I don't and will never own Grey's Anatomy. Man, that sucks!

Derek Shepherd didn't sleep last night. The night had been stolen away by thoughts of what had happened, and what could. If things had been different. If the circumstances were changed. If he had been single that night. No, that wouldn't have made a difference, she had already met him. Derek Shepherd was the kind of guy that didn't have to fight for a woman. They fell at his feet. Not her. She was different. Woman had always flaunted themselves around him. They acted fake, they tried to impress. Not her, she was relaxed. She didn't care what anyone thought. She is perfect. She is Meredith Grey. Chase Carter was smart, successful and a truly nice guy. He wasn't the kind of guy that a girl just walks away from. This was the thought that kept him up all night.

-----------------

Meredith stretched out on the gurney in the basement. It was quiet down there. She had spent most of the day in the pit doing stitches. She was happy to get away for awhile. She and Chase had a nice dinner last night. They had to go an hour away so they wouldn't be noticed, but it was still nice. They went back to his apartment afterwards. She finally got the nerve to leave a few articles of clothing there. And her spare toothbrush. Yep, she is taking the big leap. She laid her head back. Her hands felt cramped up. She was tired. She heard footsteps down the hall. They moved closer and closer. She didn't look up. They stopped next to the gurney. She didn't open her eyes. If it had been Dr. Bailey, she would have heard yelling by now. Cristina would have hit her. Izzie would be talking. George would have made noises until she looked at him. And Alex would have said something lewd by now. Then it hit her. It was the scent. It was Derek.

"Yes, Dr. Shepherd?" She said, not opening her eyes.

"How did you know it was me?" He smiled. He saw a smile creep up on her face.

"I know everything." She laughed. She opened her eyes. He was standing over her. She unknowingly stopped breathing for a few seconds, then took a huge breath. His eyes pulled her in, as they always do.

"I'm sorry." He said sympathetically. She turned her body and sat up, leaning against the wall. He sat down next to her.

"For what?" She asked with a look of surprise.

"You were right. It was Holly." He said with a sense of sadness in his voice. "She did everything."

"I know." She said, matter-of-factly.

"Why do you do that? Why do you have to be right?" He asked with a chuckle.

"I just do." She laughed.

"Meredith..." He said slowly, drawing it out. Now he wasn't sure if he should say anything. Her face softened at the sound of his voice saying her name. She looked at him.

"I know." He stated simply. He almost wished he didn't know.

"Know what?" She knew what he was talking about, but she was not prepared to admit it.

"About you and Chase. I know he is the guy. Your mystery guy." He sighed. It made him sad. She was now unavailable, and he knew his competition. "You are playing with fire. I just don't want you to get hurt." He said smoothly. Her face remained unchanged. "I won't say anything. I wouldn't do that to you." He said.

"I don't know what you are talking about." She insisted, not moving or looking at him.

"Fine. We'll just pretend I don't know. I know, that you know, that I know, but you won't admit that I know." He laughed.

"What?" She laughed. "Okay." She sighed.

"I can't believe it was her. I really can't." He said. "She had way too much control over me." He stated.

"I told you." He chuckled. "She had you by the balls. If you are going to let someone take you by the balls, at least make sure they are going to take care of them." They both busted out in laughter.

"You are deranged." He said with a laugh.

"Maybe. But I am a top-notch ball keeper." She laughed.

"I am leaving now..." He said, walking off.

"I was going to help you out..." She trailed off. "Okay then, suit yourself." She yelled.

"Goodbye, Dr. Grey!" He yelled back, shaking his head.

------------------

"Ah..." Chase said as he buttoned up his shirt, "I have to say, these afternoon pick-me-ups are great.

"Definitely." She said, tying her scrub pants. "So, now I need to get something to eat." She said.

"I didn't feed your hunger?" He asked, with a smile.

"I supposed you did. But I need to feed the other hunger." She rolled her eyes. "I'm on-call tonight, so, see you tomorrow, I guess." She said, turning the handle on the door.

"Okay." He returned, straightening his tie.

Meredith walked down the hallway. She thought she saw Addison at the end. She was talking to Derek. Meredith walked towards them

"Hey, you're back!" Meredith said, smiling at Addison. "So how was the conference?"

