June, 2024
12. The Visitor
"Mom, I think I remember you specifically saying that you were an awesome spy. Which, let me tell you, you are not."
Rory was helping Lorelai set up her booth for the Summer Games Festival, a recent addition to Stars Hollows already packed calendar that involved all businesses creating their own game booths in the town square. Lorelai had devised a Pop Quiz that Rory was sure no one in Connecticut, except her mom and probably herself, could win.
"Honey, it's not me, it's that step-father of yours. He has some weird notions about people's intimacy and overstepping. Ugh, he's such a goodie-doodey."
Rory huffed. "It's been over half a year since Jess divorced. He left for his European tour in March, and until now, the only thing we've heard from Luke is how Jess is in Rome or Amsterdam or Barcelona, but nothing, nothing, on the state of his love life. I'm dying here. He must be dating the hottest Spanish and French girls. Heck, in my mind he's dating a mix of young Penelope Cruz and Léa Seydoux, and it's painful to watch those images replaying in my head. And I'm desperately horny, mom. I'm starting to regret having left Jack."
Lorelai dropped her glue gun and hugged Rory. "Hush, honey. What has that two-headed Spanish-French monster you have created in your mind against my little horny girl? Let me tell you – nothing."
Rory shook her head, unconvinced. "Should I go to Europe? I should, shouldn't I? I should get my agent to book me some PR tour. But we definitely need Luke to get Jess' tour dates so I can force a chance encounter. Remember when I decided on doing nothing? It was not such a great idea."
Luke appeared right then with Anna and some slices of pie from the diner, and helped Lorelai finish the Gilmore Pop Quiz game booth, while Rory wondered for the umpteenth time with how many beautiful girls and from where would Jess be having sex at that exact moment.
The town square was lit with colorful lanterns and fairy lights, and the air was ripe with summer blossoms. Anna was having a blast playing at Kirk's Start Your Own Business booth, which Rory suspected was Kirk's desperate way of fishing for new ideas for a start-up. She smiled, her heart warmed at the sight of her happy daughter. Yes, things were not half bad. She had a fulfilling, if sexless, life. Anna run towards her and asked her if she could spend the night at Tanya's, who was to Anna what Lane had once been to herself. Rory agreed, and Tanya's mom appeared a bit later to take the girls for the night. Rory was left standing in the middle of the game booth mayhem. At the end of the square she could make out her mom and Luke kissing briefly. Rory felt really lonely, but the night was sweet and merry, so she walked around. Taylor, who had stopped being mayor a year ago after breaking his hip, was terrorizing Gipsy, who had been elected mayor after him. Sookie was blocking everyone from trying Jackson's game, How Much Does this Tomato Weigh, as she was annoyed about constantly failing and asking again and again for a re-match. Rory wandered around and settled on trying her luck at Andrew's basket ball booth. The size of the balls and baskets was similar to those in the hotel room where she and Jess had played almost a couple years ago, so she decided to try her luck, and bought a ticket. She missed the first basket, but surprisingly managed to score the last four, for which she was awarded a cheaply made, cross-eyed looking teddy bear.
"That's the ugliest teddy bear I've ever seen."
Rory turned, her heart racing, and there was Jess, grinning widely. Rory didn't know what got into her, but she excitedly hugged Jess. She was instantly mortified about her reaction, and was about to break the hug when Jess hugged her back and kissed the top of her head.
"It's good to see you too, Ror."
Rory knew that she was blushing fiercely, but she didn't care. She hadn't been happier in months. She felt suddenly very nervous, and could have sworn that Jess was edgy as well. "So, what are you doing here? I thought you were touring Europe."
Jess smiled. "Well, that ended two months ago, but I took the chance and visited some friends in different countries, and a couple editors here and there that we want to collaborate with for translations. I had never really had a European adventure, did you know?"
Rory beamed. "Was it good? I'm very jealous. Did you enjoy?"
Jess nodded. "Very much. I… needed the change of scenery." Rory felt a pang of jealousy, but tried to shoo away the images of Penelope and Léa. "You know, Stars Hollow's festivals were never my thing, but I'd love to catch up with you. Where's Anna? Do you want to go grab some dinner?"
Rory was ecstatic. She was free for the night, single and with Jess. She felt like dancing. "She's spending the night with a friend, so yeah... Let's eat. There's this very good new Mexican restaurant in town, and I'd say it'll be quiet enough. Nothing fancy."
"Sounds good." Both stood there for a while, just smiling. "You lead the way."
Rory nodded, and both headed leisurely towards the restaurant. "So, when did you come back? I had gathered from Luke that you were still in an unknown European country."
"Yesterday."
Rory was flustered. "Oh, wow. And… what about your jet-lag?"
"I might fall asleep during dinner, for which I apologize in advance."
"Are you sure you're not here to enjoy the Summer Games Festival?"
Jess looked at her with a wry expression. "No, I don't care about that."
Rory was having a bad time fishing for details. Why was he in Stars Hollow, and so quickly after coming back? She couldn't help but wish that she was the reason. "I'm glad you're here anyway."
Rory was mortified. Where had that come from? Jess grinned, and Rory thought he looked pleased. "Are you?"
How did Jess manage to do that? Rory should be the one getting new info, not him – her life was pretty much unchanged. "Sure… It's been a while."
Jess smiled softly. "Yeah, over a year. Did you manage to come back with no hassles?"
Rory remembered how she had gotten up in that O'Hare hotel to find Jess gone, and how that had physically hurt her. "Yes. I managed to grab a spot in an evening flight."
"That's good."
They made it to the restaurant in silence, and got the table that was furthest from the entrance, secluded behind a beam.
"They only have a few things, but everything's good. I'll get the chilaquiles, if you fancy splitting."
