I apologize for taking so long to update! Not only was a busy, but when I DID have time, I got easily distracted. Also, just fair warning, this chapter totally sucks...or at least in my opinion it does. I didn't know how to make it longer, because I HATE writing short chapters, and I've already done that so many times, but ah well...we don't always get what we want, do we?
Thank you all for reading this far! I really hope you're enjoying it!
(Friday)
Entry #12
11/4
I can't sleep. It's 11 o'clock at night and I can't sleep. I guess it being Friday and the fact I'm still in the hospital make it a little less serious. The nurses moved me into the psych ward right before dinner time today. I'm glad it was after Ed came to visit.
Oh yeah, he visited me in the hospital today. He's not angry at me anymore! I never even got my chance to apologize… Anyway…apparently he'd been trying to call my cellphone, email me, and everything! He was apparently worried because of the distress I was—no, am—in. He wasn't happy when he found out I'm in the hospital. Apparently he asked Greed about me, and had a complete cow when he found out. He visited me around 1, so I'm guessing he left school right away.
We talked for a long time…but I felt increasingly uneasy because he could see the bandages on my arms. The gowns that we get here don't have sleeves, so my arms were exposed. I think he knows what is going on, and I'm not too sure that I feel comfortable about it. We still haven't known each other for even a month, and he has already seen me at my worst. Will he tell anyone? There's no way I can know. What I do know is that I hope he only calls me now. I don't want him, or anyone else, to know I'm in the psych ward. It'd be more embarrassing than all the shit I went through for the past month put together.
Something that has me on edge now is my arm. Not where I cut myself…but where I got blood work done. About 10 minutes after Ed left, a nurse came in to take some of my blood to be tested for any viruses and bacteria I could have picked up when I cut myself, and she must have been in a bad mood. She wasn't gentle at all. I already hated needles…now I absolutely despise them. When she withdrew the needle, she did it quickly and messily. I bet I could have done better! There is a HUGE blotchy bruise on the inside of my elbow and it's so uncomfortable that I can't even bend my arm. Just my luck, I get the BITCHY nurse. I hate her!
In fact, I just checked and the blotch is bigger than it was an hour ago…I think I'm gonna be sick… This is why I HATE doctors! Talk about a weekend killer!
If my family never treated me the way they do, I wouldn't even be here. I just wanted to escape my personal Hell. I'm treated like their slave whenever I'm home. 'Envy, do this.' 'Envy, do that.' 'Envy, you did something wrong! *slap*'
The only reason I did things wrong is because nobody ever showed me how to do all the chores I was given. I had to vacuum the entire downstairs and the upstairs hallway, I did the dishes after dinner, I did my laundry, along with Greed's and Wrath's, I had the downstairs bathroom and the bathtub in the upstairs bathroom, the kitchen floor… And then there was my own room to take care of. The only thing my mother did was clean her own room, the master bathroom, and did her and Father's laundry. Father did nothing but his study, Greed had his room and the upstairs bathroom floor, and Wrath had his room and the sink and toilet in the upstairs bathroom.
I had most chores, and when I did something wrong, I got in trouble. And then on top of that, I had homework. I had only about an hour and a half for showering, brushing teeth, and relaxing. I had so much responsibility thrust upon me. To top it off, I was 8 years old when all this shit started. It's gotta be unhealthy for a kid/teen to have barely any free time of their own.
Of course, about two schools ago, the load lightened…but only slightly. The only difference is I didn't have to do my brothers ' laundry or vacuuming, except in my room.
If anybody were reading this…they'd be bored to tears by my griping. But still…all those responsibilities put me through so much stress. I truly hated my life. I still kind of hate it. The only thing that helps me get by is having friends—even if right now I only have one or two of them. I have no way of knowing, since I'm in the hospital and grounded and all.
Did I mention that I hate loneliness?
I don't know how I'm supposed to cope with the whole loneliness thing. It makes me feel really lousy, but it's not like other emotions. You can't just push it out of your mind. Being lonely is only curable by being around others, and I obviously can't have that. It truly is NOT fair, at all…
It feels like I'm rambling and being repetitive…anybody who would read this probably WOULD think I'm crazy. That's why, like I said in my second entry, I'll kill whoever looks at this.
And I REALLY hope nobody does.
And…the phone is ringing….
It was Ed. I'm out of luck. He's coming to visit again tomorrow. And he's bringing Al and Ling with him. Great…not! I mean, it's not that I don't want to see them…I just…don't want them knowing about how crazy I am.
I really hope everything will be okay…I need to try to sleep…
~PsychoInsomniac
Someone has nerves~
Anywayyy...Please review!