"It was good." She said, looking at them both. "Derek was telling me everything I missed." She laughed.

"Well, not everything." Derek laughed. Meredith knew that he had kept her secret.

"So, we will have to meet for lunch." Addison said, looking at Meredith. "I was dreaming up ends to that soap opera that you were telling me about. So, you need to tell me the end."

"Of course. Maybe this weekend." Meredith answered. "Well, it's good to have you back. I need to go get something to eat... See you guys later." Meredith walked off down the hallway.

"So you and Holly..." Addison trailed off.

"Yeah." He shakes his head. "The sad thing is, I'm not even sure if I loved her."

"You didn't." Addison said quickly.

"What?" Derek was in shock at her candor.

"I knew you two were not meant to be together." She looked down at her feet. "I pawned her off on you. I couldn't stand her. You were lonely, she was a pest, so--"

"I know." He looks down. "She was around, and it worked at the time. I knew were weren't meant to be. But she didn't have to be that way to Meredith." He said quietly.

"Meredith. Yep that's the one." Addison said frankly.

"What?" Derek returned, looking at her,

"Meredith is the girl for you. You two would be perfect together." Addison smiled.

"There is only one problem..." He said quickly.

"What's that?" She asked.

"She is very taken." He said slowly and quietly.

"Only because she doesn't know you're interested." Addison said with a smile.

-----------------

"So should I tell him?" Meredith asked Cristina, who was eating a candy bar.

"Tell who what?" Cristina asked.

"Chase. Should I tell him I love him?" Meredith asked quietly. "Even if I'm not sure yet?" Meredith asked. Cristina just stared at her. "You are my person. Come on!"

"Okay, okay." She sighed. "No, don't tell him. You need to mean it. He's smart, he will know if you don't mean it." Cristina said as if she was telling her the finest bit of knowledge in the world.

"Really? I shouldn't just suck it up?" Meredith asked, unsure of herself.

"No, definitely not." Cristina said, taking a drink of her water. "He will wait."

"How do you know?" Meredith asked.

"You are such and idiot sometimes." Cristina said loudly. "Too many men, too little time!"

"Whatever." Meredith said, rolling her eyes. Izzie and Alex walked up carrying their trays.

"What's going on?" Izzie asked, sitting down.

"Nothing." Meredith said dully.

"You stole my case, Crack-whore!" Alex shouted at Cristina.

"Uh, maybe if you knew the answer to Burke's question, you would have gotten the surgery." Cristina said nastily.

"Well, maybe if you weren't sleeping with Burke--" Alex started to say.

"Oh, you know what? That is shit. I was top of my class at Stanford. I don't need to sleep with my boss. That's just a pleasure." She laughed.

"Oh, God. Now I'm sick!" Alex said, pretending to gag.

"Meredith? Meredith Grey?" A woman walking with a child said, walking over. Meredith turned around, then jumped up.

"Meg! Oh my God!" Meredith said. Megan threw her arms around her.

"Megan, these are my friends Izzie, Alex, and Cristina. This is Megan, my best friend since we were seven." They all said their hellos.

"What are you doing here? You're back in Seattle?" Megan asked excitedly.

"I came back to start my internship." Meredith said with a smile.

"You look so good. You haven't changed at all!" Megan said with a huge smile.

"So do you." It was a slight lie. She had gained some weight and did look ten years older.

"So where is 'Fish-n-Chips'?" She asked Meredith. That was her nickname for Ian.

"Oh, uh." Meredith stammered. "That's over."

"Oh, I'm sorry. How long did it last?" She asked innocently. Not expecting it to have lasted long.

"Almost ten years..." Meredith answered.

"Ten years! You actually stayed with him ten years? Wow! I give you credit. The rich. playboy was high maintenance!" She laughed. Meredith's face dropped. The small child tugged on his mom's shirt. Meredith looked down.

"Oh my God. He looks just like his dad. He looks just like Jake!" Meredith said in shock.

"Yeah, um-- I-- Um--" Megan nervously said, looking down.

"Meg-- I don't care." Meredith said simply, meaning it.

"Really? I thought it would be weird." She said happily.

