Rick was sitting in the chair that had become his home for the past few days watching Carl sleep, while Judith took a nap in his lap. As he sat there, he couldn't help but think about Lori, and what she'd say about Carl being shot for a second time and losing his eye.

He twirled his wedding band around his finger as he thought about the words she said to him when she'd realized she was pregnant with Judith. "We can't protect the child we already have".

Rick had thought she was wrong at the time. He had vowed to do anything he had to to protect Carl and Judith, but that wasn't enough. And then, as if he were in the room, he heard Shane's voice in his head. "I'm a better father than you Rick… I'm a better man than you Rick 'cuz I'll be here and fight for 'em. You come back here and you just destroy everything!"

Maybe if he'd never woken up in that hospital in the beginning Carl would never have been shot, the first time or the second. Maybe Shane was right. Maybe he could've kept them safe like he said. If Shane was here would Carl have been shot? Would Judith had been shot?

Shane would've killed all the prisoners at the prison immediately. If Rick hadn't killed Shane, maybe Lori would've had Hershel's help delivering the baby. Maybe Lori would still be alive. Rick would be dead, but everyone else might've been better off without him being alive. Rick's thoughts suddenly got darker. Maybe everyone would be better off without him now.

Rick looked down at the little girl sleeping on his chest. His daughter. Shane's daughter. Rick knew from the moment Lori said she was pregnant that it was Shane's. And now that he'd killed the girl's real father he felt a double responsibility to keep her safe.

Rick gazed upon Carl's face, still half hidden by the bandages. He'd felt hope when Carl moved his finger, but the dark part of his mind kept reminding him that nothing was guaranteed. Carl could still die. It could've been an involuntary twitch like Denise had warned. He could be so brain damaged that he'd never be fully conscious again.

The room's door creaking open caused Rick to jump. Michonne apologized when she realized she'd scared Rick.

"Sorry, I knocked. Is there any change with Carl? If you want I can bring Judith back home and get her to bed now" Michonne said. When she saw the serious look on Rick's face she paused immediately.

"You okay?" she asked slowly, noticing that he was twirling his wedding band again.

His eyes snapped up to hers and he nodded. "Yea. Yea just thinking."

"You wanna talk about it?" she asked, sitting down in her usual chair next to him.

Lori used to demand that he talk, beg him to talk. But no one had asked him if he wanted to talk in such a long time. And although the answer was usually no, right now surprisingly the answer was yes.

"Yea, yea if you don't mind."

Michonne nodded and rested her elbows on her knees, patiently waiting for him to continue.

"I uh, I was thinking about a friend of mine. His name was Shane."

Michonne nodded and listened patiently.

"He was my best friend. My partner. The two of us were Sheriffs Deputies. I knew him since high school. He was there the first time I got shot. I just remember him telling me it would be alright. That was the last thing I lucidly remember before I woke up in a hospital. I was in a coma when this… virus… started. I woke up in the middle of it."

Michonne listened with eyes wide.

"I woke up and everything had been turned upside down. I found Carl and Shane and my wife Lori, but everything had been turned upside down with them too."

Rick closed his eyes and slowly shook his head with Judith gently nuzzling his chest in her sleep.

"My family thought I was dead."

Rick looked at Carl briefly, checking to see if he was still sleeping deeply. Carl's chest continued to rise and fall in its same pattern, and satisfied, Rick turned to Michonne. When he spoke to her, he lowered his voice to a whisper.

"When I found my family, Lori had been… she was sleeping with my best friend."

Michonne's eyes popped open. She didn't expect him to say that.

"I understood, I did. She wanted to feel somethin'. Anything. I thought I could forgive her, move past it. But she got pregnant with Judith…"

Michonne's eyes dropped to the tiny girl sleeping on Rick's chest, and then back to Rick, and he didn't have to say anything more. She knew.

"I love her. She's my daughter. But she isn't mine. I had to accept that. Lori died giving birth to her, and Shane…"

Rick looked at Carl again to try and stop the tears that were beginning to make their presence known in his eyes.

"He wanted me dead. He thought he could protect my family better than I could. He was gonna kill me to prove it. I… I had to… I had to kill him. And when he reanimated, Carl put him down."

