't force her. She wanted it as much as I did. If she got pregnant it wasn't all my fault."
It wasn't right on my part to blame Leah for being pregnant, but it wasn't my fault either. She believed she couldn't have children so it never crossed our minds to use protection.
"You're making it worse Jacob. Stop talking." Jasper appeared from my left side. "He's not kidding. He will kill you if you keep this up."
"What do you want me to say? That I'm sorry?" I opened my arms. "I'm not sorry I'm in love with her, I'm not sorry she's having my baby..."
"You fucking bastard! I'm going to kill you!"
Seth didn't attack me because Jasper was using his powers to calm him down. But for a minute there I feared for my life. He was way beyond furious.
"I'm just trying to…"
"Do you have any idea of how serious this situation is?" Seth yelled at me.
"Leah's pregnant, not deadly ill. I'm going to make sure she'll be alright after the baby is born, okay?"
"Really? And when you find your soul mate, what will happen to my sister?"
I didn't answer. I was sick and tired of talking about imprinting.
"The Council will not approve. Leah's not your imprint." He added.
"Do you think that I fucking care about the Council? About imprinting? I'm trying to be responsible Seth. I'll stand by her and the baby no matter what the Council decides."
"Child support will be enough." Seth stated crossing his arms over his chest. "My sister doesn't need someone breaking her heart again."
"I'm not going to pay for child support and I'm sure not going to stay away from Leah and my child. No one will force us to be apart. Not even you!"
It felt really good to say that. For me at least. Seth, on the other hand, didn't like it much and growled.
"Just shut up! Both of you!" Alice Cullen shouted angrily. I didn't even notice she was there. "We need to go back and it's a long way. We have two or three days ahead of us so behave! You're pack mates for heaven's sake!"
Seth glared at me one last time before following Bella, Alice and Jasper. Edward stayed behind and walked side by side with me.
"So... you're going to be a dad." He said. A few feet ahead of us Seth tensed up again. "A baby changes everything. You're aware of that, aren't you?"
"I am." I was aware that Leah was carrying my child. I was aware that things would change but I wasn't ready to analyse all of those changes right now.
"Oddly enough I think you're going to be a great dad."
I grinned. I was inclined to agree with the mind reader for once. So what if I was young? So what if we hadn't planned this baby? Nothing mattered as long as we were together.
"How is she?"
"Confused, scared, happy... Pregnant women are hard to read, you know? There are too many emotions at the same time."
"Did she..."
"No." Edward said immediately when he read my thoughts. "She never thought about an abortion. This can be her only change for being a mother."
"Then why didn't she tell me?"
"She didn't want you to feel trapped. She wanted you to have your happy ending with your soul mate and she thought she'd be in the way."
"She's so damn stubborn. Why can't she see she's the one I want? Why can't she accept we're meant to be together?"
"You know why."
Imprinting. I hated the word and the concept. Although Sam, Paul, Quil and Jared swore that they were happier after finding their soul mates, I had a different opinion about the magical bond.
"Was she ever going to tell me about the baby if I hadn't found her?"
"I don't know. She had everything planned. She was going to leave with the baby as soon as he was born. She only accepted to be with us because she needs Carlisle to help deliver the baby."
"Why? Is there anything wrong?"
"No. So far so good. But Leah's a wolf and there might be complications. Besides she can't see a regular doctor, can she?"
"So she was going to take the baby away... She was not going to tell me."
"She was planning to go to Seattle first, find an apartment and a job and raise that child on her own. She didn't want to be a burden. Besides she thinks you're too young to face this responsibility and doesn't want to force you to be with her just because she's pregnant. She was willing to make this sacrifice for you."
"She's an idiot. I'm not doing this out of pity or guilt. I don't want her to sacrifice anything for me. I want to be with her."
"Look, I know you want to do the right thing but you need to be sure about this. You need to decide if you want in or out."
"What do you mean?"
"It's not fair or healthy for Leah to raise this baby alone. I know you want to stay by her side and help her out and I actually think that's the right thing to do but you need to be absolutely sure." He announced. "Leah's proud and stubborn and if you leave her and the child in a few years, she will never forgive you."
"This is what I want." I assured him. "I won't leave."
"You can't change your mind later."
"I won't. I want to be with Leah and our baby no matter how hard things will be for us."
"Will you fight the imprint for them?"
"I'll fight a thousand imprint bonds if a have to. I'll do anything to be with her."
I was serious. I was going to do everything in my power to have Leah's trust. I would make her happy or I would die trying.
Around eight o'clock in the afternoon we stopped our march. Alice and Edward went to a nearby town to buy food since Seth and I were starving. The sun was long gone and Seth and Jasper were retrieving wood so we could make a fire. Not that we needed light to see or get us warm but it was somehow comforting to have a few flames nearby.
