Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious or Friends. I mean. Wait. No. I own friends. I mean I HAVE friends. I don't own the TV Friends... are we all clear? I'm not... A doctor once told me he has no friends during my appointment. That was a depressing visit.
"Lotion?"
I shake my head. "No thanks."
"Well if you're sure. It's the newest scent from Bed, Bath and Yonder. It has Shea butter." Lane describes, setting the bottle down on his desk. He leans back in his chair, hands folded, and eyes me. I shift uncomfortably in the bamboo egg chair in his office and my eyes dart along the floor. It's a Monday, and I'm finally meeting with Lane. He asked me over the phone where I would like to meet and talk. Of course I said his office at Hollywood Arts. But now I'm feeling nervous again, like this whole thing was a bad idea.
"Is time up yet?" I mumble.
"No, Cat, we just started." Lane says softly. "Look, if you're not ready to talk about it, we can hold that off. You can talk about anything you like. I'll listen. Sometimes simply talking about other minor concerns can make you feel more comfortable opening about the more prominent ones."
"Okay." I nod meekly, taking a deep breath.
"I have to establish one thing though." Lane states. I look up at him. His face is very serious. I'm not used to such a serious Lane. Usually, he's a bit of a goofball. I heard he was very adamant once when dealing with the producers of "The Wood", but I was sick that week so I wouldn't know.
"Okay, what?" I ask.
"Your parents… did tell me what you were dealing with." Lane says. I shift in my seat again. "Something like this can be extremely traumatic. Sometimes, the trauma can cause the victim to act out in radical ways. Self-destructive ways." He explains. I look at him in bewilderment. He lets out a sigh. "Your safety is most important, so I need you to be honest with me if you've had any ideas about coping through activities such as self-harm, drug abuse, alcohol, etcetera."
"No, no I promise I haven't." I say sincerely. First my dad, now Lane. Am I supposed to want to do those things? I guess some people do when they're in my situation. But, personally, it's not for me. I'd rather do happy and fun things so get away from it. Sober things. That's just the kind of person I am, I guess.
Lane leans forward, studying me for a moment. Seeming satisfied with my response, he leans back again. "Okay, I just had to ask. Thank you for being honest. Now, what would you like to talk about?" Lane opens the floor. I have to think about it… I had to recall every part of the incident for the police. That was unpleasant enough as it was. I don't want to talk about how I feel about it. Not yet. What should I talk about? Something unrelated? Tori? No. He said start with something minor. My feelings for Tori are so far from the "minor" side of the spectrum. Lane can tell I'm struggling to think of something.
"Is there anything specific you want to work on today?" He asks, trying to help me make a decision. I kind of have an idea.
"I guess… I've been having night terrors for the past week. About… it. They won't go away. I can't sleep. My parents can't sleep. It's not fun." I pout.
"What do you see in these dreams?" Lane asks.
"Um…" My eyes immediately downcast, my hands fiddling in my lap. "Sometimes I can't even remember… but mostly it's just dark… but I can feel-" I get caught off by a catch in my throat. Lane holds up one of his hands.
"I get the picture. You don't have to go into detail." He assures me. I relax a little. "Did you ever have night terrors before the incident?"
"Yeah, rarely though. And not like this. I would wake up a little scared. But I wouldn't scream, or cry, or hyperventilate. They were usually just monsters, so it didn't feel real when I woke up. Now, he's the monster." I explain. My eyes darken. "And he visits me every night."
"Are they getting any better?" Lane asks. I shake my head. They still haven't. "How do you calm yourself down?"
"I don't. Well, not fully. My parents sit with me in my room until I stop freaking out, then they leave. But I can't fall asleep after that." I explain. He would be able to see the bags under my eyes if I didn't still have my bruises covered in make-up. They've faded a lot, though. Now they're just a sickening yellowish colour on my cheeks, and a bit of purple around my left eye. Good thing, too. This much make-up can't be good for my skin. "I'm starting to be afraid of falling asleep at all."
"During the day, do you feel the same kind of anxiety?" Lane asks.
"Sometimes. Most of the time. When I'm alone." I admit. "But then, even sometimes when I'm with people. Even my parents. And I have to excuse myself."
Lane nods, understanding. "Can you recall anything that has brought you out of that anxiety or distracted you from it successfully?"
I don't have to think too hard. I mean, she doesn't exactly cure my anxiety, but she definitely suppresses it a fair bit. "Yeah." I say.
