Revelry and Fealty
By Saltwater Romance
Chapter Eleven
Hearing that sweet tenor, I peered up into the guileless eyes of Yuu and blinked, "Oh. Hey, Yuu."
Was that a thing?
You know, for Koko to never be the one to answer the door whenever I came?
Yuu gave me one of his devastatingly sweet smiles, "I heard you'd arrived and wanted to see you. I apologize for forgetting to say goodbye the other day."
"You had that scroll," I chuckled remembering just how absorbed he was; I found it so adorable how dead to the world Yuu had been while reading, "I understand. Anyway, do you know if Koko is busy?"
"I'm afraid you just missed him. Lord Kokoro is headed to the castle. I came back to get some documents and planned to return shortly myself," I could see Yuu fidgeting—there was no pretty smile on his face now.
"Did something happen while I was out?"
"Yes," Yuu sighed, "Lord Kitsuneme has learned some terrible news. Tsubasa Ando and Akira Tonochi are both still alive and have been hiding in Echigo."
Oh.
Oh.
That is a disaster. Because in my timeline—if I recall correctly—they both should have been dead for four years now. My presence here has definitely changed everything, huh? And I'm not too sure if it was for better or for worse.
Yuu continued explaining to me the situation at hand, "Lord Kitsuneme's scouts reported the following—Tsubasa and Akira have formed an alliance to defeat Lord Natsume and are mustering an army. All warlords of the Hyuuga forces are gathering for a war council."
That's even worse to hear. Tsubasa and Akira were fierce and competitive rivals in the history books—and they decided to ally together to defeat Natsume? That's intense. Especially because Natsume was never supposed to face them off like this! But of course, Natsume wasn't supposed to be alive right now either.
Maybe this was time autocorrecting itself? 'If Mochiage doesn't take out Natsume, then let's bring back two warlords from the dead to kill him off!' 'Great plan!'
I fought back a shudder, "So that's where everyone is. I should get back to the castle myself."
Noticing my grimace, Yuu shot me a worried glance, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to trouble you with the news."
"I'd rather know than not," I smiled at him reassuringly, "Thank you for telling me, Yuu."
He reached out, took my hands in his, and looked at me so earnestly, "I just want to reassure you, Sumire. The Hyuuga forces will never lose."
That earnest look morphed into one of determination, "We'll keep you and all of Azuchi safe."
"Keep yourselves safe too, okay?" I bit my lip. Come back alive—that's how you'll keep me safe! My life depended on their generosity.
Yuu sounded confident, beyond his usual angelic charm. I'm sure the Hyuuga forces will be fine. I'm sure of it. I have to believe it anyway. Exiting the manor, I found myself back on the main road to the castle. It was dinner time; enticing scents drifted from several kitchen windows. People were making their last purchases before sundown, ready to go home.
The last rays of daylight streamed, casting a thousand lively shadows throughout the beautiful town.
The people looked unaware, but they're not. They're making the best of it, living side by side with danger.
The assassins after Natsume are still out there. Mochiage could still be plotting a rebellion. There's that dangerous monk he brought in, Shichiri. And I'd been fighting to handle things here until I could figure a way home, but the ground under my feet kept threatening to collapse.
And all I can think about is Koko.
I want to see him so badly.
I want to see him smile. To hear him say it's all right. To—
This isn't like me. This isn't like me at all.
I don't need anyone to make me feel safe and secure—I have my own damn self for that!
"Oi! You!"
I heard pounding footsteps as someone came barreling towards me. I turned around instinctively and came face to face with the rude merchant from before. I made a noise of disgust, "What do you want from me? Did you not meet your 'how many people I can be rude to' quota and decided to follow me?"
He had the audacity to roll his eyes and toss something in my direction. Gruffly, "Here."
I caught it—barely—and glanced down at the object. It was the beautiful comb that I wanted to present to Hotaru; it was a symbol for me to rally behind—to keep telling myself that I will find a way back to my original home! I absently fingered the intricate floral design before giving him a questioning look, "What is this for?"
