Hey :) New chapter :) Okay, so there could be some mistakes because one, I'm tired but I really wanted to get this chapter out. And two, I am beta-less again. I hope you'll still like my story. :) I know I don't make the longest chapters, but I rather update every week or so with smaller chapters than update every month with longer chapters. Oh and I did make a tumblr. I haven't really done much about it, because I'm still figuring it all out and I have been so busy, but some people asked me to make a tumblr so here ya go manonnaya. tumblr. Oh and I did have to change my pen name from The Lonely Koala to NotAboutYou because my sister found a folder on my computer called 'the lonely koala' and I'm afraid she'll google it. I can't have her find this account. Sorry for the trouble guys :)
I'm going to have exams soon, so I might not update as frequently as normal, so sorry in advance for that. Okay. I hope you enjoy the chapter :)
Brittany woke up, her mouth dry and her head throbbing, in an empty bed. She threw the blankets off her and stepped out of the bed. With her right hand she grabbed the bedside table, suddenly losing her balance. The remains of the alcohol were still running through her blood. She must have drunk a lot yesterday. Brittany rubbed over the temples of her head, trying to remember what happened last night. She remembered how much she had already drunken on the beach, even before going to the club. She then remembered the way Santana had grinded on her. And then she remembered Santana's mental breakdown in the bathroom. She couldn't quite remember the exact words of Santana, but she did know that she had been crying. She had mumbled something about her not being good enough for her, right? Brittany rubbed over the temples of her head again. The hangover was clear. Her head was banging and she still felt quite nauseous from last night. Then she remembered the way Quinn had acted. Sure they both were quite drunk, but Quinn had absolutely no right to permit them from sleeping in the same bed. They were adults for crying out loud. They could behave. They surely did not need a freaking babysit to watch their every move. Santana and her were still supposedly dating, and they should still act like that. Brittany grunted.
She wasn't going to let Quinn Fabray walk all over her again. Santana was going to sleep back in her bed, even if she wanted it or not. Because what if someone saw Santana coming out of Quinn's room after their drunken night? What would they say? Plus, Brittany had to admit it. She surely did not like the fact that Quinn and Santana were sharing a bed. Yes, they've had known each other for a really long time, but Brittany couldn't forget the fact that they have apparently kissed. She did not like to admit it, but she was jealous. Of course, deep down she knew that Quinn wasn't gay, but you could never be sure. She knows the effects Santana Lopez can have on someone. She could turn any girl to being into girls whenever she wanted. Brittany stumbled towards her bathroom and reached over for an aspirin. She downed it with a little bit of water and jumped back onto her bed, hoping the pill would do his work soon and get rid of the terrible headache. After a while, she got up again and stepped into the shower. There was just something about going to a club, with so many people all sweating and grinding up on each other that made her feel dirty. She turned the water extra hot and took a shower for a good twenty minutes. After that she decided to get some breakfast, even though she was totally not hungry. She glanced over at the clock on the wall and saw that it was already eleven o' clock. When she walked towards the house of the parents, she saw Rachel, Puck and Kitty sitting at the breakfast table. Rachel was wearing big, black sunglasses, her hair in a lazy bun. Puck on the other hand still seemed chipper and not at all affected by the drinking last night. Kitty did seem affected by the drinking last night. She was downing a big bottle of water.
"Hey guys." Brittany said.
"Ssh." Rachel placed her finger in front of her mouth, motioning for Brittany to talk quieter.
"It hurts when people talk loud, okay?" Rachel stated while she pointed to her head.
"Hangover much?" Puck laughed.
"Yes, why aren't you hung over? You drunk just as much as me, right?"
Puck laughed. "Yes, but I'm used to it by now, hobbit."
"Don't believe him Rachel. He puked out his guts out this morning and he swallowed five pills this morning. He is as hung over as you look right now." Kitty said.
"Thanks Kitty. Now on a side note, where is Santana?" Rachel asked.
Well shit. There you have it. Damn you, Quinn Fabray.
