Chapter 12

Gimme Gimme, Always Gets

A/N: Okay guys here we go, straight after chapter 11 here is 12 but before I let you read it I would like to thank all those reviewing, it means a lot and I have a lot to write in little time so I apologise now for the spelling mistakes. Jack will hold a slight grudge against Shepard but Jack understands betrayal so that's why she didn't attacking Shepard though she could of. This chapter will be the Lair of The Shadow Broker DLC. Oh and before I forget, which I always do

Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect, just like I forgot to mention in all my other chapters. Sorry Bioware

Shepard's POV

Finally I get to see a friendly face

"Patching her through to you Commander" Joker's voice rings through my quarters and a projection of my favourite Asari pixelates, Gosh she hasn't changed at all, even though she is only 108 or is it 107? I ponder silently as I observe her, her figure is still curvaceous and womanly and you can see that she stills has that wonder of a child. I smile at her as she smiles at me

"Lexi! I was hoping this was the right line!"

"It is amazing to see you too, Liara!" I exclaimer, I so wish I could hug her right now

"By the Goddess Lexi! I still can't over the fact you are alive! That's not a bad thing though! I am glad Cerberus fulfilled their promise-" I cut Liara off, what the hell does she mean?

"What are you on about Liara?" Liara's brow scrunches up before she answers wearily and cautiously

"They didn't tell you?" I am starting to get a little frustrated now, can she just bloody tell me already?
"I am guessing you weren't expecting that, so can you just tell me please?" I say with the largest amount of calm and control I can muster.

"I was the one who recovered your body, I gave you to Cerberus. They said they could bring you back! And I couldn't lose you again without knowing if you could be brought back! It was all I could do to-"

I silence Liara as I let that thought circulate around my head. Well if Liara did bring me back she was doing it for the entire galaxy and her, they do need me and if I am going to be honest, I am glad they brought me back

"It is fine Liara! Stop stressing!" I say to her as she is starting to look a bit fluster and is flailing around, after I say that she calms down a bit,, well enough to look at me in the eye

"But it is with Cerberus and I thought-"

"No no I don't hate all of them, just the ones who get in my way, plus the fact I should be thanking you, because you were the one who helped me come back to life and not everyone gets two shots at life, so. Thank you" I say Liara just looks a bit shocked with her mouth slightly agape, I can still manage to surprise her even after all these years, this thought makes me smirk lightly and then she straightens out her figure hugging dress before clearing her throat.

"Well that's good then" Liara says. I laugh at her response, oh god she makes me laugh so much and lightens my mood so easily! I clutch my sides as they begin to hurt, my eyes are watering slightly

"What? Have I misunderstood something, Shepard!" Liara wines out my name and I can't help but laugh even more

"Nothing, nothing. You just always make me laugh!," I say as my laughs become chuckles as they slowly die down "Is it okay if I make a pit stop on Illium?" I say and her smile widens and she clasp her hands together and I am positive that if she wasn't wearing a dress she would be jumping up and down.

"Of course I will meet you in the docking bay!"

"Okay I will be there in a few hours, be safe Liara" I smile one last time before Liara responds

"You to Commander" the transmission cuts out and I shake my head, she still calls me Commander after all these years,

"EDI, can you tell Joker to set a course for Illium as soon as possible?" I say as the blue orb appears

"Of course, Mr Monroe tells me that it has been set, ETA 3 hours" I nod before resting on my bed slightly and I let out a sigh, as I let the emotional waterfall drop onto me, and it is just so bloody tiring, the anger, the hate, sadness, angst and god knows what else. I turn my head to the side on the pillow and close my eyes, I might as well try to get some shut eye, this is if the nightmares leave me alone, which I very much doubt, but I don't care I just want to leave it all, the Miranda drama and the mission behind. I settle down and let my mind drift.