Rick closed his eyes.

"Shane was Carl's best friend. He never talked to me about it. I wasn't the best father, I never asked him about it. But I know it hurt him. I know he loved Shane. I did too. And now, after all the shit my kids have gone through, I wonder if Shane was right. If he would've done a better job protecting them."

Rick opened his eyes and looked at Carl again. Michonne could tell Rick hadn't talked about any of these things to anyone else. He seemed to be avoiding her eyes as if she would judge him, but she could tell he was afraid of what she'd say. She took a deep breath and began to speak.

"My son was three. He was eaten by walkers while I was on a run. His father was high at the time. I came back to our camp and I found my son…" Michonne stopped talking when her voice broke.

Rick tore his eyes away from Carl just in time to see Michonne's shoulders droop and her face contort before she wept openly. And in that moment Rick could see her fully. He could see the grieving mother who had lost her child and her reason to live. And he was in awe of her strength. For her to sit here and comfort him and take care of his children while she was without her own. For her to see him crying over a child that was alive, while hers was dead. He knew in that moment that he loved her. He had fallen in love with her. It wasn't just infatuation, it wasn't just admiration. It was love.

Rick reached out his right hand and rested it against Michonne's cheek. Slowly she looked up at him, the pain in her face radiating from her eyes. Gently, Rick took his thumb and wiped her tears from her cheek. More ran down to replace the ones he removed, but he continued to wipe them. Michonne reached up and wrapped her fingers around the hand that was resting against her cheek, and intertwined them with Rick's fingers until they were holding hands. She sniffled again, but continued her story.

"I found my son lying in front of our tent. He… he was eaten. Most of him was. And… as I sat there, screaming, he… began to twitch. He was turning. I put him down. That thing that was coming back, that wasn't my baby. That wasn't Andre."

Michonne grasped Rick's hand more tightly. "I've never told anyone that. I've been holding on to it. Making myself suffer because I thought I deserved it. That's what you're doing too, thinking about Shane. You can't change what happened. It happened. I think you… we… have to go forward and leave the past behind. We have to let it go."

"How?" Rick asked, slowly stroking Michonne's hand with his thumb.

"We just live. The people who died are dead. The people who are alive are alive. We can't change that. We just have to live with it."

Rick nodded and looked into Michonne's eyes.

"I'm sorry about Andre" he said.

Michonne bit her lip as it trembled again, tears threatening to fall.

"I am too" she said.

***can08writer***

Michonne was walking down the street towards her home carrying her box of rations for the week. She had convinced Olivia to give her more, since Rick and Judith had unofficially moved into her house, and since Carl wouldn't be able to travel back to the factory any time soon she figured she now had three people living with her indefinitely.

There were a group of people from The Family who were loitering around the infirmary. They would come and go, giving Rick updates about what was happening at the Factory and with Hilltop. Michonne heard that Rick had been supplying Hilltop with food since they'd lost their crops to a weevil plague, and although Alexandria barely had extras, she'd asked Olivia to donate a car full of non-perishables they'd found as well.

Merle had gone out searching every day and still hadn't found Negan, not that Michonne expected him to. Negan was exceptionally good at not being found if he didn't want to be. That was how he'd been alone for so long before she'd met him.

Michonne hadn't forgiven Negan for the pain and suffering he'd inflicted on Carl and tried to inflict on Rick. Releasing him was a final act of kindness she'd bestowed on him, but if he showed up again she'd be behind Rick on whatever he chose to do. But, she had to admit she was conflicted about what she wanted to happen. When she was in her home alone, or when Judith was sleeping upstairs while Rick slept in the infirmary with Carl, Michonne could admit to herself that she missed the impulsive hothead. Negan did have his charm, and he really did care about her. But if Negan had succeeded in killing Rick, or killing Carl, she couldn't defend him. She wouldn't.

When Michonne was a few houses away from her own, she saw Carol approaching her. Unsure if Carol was walking to her or past her, Michonne gave her a small nod, but Carol stopped in front of her and Michonne did the same.

