"Naaa…, Hakkai, when is he going to wake up?" sitting backwards on a chair and propping his head on both hands, Goku's huge golden eyes were idly fixed on the man laying motionlessly on the bed. It had been about three days since the battle, yet Gonou had showed no signs of waking up.

"I'm afraid you'll have to give him a bit more time, Goku, he hadn't recovered from his previous injury and he had basically exhausted himself during the time he was controlled by the youkai." Hakkai gave Goku a gentle smile as he set a plate with some pork jerkies on the table.

They were back at Gojyo's house now as Sanzo had dumped all of them, including the unconscious Gonou back to the house while he went back to Keiun Temple to deal with all the aftermaths of the battle. The mercenaries and thugs they arrested had been involved in many other crimes, and as the head of Keiun temple and leader of the eliminating operation, the job had of course fallen on Sanzo.

The monk had initially wanted to drag Gonou straight to the Temple of Setting Sun after the battle, but the gaunt look of Gonou unconscious form indicated that the wanted criminal probably wouldn't be waking up anytime soon, so the monk was forced to rearrange his priorities, and having them all packed chummily in the temple didn't seem to appeal to the monk at all. So that's why they are having some after dinner snacks in Gojyo's cabin.

Goku's hand that eagerly reached for the jerkies hesitated as he gave Hakkai an apologetic look "…about that, I really want to say sorry…"

"Goku…?" Hakkai looked at the younger man in concern.

"I didn't know you…I mean Gonou was hurt, so I kicked him really hard…" Fidgetting on his seat, Goku looked rather flustered.

Hakkai fought down the urge to sigh in exasperation, the boy was just too kind. "Goku, I'm a convicted murderer and I did attack Sanzo, you did the most logical thing to help Sanzo, so please don't blame yourself for something you couldn't have possibly known."

"yeah, but…"Goku was about to say something before Hakkai cut him short. "I'm more surprise you don't hate me after all of this, all of these happeded because of the terrible things I've done."

"Hey, stop going into the dark places again." Gojyo complaned. Hakkai's smile was still in place, but it was such a sad smile it pained Gojyo to even look at it. The smile was too much like Gonou and didn't suit Hakkai at all. "You can't change what you've done, and we're not going to judge you for that."

"Yeah, and your food is really great. I don't think anyone who can make such wonderful food like you can be a bad guy." Goku stated in a matter of fact attitude.

"You judge people by their food?! I should've known baby chimps like you can't think of anything but food!" Gojyo laughed and gave Goku a noogie.

"Stop calling me a chimp you damn roach, or I'm gonna pull that antenna of yours out!" Goku struggled and tug roughly at Gojyo's hair, causing the red head to yelp in pain "Stop that, I'm gonna get bald!..."

Hakkai smiled a small genuine smile as he sat beside the table and sip his cup of herb tea as he idly watch the pair fight, then reminded them that he can put the jerkies away if they're not interested. The pair immediately stop fighting and reached for the jerkies simultaneously.

Watching them wolfing down the jerkies, Hakkai's gentle smile revealed nothing.

"Hey, monkey. Did Sanzo say what he's gonna do after Gonou wakes up?"Gojyo asked as he opened a can of beer and took a long drink, then gave a loud sigh of content, "jerkies and beer really is the perfect match!"

"Stop calling me monkey, you erotic kappa!" Goku retorted as eagerly chew on the piece of jerky and stuffed another piece into his mouth "I don't know, Sanzo only asked me to notify him once Gonou is awake, he said he'll coming over later to check on him. I think he'll be fine." Goku glanced at Hakkai, who gave him his famous close-lip smile.

"Yeah, reckon so." Gojyo also looked at Hakkai like he was making sure of something, then he gave a yawn. "Damn, is it so late already? I'm kind of feeling tired."

"Ha, it's not that late; bet you're just getting old." Goku gave him a cocky smile, but before Gojyo could finish yelling "Who the hell are you calling old!" the golden eyed kid also gave a big yawn, he tried to stifle it but Gojyo had already seen it.

"Ha, looks like it's bedtime for the baby chimp, bet you'll start sucking your thumb any minute now…"

"What did you say!?"

"So you're both tired already?" Hakkai interrupted, looking a bit concern, "have you two been sleeping well?"

"Nah, I've got no problem sleeping, I'll just take a quick nap and will be back up soon." Gojyo rubbed his eyes and rested his head on the table "keep watch on the sleeping beauty for me, OK?"

"Me too, call me if he wakes up or Sanzo comes, OK?" Goku yawned loudly and sat beside the table as he nested his head on his folded arms, snuggling to find the most comfortable position, it was not long before he starts snoring.