I wake up in a sweat my mind alert and I am breathing heavy

"EDI status report" I say automatically as my eyes scan the cabin, damn it can these nightmares not leave me alone for a few hours? At least this time it was the Thresher Maws, they… dragged me under but this time I see what happened to my body, I shiver at the thought, it is an experience I never want to repeat

"The Cabin is empty Shepard, I suggest you go see Dr Chakwas" I can't let the doc know that I am suffering again, she already has so much on her plate with dealing with the crap food Gardner keeps serving people and the constant wounds my crew gets, I swear they are magnets for the bullets, I shake my head and take in a shaky breath as I try to stop my racing heart, I swing my legs over the side and stand up

"Shepard ETA 30 minutes to Illium" I smile, soon I get to see Liara

"Thanks Joker" I stretch up before entering the shower, the water hits me and I slowly begin to calm down, I feel the tension on my shoulders lessen a little, I get out and slowly get changed before putting on my armour and walking out, I don't need or want anyone there for this talk I am going to have with Liara. I enter the elevator with a smile on my face. I send the elevator before the doors open on CIC to reveal the tattooed biotic she storms in and stands next to me and as soon as the doors close, I feel her fist connect with my cheek, the same one as Miranda hit and I feels shooting pain as more bruises blossom,

"That's payback for the strangling Shepard, you didn't think you would get fucking away with it do you?" I look over to her to see her smiling and I know there is a smile on my face, I wish more people were like Jack, the eye for an eye kind of person

"Not for a second Jack, not for a second" I say to her, strangely I am not angry with her, in fact, I think I might of needed that

Really? So abuse is you form of clearing your head, wow. That's a bit fucked up

It helps me to clear my head, don't judge me, me!

Oh god, you just reminded me, I am embarrassed for you.

"Thanks for adding to my set of bruises Jack, thanks for being so blunt, at least you can say you punched the Commander and survived" I say to her and she just rolls her eyes and smirks

"Yeah because you are such a fucking badass"

"You know it's true, don't deny it" I tease her

"Shame you act like such a pussy around Miranda then" Jack says as the doors open on the Observation Deck, my mouth is agape; I can't believe she just said that! I mean I haven't even thought about her this morning

"I do not!" I exclaim as Jack laughter carriers into the mess hall where it abruptly stops, I frown as Jack has just stopped in the middle of the hallway, I push past her to see what is going on and I see Miranda sat there at the table nursing a hot cup of tea, then all the emotions just come tumbling back the anger and hate overrule any other feeling and I storm pass Jack and just ignore Miranda as I get my tea and sit in the seat furthest away from her, which so happens to be on the other side of the mess hall. I see Miranda's eyes solely focused on her mug, nobody sits at her table and I feel pity and concern go through me; I go to stand up when I feel a lithe hand on my arm I look down to see nothing, Kasumi. I smile and look up at her, her cloak comes off and she sits down next to me

"Don't Shep, after all she has done, she doesn't deserve your forgiveness" I open my mouth I protest

"Shepard the Cheerleader ain't worth shit" Jack says as she sits opposite me, then Garrus sits next to Jack, I send him a understanding look, but he just stares back with an icy look, I huff, I don't forgive her but I just want her to have some company, even if she is a bitch sometimes, but she is hurting and-

Get a fucking grip Shepard! Remember what she said to you? She is just using you and you know it, just like Ashley did. I wince at her name, it still manages to make me sad and I feel a tear build in my eye, I wish it could have been more civil, just… different. Maybe not so raw or hateful, but I don't regret that email, she fucking deserved that. I drain the tea out of my mug before getting up and going to the sink, I can feel Miranda's eyes on me, but the anger spikes and it takes all my control not to break the cup, my hands shake and I walk out quickly and get the elevator and I exit on CIC

"Shepard we have arrived" I rush to the air lock and I exit only to see my favourite Asari waiting for me, standing tall and proud, or it would seem if you couldn't see her hopping foot to foot, I laugh at her nervous trait and she turns around and the biggest smile I have ever seen appears on her face I rush over to her

"Liara!" I yell in joy as I rush through the crowd to meet her, her arms are outstretch and I jump into them, she has gotten taller, my head tucks underneath her chin now, she laughs and tightens me in her hug, I don't think I was even this happy to see Tali

"Lexi, I have missed you so much" Liara says as she gives me one last squeeze before leaning back to get a better look at me, her eyes immediately go to the bruise

"By the Goddess Shepard it seems you cannot go on without having some kind of injury" Liara scorns playfully before grasping my head lightly and tilting it side to side, I roll my eyes, but the grin on my face gives it away

"Yes mum, sorry mum" I say and she just laughs and indicates to the pathway and I follow as she leads me up to her office and we enter, her office looks out onto Illium and I look out at the hubbub of it all as we sit down

"So Shepard how did you get those bruises?" Liara askes seriously, I sigh and look straight though her light blue