"We still haven't found Negan" Carol declared. Michonne just stared at her, waiting for her to continue. "Merle said he saw some footprints near that town you, he and Sasha went to, right after Carl got shot. But eventually the trail went cold."

Michonne nodded her head slightly, not knowing what Carol was trying to get at.

"Sasha and Merle told me that you came out searching with them the day Carl got shot, but after that you stayed here. Almost like you knew they wouldn't find him."

Michonne's eyes narrowed, and she tilted her head to the right, squinting at Carol. "I don't have time to guess what it is you're trying to imply, so if you have something to say to me, say it" Michonne said, her voice portraying her annoyance.

"I've known Rick for a long time" Carol began, "and I know when it comes to tragedies with his family he has a reputation for losing it. But he didn't, not completely this time, and I know that has to do with you. I know you're a good influence on Rick, but if Negan comes back and hurts Rick because of something you did, I'll take you out."

Michonne slowly took a step towards Carol so that they were only a few inches apart.

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about, and I wouldn't do anything to hurt Rick" Michonne said, her voice dangerously low. "And just so we're clear, you could try coming for me, but I don't think you want that."

Carol and Michonne stared into each others eyes. Before Carol had a chance to say anything further, Michonne turned, walked up her front steps, and slammed her front door behind her.

Michonne was livid, as well as shaken, by her confrontation with Carol. Although the woman was correct about her accusation that something had gone down between Michonne and Negan, Michonne didn't appreciate the woman underhandedly accusing and threatening her.

She thought she'd already proven her good intentions to The Family, but seemingly at least one of them was still unsure. Carol seemed like the type to hint her suspicions to Rick, and Rick was the only person whose opinion of her she cared about.

She decided she had one last confession to make to Rick. Michonne didn't technically lie to him, but she didn't tell him that she'd seen Negan and let him go. If she was going to have a true relationship with him (friendship or otherwise) she didn't want to have any secrets between them.

***can08writer***

"Hey son. I know you're in there Carl. I need you to keep fighting. I know it's hard, maybe you wanna give up, maybe you're tired, but you still gotta fight through this. There's so much more for you. You just started living and there's so much from life you haven't experienced yet. Things like getting a place that's all your own and moving away from your old man, finding your own way in this world and doing what you can to make a life for yourself, finding a girl, and love, and maybe even kids…"

Rick smiled and ran his palm down Carl's cheek. "You have your whole life ahead of you. I want you to live in a community where everybody wins. Where we don't have to dominate others around us to stay safe. You showed me that that is the way for us to survive. That's the way for us to have a real future, and you're going to be part of it. I brought you to Alexandria with me so you can see the first steps towards that future. I never expected that you'd get hurt."

Rick shook his head and a tear tumbled down his cheek. "I never expected that I'd be talking to you like this. Maybe I was wrong to bring you here. It wasn't safe. I should've left you back at the factory."

Carl didn't stir as Rick stared at his son's bruised and swollen face, and the bandage that covered the right side of his head. Carl's stillness and silence unnerved Rick. If he didn't see the small rise and fall of Carl's chest he'd think the boy was dead.

To fill the silence, Rick continued to talk to Carl about the many things swirling around in his head.

"You were right about Michonne" Rick admitted. "You were right that we could trust her, that she was alright. She's been great Carl, she's helped me so much. I don't think I'd be able to deal with all of this without her. I know she's your best friend, but she's mine too. It's strange, but I feel closer to her than I do to Maggie, and Carol, and Merle, and all the others that we've known for so long."

A small noise from Carl made Rick's heart skip a beat. Carl took a deep inhale.

"Carl?" Rick asked loudly, putting his face inches from the boy's. Carl's finger twitched slightly, and then completely curled around Rick's hand.

Rick burst into tears and rained kisses down on Carl's hand.

"Carl? Carl?!" he said again, "hey son, hey it's dad. I'm right here, can you hear me? If you can hear me, squeeze my hand."

Carl gave Rick's hand a hard squeeze.

"Denise!" Rick called loudly. He then looked back to Carl.

"Oh Carl, I'm so glad you can hear me. It's okay, everything is okay, alright? Can you open your eye? One squeeze for yes, two squeezes for no."