His porcelain skin started to mottle as he gritted out, "Sorry. Had a rough day that last time we met. Let me make it up to you."
"Oh," I blinked, "Um. Thanks?"
"But," he finally met my gaze, "I still stand by what I said; it wouldn't look good on you."
"You're still a jerk," I hissed, "Why bother making up with me if you were going to say that?!"
He rubbed the back of his neck and dodged the question, "C'mon let's go get tea tomorrow."
"Me and you?" I scoffed, "Please."
He stomped his foot—yes, like a three-year-old throwing a tantrum and suddenly yelled out, "I can't do this!"
Then he took off sprinting in the other direction.
I blinked.
What a peculiar man.
I shrugged, brushing it off—just happy to have the comb that I wanted and trudged my way home.
By the next day, news of the upcoming battle had spread throughout the castle.
"Have you heard? The Dragon of Echigo and the Tiger of Kai are still alive!"
"I heard the war council lasted all night! The war must be starting soon."
Everyone had similar things to say. Excitement, dread, anticipation, fear—
It was all the seamstresses talked about this morning.
As I finished the last of my morning's duties and was turning a corridor, I heard disgruntled voices. Cutting through it was that familiar rich baritone, "Calm down, everyone. One at a time. And speak slowly."
That mom-voice was unique to only one person in this castle. I bit back a smile as I leaned against the wall, not wanting to interrupt the chaos and panic. Peeking around the corner, I saw a trio of vassals on their knees, each of them fighting some desperate emotion.
Yup. Definitely something I shouldn't interrupt. But, I needed to pass through to get to my destination!
So I decided to just let the scene unfold.
"My lord, how can we stay calm? Lord Mochiage is going too far!"
"He's brought that monk back with him, and the two never leave each other's side. They're plotting something!"
"Lord Mochiage should be dismissed from his post, and the two of them should be put to the question!"
"He's almost assuredly planning to take advantage of the war to launch a rebellion!"
It seems like Koko wasn't the only one suspicious of Mochiage; it was more like Mochiage turned all of Azuchi against him.
There was a brief pause as Koko listened patiently and digested each complaint. He finally responded, his voice firm, "He wouldn't. Mochu's not that kind of man."
Wait, Koko isn't suspicious of Mochiage?!
Well, he certainly fooled me! What with Koko throwing accusation after accusation at Mochiage! And the fact that the other warlords had to pry Koko from beating Mochiage into a bloody pulp! If anything, Koko seemed like the leader of 'Let's Throw Mochiage into the Dungeon' movement!
I listened, Koko catching 100 percent of my attention with that statement. He continued addressing the vassals, "A witch hunt isn't productive. We have Tsubasa and Akira to think about. We can't be distracted by one man's personal foibles. Mochu's extremely skilled at his job, and you all know how much he's done for us in the past."
It seemed like his reminder resonated with them.
I wonder what Mochiage had done in the past to earn such respect… I didn't know much about him pre-betrayal. But… That much was true, I suppose. Before Mochiage stabbed Natsume in the back in my timeline, he was a close confidant of Natsume's. But… Like Julius Cesar, Natsume Hyuuga was betrayed and killed by his most trusted companion.
Et tu, Brute? Indeed.
"Lord Natsume wouldn't keep him around if he wasn't necessary to our lord's success. Doubting Mochu without evidence means doubting Lord Natsume. Keep that in mind," Koko scolded the trio, sounding even more like the Mother Hen he is.
"We spoke out of turn. We apologize."
"It's okay," he sighed, "I understand you came to me with this because you're all worried about Azuchi."
"Lord Kokoro—"
Cutting off the vassal, Koko spoke gently, "No need to worry. Everyone needs to vent sometime. And trust me, Mochu gets on my nerves too."