"How are you doing Jake?" Bella came to sit near me. I could tell she wasn't very comfortable knowing I was going to be a father. Maybe she thought I wasn't fit for parenthood.
"I never had so many people asking me that." I smiled. "But I'm fine, thanks Bella."
"So… eighteen and a kid on the way." She said placing her hand on my arm. She wasn't making fun of me like I knew my friends in La Push would do. On the contrary Bella looked quite concerned. "When Leah went to our house, I didn't know it was yours. She said she met someone in Gold Beach… we assumed she was telling the truth. But then Carlisle discovered the baby had the wolf gene and that meant his father was also a wolf…"
"I see… Has she been okay? I mean is anything wrong with her or the baby?" I kept asking that question because the wolf inside of me was demanding to know.
"She's fine. Carlisle's been quite helpful even though this is a new challenge for him as well. Leah's condition is unique."
"It's a new challenge for me too." I confessed.
I had always wanted children but it wasn't something I used to think about often. I wanted to live my youth to the fullest first but I wanted to have a family in the future too. It was something that it was expected from me for one day I would be chief of La Push.
"Are you okay with this?" Bella asked timidly.
"The baby?"
She nodded.
"He's mine and I love her."
"You love her?" She was surprised.
"Yes."
"When did that happen? If I remember correctly you and Leah always hated each other. She thought you were an idiot for loving me and you thought she was a harpy."
"What's your point?"
"You don't have to hide things from me Jake. I know you better than that. You don't have to stay with Leah against your will. You don't have to be with her just because she's having a baby."
"She's having my baby."
"Even so… If you're not ready, don't commit yourself yet. You're so young, you should be able to live your life freely, experience new things, maybe even find your imprint…and now you're stuck with Leah and a child just because you probably drank too much and weren't careful."
"It that what you think? That we got drunk, we had sex and she ended up pregnant?"
"Wasn't it?"
"Wow Bella. You really think high of me, don't you? Do I really look like the guy who would do that?" I took her hand away from my arm.
"No, not you… but Leah… You know what people say about her." Bella hesitated for a while. "I like Leah... I mean I respect her because I know what she's been through. Harry died, she became a wolf, she lost Sam and all of her dreams are gone... I get it but I don't know if she really loves you. She might be using you to forget Sam. I'm trying to protect you here Jake. You can assume the paternity of this child but you don't need to chain yourself to her. It won't be fair on anyone."
Our conversation was suddenly over when Jasper and Seth returned with some wood for the fire. A moment later the four of us were watching the flames in silence.
"When did you start having feelings for Leah?" Seth asked while placing more wood into the fire.
Jasper pretended to be paying attention to the fire while Bella looked at me intensively.
"They were always there. I was just too blind to see."
"Right…" Obviously he didn't believe me.
"When Sam got married… I spoke to your sister at the cliffs. I remember thinking that I wanted to find a girl as beautiful and as passionate as Leah. I remember thinking that Sam was an idiot for choosing Emily."
"You should've walked away Jake. You should've left my sister alone."
"Why? Why should I walk away from the only person that can make me happy?"
No one answered my question and we all remained in silence until Edward and Alice's arrival.
xxxxxxxxxx
I promised Seth I would put things right but the truth was I didn't know how. I was planning on declaring my undying love for Leah and the child we had conceived as soon as I got back but before reaching Dawson I kind of pissed off Seth more than I should and then the shit hit the fan and we ended up having a huge fight.
Bella was trying to make me realise I didn't have to ruin my life because of a one-night stand mistake. Actually, she was the only one thinking I was too young, too naive, and too good to spend the rest of my life with Leah and a child that wasn't even planned.
As for me, I didn't care about anything that was coming out of her mouth. I didn't even care what other people could think about me or Leah. All I cared about was that the girl I was in love with was carrying my child.
In a few months, I was going to have a baby. I knew I should be worrying about getting a job, talking to the Council, asking for Sue and my dad's blessing and things like that, but I wasn't.
Sensing my frustration with his wife's constant lectures, Edward tried to shut her up but she didn't listen to him. She didn't listen to anyone, not even me.
"I'm perfectly capable of making decisions on my own, Bells. Actually you were seventeen years old when you decided that you wanted to be a leech so you could live happily ever after with Edward. You didn't even think twice about your parents or your friends." I made sure to recall her.
"It's totally different. We're talking about your future here. And a child's life is involved."
I rolled my eyes. We were close to Dawson now. A few more miles and I would be able to feel Leah's scent. I was anxious to see her but also a little scared.
"Jacob is right, honey. It's his decision." Edward tried again.
"He's... overwhelmed by the circumstances. He's not thinking straight."
"What do you want me to say Bella? That Leah seduced me, we slept together a few times and she got knocked up? Do you want me to say that I didn't enjoy having my first time with Leah? That I don't feel attracted to her? That I didn't think about her day and night after we slept together?" I exploded. "That's not happening Bella. I don't regret it."