"Not at all. I'm just pissed that you didn't invite me to the wedding!" Meredith said loudly.

"Oh, and you invited me to yours..." Megan laughed.

"That was different. I don't even remember it!" Meredith joked.

"We should get together sometime. Are you seeing anyone?" Megan asked.

"Yeah, I am. He's great." Meredith said with a smile.

"Hey, we should all go to dinner or something." Megan suggested. Meredith wrote her number down for her.

"Give me a call." Meredith said, handing her the paper.

"I will." Megan said, hugging her again. "I missed you. See ya." She said, walking away.

"Wow, that was weird." Meredith said, sitting down. "I haven't seen her in ten years."

"What did you mean about not remembering your wedding?" Izzie asked.

"That is a very long story." Said Meredith, laughing.

"What about the kid? Who is Jake?" Alex said, stirring the pot.

"Well, apparently she has married my ex-boyfriend." Meredith said, in shock.

"Now that sucks!" Cristina pipped up.

"No, not really. I don't care." Meredith said happily.

"Seriously? I would be seriously angry, you just don't do that!" Izzie said loudly. "Seriously!"

"Did he break up with you?" Alex asked.

"No, I broke up with him. Right before I went to Las Vegas." Meredith said nonchalantly.

"Now that is harsh." Alex laughed.

"Besides, he was only a 2.5. Maybe a 3.25 at his best..." Meredith said. "On a scale of one to ten of course."

"What?" Izzie stated in shock. "You rate your guys?"

"Well, yeah." Meredith smiled. "He was not very good. I could have never stayed with him."

"Just when I think you are dull, you rise up!" Cristina said loudly.

"So what is the highest you've had?" Izzie asked with a chuckle.

"Oh, a ten with a bronze star." Meredith stated simply.

"A bronze star?" Asked Alex, taking a swig of his soda. "A bronze star?"

"Well, once you get to ten, it goes ten plus a bronze, silver or gold star." Meredith explained.

"You are not right..." Cristina stated.

"I would be a ten with a gold star." Alex boasted.

"No. You wouldn't." Meredith laughed.

"Wanna see?" He asked with a cheesy smile. He gets a sharp smack from Izzie.

----------------

Meredith and Chase were going to a cookout at Jake and Megan's house. Meredith was a little nervous. She didn't want it to be weird. She picked out a nice top and pair of jeans and slide them on. She thought she heard a car door, but ignored it. She grabbed a comfortable pair of shoes and slide them on. She heard the doorbell ring.

"Meredith, it's for you." Izzie yelled up the stairway. Meredith wondered who the hell it was. She was meeting Chase at his apartment.

"Coming." Meredith yelled. She looked at herself one more time in the mirror, she looked good. She shut her door and ran down the stairs. "Mom! What are you doing here?" She said, in shock.

"Well, it seems that I have to track my daughter down to get her to talk to me." Ellis said sternly

"I was actually just on my way out." Meredith said, looking her mother in the eye. That was something people rarely did to Ellis Grey.

"Of course you were." She huffed. "Ten minutes." She said, not asking, but telling.

"Fine." Meredith said, crossing her arm. "Talk."

"We need to make this work." Ellis said forcefully.

"It is working. We're fine." Meredith whined and she looked out at the street.

"So that is why I haven't heard from you in how long... Not to mention, the ten year lapse, where I didn't hear from you at all." Ellis said loudly.

"I was fine." Meredith said.

"Obviously you were." She turns Meredith towards her. "Look, I want to know you. I want to have a relationship."

"No, you want to bully me. You want me to be your protege. If I quit the program tomorrow, you would never talk to me again." She said, staring her mother down.

"Meredith--" She started.

"Oh, look. The ten minutes is up." She walked to the door. "Bye, mom." Ellis just watched her walk away.

"She'll come around." Izzie said with a hopeful voice.

"You don't know my daughter." Ellis stated.

--------------

"You look nervous." Chase said, as they drove to Jake and Megan's.

"I'm not. It just been a long time." Meredith said, not looking at him.

"It will be fine. It's like riding a bike." He said, placing his hand over hers. "She was your best friend. This is good. You should connect with your past." Meredith frowned.

"There is something you need to know." She said quietly.