Koko saw the men off, having encouraged them to think better of the situation. Once they were gone—
"Is that you next in line to talk to me, Sumire?" he appeared form the other side of the wall, amusement dancing in those golden eyes. He leaned against the wall adjacent to mine and folded his arms against his chest.
"Oh?" I couldn't suppress the smirk forming on my face as my eyebrow rose, "I get a turn as well? Deigning me with your ever important presence?"
"What are you doing, hiding in the shadows of the castle?" if possible, his eyes twinkled even more, "If I didn't know any better, it would appear as if someone was doing some spying!"
"Oh me?" I gently touched my chest, in mock horror, "No. Never."
He chuckled, and I addressed him more seriously—though a smile was still on my lips, "Anyways. Sorry. I didn't mean to eavesdrop."
He barked out a laugh, "I know—I know that you weren't spying. If anything, I should apologize for airing all that out in public."
"Nah," I shook my head, "You were just being a good listener; I've had three conversations along the same lines with the staff just this morning."
That dampened Koko's jovial mood. He frowned and commented, "Mochu is turning everyone against him, hanging out with that monk and not doing a thing to clear his name. I've been trying to control the damage, but it seems I've got a long road ahead of me."
I couldn't help but grin at his words, "You don't believe Mochiage's going to revolt at all, do you? You have complete faith in him."
Koko paused.
He seemed to carefully consider his words before fixing his gaze on me, "I want to believe him—I want him to show me that it's still possible for me to trust him."
I can see Koko's dilemma. Mochiage is just as much Natsume's left-hand man as Koko is his right. The two of them were bonded in a way that I personally cannot fathom, so I can only imagine how hard this ordeal was on Koko.
He fixed his stare on me, "And you? What do you think? Do you find him suspicious?"
"Ooo, you bet I do! If I had a sick cat and asked him to take care of it over the weekend, I know I'd find it in the fridge!" I exclaimed, "But I've only met him recently. Unlike the vassals, I actually have no clue how he was in the past. So my opinion matters naught… Except… Underneath his rude exterior, I think he's secretly nice."
I had to give credit where credit is due; Mochiage did warn me about Shichiri, which was really weird in itself (like why would you hang around a dangerous person?). But I appreciated his rare display of concern.
"Fridge?" Koko frowned, and then, "Really?"
I winked, "Just don't call me out on it if I turn out to be wrong, kay?"
"Sumire—" is it me, or was his face turning pink? "I—I wish I had some way to tell him what you said just now."
He gave me such a heartwarmingly sweet smile as he leaned closer to me. I was getting dizzy his nearness—from inhaling his masculine scent—but I had to clear my head from inappropriate thoughts of him. My eyes narrowed, "I hadn't realized it before, but you two are actually friends, aren't you?"
"What?"
I would pay someone gold, if they captured that priceless look on his face—it was a mix of horror, surprise, and disdain.
I bit back a chuckle, "I hadn't pictured it before"—what with them yelling at each other, and Koko trying to fight him at almost every opportunity—"But you two are friends aren't you? You wouldn't put that much faith in him if you weren't."
"... Now that you mention it—" Koko gazed upwards in contemplation before fixing me with another dashing smile, "My sweet sister, you're too good at seeing into people."
He ruffled my hair, and if I wasn't sure before, I knew now that his face was turning pink.
I tried not to grimace at his use of 'sister' as I wondered about what he was thinking.
He cleared his throat, and almost shyly, "Thanks again."
"For what?"
"For understanding," he leaned in closer, bracing himself by putting a palm over my head, "You picked right up on what I'm feeling; I've never had anyone like that."
I looked at him from under my eyelashes—my heart threatening to leap out of my chest, "I could say the same about you… You always seem to know what I need."
And I let that hang suggestively.
I heard him swallow audibly, and I was transfixed by his Adam's Apple bopping up and down.
