Chapter 12

Sam watched Dean intently as he used the metal thing by the bowl and how he carefully lifted it to his mouth. He opened and sipped the soup letting the taste coat his taste buds wondering if he really liked it or not. He wasn't sure how long it had been since he ate and his stomach growled with the first bite and he burped softly.

"I can..." Sam decided holding out his hand and taking the spoon from Dean and dipping it into the soup like he did. He brought the trembling spoon up to his mouth and only managed to spill a little before getting it to his mouth. He didn't protest when Dean folded a napkin over his chest to catch the spillage. "Go, I'll...Fine." he told Dean feeling like he needed some alone time. Too much was jumbled up in his head and he want to try and sort it out on his own and he felt uncomfortable having Dean watch him try to eat.

"You sure?" Dean asked not wanting to leave, but felt he should give Sam some space.

"Yes." Sam assured him as he got another spoon of soup to his mouth. He watched Dean break a couple of crackers in the soup for him before getting up.

"I'll go do some laundry then." Dean said standing there for a moment. He sat Sam's cell within easy reach before heading for the door. "If you need me all ya gotta do is punch 1 on your cell. That'll speed dial me downstairs on my cell. I'll be back in a bit." Dean paused just outside the door and heard Sam moan when he thought he couldn't hear him. That confirmed what he was thinking, Sam wasn't as well as he tried to make out.

"Okay." Sam nodded waiting for him to leave before slumping back against the pillows with a soft moan. He didn't want Dean to see just how bad he was feeling or how upset he was with not being able to talk or walk or know how to do simple things. Sam captured a piece of cracker and tried it, wondering if that was how he liked his soup since he couldn't remember. After another bite, he stopped to let that settle on his stomach and sipped a little Gatorade to wash it down. Sam didn't think he could eat it all, but he would try a little more before stopping. One thing he did know was he needed to get his strength back and he needed to find out what happened to him. He could put bits and pieces together but there were large holes that he couldn't fill and this disturbed him. He didn't understand why he couldn't move his legs and why Dean was still here taking care of him. He had no idea how or when he got to Bobby's because this wasn't where he remembered being. He could picture a bar and a woman who maybe worked there, but not much else about it. He tried not to think right now since the more he tried the more his head began to throb. He tried to shut it all down and just worked on eating a little more soup before Dean came back.

spn

The quietness of Bobby's house unsettled Sam as he listened to every creak and groan it made. He wasn't sure why he was so jumpy when this was familiar to him and had always been a safe haven for him. He worked on piecing together what had happened to him since everything was scrambled in his head. He did remember that Dean and him had gone their separate ways because of what he did and Dean's feelings toward him. Sam remembered freeing the devil by mistake and now he was loose doing who knows what on Earth. He had found work at a bar and things got fuzzy after that. Something had happened that ended with him in a hospital he was sure of that. But he was unsure of why Dean was staying with him and helping him. He had made it very plain about how he felt about Sam and he knew it was his decision to leave, but Dean did not try to stop him. That action said more than words ever could. He hoped the other memories would come back to him because he really didn't want to ask Dean about it. Maybe he could ask Bobby or even Cas, he couldn't hide anything when prompted. He jumped in fright and stared wide eyed at Dean as he came back into the room.

"Hey, hey it's only me." Dean said seeing Sam's startled reaction to being surprised. "I wanted to see if you were finished eating." he said cautiously.

"Ye..." Sam started but had to clear his throat to finish. "Yeah, done." he said wiping his mouth and putting the napkin on the tray for Dean to take.

"Why don't ya try to take a nap Sammy? Probably be good for ya, you know let yourself recharge." Dean suggested as he picked up the tray.

"I th...I will." he said and tried to work his way down in the bed, but couldn't get his legs to move.

"Hold on, I got it." Dean said sitting the tray down and moving to Sam to help shift his body lower on the bed so he was flat where he could sleep. "You good?"

"Yes." Sam grunted trying to get comfortable as he moved the pillow under his head. He didn't complain when Dean draped a blanket over his body because he felt cold. He pulled the blanket close to him and scrunched down trying to get warm.