For some reason, Bella was having a hard time believing that I had fallen in love with Leah and that I wasn't going back to Dawson out of obligation but because I wanted to.
"I just want you to do the right thing."
"And what do you suggest me to do?"
"Give your name to the boy and let Leah handle the rest. You don't even know if she wants you to assume the baby's paternity. You can help with money and you'll be able to see the boy whenever you want, but don't tie yourself down to her just because you feel guilty."
"Yeah, you do that Jake." Seth spat acidly. "Actually, I don't think he even needs to have your last name. He'll be Clearwater, that's enough."
"What the hell do you want from me Seth?" Those two were making me crazy. "Do you want me to take responsibility or not?"
"Yes... I mean no! What I want is for you to back off."
"I will back off if Leah asks me to, but if she'll have me by her side, I won't."
"You're going to hurt my sister! No one cares about her feelings. She's been through a lot. Sam left, my dad left, and you'll leave as well."
"You don't know that."
"You're our alpha. You'll imprint sooner or later and then what? What are you going to say to your child when he sees you with another woman? How are you going to tell my sister that you can no longer be with her and that you can no longer be the father of her child?"
"I'm not Samuel Uley!" I yelled at my friend.
"Jake!" Bella scolded. Of course she would side with Seth. She wanted me to stay away from Leah too.
"I know you're not Sam! You're worse!" Seth accused. And then I phased and he did the same.
'How can I be worse than Sam? He's the one who broke her heart, not me! He's the one who dumped your sister to stay with Emily! He's the one who imprinted!'
'At least he's not a liar!' Seth growled at me menacingly.
'A liar? When the fuck did I lie?'
'You don't love my sister. You used her. She was your rebound and that's all.'
'You're wrong! I'm in love with her for a long time, Seth.'
'If you love her so much why didn't you stand up for her when she most needed? Why did you attack her when she tried to stop you from killing Paul? Why did you call her a harpy?'
I didn't have an answer to offer him.
'Did you fall for my sister before or after you slept with her?' He kept going. 'Because I'm quite positive that all these feelings you have for her only started once you had her.'
'What happened between Leah and I was not a mistake. I realised I had feelings for her after Bella's wedding, I was just too damn blind to see. It didn't happen by chance.'
'So you're saying that you were planning on having a kid?'
'No. I'm not saying that. But it happened and I'm not sorry.'
'You're a shitty friend, you know that? You're a liar and a cheater and I hate you for hurting my sister.'
Seth was out of control and out of reach by now. He had been circling me, trying to spot an opening to attack. When he didn't find any, he decided to just run forward. Many months ago, when we faced the Volturi I had feared for his life. Seth was one of the youngest wolves and he had a good heart which prevented him to fight like the other wolves.
Sure he was brave and had the wolves' self-preservation's instinct that commanded him to attack leeches like the rest of us, but Seth was a good kid and he had always preferred diplomacy over violence.
Now I didn't see the naïve, good-hearted Seth anywhere. In a few years, or maybe even months, Seth would be a better fighter than Paul, who was currently the best fighter after me and Sam.
'I fell for Leah the right way!' I tried to reason with him while he attacked my left flank. 'She's smart, beautiful, stubborn as hell… she faces life openly and she never gives up. She can be cruel sometimes but she can also be really sweet and caring…'
Accidentally, I let some of my memories with Leah travel through my mind. I was on top of her, she was moaning my name, and Seth got even more pissed off.
'Haven't you done enough damage?' He tried to close his sharp teeth around neck. 'Leah lost everything when she turned into a wolf. She has no friends anymore. Even in the pack, no one cares about her... When she goes back to La Push pregnant with your child, what do you think people will think? They'll call her a whore and blame her for corrupting you...'
I could feel Jasper's power having an effect on the both of us now. Bella and Alice were also yelling at us to stop fighting and finally we calmed down enough to phase back. Edward got us some clothes they had brought in a bag pack. By the smell of it, they belonged to Emmett, who was the only vampire our size. My shirt was soaked with blood within seconds but I didn't care. We remained sitting down on the forest floor for a while, trying to catch our breaths.
"I know you don't trust me anymore Seth but... I promise I won't let anyone mistreat Leah once we go home."
Seth got up glaring at me. It was the famous 'Clearwater glare'.
"If she accepts going home with you." Seth pointed out leaving me behind.
I guess I would have to work on my begging skills before facing my pregnant beta.
To be continued…
Special thanks: teamtorettosupporter, Blackwater Crazziii, Cracker679, TheSkeptic88, Jeakat, Tara Maria, Queen Leti, Firefly-class, MelkiSihou, brankel1, Kwop, MoliWood, rocklesson86, crystal, Weave the Magic, WEML101, Scimitar X, Guest, nene82743, Kary G, hgmsnoopy.
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