But I was only speaking the truth—he did always know what I needed. Even when he thought I was an enemy, he gifted me with that lotion to minimize the damage on my hands. And when I wouldn't accept his gifts? He commissioned me to make my own kimono—the perfect solution, even I had to admit it. And he saved me from a brutal thrashing; it might have been a coincidence, but all that mattered was that he was there.
He cleared his throat, but his voice was raspy, "Likewise, Sumire."
He drew in closer, until our noses were almost touching, and his hand dropped from the wall to tug on one of my curls. His cheeks were stained pink as he murmured hoarsely, "Sumire. My life is so much better since meeting you… More than I can say."
It was my turn to swallow hard.
"... You're not—You're not kidding about that, are you?" I could feel my voice catch. I couldn't break away from his mesmerizing eyes; it seemed like he was trying to tell me a thousand different things at once, but at the end, I couldn't decipher any of those emotions.
"Not at all," those eyes searched mine, as if trying to peer into my soul, "I—I wouldn't have even realized what I felt towards Mochu if you hadn't helped me figure it out. But… That's the least you've done for me. When I think about what you did and said in town—you didn't just save Kazutaka, you saved me."
"That's funny," but you were the one to save me.
"What's funny?"
Koko's POV:
I couldn't pull myself from those entrancing dark eyes—not when they beckoned me with so sweetly. They shone with each and every emotion she felt—it must be hard for her to disguise her thoughts—I can't even believe that I had suspected her of deceit when those beautiful eyes were incapable of doing so. And when she tilted her head up and the light caught just right, I could see that deep rich viridian color.
She's breathtaking and gorgeous and—
And oh man. Look at me. I'm not even paying attention to what she's saying!
"… Never mind," her voice was husky, those vibrant green orbs sparkling with amusement.
They sparked a flame in my heart, one that coursed through me with light and heat.
She's a really pretty girl and clever and funny and—
Funny how I can't seem to draw my hand away as I continued to trail along the spirals of her hair. I wanted this with an intensity that knocked the breath right out of me. I didn't know why, until she looked up at me—
Those alluring eyes caught mine, and I felt like a fish on hook. Utterly captivated by what I saw there. The girl who'd talk back to anyone—with no mind for propriety—who worked until she swayed on her feet, who foolishly jumped into battles to defend her friends—
She was a gorgeous, confident woman. One with a sense of humor. Someone who touched my life in a way no one ever had. I'm attracted to her. Plan and simp—oh hell, I really am attracted to her, huh? As soon as I'd put a name to these feelings, I wanted to fight them—but at the same time, I just wanted to pull her closer and take in that sweet floral scent unique to her.
Caressing her silken hair, I touched the back of her neck, gazing at the way her mouth just began to open. Her tongue darted out and moistened her bottom pouty lip… And God help me—I—I wanted to do the same. I wanted to nibble and nip and tease before tracing my tongue slowly along the seam of her lips, urging her to open fo—
I shook my head, trying to steer my thoughts from those dark urges… But… I was a drowning man; I couldn't tear my eyes away from those full sensuous lips. I wonder… Would she let out a breathy sigh if I acted on those impulses? Would she clutch me closer and whisper my name? Would she kiss me back with the same fervent passion that I felt for her? Would she—
What am I thinking?! Lord Natsume wants her. And that means—that means I can't.
Besides, Sumire's not like anyone else I've ever met. I'd want something more with her. I'd want—
I had my share of romances. Fun, short-lived, and they always ended with us staying friends. This one, though, this wouldn't be good for either of us. I can't say why—I just know it. She was already so important to me. The thought of her becoming more terrified me in a way I couldn't explain.
Look at yourself, Koko. You're lucky to have her close as she is.
… And all I want is to see her smile. That's all I need. That's enough for me.
She tilted her head, quizzically, probably wondering why I haven't spoken up in so long. Stop staring like an idiot, Koko! I tried to offer an excuse—even a pathetic one, but my mouth was dry and my tongue felt so heavy. And it took all the force I could muster to pull away, but I did—eventually—locking my regret in the deepest part of me.