Dean didn't say anything else as he picked the tray back up and started for the door. He paused in the doorway to look back at his brother for a moment, studying him, before going on downstairs. He sat the tray on the counter to unload the dishes and wiped it off. He was lost in thought trying to decide what the next steps should be to help his brother. One thing he for sure needed to get was a wheelchair so Sam wouldn't be confined only to the bed. He needed some fresh air and sunshine to help with the healing process. His thoughts were interrupted by Bobby speaking.

"You wanna make a supply run?" Bobby asked him. "I need to do a tow job an' we're gettin' low on things. Made a list there on the table for ya."

"Maybe Cas can go." Dean offered looking over to Cas who was sitting at the table.

"Ya know what happened last time he went to the store?" Bobby said accusingly.

Dean frowned as he ran through his mind what Bobby was talking about and then the light bulb went off. "Oh yeah...Right..." Dean nodded as the memory came back. They found out that Cas was not a good shopper when he came back with things they didn't want and didn't get things they needed. He got too distracted by displays and brightly colored packaging and so many choices for one thing to send again. "I'll have him go stay with Sam while I'm gone then."

"Be careful. I'll be back later this afternoon." Bobby said heading for the back door.

"Cas, I need to run into town for supplies, how 'bout staying with Sam while I'm gone? He's suppose to be napping, but in case he needs something. I don't want to leave him alone right now yet."

"Of course, I will go up now." Cas told him getting up to go upstairs.

"Call me if there's a problem."

"I will."

Dean picked up the list off the table and glanced over it before going to the fridge and glancing inside to see what was there. He found a pen and scribbled a few more things down before heading into the living room to get his jacket and keys so he could head into town.

spn

Cas walked quietly into the bedroom and sat down in a chair beside Sam's bed. He looked at the young man as he huddled under a blanket, seeing a pinched look on his face. His body trembled for a moment and then stilled. Cas looked around and saw another blanket laying on the dresser and got up to spread it over Sam. He glanced down and saw Sam looking at him.

"I didn't mean to disturb you." Cas said sitting back down in his chair.

"It's...It's o-kay." Sam said clearing his throat so he could talk.

"Dean went into town for supplies. He wanted me to sit with you in case you needed something."

"Cas?"

"Yes Sam?"

"Can't...reme...mber...Jumbled...head..." Sam tried to explain to get him to talk. "Tell me...Please..." he pleaded.

"Well, you and Dean split up, do you remember that?" Cas asked.

"Yes." Sam said sadly looking away wondering why of all things he would remember that.

"You were attacked by some hunters at the bar where you were working. They injured you very badly and you were taken to a hospital. Dean came and we tried to help you. Dean took some of my grace and injected you with it to help you heal."

Sam jerked his head up when Cas said that and looked at him with shock. Not only did he have demon blood in his veins but now he had angel grace too. It seemed his life was never his own and things were decided for him and done to him without his knowledge or consent. He wasn't sure how he felt about that after all he had been through, it was almost more than he could handle right now. Sam let his head fall back on the pillow as Cas continued to talk.

"You started getting better, but you wouldn't wake up. You were in a coma and the doctors weren't sure you would wake up so Dean decided to bring you home where he could try other options. An angel helped Dean get into your mind but he couldn't stay long enough to get you to wake up. Bobby suggested this plant called African Dream Root and I went to get some from a woman called Missouri Mosley. She is an unusual and interesting person. Dean went into your dreams to find you and bring you back." Cas explained as Sam barely listened to what he was saying.

Sam frowned as an ache started behind his eyes the more he concentrated on retrieving the memories. He wondered what Dean had seen in there and if he should be worried. He had no way of knowing what had been playing in his mind during that time. He just hoped it wasn't any of the darker secrets he never wanted known. He moaned slightly in pain and rubbed his temples not realizing Cas had stopped talking and was studying him.

"Are you in pain?"

"Headache." he confessed.

"Shall I get you something for it?"

"Tylenol...Bathr'm ." Sam said closing his eyes willing the pain to stop.

"I will be right back." Cas said getting up to retrieve the medicine and some fresh water. He came back and helped Sam sit up long enough to take the pills. He let his head drop back onto the pillow with a sigh. "Can I get you anything else Sam?"