"That's good. So, how about you try this… From now on, whenever you have a night terror, try thinking of that thing that calms you down during the day. Or better yet, have that thing there with you readily available for when you wake up. So, if it's a place, have a picture of it on your bedside table. Or a chocolate bar." Lane suggests. I give a smirk. Of course Lane would think candy of some kind would be what calms me down.
"Okay, that's a good idea. I'll try it." I say.
"Good. Let me know how it goes. Anything else you want to talk about?" Lane asks. I shake my head.
"I think I'm done for today." I state.
"I respect that." Lane smiles. We both stand up and he opens the door for me. "Shall we meet again soon?"
"Well, I'm taking that one month intensive starting next week." I tell him.
"Great, I'll be around, whenever you need to talk." He promises as I walk past him out the door. I stop for a moment, turning to address him.
"Thanks, Lane. For doing this and listening to me." I say.
"It's what I do, Cat." Lane smiles.
As I turn and walk away, I can't help but giggle at the image of Tori sitting on my bedside table.
This feels normal. Well, as normal as it can be expected. I'm in a canoe, somewhere. In the middle of a pond. I'm alone, and it's peaceful. Off in the distance, I can see a bunch of rocks jutting out into the water. There's two figures sitting close together on the rock farthest out. I can't make either of them out.
I can't relax, though. I know he's close. Just like clockwork, I feel the canoe shift underneath me from some new weight. I turn my head, to see him crouched on the other seat like a gargoyle, leering at me. He has that repulsive look on his face.
"You weren't supposed to be able to find me here." I tremble out.
"You can't escape me. You're the ultimate goal, and I always get what I want." He growls. His voice isn't human. "Now, let's finish what I started."
I can't even scream before he tips the canoe over. Now I'm in the water, flailing frantically. I look toward the rocks, to the two figures. I try to call out, but I can only cough and sputter as water fills my mouth and lungs. Despite this, I see one of the figures stand up, looking right in my direction.
But it's too late. He has me, and he drags me under. I'm in the darkness again, and he's everywhere. I can't move. I can't scream. He just has his way. I'm desperate to escape. Desperate to-
"NO! NONONO!" I cry out, letting out a bunch more shrieks as I sit up in bed. The sweat on my body makes me feel like I had just been in the water. It only makes it worse. I feel myself gasping for breath. I'm awake, but it's still dark. He's still around me.
I'm vaguely aware of my parents running into the room and flicking on the light, but I'm too occupied with him. Derek's face. Derek's hands. Derek's- I need to try to block him out again. Tori's face. Derek's sick grin. Derek's encumbering body. Tori's hair. Tori's smile. Derek's lips smashed against mine. Tori's hand in mine. Tori's skin, basking in the sunlight…
I start to calm down. I still feel panicked, but it's working better than the last two nights since Lane suggested it. Derek is still in my mind, but Tori's there too. The room comes into my vision. My parents look tired.
"She seems to be coming to a bit quicker than usual." My dad notes.
"Yeah… Cat, is it getting better?" My mom asks. I force myself to look at her. T… Tori's head resting on mine…
"No." I gasp out, shaking my head. I'm still out of breath. "B-but I'm working on it." Derek flashes into my mind again, and I wince. This feels impossible.
"Well, okay. Go back to sleep, now." My mom yawns. They leave silently. They don't stay long anymore. Just until I stop screaming and start breathing properly again. They never question why they never hear me again the rest of the night. But I'm back to lying awake, shaking and terrified until the light starts to peak through my window.
The day goes pretty normally after that. I help my mom out around the house. I go on The Slap. I sing some songs. I try not to think about what happened to me. Mostly the last one. Like I've said, it's the worst when I'm alone. Something different happens today, though, when my dad comes storming in early from work, around 3:00pm.
"What are you doing home early?" My mom asks. He stops, leans against a table and runs his hand over his face, frustrated.
"I got 'sent home early'. What am I? A child?" My dad complains.
"What for?" I ask. He turns to me, practically glaring. I shrink away a bit.
"I made a minor error on an office program. Easily fixed. It doesn't matter though. I got dragged into my boss' office and he told me my productivity had gone way down in the past week or so. He said I seemed tired and asked if I was going through any personal problems. I explained I hadn't been able to sleep very well at night lately because of family issues." My dad grumbles. I give a guilty squeak.
"Oh, honey…" My mom sighs.
"So the guy forces me to take a few days off. I might as well wave goodbye to that promotion now!" My dad yells.
"Dad, I'm so sorry…" I mumble.
"Yeah, well, I don't think I can handle this much longer." He huffs. "I swear another night of your screaming and I'll crack!"
"Honey, stop." My mom hisses.
"Oh, don't give me that. You're sick of it too, and you know it. How much longer do we have to deal with it?" My dad complains. I sniff back tears.