I swallowed and blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "Uh, so there's something I almost forgot to tell you."
It's time to get things back under control. Remember, Koko, you're like a brother to her. Be kind to her. Support her. Don't hurt her by doing something you'd both regret. I offered her a weak smile, "I'm happy to hear you have faith in Mochiage, but I need to warn you: stay away from him."
"Why?" her proud eyebrow arched as if challenging my warning.
"Because he's still dangerous. I can't have my sister getting pulled into any of his nasty business," it was the best I could come up with. I patted her head, trying to forget what her hair had felt like running through my fingers.
Suddenly, she jerked away from me and snapped, "Stop calling me that."
"Calling you what?"
"Stop calling me your sister, Koko!" her face twisted with anger as she jabbed my chest with her finger, "I am not your sister, and I do have a real older brother just FYI!"
She pushed me away, and all I could do was stare in shock, "Sumire?"
Her eyes glittered with anger, "You know what? Forget it. I've got a pile of work to do, so I'll see you around."
"Sumire! Wait!"
But she didn't. Sumire turned and stalked off—in a very brisk pace.
The only thing that came to mind, "Hey! Don't run in the hallways! It's not safe!"
Calling from over her shoulder, "Oh, for crying out loud—put up a safety cone, why don't you?!"
Her snark took me aback more than her words. But really, what are safety cones? She always has the weirdest sayings.
And she was already far out of my reach by the time my hand was in the air to stop her.
… What was I going to say if she waited?
My resolve to keep my feelings buried had lasted less than a moment. I lowered my arm. I watched the direction she'd gone in long after she left my sight. Until her footsteps faded away.
"Did I seriously just tell her not to run in the hallways?"
I sighed, disgusted with myself. Tightening my fist, all I felt was her absence.
You're not really a sister to me.
But I have to keep telling myself that. For both of our sake.
Four days have passed since I last spoke to Sumire.
"Sumire, that vase is too heavy for you to carry on your own," I tried to pull the object out of her arms.
"I know," her glare was icy—icier than I've ever seen as she pivoted out of my reach, "I already called for Kinu to help me carry it."
My lips thinned as I tried another approach, "You're taking it to the audience hall, right? I'm going there too, so I might as well carry it for y—"
"You're going there for war council, and it's starting soon," she admonished stiffly, "Trust me to handle this, all right?"
… She's right. I wish she wasn't.
"Err, okay."
I turned to go, though my feet were heavy. It had been four days of this. Four days since Sumire told me not to call her my sister. I didn't want to upset her; I just wanted to put things back to the way they'd been. I was trudging along the path to Lord Natsume's chambers.
"You're looking blue, Koko," Kitsu came up to me from the other end of the hall, clasping my shoulder with a warmth that failed to penetrate, "Did something happen?"
"Nothing serious. I hope."
"You don't know?" he stared at me, incredulous.
Well, I know well enough. I just can't talk about it with anyone.
"It's really not that important," forcing a smile, I said goodbye and continued on. I can't complain about Sumire not wanting me to treat her like a little sister any more, that's absurd. And I sure can't complain about not being able to be anything more for her than that.
After parting with Kitsu, I failed to see the conversation he was about to partake in.
Kitsuneme continued walking until he saw two figures up ahead.
"Hmm? Rare to see you both together."
Youichi and Yuu didn't seem to hear him as they each carried an armful of books. More interestingly, they were talking to each other—civilly. Kitsu raised an eyebrow at this monumental event and decided to listen to their conversation since they weren't paying any attention to him.
"Yes, but the way she turned down Lord Kokoro—it makes me feel bad," Yuu whispered in a hushed tone, "They've been getting along so well, too—like real siblings."
"I thought she'd just gotten tired of having that obsessive fixer for a brother. I know I would," Youichi rolled his eyes, but whispered back, "... But she turned him down when he offered to go shopping with her. I thought they liked doing that together."