"No...Cas...why...Dean...here...hel...pin' me?" he struggled to get out frustrated that his brain wouldn't let him say what he wanted to. What he didn't know was the grace that was in his body was working steadily at creating new paths and waking up dormant cells in his brain that would correct this problem very quickly. The grace was feeding off the power of the demon blood and growing stronger within Sam. But what no one knew was what other affects and changes it was going to have on him.

"He's your brother Sam, why wouldn't he be here and helping you?"

"Made it...Cl-clear...No-No-thin' do with me..." Sam huffed out finally, not able to finish the sentence.

"You mean for freeing Lucifer?" Cas asked, finishing his statement.

"No...I chose de...Dis-dis-p-p-onted...C-C-C't for-for-g've..." Sam said looking away as what he did came back. It depressed him because he may have doomed the entire world with his recklessness and one track mind set on revenge, but worst of all he lost the trust of his brother. He saw it now, that motel room, the fight and him walking away from his brother, choosing a demon over his own brother.

"I know Dean regrets letting you leave like he did." Cas said softly trying to ease Sam's troubled mind. "He's blaming himself for what happened to you."

"He'll leave... Won't stay..." Sam mumbled, turning away so Cas wouldn't see his tears. "Rest now." he finally got out not wanting to talk anymore because of the sobs caught in his throat that made it tighten up.

"Alright, I'll just sit here." Cas said not taking the hint to leave. "In case you need anything."

spn

Dean got out of the Impala and went to the trunk to gather the bags and take them inside. He got the door opened and headed for the kitchen depositing the bags on the counter to go back out and get the rest. When he came back in, Cas was putting away items from the bags.

"Cas, is Sam okay?" Dean asked sitting the other bags down and looking toward the stairs.

"He was pretending to be asleep, but finally dozed off about twenty minutes ago."

"Why was he pretending to be asleep?" he questioned. Dean knew Cas could be annoying at times and wondered what happened.

"Did you know he thinks you're leaving now that he's awake." Cas asked as he set the milk in the fridge.

"Why would he think that?" Dean asked surprised by the statement.

"Because of what he did and how you felt about that, about him I think. He asked me to tell him what happened to him and I did. Apparently he still believes what you told him before the separation. He may not remember everything, but it seems he remembers that."

"Sonovab..." Dean mumbled slamming his hand down on the counter in anger. "I wanted to wait until he was stronger to hash all this out. I don't think he's in the right state of mind at the moment and strong enough."

"Maybe you should try anyway. He seems pretty upset and I don't think he remembers all that happened."

"Are you good with putting all this away?" he asked with a sigh, deciding to go talk to Sam.

"Yes, I can do that." Cas said looking in another bag to pull yogurts out and take to the fridge.

He needed to clear the air with him and convince Sam that he wasn't going anywhere. Dean went back out to the Impala and got the wheelchair and shower chair out.

spn

Dean drew in a deep breath as he mounted the stairs to talk to his brother. He hefted the wheelchair and carried it up the stairs, sitting it at the top. He went back down and got the shower chair taking it on to the bathroom and sitting it in the tub. He knew Sam wouldn't get better until they got some things aired out and hopefully he could convince him he wasn't leaving this time. He planned on staying around until Sam was better and then some decisions could be made. Until then, he just wanted to ease his brother's mind and do whatever he could to make things right between them again. Dean paused in the doorway and looked into the room at his sleeping brother. As if sensing he was being watched, Sam rolled his head enough to look toward to door and see Dean standing there looking back at him. Dean saw a look of loss and emptiness in his eyes before he closed them back and turned his head away. This stopped him from going on into the room, deciding he needed rest more than talking right now. He left the wheelchair outside the room and went back downstairs to help Cas. He thought Sam had had enough stress on him for one day and would wait until tomorrow to get him a shower and have Cas bring him downstairs.


A/N: Thank you to all who are reading my story and I hope you are enjoying it. So Sam is not convinced Dean really wants to be there and feels so helpless right now. Can Dean convince him otherwise? Reviews welcome. NC