"I agree it would be nice if we could have a break, but it's not Cat's fault…" My mom sighs. That's all I need to hear. I dart up the stairs. "Oh, Cat-!" my mom calls after me.
I run into my room and grab my overnight duffle bag. Through my blurry vision, I start stuffing random items, clothes and pyjama's into the bag. My mom's at the door. "Cat, what do you think you're doing?" She asks, shocked.
"Packing." I state plainly, walking past her to grab my toothbrush and toothpaste from the bathroom, shoving that in my bag. Have I got everything? Underwear.
"And where in the sweet baby Moses do you think you're going?" She asks incredulously as I pack away some underwear. I unplug my phone, put it in my pocket and sling the duffle bag over my shoulder.
"Away." I say, running past her and down the stairs. I walk past my dad, who stands there crossing his arms, not doing anything. I throw open the front door.
"Caterina Valentine! You come back here right this instant!" My mom yells after me. But I've already jumped on my bike and I'm pedalling as fast as I can. I pedal until my legs start to burn, and I still pedal. Eventually, I reach my destination. Resting my bike against a bush, I knock on the door. After a minute, it opens.
"Cat?" A confused Tori says.
"Hi Tori!" I say with gusto, but my smile is weak. She notices my slightly heavy breathing and my less than perfect hair.
"Did you walk here?" She asks.
"Road my bike." I explain. My face falls a bit. "I need to ask a favour."
"Yeah, of course." Tori gives me a smile. "Come on in." I walk into her house. By now she's noticed my duffle bag.
"I hate to do this to you…" I mumble.
"Do you want to stay over?" Tori asks. "That's no problem at all."
"No, but it is. My parents can't stand sleeping in the same house as me anymore. I'm driving my dad crazy. My mom's not too happy, either. They're both unhappy." I turn my eyes to the ground, tears filling them once again. "I just want to give them a break."
Tori steps closer to me. "You're definitely not a burden. I will absolutely take you in for the night. Or for however long you want to stay." She says seriously. I look at her with a teary smile.
"Thanks, Tori." I sigh.
"Still getting night terrors, huh?" Tori asks. I nod, shyly.
"Night terrors?" I hear a voice. It belongs to Trina. I didn't even notice her sitting on the couch. "Do you mean like screaming in the middle of the night stuff?" She asks. I bite my lip.
"Yeah."
"Scale from one to ten, how loud is it?" Trina inquires, standing up and approaching me.
"Trina!" Tori snaps.
"What? I need to know if my beauty sleep will get affected." Trina argues.
"You don't have to stay here if you don't want to, you know." Tori grumbles. Trina gets a very sly look on her face.
"Ahh, I see. You want to spend the night alone." Trina chuckles. A blushing Tori shoots Trina a glare that I don't understand. "Fine. I'm sure I can spend the night at one of my friends' houses." Trina shrugs.
"What friends?" Tori scoffs.
"Don't be mean." Trina says, flicking Tori on the forehead as she walks by.
"Don't thump me!" Tori whines, rubbing her forehead. Trina cackles as she heads up the stairs. I turn to Tori.
"Alone?" I ask innocently.
"Yeah. My parents are gone for a two nights on a couples retreat. It was my dad's idea." Tori explains.
"Aww, that's sweet." I grin.
"Well, I hope it helps…" Tori sighs. I tilt my head in concern and confusion.
"Helps wha-"
"Don't worry though, my dad said he's still going to keep a close eye on your case." Tori assures me.
"Oh. That's good. Any developments?" I ask.
"He's not allowed to tell me. You'd be the first to know." Tori says.
"Okay." I nod.
"So, what do you want to do?" Tori asks.
"I'm open to anything." I tell her.
"Great, so my original plan of ordering in and watching re-runs of Friends is still on." Tori chuckles.
"That sounds good to me." I giggle.
"I'm feeling Chinese." Tori states, grabbing the phone.
"But Tori, you're not Chinese. You're half-Latina." I laugh.
"No, I mean I want Chinese food." She smiles.
"Right. That." I giggle. Tori shakes her head incredulously and is about to dial when it starts to ring. "Maybe the Chinese food place was feeling Tori." I joke. Tori laughs, answering the phone.
"Hello? … Sorry, who is this? … Oh, hi Mrs. Valentine." I freeze. "Don't worry, she's here… Yup, safe and sound… um, one sec." Tori holds the phone against her shoulder. "She wants to talk to you." Tori whispers. Hesitantly, I hold out my hand, and Tori gives me the phone.
"Hi, mom." I say into the receiver.