"She even refused his offer of tea and sweets the last time she came by with her report too," Yuu's eyes widened with worry.
"Ah hah," Kitsuneme finally made his presence known to the two gossiping warlords.
They both looked up at him, startled—like two deer in headlights.
"So, this is about Sumire, then?" in a few long strides, Kitsuneme caught up to the two of them, "Are they having a squabble or what?"
"Did you see that too?" Youichi inquired.
"No, but I did see Koko a second ago. He looked like the sun was going out," Kitsuneme frowned, "I've never seen him that dejected before, even after one of his and Mochiage's spats."
"Honestly, it's weird," Youichi said solemnly.
"I can't stand to see the two of them like this. I'm going to talk to Sumire," Yuu replied with a determined gleam in his eyes.
Koko's POV
I was starting to get a little sleepy. Maybe this will wake me up? I lit my kiseru pipe, taking an absentminded drag while I glanced over the remaining documents. A thin trail of smoke circled my head before escaping through a gap in the door. Each council brought more work in and keeping up had been cutting into the hours I usually slept.
All right, that's the last report. Now to get some of these responses written.
Relaxed, I put my pipe away and got out brush and paper. But the moment I let my mind slip, my thoughts went to Sumire.
I can't even talk to her now.
Funny how it hurt worse to lose that brief closeness we'd share than any ache of loneliness I felt before meeting her.
I just wish I could see her. I didn't care if she didn't want to be my sister, I didn't care if she was sick to death of me—
"Koko? Uh, it's me."
"Huh?! Sumire?" my eyes shot to the door. There she was; I couldn't believe it.
… I guess I should consider making more wishes.
My lonely heart soared at the sight of her. Her hairstyle was in the same intricate plait with small tendrils framing her heart shaped face, her eyes were weary, and she looked more hesitant in my presence than usual—but I had never seen a more beautiful sight. I swallowed audibly, trying desperately to form a coherent sentence when all my thoughts flew out the window, "It's great of you to come by! What do you need?"
So much for trying to hide my eagerness. I sounded like a schoolboy with his first crush; I cleared my throat.
"I just came to drop off a care package," she shuffled her feet before glancing at my face, "After that, I'll get out of your way."
"Don't say that," the words immediately bubbling from my mouth, "Stay. Please. I could use the company; I've actually run out of things to work on today."
Why was that lie so easy to tell? It just slipped out of me. I just—I just can't let her leave without speaking to her past our pleasantries—without doing something for her. And the longer she stayed, the better I knew I'd feel.
She shuffled her feet past the door frame and fully entered my study, "Here. I thought you might enjoy these."
She presented a little box to me.
"What's this?"
"Rice crackers. I picked up some recipes from the kitchen staff," she rubbed the back of her neck, shyly, "I made them for myself for late nights, and I've heard you've been working some late nights too."
"You made these, Sumire?" I glanced up at her, startled, "They look delicious!"
"They're just meant to tide you over between meals," her eyes narrowed, "So don't go skipping any!"
I bit my cheek to keep from chuckling at her adorableness. I fingered the ribbon she tied off her precious gift with and felt my heart thundering in my chest. She was worried about me? I couldn't hide the stars in my eyes, "I'm looking forward to trying them."
I groaned inwardly; just look at me! One box of crackers from Sumire, and I'm as happy as a fool.
As calmly as I could, I gave her a friendly pat on the head. She returned it with a smile that wasn't all there.
"Now that I've dropped them off, I'll get going," she edged her way back to the door.
I felt a surge of panic, "Don't go yet. You walked all the way here; let me make you some tea at least."
"You don't need to," she shook her head with a small smile, "I heard from Yuu how busy you are."
"Oh?" I raised an eyebrow, "And what other lies is he telling everyone?"
She just grinned and made a lock and key gesture at her lips.