"Well, she had to ask Quinn something, so I don't really know." Brittany said. Wow, Brittany was really impressed with her own lie. She was getting better and better in this right? Rachel simply nodded. Brittany then grabbed a bowl of oatmeal and started eating. They were all quite, still suffering from the huge amount of alcohol they consumed yesterday. Just when she was done eating her oatmeal, Brittany saw Santana and Quinn walking together, talking to each other.
"Hey guys." Quinn said, surprisingly chipper. Santana on the other hand looked terrible. She was wearing huge sunglasses, probably to block the sunlight and hide her hung over state. She mumbled a quiet hi before sitting down next to Brittany.
"Hey. How are you?" Brittany whispered in her ear.
"Doing terrible actually. Aside from the awful headache I have, I think I puked out my entire guts out last night too. You were lucky that I spend the night with Quinn. You should have seen her face when I threw up all over her bathroom floor." Santana said.
Brittany laughed. Quinn was probably furious about Santana's little stunt.
"I bet Quinn is super pissed with you, right now?"
"Oh yeah. I've had a full lecture this morning. I swear to god, she went on for twenty minutes about how I have no control and no direction in my life. That all I ever do is drink, sleep around and help clients. Then she went on about how she always thought I would go places, do something with my life. Change the world and make it in the real world. And how I have done absolutely nothing with my life so far. So yeah, I guess it was a pretty standard morning, right? Getting a lecture from someone how I am messing up my life. I'd be mad if it wasn't so damn true." Santana whispered the last part, like she was afraid to say it out loud to her.
"What do you mean?" Brittany asked, hoping that if she didn't ask anything too direct, Santana would not shut her out once again like she did last night.
"Never mind, Britt." Santana whispered.
Brittany sighed.
"Oh, and yeah, Britt-Britt. About the other night and you know, what happened, you know, in the bathroom –" Santana stuttered.
"It's okay, Santana. I get it." Brittany placed her hand on Santana's shoulder, consoling.
"No, it actually isn't. But thank you for understanding, Brittany."
"Sure." Brittany nodded. "But can I ask you one more thing?"
"Yeah, ask anything you want." Santana nodded back.
"What did you mean? Do you think you could explain to me what happened in that bathroom? Why did you cry?"
Santana shook her head no. "Not here, okay."
"Okay. But can we have a real conversation, heart-to-heart, and especially alone?" Brittany motioned her head to Quinn, who was talking to Kitty. Quinn was surely getting on her nerves and she was kind of getting sick of sharing Santana with her. Every time she was alone with Santana, there was Quinn, interrupting their talks.
Santana first shook her head slightly no. She seemed afraid to talk to Brittany. Like she was afraid to share her story. But Brittany placed her hand on the brunette's arm and softly rubbed the spot on her arm, trying to calm her. She pleaded with her eye and finally Santana softly nodded her head.
"Okay. We'll talk tonight, okay?"
Brittany smiled happily back. Finally. The rest of the day was spend holding up their appearances. Kissing, holding hands, lingering looks, they did it all. Some part of Brittany wondered why Santana was still doing it. After all, Brittany herself decided that she didn't want anything to do with Sam anymore, so why bother? But then she thought about how it would feel if Sam found out that she had paid Santana to pretend to be her girlfriend and she understood it. It would be quite embarrassing to explain the whole situation, to Sam, to her friends and even her parents who seemed a huge fan of Santana. She did know how to keep them happy. Every chance to kiss the asses of her parents, Santana took. Doing the dishes out of her free will, complimenting Brittany's dad about how young he looked and complimenting Susan about how her food was sent from heaven, Santana did it all. Her parents were through the roof with a stepdaughter like Santana. Admitting it was all fake would hurt them, she was sure of it. Brittany would normally never lie to them, but this was an exception. So they kept up their appearances, including little names like babe, honey and Britt-Britt. The rest of the group was as hung over than Brittany was. Tina wore even bigger sunglasses than Santana, Rachel was surprisingly quiet and Kitty even bitchier than she normally was. They were tanning in the sun, just sitting around. Brittany then stood up, wanting to talk to Quinn. She was still a little bit pissed about last night and she wanted to set things straight.
"Quinn, do you want to take a small walk?" Brittany asked.