"Okay..." He said with a little bit of concern in his voice.

"I am divorced." She said flatly.

"Oh." He said, not knowing what to say. "When?"

"Uh, well I left my husband right before I met you." She said with hesitation.

"Am I your rebound guy?" He asked with concern.

"No! My marriage was crazy. You are definitely not my rebound guy." She said with certainty.

"Oh, my God. Why are you telling me this? Is your friend-- Are we going to your ex-husband's house?" He rambled. Chase never rambled.

"No. Of course not. Just my ex-boyfriend's house." She laughed. "My ex from high school."

"Well, I guess that's a little better." He said with a smile. They pulled into the driveway of a nice suburban home. "It looks like were here." They both climbed out of Chase's car and walked up to the door. She was nervous about seeing Jake.

"Oh! Meredith. I'm so glad you made it!" Megan squealed.

"Yeah." Meredith responded. "Megan, this is Chase. Chase, this is Megan." They shook hands.

"Nice to meet you." Chase said. They walk into the house. It was clean and nice. Meredith looked at the family photos on the walls. A tiniest part of her was jealous. She didn't have that. Not when she was growing up, and not now.

"Jake is in the backyard." They followed her out to the patio. "They're here." Megan said loudly. Jake looked up and locked eyes with Meredith. She took his breath away.

"Hey. It's been a long time!" Jake said as he walked over and hugged Meredith.

"Yeah, It has. Jake, I'd like you to meet Chase." They shake hands.

"Nice you meet you." Jake said, Chase returned the comment. "So, I hope you are hungry."

"I am." Meredith chipped in.

"You always are!" Jake returned, with a laugh.

"Yeah, I guess you are right." Meredith said with a chuckle.

"What would you like to drink?" Megan asked.

"I'll have a beer." Meredith said, Chase agreed.

"So, I hope you brought your bathing suit." Megan said with a smile.

"I did." Meredith said. "So do you need any help?"

"Sure. You can help make the salad. I'm sure you still can't cook, right?" Megan laughed as they walked into the kitchen, leaving the men outside.

"You've got that right!" Meredith responded.

"So, he seems nice, Chase" Megan said with a smile.

"Yeah, he really is..." Meredith said with a smile.

------------------

"So, I never thought I'd seem Meredith Grey again!" Jake said to Chase, who was sitting there drinking his beer.

"No?" Chase asked.

"I thought she would stay away from Seattle forever." Jake explained. "She and her mother did not get along."

"Oh." Chase answered. They had never talked about her relationship with her mother.

"I still can't believe she just left for England. No warning..." Jake trailed off sadly. Chase just sat there, having no idea what was going on.

"So how long have you two been together?" Jake asked with a smile.

"Oh, a few months." Chase answered. "Three good months. She's great. I really care about her." He said proudly.

"That's exactly what she needs." Jake added. The girls come out.

"What who needs?" Meredith said nosily.

"You. You need someone who cares about you..." Jake said, looking up.

"Oh." Meredith wished she hadn't asked.

"So how do you guys want your steaks?" Jake asked, they answered. They all started eating salad.

"So what is it that you do?" Chase asked Megan and Jake.

"I work at an advertising firm. Megan is a stay at home mom." Jake explained. "What about you?"

"Well, as you know, Meredith is a surgical intern. I am a surgeon. Cardio-Thoracic" He said. He didn't mention that he is the Chief of Surgery.

"Wow. Two doctors." Megan boasted. "You will have smart kids." Beer flew out of Meredith's mouth. They all look at her in shock.

"Sorry." She said simply, wiping it up. The thought of kids scared the shit out of her.

"This girl was so wild when she was younger!" Megan laughed.

"Meg!" Meredith yelled as a warning.

"She was fun. We had fun. I miss that." Megan said sadly.

"Oh, she is still fun..." Chase said with a laugh. "You have no idea..."

"Oh?" Jake said, raising his eyebrows.

"Nothing!" Meredith said, cutting them off.