Jess smiled and looked briefly at the menu. "Should we get red and green each and share?"
Rory nodded and made a gesture to the waiter for ordering. "We'll share red and green chilaquiles, and I'll have a Pacifico."
"I'll have another one."
Rory played with her hair nervously until the beers came. "OK, I need to ask or I'll explode – why are you here?"
Jess laughed. "My family lives here. I just came back from a very long trip."
Rory shook her head, unconvinced. "OK, tell me, then – how are Liz, TJ and Doula?"
Jess smirked. "Well… I haven't seen them yet."
"Ha, there you go. My question still stands."
Jess brushed his hair. His beautiful, wild hair. Rory was a bundle of nerves, she felt every bit as she always did with him – somewhat dizzy, and positively aroused. Jess looked as good as always, if not more. He was older, as was she, there was no denying that. But there was something so youthful in his teasing playfulness, and something so undeniably sexy in his mature ruggedness, that the combination of everything on top of his muscular body and his lip had Rory getting fuzzy around her center. She thanked the Summer Festival for forcing her to pick the nicest dress she owned, a flowery wrapped number with a plunging neckline, because she couldn't remember the last time in a month when she hadn't worn old jeans and t-shirts.
"I'm sorry I haven't been in touch, Rory."
Rory stopped her daydream, confused. "Why should you have been? I haven't either."
Jess looked straight into her eyes. "Did you want to?"
Rory fidgeted. "You keep doing that, deflecting my questions. It's kind of annoying."
Jess' face softened. "I know. I'm so sorry. I'm actually very nervous."
"Why would you be?"
Jess hesitated. "Aren't you nervous?"
"You're still doing that."
Jess conceded. "I was going to say that I really like older Rory, a mix of shy and straight, but then I thought you were always like this. I used to think you were the shy one, with the blushing and everything, only to find out that whenever I tried to push for the situation to become entertainingly uncomfortable you would usually turn the tables, making me painfully aware of my own social incompetence."
Rory sipped her beer, struck by Jess' sudden openness. "Huh. Did you do that a lot?"
Jess grinned. "Sometimes."
"You are such a tease. But I'm not going to take any more meandering, Jess. You said you were nervous. Why?"
Jess scratched his knuckles, visibly tense. "Do you remember when you started writing Gilmore Girls and did that interview to me for the Gazette? How you told me… stuff about Logan? How you said that you wanted to share it with me?"
"Yeah, I remember." How could she not.
"I kinda need to do the same."
If Rory had entertained the idea of them taking each other's clothes off that night, that hope was gone. Jess seemed very troubled. "So… this means that you are a shitty person too?"
"I'm… still undecided. I've been trying to convince myself that I'm not, but others think otherwise."
"Please, go ahead. I mean… You can share anything you want with me."
"I'm not sure you'll like it."
Rory doubted for a split second that she was ready for whatever was coming. "Don't worry about it. I… I like you being open."
Jess swallowed hard and nodded. "Are you single, Rory?"
"Hum, yes. Is that important?"
"I don't want to share things that could potentially make someone uncomfortable with the conversation I'd like to have. So… is there anyone that could be hurt if I talk feelings with you openly?"
Rory noticed her hands trembling. "No. There's no one. Wait – am I going to get hurt?"
Jess hesitated. "I hope not. Not hurt. Some bits might be painful, though. Or embarrassing."
"Can we not have intense conversations? I haven't seen you in a year and a half. We didn't even discuss the weather, and here I am, dreading that the world is about to end."
"I'm sorry, Rory. I'm… figuring stuff out. A little bit like you did back then, when you told me about Logan. It's part of the reason why I accepted the offer for the tour. I needed to get away, to think about everything, but it got to a point where I couldn't figure out anything else until talking to you…"
Rory dreaded the conversation they were about to have, but was also very curious about what Jess had to share. "Well, then, by all means, go ahead. I can't with the suspense anymore."
Jess drank some beer and then rubbed his neck. "OK. Fuck, this is hard. First of all, I'm going to tell you a lot of stuff, but you need to know that you are not the reason why I broke up with Angela."
"I… I would have never thought that in a thousand years, so don't worry."
"I know you probably haven't, but I'm going to tell you some stuff that might change your mind. If you do change your mind, will you promise to tell me?"
"Of course… But, before you go on – Jess, are you OK?"
Rory put her hand on top of his, she couldn't help it. Jess flinched, and Rory drew her hand back as a result, but before she could put it away Jess grabbed it with his other one, and gripped it hard. "Thanks, Ror. I'm OK. It hasn't been easy, but I'm getting better."
"I'm very sorry to hear that. Please, go on."
The waiter brought the chilaquiles at that moment, and Jess seemed disappointed. "I'm not sure I'm hungry anymore."
"Me neither. We can just drink our beers while we talk, and then we will get this to go."
Jess nodded and breathed deeply. "I didn't love Angela. There, I said it. I thought I did, I swear, but I doubt that I ever did now, and I feel terrible about it."
Rory's heart started pounding, and she felt guilty for being so suddenly happy when Jess was visibly in a bad place. "Hey, Jess… you can't force yourself to love someone that way. Don't I know…"
"But I asked her to marry me, Rory. We made vows to each other, and I broke them. I honestly had my best intentions in mind when I asked her for the divorce, especially since she had been wanting kids for a while and I couldn't bring myself to want them, but… she thinks differently. About many things. Some of these things she has been repeating to me for so long, that I've ended up believing them, and I'm now in a situation where I have my happiness in one hand, and knowing I'm a good person on another."
"Jess – you are not a bad person for not loving someone, so erase that from your head."
"I know that. But, let me explain everything, and then you'll tell me how to solve the paradox I have at hand. Because it involves you."