"Which ones, the first set or second?" Liara eyes squint on my bruises before answering

"Both" I sigh

"The first are from Miranda and the-"Liara grows tense in her chair

"Miranda? I assume we are talking about Ms Lawson?" I nod my head and she stands up and leans on the railing and she is shaking slightly, I can't tell if it is out of anger or sorrow. Liara was always a bit odd when it came to emotions

"It wasn't all her fault Liara, she-"I started

"Don't make excuses for her Shepard!" Liara yells I go and stand next to her and I place my hand on her back and rub it affectionately, Liara pushes me off and begins to pace in her frustration, she didn't offended me, I understand that she feels somewhat reasonable for my wellbeing,

"Why did she do that Shepard? She seemed like a reasonable women, clean cut and professional-" I interrupt her I hate interrupting her but I have to, I can't let her think it was all Miranda's fault

"She is but, I don't know it is a long story" I say as I lean back on the balcony with my elbows supporting all my weight, after a while Liara retakes her spot next to me, I look up at her and I find her eyes fixated on me and she squeezes my wrists affectionately.

"I am willing to listen if you are willing to tell me" I nod and I clear my throat as I begin.

Miranda's POV

The canteen has never been so quiet, and I know it is because of me but I cannot bring myself to move from this chair, the tea in front of me has long since gone cold, I just feel so sad and drained, when she walked in and out of the canteen without even looking at me, just made something in me…. I don't know, die, I think is the right word.

God your mood is so depressing, it is depressing me

You ARE me.

I just let my fingers gently rest on the top of my mug and I let my index fingers slowly stroke my mug, the feeling that I am not wanted grows as I am alerted that Shepard has left, with no crew. Without me, I feel my brows furrow to hold back the awaiting tears, she knows how I worry, but then again what does she care? I practically threw away our friendship when I said those things, what the fuck possessed me to say them?!

You are jealous of her, and the fact you wanted to hurt her

I really do not want you bloody input right now. I can feel people's eyes on me, I can hear them whispering about mine and Shepard's argument, about the bets they probably lost on when we going to get together, I thought that maybe, just maybe, that if the damn crew could see it, then maybe Shepard could have bloody seen it. Damn it! I should have waited, but I just couldn't keep my fucking emotions in check! Urgh! Things could have been so different id I could have kept my hormones in check. Sadness passes through me as there is no chance for us now. I sigh and I stand up and somebody walks into me and knocks me over and I see one of the engineering crew, they really should have chosen a better moment than that

"What the bloody hell do you think you are doing? You should be looking where you are going!" I yell at the person, as my cold tea is starring to seep into my uniform, I look into the eye of this crewmember and he is shaking,

"Sorry Operative Lawson I-"That does it for me I am sick of people apologising for the incompetent mistakes! Why they just get it right first time?!

"I don't want any of your bullshit excuses!" I yell at the shaking form of the man in front of me and I chuck my mug over at the sink and it breaks, sending parts of my crematic mug flying, I storm off to my office and I unzip my suit and I begin to was the stain out, I know there is a quicker way, but I need a better distraction one that isn't reports or something about Shepard, I scrub harder and harder, but the stain is stubborn, I guess it is just like love, it takes forever to move, that means it will take forever for Shepard to go, I wish I had done it differently, all of it! I wish I had never read anything about her! Or even taken on this project! Tears sting my eyes and I break down and the tears flow so freely and I cannot help but just sob. Shepard will never be mine, everybody hates me, and that's all her fault, Shepard makes me do the most stupidest things! I throw my suit into the laundry shoot and I just sit there clutching my legs to my chest crying my heart out, as it just keeps bleeding, not just for Shepard but for everything, Orianna, my life in general.

I have no idea how long I sat there, I don't even know how long ago my figure racking sobs turned into little hiccups, I stand up on shaky legs and I enter the shower and I clean up and I put on my mask better than I ever have, I walk out of my office, picking up some reports on the way only to find Jack stood there laughing, my stomach drops, please tell me she hasn't been there for the entire time

"Seriously how fucking pathetic can you get? Crying in your office about poor little you"

"Leave me alone Jack, I have nothing to say to you" I say with as much calm as I can muster as I feel anger rapidly approaching, but I keep the mask firmly in place

"What are you going to be a fucking Cheerleader ad bring out your offensive tools and destroy like you did with Shepard?"