"Oh, Cat, thank god. I called you like ten times but you never answered." My mom gasps. I pull out my phone and check. Not exactly ten, but there's eight missed calls, and my phones on silent. Oops. "Why did you run off like that?" My mom asks.
"I felt bad. So I left." I explain.
"Well, your father feels really, really bad now. He wants you to know he takes back everything he said, and he's sorry." My mom depicts. I hear my dad say "Cat, I'm so sorry" in the background, confirming what my mom was saying.
"Okay. I forgive him." I say.
"Great, so, you can come home now. I'll make us a big dinner." My mom offers.
"No, I'm going to stay at Tori's tonight, if that's okay with you." I request.
"Cat… you don't have to. You can sleep here. We'll be patient with you, we promise." My mom sighs. I hear another "Tell her I'm really, really sorry!" in the background. "SHH, she knows." My mom says off to the side.
"Yeah, but you guys deserve a break. You do enough for me." I state.
"But honey, you're not Tori's burden to bear." My mom explains.
"Tori says I'm not a burden." I argue. There's silence over the phone for moment.
"…Well, alright. Call us when you need a ride home." My mom says.
"Okay, love you." I express.
"Love you too." I hear an "I love her the mostest!" in the background as the phone clicks off. Tori gives me a soft look of understanding. I hold out the phone to her.
"So, Chinese?" I ask. Tori laughs and takes the phone.
"Chinese."
We just finished watching my favourite episode, The One Where Everybody Finds Out. I just love how they know each other know, but act like they don't know so the other will tell them they know they know they know. What? Anyway, I was giggling the entire time. Trina left a while ago and there's a bunch of empty take-out containers on the table in front of us. It's still pretty early, but my eyes are starting to get heavy. I let out a small yawn.
"Getting tired?" Tori asks.
"Yeah." I admit, blushing.
"You must be tired a lot lately." Tori sighs.
"All the time." I groan. I miss getting a full night's sleep.
"Might as well get ready for bed now then." Tori stands up, stretching. My eyes go wide.
"W-we can put it off." I stammer. Tori looks at me.
"Don't be scared. Remember what you told me? They're just dreams. They can't hurt you." Tori repeats.
"Yeah, but I might hurt you. I don't think you realize how bad it gets." I mutter.
"I'm prepared. I'll try my best to get you some precious hours of sleep. C'mon." Tori promises, beckoning me upstairs. We brush our teeth and get our PJ's on. I laugh when I realize we're wearing the same ones we wore in one of our Funny Nugget Show videos. I miss making those. After I'm all ready, I leap into Tori's bed, sitting up and hugging Mr. Purple. I'm glad I remembered to bring him. I look at Tori's face, which is filled with a mix if confusion and nervousness as she stands at the foot of the bed. I realize what I'm doing.
"Oh." I state, sliding off the bed. "It's probably better if I sleep on the couch downstairs." I say. Tori blinks and seems to shake something off her mind.
"Cat, don't be silly. You can spend the night in my bed with me. It's way more comfortable than the couch." Tori offers with a polite smile. I'm still unsure though.
"But… I scream. Loud. And I sweat." I explain.
"I live with Trina. I can handle screaming. And I have towels." Tori shrugs.
"I flail. I might hit you." I argue.
"I can take a hit." Tori claims.
"If we touch in our sleep, I might freak out more."
"I'm a very still sleeper."
"But… Tori…" I sigh, out of excuses. She sits down on the bed.
"I told you I was going to be here for you, no matter what. So, when you have a bad dream tonight, you're going to wake up and I'll be right there. Okay?" Tori tells me. She pats the bed beside her. I give up, and crawl onto the bed with her.
"Thanks, Tori. I can't even express how grateful I am for you." I murmur.
"Make me cupcakes again sometime." Tori chuckles, laying her head down on the pillow.
"Deal." I smile.
"Light on or light off?" Tori asks.
"Light off is fine." I say, laying down beside her. She reaches over to her lamp and turns off the light.
"Goodnight, Cat."
"Night, Tor."
I don't know how long it's been, but it happens. It hits me like a train. I can't remember this one at all, but it was bad. I'm sitting up, screaming and crying, unable to make sense of anything through my terror. I can't stand it. I have to block it out. Tori, Tori, Tori Tori Tori Derek Derek Derek Derek DEREK!
"Cat." The voice splits through my irrational stupor like a ray of sunshine through the top of the ocean. Her voice.
"T-Tori." I sputter out.
"It's okay, he can't hurt you here. I won't let him." Tori's voice declares. And I believe it. My vision starts to come back, but tears are still streaming down my face. My breathing slowly regulates.
