So, in today's episode, The Blue Spirit, we learn that non-benders are actually the best way to defeat the Avatar. Think about it, Jet beat Aang, Pirates captured Aang, and today the Yu Yan Archers catch Aang. Is it just me or is manipulating the elements overrated?


What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 1: Chapter 13

Commander Zhao stood in one of the lookout towers of a black fortress surrounded by a thick-wooded area. Beside him, another Fire Nation officer stood as they both looked down at archers with red paint around their eyes as the bowmen released arrow after arrow, always hitting their mark.

The officer beside Zhao furrowed his brow. "Absolutely not, the Yu Yan Archers stay here. Your request is denied, Commander Zhao."

The naval commander turned his head. "Colonel Shinu, please reconsider." He turned back to the bowmen. "Their precision is legendary. The Yu Yan can pin a fly to a tree from a hundred yards away without killing it." He watched one of the archers fire four arrows at once, all of them hitting a bullseye. "You're wasting their talents using them as mere security guards."

Colonel Shino glared at the commander. "I can do whatever I want with their talents." He turned his eyes back to the Yu Yan. "They're my archers and what I say goes."

"But my search for the Avatar is-."

The colonel slid right into Zhao's face. "Is nothing but a vanity project! We're fighting a real war here and I need every man I've got, Commander."

"But-."

"That's final! I don't want to hear another word about it!"

The naval commander groaned as a hawk's cry reached both officers' ears and the bird itself flew onto the colonel's arm. As Zhao watched Shino remove the scroll on the small pack on its back and bulge his eyes, he slowly walked beside him. "News from Fire Lord Ozai?" He took the piece of paper and smiled. "It appears I've been promoted to admiral."

The newly promoted man smirked at the lesser officer. "My request is now an ord-."

"Hold on a sec! … Sir." Colonel Shino raised an eyebrow. "You just got promoted to admiral?"

Zhao furrowed his brow. "Is there a problem with that?"

"Well, yeah! It doesn't make a #`*&-bit of sense!"

"Excuse me? You are addressing a superior officer."

"I realize that, but how did you jump so many ranks all at once? I mean, correct me if I'm wrong about whether the Fire Nation army and navy have one fluid chain of command or each branch has its own set of ranks. But I, as a colonel, was able to clearly talk down to you, as a commander. That means at least two ranks separated you from the position of admiral."

Zhao glanced to the side. "Yeah…"

"Yeah? YEAH?" The colonel threw his hands into the air. "The $%^ have you done that warrants a promotion of that many ranks? The last thing I heard, was that you let the Avatar and his friends and Prince Zuko get away at Roku's temple! All you got out of that was those fire sages when only one of them was actually a traitor!"

Shino dropped his arms and huffed. "So what happened, Admiral Zhao? Did I miss a news report of your conquest of half of the Earth Kingdom, thus feeling no ounce of respect towards you when you requested the Yu Yan, yet you made no mention of it while asking me for them? What! Happened?"

At that moment, the newly-promoted officer's jaw slackened. "You know what? I don't know… I don't know at all. I'm glad it happened… But you're right. There is something seriously wrong with this picture."


0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0


As Aang hurried out of the herbalist's hut and into a wind storm, two sharp arrows flew at him. Before he could react, both narrow projectiles sunk into his shoes and pinned his feet to the ground. The young boy flung his hands wildly before falling to his knees on the grass. When he glanced up, wooden missiles rained towards him.

In a heartbeat, the tattooed youth slammed his knuckles together and created a giant sphere of wind that surrounded him and blew the arrows away.

Once all of the projectiles stabbed earth and trees, the young air bender calmly bent down and picked up the arrow that trapped his right foot. "Um… I think you dropped this!"

From within the trees, the Avatar watched men with red paint around their eyes load their thick bows with slim wooden missiles. However, a mere sigh left his throat as the men let loose another volley of arrows.

When the pointed weapons closed in, the last nomad calmly produced another ball of air. "Um… Yeah, listen…! I don't know who taught you about the physics behind using bows and arrows, but arrows are rather light and they travel through air! I'm an air bender! Do you see where I'm going with this?"

After the archers released another payload, Aang groaned and created a third sphere of air, which deflected them all away once again. The boy then calmly pulled the arrow out of his left shoe. "Look, I'm just gonna keep doing this! Arrows are not an effective weapon against a good air bender who has any common sense!"

As soon as a fourth barrage came towards him, the Avatar pinched the bridge of his nose before creating yet another force field of air. "Whatever. I've got frogs to collect." He then nonchalantly began walking away just before hearing arrows being fired and creating a fifth ball of wind.

"Morons..."


0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0


As the Blue Spirit mask clung to Zuko's face and his black slacks hugged his skin, the banished prince darted through the fortress which held the Avatar. Through every twist and turn, a single thought raced through his head. Man, it's a good thing I know the complete and exact layout of a fortress I would have had no reason to be concerned with for at least three years and probably more.


0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0


Zhao stared down the Blue Spirit as the masked man held twin dao swords at the Avatar's throat. As dozens of Fire Nation soldiers cornered the air bender and his companion against the steel doors of the fortress, the newly-promoted admiral furrowed his brow, but the blade-wielder remained unflinching. "Open the gate."

Colonel Shino stepped forward. "Admiral, what are you doing?"

"Let them out, now!"

The steel gates opened up and Zhao watched the Blue Spirit slowly walk the bald boy out with blades at the child's throat. Behind the admiral, colonel Shino spoke out.

"How could you let them go?"

A scowl ran across Zhao's face. "Because the $%^-ing Yu Yan Archers don't feel the need to get out here when there's a damn alarm going off!"


0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0


On top of the wall of Zhao's fortress, the new admiral stood beside a Yu Yan Archer as he steadied his bow. "Do you have a clear… Wait a minute!" He turned his head and looked around. "Where are the rest of the archers? If it took all of you to catch the Avatar last time, why does the Avatar-plus-one require less man power?"


0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0


When a speeding arrow knocked the Blue Spirit down and out cold, Aang quickly created a dust screen as he heard Zhao shouting to his men. The tattooed youth then looked upon his rescuer, whose mask lay slightly peeled off. "Hmmm… Should I grab this guy and take him to safety now or take off his mask as Fire Nation troops are running towards us?"

The Avatar bent down. "I'll take his mask off first."


0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0


Zuko opened his eyes and saw the roof of a forest, lined by beautiful green leaves. When he turned his head and saw the Avatar crouched against a tree root, he let out a groan while the boy spoke.

"You know what the worst part about being born over a hundred years ago is? That I don't understand how someone could be awesome beyond measure with sword and ninja skills of doom, but not use any of that in a fight at ANY OTHER TIME!"

Aang contorted his face at Zuko and shrugged. "Look, I get that you like fire bending and all, but oh-my-spirits! What you did back there was bad mother $%^-ing %##! Why did you never do anything like that when we fought before? I mean, did you just learn and/or get the hang of that kind of stuff and I should expect to deal with it next time we fight? That's probably it, right? You were just learning this stuff and now that you know it, it's something I gotta look out for 'cause it's way too awesome of a set of skills to just only use whenever you have some cheap piece of plastic over your face!"

The air bender raised an eyebrow. "Right…?"


A/N: Thus concludes another nonsense-filled episode of AtLA. And, at this time, I just wanna say: Holy crap, Zuko! Azula would be fighting you through gritted teeth if you pulled half your Blue Spirit moves on her! Seriously, what's wrong with you?

That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for: Book 1: Chapter 14

The Fortuneteller