"Do bloody well go there! That convocation wasn't between you and me it was-"

"Yeah, yeah, but I don't give a fuck. You didn't see what you did to her Cheerleader"

"And you did? I very much doubt she went to the crazed biotic for comfort" I retort knowing it will only anger the biotic, the anger is heaving in my veins

"You weren't the one who got strangled by her, at first I thought she was crazy not letting me go after you for what you said," Jack began "But know I realise she was preventing me from seeing you as the pitiful bitch you really are"

"Don't you fucking go there Jack, remember you will never be anything but nothing even your nickname is "Subject Zero" it means you will amount to nothing because you are nothing!" I yell to her and her bitoics flare as she gets in my face I lean straight back into her, her finger pressing into my chest

"It was your fucking people who made me nothing! You ruined me! Just like you are ruining Shepard!" She shoved me away and I pinned her with my biotics and I was stopping her counter-reacting with mine, I didn't say anything as I just wanted to end her life right there, I walked towards her as I increased the pressure of my hold around her neck. Only when I felt two pairs of arms lift me back into the wall did notice we had attracted the entire crew, the arms held me down and made my arms unusable, I struggled against them when I heard Garrus say

"Just go Miranda, nobody wants you here or another fight for that matter" They stand me up and I begin to walk back to my office as Jack shouts

"You will only ever be half the women Shepard, you will always be a cold hearted bitch, nobody fucking wants you here Miranda, so why do you just leave!" I feel my insides turn inside out. You know what? I might just do that! I storm into my room and I begin to pack my things and I activate my computer and begin to make the necessary procedures so I can leave, then they will have no more fighting and Shepard will have peace in her crew.

Shepard's POV

Thank you Liara for listening I am glad I have you to talk to" I say with a smile as I begin to stand up and Liara follows me with a smile of understanding on her face,

"Anytime Shepard. Just tell her Shepard, I am sure she is sick of waiting for you" I smile, it wasn't that I wasn't aware of this; I just need to let my other wounds close first. That has to be my favourite thing about Liara, she seems to be able to heal wounds and help me understand my own problems. We walk back to the ship and Liara pulls me into a hug before whispering

"Thank you for this Shepard, it meant a lot to me"

2You spent most of the time trying to dissect my every thought, but I guess it helped me too"

"Anytime Shepard, don't be afraid to call me"

"I won't Liara" I say as I let go of her and just before I enter decontamination I see Miranda going through the air lock, I look at her face, it is flushed from crying and it takes all the anger out of me, Miranda tries to tear away from me, she has a bag with her

"Miranda!" I shout as I grab her hand and pull her over so I can talk to her, what the hell could be wrong

"Just leave me alone Shepard, I know you hate me, but please don't torment me further" I frown as she shakes off my grip

"What the hell are you on about Miranda? I don't hate you!" I say to her and she just laughs, then her eyes meet mine and I can she is broken and it I just can't hate her anymore, I cannot see her like this

"Don't lie Shepard!" She says to me as she takes off to the main lobby at a fast pace, and I am literally running to keep up

"Stop! I don't understand!" I say and she turns around in a flurry and I can see fresh tears pouring down her face, I lean forward to wipe them off but she pushes my hand away

"I know about your chat with Jack, in fact it seems Shepard you don't give a shit at all! None of you want me there, so I am leaving!" Miranda practically yells

"So what if I talk to Jack? She is my crew just like you and I care for all my crew!" I yell back, feeling frustration poke at me

"Yes, ugh, I should have never said those things! I wish I had never said anything!" Miranda says as she throws her hands up and starts to walk away but I drag her back with my hand,

"But your wrong not everyone hates you!" I shout at her

"Like who?," Miranda scoffs "Well it can't be you because I am such a bitch, why would anyone like me?" I start to feel the confession building

"I..I" I try to say it, but it is like my mouth won't work

"That's what I thought, nobody wants me there, so I am going to leave, you can find yourself a new XO"

"You can't leave!," I half beg and half roar as she turns around before stopping a few steps, but not turning round

"Why, are you going to stop me?" It is now or never

"Because I love you!" I yell out, Miranda turns back around with wide eyes, and I await her response.

A/N: Sorry guys to leave it on a cliffhanger, but I hoped you liked this one! I am the writer and I can't wait for the next chapter, so guys please review, thank you - Bexaday