"Sure." Quinn simply shrugged, a little confused, guessing what Brittany's intentions were. They walked in silence back into the little forest where Brittany spotted Quinn and Santana.
"So, what did you want to ask me?" Quinn asked.
"How do you know that I want to ask you something?"
"Come on, Brittany. If you wanted everyone to hear this, you would not want to take a walk with me. You want to ask me something and the others can't hear it." Damn Quinn, she was too smart for her own good.
"Okay, you're right. I do want to ask you something."
Quinn nodded. "What is it?"
"I want to ask you to leave me and Santana alone. I want you to stay out of our business."
"Seriously?" Quinn looked shocked.
"Yeah, seriously. I love you Quinn, but I'm a grown woman. I can take care of myself. I can make my own decisions. I don't need you to make decisions for me."
"I still don't get what you mean, Brittany."
"I mean that you shouldn't interfere with Santana and I. The fact that last night she spent the night with you. What if someone had seen her leave your room in the morning? That would be quite hard to explain, wouldn't you agree?"
"I guess. But seriously, Brittany, the both of you were drunk out of your minds. I'm sure that you would have regretted your decisions of last night if you two spend the night together."
"I guess you have a point there. But I'm just sick of everyone walking over me. So I just want to ask you to stop interfering with Santana and I. Can you do that, please?" Brittany pleaded.
Quinn shrugged. "Sure. But don't expect me to stay quiet when I see Santana hurting or breaking your heart. I just don't want you to get hurt, Brittany."
"But what do you mean? I know you said before that you were afraid that Santana would hurt me, but she hasn't, and I don't think she will."
"Santana is complicated. I've known her for over ten years, but she still manages to be a true mystery to me. You should talk to her, Brittany."
"Fine." Brittany then shrugged.
"Okay. Oh by the way, how is the Bachelorette party going?" Quinn asked.
"Oh shit. I forgot that I actually have to arrange it. Oh crap." Brittany freaked out.
"Relax, Brittany. I can help you know? You don't have to do it alone. Lucky you, because I'm pretty sure it is impossible to arrange a full Bachelorette party in two days all alone. Kitty and Ryder are leaving at two o' clock for some cake tasting, so we can get all the girls to help us."
Brittany sighed relieved. "Thank you, Q. I couldn't do this alone. Certainly with everything that is going on right now."
"You're totally welcome, B." Quinn wrapped her arm around Brittany's shoulder and they walked back towards the beach. And indeed, at two o' clock, Ryder and Kitty left to go cake tasting.
"Okay, guys. You know that Puck is throwing Ryder a Bachelor party Thursday, right? And Kitty wants a Bachelorette party too. But now the problem is that I kind of forgot to arrange a whole party. And well, two days left. So I really need all of your ladies help."
Brittany spoke.
"Arrange a Bachelorette party in two days? Impossible." Puck laughed. "I have been arranging Ryder's best night of his live for over two weeks. It's going to be EPIC."
"Shut it, Puckerman. We don't need your opinions right now. You either shut up and leave or help us out." Santana snapped.
"Fine, Lopez. I'll help you losers. You can't throw a decent party without Noah Puckerman's help himself."
"Thanks Puck." How annoying Puck could be sometimes, he could throw a decent party. Brittany had to admit. His parties were always epic.
"Okay, first things first. Where do you want to have the party?" Rachel asked.
"I don't know? I guess in our house is the best idea right? Or on the beach? I don't really care?" Brittany said.
"I would go with the beach. It's hot enough. Plus, I don't think your parents would appreciate it if anything happened to the house. I mean, you guys are renting it." Rachel stated.
"Good thinking, Berry." Santana said. "So the party is at the beach. What else do we need to arrange?"
Brittany thought to herself. "Food? Alcohol?"
"I'll go by the grocery store tomorrow and buy some food, like crackers and stuff. I'll also buy drinks." Rachel said.
"Thanks Rache. What else do we need?"
"Strippers. But don't you worry ladies. I will get you strippers. They'll be here at twelve."
"Wait, what? Puck we don't want strippers." Quinn interrupted.