"No problem." Hakkai looked at the sleeping pair as he answered idly, the smile still in place but the monocle flashed a bit. He waited a few minutes before he start talking again, but his eyes were gazing at no one. "If you want to make a run, I suggest you do it now. The drug I put in the jerkies will wear off in about an hour, it should be enough for you."

Silence greeted him, and Hakkai waited a few minutes before continuing "You heard what Goku had said, Sanzo will be here later, and your fake sleep wouldn't fool him. With your body still weak, I suggest you make a move as soon as possible, or they'll catch up pretty soon."

"…How did you know I was awake?" The bed rustled as Gonou fought to sit up.

Hakkai turned and gave him an odd smile "I'm a healer, and you think I wouldn't know my own tricks?"

"…Are you sure about this? You'll be in trouble if I leave." Gonou struggled to get to his feet, he swayed and had to leaned on the wall for support.

"I can take care of myself just fine, but you don't have time to worry about others, so I suggest you hurry up." Hakkai made no attempt to help his younger self, merely observing from his chair. "Go and give Kanan peace."

Gonou wobble on his steps, he still look pale and almost grey with exhaustion but his forest green eyes shone with determination. They stared at each other for a while, and Gonou could tell Hakkai understood. Closing his eyes, Gonou muttered a single "Thank you." before walking shakingly out the door into the forest, not forgetting to close the door before leaving.

Hakkai set down the cup he was holding and looked at his sleeping companions as a sad smile tug at his lips.

He felt a strong déjà vu in the whole ordeal. He still remembers vividly the incident of the *mirror treasure of Hyakugan Maou that reflected the negative emotions. Back then when another mass murder broke out, everyone including himself were convinced that he was the culprit, the only people who believed in his innocense were his companions. At that time, he was almost too scared to see the disgust looks in their eyes as his crime was displayed right in front of them, but they had stuck with him like a gum and refuse to back down the slightest.

That's why he already knew for a fact that they would forgive his stunt. They were great people and were far more than what a hideous criminal like him deserve.

He gently laid blankets on the pair and waited patiently for them to wake up.


"Why didn't you tell him the castle is gone?" Sanzo's voice was cold with annoyance and anger.

"He had to see it with his own eyes." Hakkai looked directly into the cold purple eyes firmly. Willing and almost pleading him to understand.

"Ch!" Sanzo kept his gun as he snorted in anger and promptly turned on his heel and marched towards the door "We're going after him. Hurry up, Goku."

"Hey, I'm coming too." Gojyo hurried after the pair, Hakkai silently stood up and followed as well. Sanzo must have noticed them but made no further comments.

"You know…you didn't have to knock me out, I could've helped." Gojyo complained to him.

Hakkai gave him a small smile "I know. But Sanzo can't blame you if you didn't know about it, and it wouldn't be fair to get you into trouble again because of me."

"Bah, I'm not afraid of that prissy monk!"


"Naaa… Sanzo, where did he go? You know, the guy that looked like Gonou…" Goku seemed confused as he looked around.

"He probably returned to his own time." Sanzo said off handedly, but he was frowning as well, as if trying to remember something.

The red head tagging along with them had stop and kept looking at the house behind him in a strange expression, apparently deep in thought.

The three of them were now walked in the forest with a pace set by Sanzo, Gojyo had tagged along a little behind them, but the three of them seem distracted.

I'm actually right here…Hakkai walked silently beside them, looked down at his half transparent body and sighed. He had turned into this state after leaving the house, and the other three didn't seem to be able to sense nor remember his name.

Is this a sign that he's about to return to his own time? He wasn't sure, but Sanzo had mentioned that since the spell caster is dead, he could be sent back any time. But that doesn't explain his current state…it was almost like a ghost, like someone who is unable to move on due to some unfinished business or obsession…

Then it clicked, Hakkai smiled despite himself as he did have one more thing he want, something he had been really looking forwards to since he was thrown back in time.

He listen to them talk and bicker, how Gojyo was concern with Gonou's fate, and how the color of his eyes and hair is the color of penitence for Gonou. He quite agreed with Sanzo when he stated flatly that blood isn't the only thing red, and couldn't help but smile as Goku pulled at his red strands and said they were like burning fire. They boy's innocent words were always able to pull your heart in unexpected ways. Gojyo's crimson eyes and hair still look like blood to him sometimes, but they were no longer a constant reminder of his sin, but a beautiful color of life.

Hakkai watched idly as they started to run forwards when Goku suddenly told them there was the smell of blood. He felt an odd sense of fascination as he arrived after them and saw the torn out right eye lied abandoned at their foot. Hakkai smiled as Goku complained that he thought his green eyes were beautiful.