They all ate their meals and made small talk. Meredith didn't really want to go swimming, but Megan convinced her. She was going to leave her swim suit at home, but she brought it. Chase agreed to swim, so they all changed. Chase was in shock when Meredith came out in her black bikini. She looked really good. He was beaming. Jake also took notice to how good she looked. Megan felt a little self conscious after seeing her. They all swam for and hour. Chase was having a good time following Meredith around and throwing her in the air. They all changed back into their clothes and sat around the table. Chase offered to help Megan do the dishes. That was the kind of guy he was. They left Jake and Meredith sitting outside.

"So. You look unbelievable." Jake said in awe.

"Is that a compliment?" She said with a smile.

"Yeah." He said, smiling back. She at back. "Why did you do it? Why did you run off with a stranger?" He asked sadly.

"I don't know. Things were-- I don't know. I didn't want to come home to my mom. I wanted to do it on my own." She tried to explain.

"Oh." He sighed. "Was he at least good to you?" Jake asked.

"As good as he could be." She answered.

"Do you ever think about what would have happened if I we had stayed together?" He asked quietly.

"No, I really don't." She said frankly.

"I do. All of the time." He said with regret. "I missed you."

"Jake..." Meredith said, hoping he would stop talking about it. She willed Megan and Chase to come back.

"I waited. When you left, for Las Vegas, I planned how I would get you back. How I would convince you to give me another chance." She started to talk. "Wait! I went to the airport to meet you. I had flowers. Everyone got off the plane. Megan and Chris walked by with sad looks on their faces. Finally the stewardess told me the plane was empty. I just stood there like an idiot. Megan came back and told me you weren't coming back. It crushed me, Meredith" He said, choking up.

"Jake, I'm--" Meredith started to say.

"You were my first real girlfriend." He said.

"I thought you were Mr. Popularity..." She laughed.

"Yes, you did. I ran track because my Dad wanted me to. You went to Westbridge, you didn't know me. I was a dork. I was shy. But you changed me. You gave me confidence. Everything was better when I was with you. You were my first..." He said, looking in her eyes.

"First?" She looks at him, he raises his eyebrows. "Oh, First! Well, that explains the lack of coordination." She laughs, he gives her a look. "You got better..." She said, thinking about the fact that he was her 2.5.

"If I wasn't married, I show you how much better I am now!" They laugh. His face grows cold. "Seriously, Meredith. You changed the course of our lives. Megan made it because of you. You knew her mom and dad were drunks. You held her together. You held me together. You just abandoned us..." He said.

"Jake. I never knew. I am so sorry." She apologized, feeling her eyes mist up.

"She fell apart. We were sad. We were there for each other, but barely. She started to drink and sleep around..." He explained. "But we made it." He said, deciding it was getting too intense and Meredith would never come back.

"You had each other." She smiled. "I never realized how what I did had so much affect on you guys. I'm sorry." She said.

"I know you are." He said, patting her on the back. Chase and Megan come walking out.

"Mer, we need to get going. You have work at 4:30am." Chase said, Meredith moaned.

"These one-hundred hour work weeks are killing me!" Meredith said.

"I can't imagine that!" Megan said with a laugh. They said their goodbyes and Chase and Meredith got into his car.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Chase asked with a smile.

"I am a bad person." She stated, staring out into space.

"Why would you say that?" He asked, rubbing her back.

"I have ruined so many lives." She said. "You should run. You should run fast, and not look back." She choked up and started to cry.

"I am not going anywhere." He said confidently.

She wept quietly while looking out the window. She had hurt Jake badly. She was his first love, and she crushed him. She dumped him so that she could have a good time in Las Vegas. She left him broken-hearted. And Megan fell apart when she left. She had always held Megan together, and she knew that. She felt like a tornado ripping apart everything in it's path. She has sabotaged everything good that has ever happened to her. How long before she would throw Chase into the wind?

------------

Okay, whiners. I promise Chase will be gone within the next few Chapters. It is so funny how some people love him and some hate him. I never promised a Mer/Der story. I promised a Mer/Der ending. They will be together, but It will be awhile yet. That is not to say that there won't be Mer/Der interactions almost everyday. It has to build up. This fic won't end the minute they connect. Mer will have to travel a dark path for awhile. You will soon see. I'm not trying to be nasty, but- If that doesn't make you happy, quit reading. It is impossible to make everyone happy, but I am trying. Thank you for reading!