"I t-told you it was bad." I breathe.
"It's fine, hun. You're fine." Tori sighs. "Do you want anything? I can get you some water."
I shake my head. "Stay with me." I croak weakly.
"Okay."
After a few minutes, I look over to Tori. She's sitting up beside me. There's no annoyance in her face. Only affection.
"How are you feeling now?" She asks.
"Better." I mumble.
"Take all the time that you need. I'll stay up with you." Tori assures me.
"Thank you." After a few more minutes, I lay back down and Tori does so with me. I turn on my side, facing her. "You've always rescued me from him." I tell her. It's sort of a realization for me, too.
"No one hurts my Cat on my watch." Tori states. Her Cat. I like that.
"I'd like to try and sleep again." I say.
"You sure?" Tori asks.
"Mhm." I coo. I place my hand palm up between our heads on the pillow, inviting her in. She looks at it for a moment, and then looks at me. She understands, and slides her hand up to connect with mine. This is fine. Holding Tori's hand has never bothered me. It's safe. It's support. I drift off to sleep.
Derek doesn't bother me.
I drift back into consciousness later on, in what I can assume is the early morning by the blueish light filtering the room. Tori was right, she is a still sleeper. She hasn't moved. But I have. I've cuddled right up against her at some point, firmly pressed into her torso and my arm slung over her waist. She's still, though, careful not to invade my personal space more than she has to, except for my head resting on her arm. Despite this, I feel the panic start to creep in. I turn my head up, because I need to check.
Her eyes are open, and she's looking at me with a soft look in her eyes that I don't recognize. How long has she been watching over me? She notices the panic and confusion in my eyes, and offers me a small smile. Contended that I have a guardian angel, and too at ease to care about my anxiety, I snuggle my head back into her shoulder, falling back asleep.
The next time awake, there's a much warmer form of sunlight in the room, so I know it must be much later in the day. I feel so well rested, but something's not right. Tori isn't here. I sit up in the bed quickly.
"Tori?! TORI!" I shout. I hear something like a pot slam downstairs, and then the quickened pace of footsteps approaching. Tori's at the doorway within seconds of when I shouted.
"Cat? Are you okay? Did you have another bad dream?" She asks, worried. I give a sigh of relief.
"No. I just woke up and you were gone. I was worried you left me." I whimper. Tori frowns and comes in the room, sitting on the bed beside me.
"Sorry, Cat. I didn't want to wake you. I was making lunch. I shouldn't have left you." She apologizes.
"No, I thought you left me but you didn't. You came back." I state. She smiles at me.
"Of course I did." She says, patting my hand. "Did you sleep well?"
"Yes. For the first time in a long while. It's all thanks to you." I tell her. I could cry. Happy tears, though.
"I'm sure it wasn't me. You've just gotten stronger with time and haven't noticed." Tori explains. I shake my head. She has no idea just how much she was involved in quelling my nightmares.
"What's for lunch?" I ask, dropping it.
"Hungry?" Tori chuckles.
"Starving." I grin.
"Well, I hope you like it, then." Tori says, leading me out of her room. As I'm leaving, something catches my eye. There's a collage of pictures on the wall, and in the middle is a picture of me and Tori, our arms wrapped around each other in a fierce hug, cheeks pressed together and smiling into the camera.
"Hey, Tori?" I ask. She turns around to face me.
"Yeah?"
I pluck the picture off the wall and turn it to her. "Do you mind if I borrow this for a while?" I request. Tori breaks into a huge grin.
"Sure you can. That's one of my favourite pictures." Tori notes. I look back down at it, at our happy and beaming faces.
Mine too.
Author's Notes: Ahhh, maybe it's a little cliche to have a chapter where Tori comforts Cat from a nightmare, but it's a good cliche. It's a good step for Cat, too. Besides, TRINA KNOWS SOMETHING! Maybe. And I want Chinese food so hard right now...
Do you guys read these notes? Like seriously. I just ramble on here in like three lines of text of pointlessness. Usually, this is the point where I politely ask for reviews. So here it goes. Pwetty Pwease? I give every single reviewer a giant hug in my mind. I've been told I give great hugs. And I don't know, I care what you guys think. I'm half writing this for me, half writing this for you. ... I'm so excited for you to read the end of the next chapter.
Fun Fact: Do you guys like the fun facts, or are they stupid? They're stupid. Whatever. The events in this chapter were originally coupled with the events in the next chapter into some huge mega chapter. But it was too big for my liking, so I split it into two. My chapters are already unnaturally long and I realize you guys have lives to get to!
