Author's note: Alright, one more very angsty chapter and then I'll post the last one (and the epilogue) somewhere tomorrow. Reviews would be nice and thank you all so much for reading. Kx

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In the morning, Dani feels weak and miserably anxious. She's sorry Lindsey is out of the house, because at least if she were there, it would give Dani some distraction. Now it's just her and silence and hours that still stretch between herself and meeting with Nico, and no matter how hard Dani tries to drag out her shower, and her breakfast and reading the newspaper, it's like time won't move forward at all. She tries reading the latest Ken Follett novel, but the words keep blurring on the page because her thoughts keep straying to Nico, wondering what he's going to say, what she's going to say. For so long now, they've struck a careful balance between becoming friends and running circles of denial around their desire, but ever since the night Xeno got stabbed the balance has tipped. All week, tiny steps down the path that had no turning, until Dani was ready - almost ready - to fall, or to jump off that cliff. Even so, Gabrielle's words keep coming back like glue as well. He's not as decent and wonderful as he has led you to believe. Dani knows it's not fair. That in all the time she's known him, Nico has not only never let her down, he's also never been anything but nice. Now, Dani also realizes that he would never have kissed her just because - knows Nico values their friendship way too much to jeopardize it over a heated whim of the moment. If Nico had decided to kiss her, it was because - mentally - he was already there, on the edge of that cliff, ready and just waiting for her to catch up and take his hand, so they could jump together. How could she not have seen this then? Dani lets the silence around her eat away at the oxygen in the room for a while, wonders briefly if maybe she should call Jeanette and then decides against it. As much as Dani loves her friend, she knows Jeanette will wind her up even more and if her knees start feeling any weaker or if the adrenaline starts rushing even harder, Dani thinks she might throw up before she's halfway out the door. So, Dani starts cooking. Not just cooking; Dani takes everything that sits inside her fridge and makes enough food to last a dozen families two whole winters, until her kitchen is filled with baked rigatoni and potpies and macaroni and cheese and she's sweating like a sinner in church. Typically, she then almost runs late, but at least she feels better and more composed as she's parking her car on the Hawks' parking lot.

§

Practice is just over and so Dani has to make her way through a lot of tired and grumpy looking players, most of them still nursing hangovers from the night before. She looks for Nico in the meeting room, and in Coach's office, and assuming he's still on the field, makes her way over there.

Nico is on the field, but he's not alone.

Dani freezes on the spot when she sees him talking to the woman she recognizes as Vera Dade. They're standing several yards away on the sideline, huddled together like they have something very important to talk about. Nico's got his back to Dani, and hasn't seen her yet, which is fine because for a while she can't really move. Gabrielle's in her head again, saying, "You probably already know Nico's sleeping with Vera Dade, the League-investigator, right? Or did he forget to mention it?", and she's shrugging it away, angry, reminding herself she's an adult and there's nothing wrong with Nico talking to an old flame, especially when there's still a professional relationship that needs to be maintained. The one step Dani takes towards them then falters again, because in that same moment Vera leans into him, spreading a hand possessively over Nico's arm. There is a pounding in Dani's ears that comes out of nowhere. The grass feels like it's disappearing from underneath her feet. 'You can't,' she thinks, but no words come out of her mouth. Dani just can't move. When she does move, it's enough to attract Vera's attention, who looks up, her mouth falling open and Nico's spinning round, but so has Dani - walking, running off the field as fast as she can in stiletto's, ignoring him as he shouts "Danii" and "No!". Somewhere in the hallway, she manages to yank off her shoes, so she can run to her car faster, not caring about the way the hard ground is digging into the soles of her feet.

§

Dani runs straight to Dr Gunner's office on campus, who takes one look at her face, swollen from tears she cried in the car, mutters "Oh my" and ushers her quickly inside. She slumps on the couch, face breaking, everything breaking, little cracks first, before the collapse comes at light speed. Dr Gunner barely has time to put a comforting arm around Dani before she's shaking, a wet torrent of tears gushing out of her, a wave of panic hitting her so hard she can barely breathe. Dr Gunners's making hushing sounds, says, "Breathe, Danielle, you have to breathe. Slowly. Like this. In… Out… In…" It's an age before Dani stops trembling, before she can stop clutching at Dr Gunner's shirt. When she finally does calm down, he moves away for a minute and comes back with tea and cookies, and a fresh pack of tissues - which ordinarily would have made Dani laugh, but not now, not this time. This - this feeling that she's literally coming apart at the seams, that there's a hole burned inside of her heart - is what she should have felt after Ray, and after Matt - and Dani 'the therapist' knows that's probably exactly what that is, that it's all saved up hurt, for being disappointed and hurt and abandoned not once, not twice, but now three times in a row. Dani tries telling Dr Gunner, choking out words and broken sentences about Matt and Noelle, and Nico and Gabrielle, and the fundraiser and what she just saw, but it comes out in fragments, her words all wrong.