"You can't do a women's last free night without strippers. You're having strippers. No discussion." Puck stated.
"I'm pretty sure that Kitty does not want strippers."
"Aw, she just doesn't want to ask for them. Secretly she wants them just as bad as Ryder." Puck said.
Quinn then shrugged. "He's not going to give up. We'll just let him pay for the strippers and then sent them away." Quinn whispered in Brittany's ear.
"Sounds good to me." Brittany whispered back.
After that, they arranged some of the details of the party and then decided to let the subject rest. They tanned for a little while before everyone started leaving the beach. They wanted to take a shower after a long day on the beach. In the end, only Santana, Rachel and Brittany were sitting at the beach. Brittany really wanted that Rachel left, but she didn't seem to get the hint.
"Aren't you going to take a shower too?"
"I just want to enjoy the last bits of sun. I try to avoid spray tans lately because I heard that they give you cancer. A natural tan is way better."
"Well, you can get cancer from tanning too, you know?" Santana said.
"Really?" Rachel looked shocked. She grabbed her stuff, mumbled goodbye and walked off.
Brittany turned her head slightly to the left, where Santana was sitting. They were staring off into the sea, where the sun was going under. Before it slipped into darkness, the sun left them with an orange-red tint. Brittany always loved the way those colors. Brittany inhaled deeply and wanted to say something, but she didn't know how to start the conversation. Her eyes were boring into the side of the brunette's head. A small smirk played around her lips.
"Is the side of my face interesting to you?" Santana turned her head and looked Brittany in the eye.
"Yes, actually." Brittany laughed and averted her eyes away, looking shy.
Santana laughed. The sound was amazing and it calmed the blonde down. She took a deep inhale and asked the question that had been burning in her mind for the last couple of hours.
"Why did you cry?" Brittany asked quiet.
"I'm sorry, Brittany. I guess I should have told you about that. I'm an emotional drunk."
"What do you mean?"
Santana smiled softly. "Whenever I drink too much, like I might admit, was last night, I get very emotional. I just have trouble finding a good balance and whenever I drink too much, it ends me in crying."
"You cry every time you're drunk?"
Santana chuckled. "No, not every time. Luckily, but whenever I'm really drunk, I cry. It is however always about uninteresting stuff. I once cried about how sad I felt for toothbrushes."
Brittany wanted to laugh, but she could sense that Santana was still hiding something from her.
"But it did seem like you were crying over something serious in the bathroom last night."
"I don't know what you're talking about, Britt. It was nothing."
"Okay. Fine. You know what, Santana? Fine. I've tried long enough. But I can't help you if you keep shutting me out. I've tried. Deal with your own crap from now on."
Brittany tried to control her voice, but the anger was easily audible. Brittany pushed herself up on her hands and wanted to walk away. She turned around but before she could set a step, she felt a hand tugging on her wrist.
"Wait." Santana whispered.
"What? What, Santana? Are you finally going to let me in? Am I finally going to see the real Santana because I have no fucking idea who you are. What is all an act and what is not? Are you finally going to be straight up with me? Because I'm getting sick of this. Either you let me in and show me some of the real Santana or else I'm done with this."
"Done with what?" Santana whispered back.
"This whole game that we've been playing the whole time. Because it's exhausting you know? Maybe not for you, but I'm tired of guessing what you actually mean with your words and actions."
Santana sighed. "Fine. I'll tell you everything that you want to know." Santana then tugged on Brittany's wrist. Brittany once again sat down next to the brunette.
"What do you want to know?"
"I would like to hear about Jenna."
Santana's face went blank. She stared into the ground. Brittany grabbed Santana's hand and gave it a small squeeze, giving her some courage.