The words Sanzo and Gojyo said to Gonou and the youkai matched perfectly with his own memory, though he did wonder how Gonou would get out of this mess now since he didn't have Sanzo's gun this time.

The question was answered when youkai snarled in rage as he charged forwards, Gonou had stood up and the two bodies collided and Gonou was nearly knocked to the ground. It took the youkai a few seconds before he noticed his claws had missed his target and a dagger was deeply imbedded in his chest.

"You…bustard…" The youkai stuttered as life left his body. Gonou's eyes were cold as he pushed the lifeless body away before slumping down to the ground once again. With the adrenalin gone, he panting deeply and looked even grayer than before.

Goyjo walked over and offered a hand "Can you walk?"

Gonou stared at him in disbelief, and Hakkai could understand his feeling perfectly. Though it was more like self-defense, he had just killed someone right before them, and Gojyo was acting like nothing had happened.

"You might as well take his offer. We're all going to Hyakugan Maou's castle, and I'd hate it when someone wastes my time." Sanzo snorted as he marched forwards into the woods.

Looking at the pocket watch Goku had given back to him and looking into the encouraging crimson and golden eyes, Gonou let himself be pulled up with a small "Thank you."

They walked in complete silence, Gojyo pulled Gonou's arm over his shoulder and half carrying the man before he suddenly cursed. "That asshole!"

"What's wrong?" Goku blinked in confusion, he was walking on the other side of Gonou, unsure how to help him.

"No wonder he gave me that creepy smile when I ask him what happened to his right eye…" looking at blood still oozing from the makeshift bandage that covered Gonou's empty bloody socket, Gojyo couldn't help but mutter more curses under his breath.

"Huh?! I did notice his had mismatch eyes in his youkai form, so his right eye was a fake?" Goku was taken aback.

"I'm sorry, but are you talking about …the other "me"?" Gonou seemed confused and not really sure how to express himself.

"Who else?" Gojyo huffed angrily, "He could have warned us about the attack, you know?"

"That's because he's a bloody masochist." Sanzo didn't turn around but his words floated over. Hakkai chuckled, idly planning to cut down Sanzo's mayonnaise supply when he gets back.

"Please don't blame him. It was my decision, and something like that was bound to happen sooner or later…" Gonou gave a small empty smile. "I'll pay for my sins…just let me…finish one more thing…" his voice was barely audible as he swayed a bit.

They all said nothing as the all of them continued to march forwards.

Looking at the castle that was burned to the ground, Hakkai closed his eyes and sighed deeply. He hasn't been able to save Kanan even in his second chance, he was such a failure.

They all stood there in silence as Gonou fell on his knees at the sight, stared blankly at the ruins and lost in his emotions and memories. He was no longer able to feel Gonou's emotions, but he didn't need the connection to understand Gonou's feelings, as he could recall it in his own memory like yesterday. He wasn't even able to shed a single tear as overwhelming despair and grief crushed everything inside him, leaving him utterly hollow and empty. He could tell from Gonou's expression that this is exactly how his younger self is feeling as well.

But he is not Gonou anymore, Gonou is a part of him, but he is Hakkai. So the emotions no longer took control of him.

Beside, this is the moment he has been waiting for so long. He looked at Gojyo and Sanzo, waiting in growing anticipation.

Knowing there was no way he could comfort Gonou, Gojyo threw a jab at the silent monk and asked him to recite a sutra. Sanzo retorted with a huff, but his usual cold voice lacked an edge of sharpness.

Hakkai watched as Sanzo sat in a lotus position and put on the gold crown he only uses in formal ceremonies. "The reason I recite the sutra is not for the dead." He stated promptly before putting his palms together and start the praying. It was only after knowing the monk so well did he understood how true those words stood. Sanzo never dwells on death; he continues to push forwards all the time and drags them all along with him.

As the words of the sutra wash over, Hakkai smiled as Gonou was snapped out of his grieving and stared at Sanzo in awe. He closed his eyes and let the unfamiliar words wash over him as well, soothing the pain and sorrow inside him.

It wasn't that Hakkai had never heard the monk recite sutras before, but this one was specifically for Cho Gonou, and probably for the yet-to-be-born Cho Hakkai at that time.

He had grown up in an orphanage of Catholics, but he never once believed in them because religions were pointless and useless in his bitter young mind. But somehow, through the unfamiliar words recited by the voice that shot down any doubts and without any dim, Sanzo gave him hope.