There was a pause and then Carl squeezed Rick's hand twice.

A smile slid across Rick's face that Carl was even communicating with him. "It's okay, don't try then."

Carl opened his mouth slightly and tried to make a sound but it sounded like a garbled moan.

"Don't talk" Rick said, reaching over to a glass of water with a straw that was on the side of his table and quickly putting it to Carl's lips. Carl took a small sip from the straw, but afterwards he was breathing heavily, almost out of breath.

"It's okay, just relax Carl, you've been out for a while, almost a week, so your body is really fragile right now. Don't try to move okay?". Rick kissed Carl's cheek and ran his hand through Carl's messy hair.

Denise entered the room and Rick explained that Carl was squeezing his hand on command.

"Hi Carl, I'm glad that you're with us. I'm Doctor Denise, I've been taking care of you since you've been here. I'm going to ask you a few questions and if you want to say yes you squeeze your dad's hand once, and if you want to say no you squeeze your dad's hand twice, okay?"

Carl gave Rick's hand one squeeze, and Rick beamed proudly.

"Are you in pain right now?" Denise asked. Carl squeezed yes and Rick's smile quickly dissipated.

"Okay" Denise said, "I'm going to give you something for the pain in a minute. Do you remember what happened to you?"

Carl gave two squeezes for no.

"You were shot in the face" Rick said. "We're in Alexandria right now, we've been here for a week waiting for you to wake up. Everyone is okay, we were all just worried about you."

"Can you move your toes?" Denise asked Carl, trying to assess how bad the damage was.

Carl didn't answer for a few seconds. Rick reached down and pulled up the sheets so that Carl's feet weren't covered.

"Carl?" Denise asked again. When there was no response Rick felt the blood drain from his face. He realized that Carl could be hurt worse than they thought. What if he was paralyzed? What if he couldn't walk anymore?

Rick was about to call Carl again, when his big toe twitched, and then he pointed his toe. The action was repeated on his other foot.

Rick let out a sigh and more tears tumbled down his cheeks. "Good job Carl" he encouraged, "you did great."

"Carl I know it's a little difficult for you to open your eye right now, so I'm going to open your eye for you and do a quick vision test, okay?"

Denise leaned over and gently pulled up Carl's remaining eyelid. His bright blue eye immediately focused on her.

"Hey, there you go" Denise said. "Can you follow my finger?"

Denise slowly moved her finger across Carl's eye and he easily tracked it.

Rick smiled and patted his son's hand. Denise let go of Carl's eyelid, and it gently closed.

"Are you hungry?" Denise asked Carl, "thirsty?"

Carl squeezed Rick's hand twice for no.

"Are you tired?" Denise asked Carl.

Carl squeezed once for yes.

"Okay, I know trying to move is taking a lot out of you. I'm going to give you some medicine for the pain and then I'll let you go back to sleep, okay Carl?"

Carl squeezed once for yes.

While Denise busied herself injecting pain medicine into one of Carl's last remaining bags of IV fluid, Rick leaned in closer to his son.

"You did great Carl, you're going to be okay. I'm so proud of you. I know you're tired, it's okay if you go back to sleep now. I'll be right here when you wake up son."

Rick kissed Carl's cheek, and Carl gave Rick's hand one last squeeze. Within seconds the boy was sleeping again.

Rick couldn't hide the pure joy he felt at seeing that Carl was responding. He hadn't spoken, but he was at least aware of his surroundings, and that was something. That was everything.

***can08writer***

"He woke up today" Rick said with a huge smile on his face, the moment Michonne entered the room.

"What?" Michonne asked.

"He woke up, squeezed my hand for yes or no, he moved his feet, and he answered questions. I mean, he didn't talk and he couldn't open his eyes, but he knew what was going on. He was here, lucid."

Michonne smiled and grabbed Carl's hand.

"He's sleeping now" Rick said. "Been sleeping for an hour or so. He said he was in pain so Denise gave him some of the painkillers and they knocked him right out."

Michonne shook her head with a radiant smile. "Oh my God. That's great Rick. That's… that's amazing."