I grinned back, "Well, anyway. It's not true; I'm almost done."
I don't mind putting in the extra time; I'll find some way to make it up. I just don't want you to go—
I saw her shoulders visibly relax as she stepped closer to me, "I'll make the tea then. Where's your kettle?"
"Oh no, you don't! You're my guest and I'm going to treat you like one," I was adamant with this. My body was aching for sleeping but I tried to rouse myself into standing. When I'd finally pushed myself up, eyes searching for where I'd left the kettle…
Sumire grabbed me roughly and pushed me back down.
What is she doing?
We were both on our knees, facing each other. And Sumire looked angry at me. Those viridian eyes were sharp and accusing.
Was it something I did?
I searched my muddled mind for answers, but one obtrusive thought kept popping up: she was so pretty, especially when she wetted those plump lips and her eyes had a fire in them, angry and wild.
"Stop pretending you're okay," she snapped.
"Uh, I—" I swallowed. But I've never seen her look so beautiful.
And so… Like a fool, my mind blanked.
"You're exhausted and anyone can see it," she scolded me, "Right now, it doesn't matter who's a guest of who. It's great that you go out of your way for everyone, but give yourself the same courtesy."
I offered her a weak smile and opened my mouth to speak—
"And don't fake a smile or pretend you're all right when you're around me," she glared at me.
The smile on my face stretched wider in amusement, "You're upset over something like that?"
Sumire rolled her eyes, "Look Mother Hen, you can't just dish it out without being able to take it."
Her tone was menacing and angry, but I could see the worry behind those gleaming emeralds. She—she had wholly captured my heart—at this point, it was already hers for the taking. She didn't need to plead with me with her beautiful eyes or cajole me with her husky voice.
"When you yanked me down, I thought you were really mad at me. But that's just adorable," I reached to stroke her cheek.
I felt her breath hitch even as she rolled her eyes, "Serious health complications aren't adorable."
"But you ar—ahem," I could feel my face flushing. Look, Koko, you always knew she was cute. This isn't a surprise. Keep it together. I cleared my throat, doing my best to ignore a growing desire that I could feel to the tips of my ears, "Anyway. My smile isn't fake."
"Yes it is."
"It's really not. This smile's for you," my voice deepened for some unknown reason, "I'm happy to see you."
It means even more to me that I get to see you after a hard day like this.
She tucked an errant tendril behind her ear and refused to meet my gaze, her cheeks flushing a pretty pink, "Sit back down! I'll make the tea."
She's not backing down, huh? It doesn't feel right, but I guess I should give this one to her.
"… Okay."
"Take a moment to rest," I had to strain my ears to hear the rest of her words, "And let me know if you need anything. And not just today. Try to rely on me the way you let others rely on you."
She spoke those words so softly, I thought I imagined them. It wasn't until she fixed a glare at the end of her sentence that I realized she meant it. She meant every word. As if she was trying to break the record of 'how many times can you make Koko blush in one hour,' my ears grew hotter. Rely on others? You know, I guess I never really have been good at asking for help. In the past, there'd never been anyone to ask. So I guess it never occurred to me.
"I've never had another person tell me that. You're different from anyone I've ever met."
Different, and unbelievably precious. I never realized a simple offer to help would mean so much.
"Not a bad different, I hope," her eyebrow arched, daring me to say otherwise.
"It's not. I understand how you feel. So stop frowning, all right?"
God save me, I even thought the wrinkle in her brow was adorable. Gently, I brushed the pad of my thumb over it, smoothing it out.
"I'll frown if I feel like it."
I smiled at her pouty retort, "Then I'll have to rub your brow some more before your face becomes as scrunched as an oni mask!"
"If there's suddenly a five fingered mark on your face," she snorted, "Don't say I didn't warn you."
"I'm kidding! I'm kidding!" I waved my hands in front of my face because I knew she had the follow through, "You could never look anything other than cute."