He had always been plagued with Kanan's death after he had committed the terrible crime, but Sanzo's reciting had calmed him and made him remember the happy times Kanan and him shared as well. He couldn't believe he had almost forgotten about those wonderful memories. The sadness was still there, but now balanced with the happy memories, he felt a sense of peace and calmness he had never felt before.

Ironically, Hakkai is being saved once again by the same reciting as the reopened wound of his crime weighed heavily on his conscious once again. He had accepted his crime long ago, but seeing the countless tortured souls he had killed stuck in limbo hit him more than anything. He had failed Kanan and burned his humanity in the name of revenge, but he was sure this was NOT the revenge he had wanted even back then…just what had he done!?

It was Sanzo who had fixed his mess and granted them peace. He must have caused the monk a hell lot of trouble back then, but like the other two, the monk had showed him kindness in his rough way, and never judged him merely by his deeds.

Hakkai let the words calm his regrets as he admired the splendid rays of sunrise that coated Sanzo into a living god. He could now understand, Sanzo's reciting was not just to sooth the pain, but also an encouragement of living and pushing forwards.

He felt the tugging and knew he was running out of time, his wish of hearing Sanzo recite once again was granted, and he is now returning to his own time. He now remembered what happened before he was sent here. It wasn't different from their usual, except it had been rainy night and was the anniversary of Kanan's death. He had been rather moody when the centipede youkai attacked, too distracted and wasn't fast enough to react when the youaki had activated the time spell and was suck in at the last moment and woke up in the woods later on.

It was an accident that got him here, but it was his own stubbornness and wish that had kept him here until now.

His body and conscious was fading into the rays of sun, but before that….

"Thank you…." Hakkai took a last long look at the monk who had granted him peace once again and uttered the words he wasn't able to say at that time before disappearing from this timeline.

Unbeknown to him, as his conscious fade away, Sanzo had opened his eyes and looked at him, purple eyes unreadable.


He let out a groan as his whole body felt stiff, green eyes open to an unfamiliar ceiling. Before he could figure out what happened, he heard a loud kyuu and wings beating. His tiny dragon let out happy chirps as it flew around before landed beside him and gave a nibble in affection.

"Hakuryuu!" He smiled as he stroke its tiny head, the dragon purr in delight.

"Hakkai! Thank God you're finally awake!" Goku's happy loud voice arrived the same time the boy came crashing on to the bed, causing the white dragon to fly up and give a small screech of anger. "I thought you'd never wake up again!"

"Easy there, monkey. You're gonna smash the living daylight out of him." came the lazy voice as Gojyo entered the room.

"I'm fine, Gonku, just a bit tired." Hakkai smiled at the young man, a single look at Goku's short hair told him he was back in his right time. He had to admit Goku had grown quite a bit in these five years, even his roommate who just came through the door had matured since then.

"Yo, Hakkai, you're finally awake. Gosh you really scared us shitless, disappearing for a week and came back in a coma.' been waiting for you a long time and the stinking monk is about to throw a hissy fit." Red eyes that scan him over was filled with relief as he grinned.

"Shut up and die, kappa." Came the friendly reply of the Sanzo priest sitting beside the table and reading newspaper.

"So I'm back…" Hakkai muttered as he sat up and looked around. "What happen after the centipede youkai attack?"

"Not much, actually. You disappeared with him for about a week, then you reappeared three days ago in comatose, so no one knows what really happened. " Gojyo shrugged. "We had to relocate a few times so the youkais wouldn't attack the town, but the little rat refuses to leave your side, and Sanzo-sama insisted that we stick around here and wait."

Hakkai smiled as he continued to pet his little dragon "The youkai teleported us to another place and it took me some time to figure out how to get back. The youkai had been dealt with now, so there's no need to worry."

"Good. We wasted enough time here already, we're leaving first thing tomorrow morning." Sanzo gave an impatient huff.

"Then we need to replenish all our supplies before we leave." Throwing back the bed covers, Hakkai was about to get off bed before Gojyo pushed him back on bed.

"No need to rush, you still look a bit pale. Just give us a list of things we need, and the chibi monkey and I'll go and get them." Gojyo gave him a wink, "Since we're finally back together again, we're going to have some nice booze and wenches tonight to celebrate… "

"Keep your dick in your pants for once, you fucking kappa." Sanzo snarled as cold violet eyes glared at the red head.

"Aww, Sanzo sama, don't be such a tight ass, if you're shy I can show you how to…" Gojyo's words came to an abrupt stop when a bullet whizzed past his face and hit the wall behind him.

"Gojyo," Hakkai gave him a sweet smile at he handed him the list he made, the red head shivered at the fake smile that promised sun shines and butterflies but had a bottomless twisting black hole at the background. "as Goku's teacher, I would highly recommend you to reconsider your behaviors."