"I met Jenna in high school. We met in junior year. I was a cheerleader and she was a nobody. She was this nerdy, geeky girl that nobody actually knew, including me. But she was beautiful. And one day, we got detention together. I was so bored that I actually started talking to her. I was a popular girl, but inside, I was a big nerd. I loved video games and comic books back then, but I was too afraid to admit it. Jenna on the other hand, was open and proud to be a geek. But she got bullied a lot for it too. I knew that a lot of people got bullied in my school, but I was young and I didn't care. I was just happy that it didn't happen to me. So I didn't care. But then Jenna and I started bonding. We had a lot in common. And one thing let to another and I fell in love with her. Back then, I was so deep in the closet, I was practically in Narnia and I had absolutely no idea what was happening to me. I freaked out, but Jenna was sweet. Or so I thought at least. Soon enough we started dating in secret. And then after six months, I finally got out of the closet. Jenna was desperate for me to get out of the closet. She said that I was hiding part of who I am. So I came out, first to my friends. I was still too afraid to come out to my parents right away, so I decided to wait with that for a little while." Santana took a small pause in her speaking.
"When we came out at school, Jenna changed. She started to wear more normal clothes, even sometimes a little more risqué. She wasn't against PDA either. And I don't hate PDA but she was getting a little overboard. She would kiss me the whole day, but only when certain people were in the neighborhood. Now, it seems so lame that I didn't see all of this, but I was totally in love with Jenna. She took away all the doubts I felt about my sexuality and myself. And then after a couple of months, I did decide to come out to my parents. It was in my senior year and I was terrified. I came up to them and just blurted it out. My dad had nodded, like he had already known. But my mom got furious. My parents are quite the religious type and certainly my mom. She grew up in Texas and her family went to church every single Sunday. And so did we. Every Sunday we would sit in Church. And the Church isn't a big fan of gay people so neither was my mom."
"What did she say?" Brittany saw Santana's eyes tear up. This was really hard on her.
"I can hardly remember. I think some part of my brain has shut that memory out, just to avoid the pain. Well, it did end in me getting kicked out of my own house. My mom told me to pack everything up in an hour and get the hell out of her house. She did not want a gay person as her daughter and from that day on, I wasn't her daughter anymore she said. I moved to my cousin's house. It was family of my dad's, who were a lot more tolerable. They didn't ask too many questions, and I could certainly use that back then. From the moment that I finished high school, I left for Chicago."
"Why Chicago?"
"I don't really know. I didn't want to go to New York, because I don't think I would be able to make it there. So I went to Chicago instead. New York is just too expensive. But anyway, back to my senior year. I was still dating Jenna, but after my parents kicked me out, I was depressed. I tried to keep up with my social life but it was hard. At school, Jenna kept talking to this other girl Anna. She was a junior, but she was pretty damn popular back then. Back then I was so busy dealing with all of my family stuff that I just didn't have time to deal with Jenna. But I still loved her with all my heart. In my eyes, she was the perfect girl. So one day, we got in this huge fight. And then she told me her real intentions. She had guessed that I was gay, so she sought contact with me to be more popular."
Brittany's mouth fell open. "Seriously?"
"Yeah. She told me that she only used me to stop the bullying. Dating one of the top bitches of the school would finally put her on top too, and that's what she wanted the whole time. When she told me that, I couldn't believe my own ears. I felt used. And the worst part was the fact that she told me this while we were at school. She didn't even have the decency to have this conversation privately. She did her whole speech right in the school hallway. And that was the moment I broke. I cried in front of the whole school. I was heartbroken. Jenna had used me. I loved her and she didn't even care about me. She told me later on that she thought I was a bitch. From that day on, I promised myself not to fall anymore. I wouldn't get hurt a second time, because back then, it almost killed me. If it wasn't for Puck back then, I don't think I would still be here. He really is an amazing guy even though he doesn't show it sometimes. So yeah, that's the story of how Jenna broke my heart. And since then, I've been living on drunken one-night-stands, friends with benefits and then well, my job." Santana concluded her long story. Wow. That was a tough story. Santana had been through a lot. She mostly felt sorry for her. It seemed so sad and lonely.
"You do deserve it, you know."
Santana looked at Brittany, her eyes full of tears, holding the painful memories of her past.
"What?" She whispered.
"To be loved." Brittany whispered back.
Hi :) thank you for all the reviews etc. :) Reviews really keep me motivated :) hint hint ;)
Question of the week: What was your favorite quote of the chapter? :)
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