"I knew he could do it" Rick said. "We're not out of the woods yet by far, we have to get him to eat and drink the next time he wakes up, but he's back."

Michonne looked down at Judith who was sitting in Rick's lap shaking an old teddy bear Michonne had found in the child's bedroom in her house. The girl looked at Michonne with her bright brown eyes, and held up her arms for Michonne to pick her up.

"Hi Judith" Michonne said as she picked the girl up and held her against her body. Michonne placed a kiss on her cheek. Since Judith had moved in and begun sleeping at Michonne's house the bond between the two had grown, and Judith loved for Michonne to pick her up whenever the two were around each other.

"Did Denise say how long he'll be sleeping?" Michonne asked.

"No, she's not sure. She thinks there's still heavy swelling in his brain, and definitely on his face. She said we won't know the extent of the damage until he's fully awake, walking, and talking."

"So she thinks there may be more damage than it seems?" Michonne asked, concerned.

"I don't know. She doesn't know. She said this is a wait and see kinda thing" Rick said with a sigh.

Michonne nodded and held Judith closer to her. She had to talk to Rick about what happened with Negan and she didn't know how he was going to react. She figured holding Judith in her arms may help him contain his anger.

"Rick there's something I need to tell you" Michonne said softly.

Rick looked at Carl and then turned to Michonne nodding his head for her to continue.

"After Carl got shot, and I went out with Sasha and Merle to look for Negan, I found him" Michonne said, getting to the point. "I saw him, and I spoke to him. He told me he didn't mean to shoot Carl. It was an accident. He was aiming for… well, he was aiming for you."

"What?" Rick asked, his eyes narrowing.

"I could've brought him in, but I didn't. I could see he was sorry about what he did to Carl. I told him to go away and to never come back. I told him if he came back here and you wanted to kill him I wouldn't interfere. So he left, and that was the last I've heard of him."

"You let him go?" Rick asked, his voice raising.

"Yes" Michonne admitted.

"Why? Why did you do that Michonne? He tried to kill me. He shot Carl!"

"I know" Michonne said calmly. "I know he did, and there's no excuse for it, but I felt like I owed him that one last thing for what he did for me. Maybe I was being selfish, I probably was. I certainly wasn't trying to put you and Carl into any more danger, but that was what I decided. And I did it."

Rick stared at Michonne for a few moments in shock. He studied this woman who had bonded with his son, cared for him and his daughter through this whole ordeal, and who had earned his trust and his love. He couldn't believe she'd make a decision like that for him.

"I thought I could trust you" Rick said, somewhat in shock.

"You can" Michonne said taking a step forward. "You can trust me. The fact that I'm telling you this right now is proof that you can trust me."

"Give me my daughter" Rick snapped, reaching for Judith.

Michonne felt a stab through her heart at the mistrust in Rick's eyes. She slowly gave Judith to her father, but the girl had other plans, reaching out to Michonne and struggling in Rick's arms.

"Rick" Michonne said, her hurt showing in her eyes that were welling up with tears. "I didn't… I didn't mean to hurt you."

"You let the man that shot my son go free. You showed more loyalty to him than to me or Carl. You chose your side."

Michonne felt like he had stabbed her in the chest. After all the things they'd done and shared with each other to build a level of trust, one confession had brought it crashing down.

With Judith still crying and whining, Rick returned to the chair facing his son, his back to Michonne.

"Rick I'm sorry" Michonne whispered, and although he heard her he didn't respond.

Michonne bit her lip and nodded. She then quietly slipped out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Authors note: Okay first of all, I did not plan for this story to go like this at all. It was supposed to be completely different and it scarily took on a life of its own. Right now I'm just hanging on for dear life just seeing where it's going to lead me. I have so many "deleted scenes" that I wrote out and then completely scrapped because I was just being pulled in the opposite direction, and it's the most bizarre thing ever because I've never written a story that changes in plot so drastically before. But I hope you're enjoying this wild ride and I'm interested to see how it ends just like I'm sure you are. Thanks everyone for your readership and I absolutely love every single person who has written a review. Your feedback is highly valued by me, even if all you can write is a sentence I appreciate it greatly. Thank you!