"Oh God,' she groans, eventually, "what the hell is wrong with me?"

"Danielle, please. Nothing is wrong with you."

"Then why does this keep happening?"

Dr Gunner shakes his head at her, wearily, like he wants to contradict her. Oddly, he doesn't say anything for a while, but he does move over to his own chair, where he folds his hands together.

"Danielle. As your therapist, it would be unprofessional of me to say any of the things I am going to say to you now. So I'm taking off my therapist's hat and putting on the one that is just your friend. Nothing is wrong with you. Also, there is no this. I know it feels that way, in your head right now, that what happened with Ray and Matt and now this is one and the same thing, but it's not. You got hurt by Ray, after you devoted your life to him, put yourself in second place to him - to my utter irritation, I might add - for almost twenty years. But you, Danielle, you wouldn't be you if you hadn't skipped straight over the self-pitying grief towards defiant anger and a stubborn refusal to break down. Which is commendable, I'm not saying that, but somewhere along the way I think you may have actually forgotten to deal with your sadness. You put it away for later. And then came Matt, and again you allow yourself and what you want to come second to what he wanted, and when that falls apart, again, the hurt, filed away for later. Might we start recognizing a pattern here?"

"Maybe, but isn't that what love is? Isn't it always about compromises, when you decide to be with someone? At least that's what I tell my patients."

"I'm sure you're right, Danielle, but to which extent?"

"Healer, heal thyself," she mutters. "God, I don't understand anything right now. Why am I so confused?"

"Tell me something… Are you in love with this Nico?"

"I d… Yes."

"Is it possible you've been having these feeling for him for quite a long time?"

"Maybe… I don't know!"

"Danielle…"

"Okay, okay. Yes!"

"Then what's stopping you?"

Dani blows up. "Are you serious? What's stopping me?! I just saw him with another woman!"

"Ah yes, the woman Nico's sleeping with - according to his ex who hates him so much she faked a criminal charge against him. Tell me again, Danielle; what exactly did you see just now?"

"She had her hand on his arm, and.. and…"

"A hand on his arm. And this tells you what exactly? That he's not telling the truth? That this Vera's still his lover, even when he told you she isn't?"

"Al! I don't know, okay! Leave it alone, please."

"I'm not quite done yet, Danielle. Please, try to explain why what you saw just now is freaking you out so much? Why are you so upset?"

Dani remains silent for a very long time, trying to make sense of the frantic thoughts in her head. Eventually, she whispers, "Because the fall might kill me this time."

"Third time's a charm?", Dr Gunner asks, looking at her kindly.

"It's different. Because this is Nico. Who I still barely know anything about - at least… not the common things, not things like does he have siblings, or where he lives for Christ's sake. And then other times… Sometimes I feel like I can almost understand what he meant, when he said I'm the only one who knows him now. Like, there's this bond, or an understanding, but it's intuitive… It's really hard to explain, I'm sorry."

"That's alright, Danielle. Go on."

"The thing is - nothing about Nico is easy, not like Ray and Matt were easy. Nothing Nico does is shallow, everything is intense underneath all that calculated control. When he's your friend, he's your friend for life, and there's nothing… Ask Xeno."

"And why is that a bad thing exactly?"

"Because the last two guys I was in a relationship with betrayed me, walked away from me and I didn't see it coming? If I didn't see it coming then, will I see it coming now? Can I ever know? I don't know… And Nico being Nico, if that goes bad, it will be the worst kind of bad. I don't think I can go through that again. I don't know if I can handle being torn up any more."

"Finally! - the elephant has left the room."

"Ha. Ha."

"Danielle, not a single person in the world can blame you for having developed some trust issues after what you've been through. But even so, that's the risk. That's always the risk. You love someone, they might not love you back or they might not love you as much or they might stop somewhere along the way. Sometimes you get burned. C'est la vie! You know what therapists always say to patients who've had their hearts broken several times? Every relationship you are in will fail, until one doesn't. Now will you please do me a favor? From what you've told me this Nico doesn't sound like an unreasonable or an unkind guy. Why don't you just talk to him, like you said you would?"