"…co…come on Gojyo, let's get something to eat first, I'm starving…" Obviously unnerved by Hakkai's icy smile as well, Goku hurriedly snatched the list and ran out of the room, "…right..we'll be right back" it took Gojyo less than a second to decide to flee the room as well, leaving a smiling Hakkai and irritated Sanzo behind.

"…Bloody idiots…" Sanoz groused out as he gave his cig a long puff. Hakkai chuckled, his smile turning more natural "It's just typical for them."

A long silence followed as Hakkai decide to pour himself some tea and continue to pet Hakuryuu and Sanoz still reading newspapers. Finally Sanzo decided to break the silence.

"You went back in time with that youkai, didn't you?"

Hakkai's eyes widen in shock "How…how did you…"

"There was one thing that didn't make sense to me when I was still in Keiun Temple." Sanzo continued like he didn't hear Hakkai "The official record showed that I dealt with a large group of mercenaries hired by a youkai, the only problem is that I don't recall ever doing it. But during the few days you disappeared, different memories about the time I was sent out to arrest you appeared. Two youkais I don't remember seeing appeared. One of them is obviously the centipede youkai. Though I cannot recall the face and name of the other youkai, I still remember his fighting styles and youkai abilities." Purple eyes glanced at him, and Hakkai couldn't help but chuckled a little "ahahaha…you're right."

Hakkai looked at the blonde who had turned his attention back to the newspaper, deciding that he really needed to convey his thoughts "Sanzo, I …"

"Can it Hakkai, I don't want to hear about it." Sanzo interrupted. "Just focus on getting some rest, we're leaving early tomorrow morning, and I don't want to see you falling asleep when driving."

Hakkai stared at the priest for a few seconds before a small smile tug at his lips as he settled back to petting his dragon. So typical of their leader, so stubborn and not wanting to hear any gratitude or apologies.

He had always thought he was unlucky many times in life, while others had everything and he had nothing. His soul would never be complete with Kanan gone from his life, but now he had his best friends who would be there to pick up his pieces if he falls as they all push on forwards to continue to live. He would have long been dead or broken without them, and he thanked the Gods for letting him meet these wonderful people who understood and accepted all of him.

Unbeknown to Hakkai, Sanzo was deep in his thoughts as well. What he told Hakkai was only half true. While it was true that the man's face and name was fuzzy in most memories, there is one memory that was burned into his mind. When he opened his eyes after reciting the sutra at Hyakugan Maou's castle, he saw a fading ghost standing right next to Gonou, a man who looked just like Gonou but appeared a bit older. Even though he had just seen him a few seconds before the man seem to evaporate in the morning sun, it piques his interest.

At that moment, Cho Gonou seemed to have been crushed by his crime and emotions, but there is a chance for him to become the man he just saw, a man who is able to make a difference if given the chance. He wasn't sure if this was one of the reasons he has spoken in favor of him in front of the Sanbutsushin, but after secretly studying the green-eyed man beside him, Sanzo had to admit he wasn't disappointed with his decision of giving Gonou/Hakkai a second chance.

Tomorrow they would continue to march forwards, and the blonde was secretly glad to have the green eyed man back with him once again.

-omake—

Hakkai looked up when he heard Sanzo made a sound of mild surprise, and saw him staring at a familiar gold card.

"I wonder how long it's going to take for the two of them to find out they don't have the gold card." Hakkai stated rather cheerfully, and Sanzo couldn't help but sigh in irritation.

-the end-

*mirror treasure of Hyakugan Maou refers to Saiyuki novel "Kyouka Suigetsu".

Sorry for the long wait, the final chap took me quite some time to decide how to end, I'm glad I had finally came up with the idea.

BE THERE had always been my favorite chapter in Saiyuki. I love the dynamic in the chapter between them. Sanzo really had it easy it the chapter because Gonou didn't want to fight him at all. The idea of "What if Sanzo met an insane Gonou who was still on his murdering spree?" gave me the main idea of this novel.

Hakkai had always been my favorite in Saiyuki, I love both his sweet gentle side and the dark murderous side, the combination of both is just fascinating and Hakkai wouldn't be Hakkai if any side of him was lacking. The relationship between Hakkai and Sanoz is rather complicated, they care for each other in their own more subtle ways. Hakkai supports Sanzo by taking care of their daily life, and Sanzo will pull Hakkai out of his misery and continue to be a beacon for him.

Will probably post more chapters telling the story from Sanzo's side or simply other side stories about the fic, so I wouldn't really consider this fic really 'complete' yet.

Please Read and Review and tell me your thoughts. Thanks for reading!