That's why I have to make these awful jokes around you. I'm not sure I could form a proper sentence otherwise. I had to laugh bitterly. This wasn't like me at all. Since I don't want to let Sumire down, perhaps I'll take a break after all? Her presence had this soothing effect on me. It was getting hard to fight sleep.
"Maybe I'll take you up on your offer to rest," I stretched and yawned, "Can I ask you to wake me up in a quarter of an hour?"
"Sure. Get some sleep, Koko," she nudged me. I leaned back against the wall, my legs crossed, my arms folded in my lap. Sleeping in front of a guest? Where are your manners, Koko? Not that I think of Sumire as just a guest; she's more to me.
… She's like…
She's like…
A sister. That's right. She's just my little sister.
Not that I can tell her that any longer. She made that abundantly clear.
There's still time. Time to fix this. To turn things back. Keep her as your sister. Don't ask for me.
Repeating that thought, I shut my eyes.
Because… Because if—oh god, if only—we were to become lovers, then—
The day I have to give up my life for Lord Natsume's cause, I'd break her heart.
My heart clenched at that thought. Don't do that to her, Koko. Don't make her cry. In that brief span before sleep came, my thoughts were unusually clear. I get it now. That's why this week has been so rough on me. I like Sumire too much, and I now have to face the fact that we shouldn't get any closer. With resignation like lead in my heart, I fell asleep with a hollow feeling.
I wasn't sure how much time had passed. It felt like not much time at all—
Huh? What is this?
My head was resting on something. Something warm, right against my temple.
I don't know what this is, but it's pretty nice. So relaxing. Cracking a blurry eye open, I saw Sumire. Her face was right next to mine, and she blushed in surprise.
… Wonder what surprised her?
I blinked the drowsiness from my eyes.
Oh, must've been me.
Looks like I leaned over in my sleep. I guess that was her, uh, shoulder I fell on. Thirty minutes of sleep was just enough to leave me drowsy. I stood up, not quite capable of forming sentences yet, "Mm? …. Sorry."
"No, you're fine."
First, I fall asleep in front of her, then I fall asleep ON her? This isn't the kind of guy I wanted to be. Not for Sumire.
I pinched my nose.
"Koko, remember to take care of yourself."
She was right in front of me. She raised her petite hand and patted me on the head.
I was definitely awake now.
Is my face red? Don't be red.
If my face was giving me away, there was nothing for it. She was too close for me to hide anything, and it was too late to try. As if my terrible awkwardness was infectious, she stopped moving to stare at me. She still had her hand on my head.
"Are you—Are you copying me?"
"Sure, let's go with that."
"All right then…"
I think…
I could feel my face getting hotter.
I think that's the cutest thing I've ever heard. In my whole life.
Sumire's eyes roved over my face. Then, soft as down, she rubbed my brow with her thumb.
"What's that for?"
"So that your face doesn't become an obi mask," she teased.
We stared at each other, unable to tear our gazes away. She cleared her throat and in that husky voice, "Now that I'm sure you're not going to have a permanent scrunched up face, I'll take my leave."
She took her hand away and fled from the room without another word.
Alone, I groaned aloud.
"She didn't mean anything by that, right? Just like I didn't mean anything when I—"
What was I saying? Or course I meant something by it.
Did she know how I felt? Did she see me blushing? Because she was blushing too.
Damn. Damn it!
My face sank into my hands. I felt hot. If it was a fever, it wasn't the kind medicine could help. My head still tingled from her touch. I swore not to get any close to her. Why does this keep happening?
How am I supposed to force myself not to think? To feel?
Her expression was burned into my memory. The heat in her eyes. Her lips. When you look at me like you feel it too, it makes it a thousand times harder to resist you.
"I'm in trouble."
… I can't go back to thinking of her as a sister now.
Cold baths and meditation and maybe a pilgrimage. Or two. It might take that and more to act normal the next time I saw her.
