A/N: I took the liberty of re-arranging when the "Don't die!" line took place. Hope you don't mind.

Disclaimer: For 11 chapters I've been using BioWare's Intellectual Property, which comprises Mass Effect, the Mass Effect universe, and all characters within. If you still think they belong to me...*le sigh*

·


·

·||·

Explanations and Excuses

·||·

·

Chapter 12: Finality

·

·

Had he been a normal person, he'd be severely depressed.

Reason number one: nearly all of his crews have been abducted.

Reason number two: there's a definite tension between two sworn enemies. Or to be precise, between a quarian and her race's sworn enemy, the geth.

Reason number three: He's having doubts about his decision back on the Heretic Station. Damn you, Joker!

And reason number four, the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back: He had to make his own navy-spec coffee.

Gardner's been making a hell of a navy-spec coffee, and Shepard hadn't yet found his secret. It's quite apparent when he grimaced, realizing he had put in a too much salt in his coffee. He glanced across the table as he heard someone chuckling.

"I *did* tell you to stop adding more salt, Th– Shepard," a voice thick with accent replied to his glance, mirth clearly evident.

"Hey, you said yourself you don't know how to make my kind of coffee," Shepard retorted.

Miranda rolled her eyes. "Didn't it occur to you, that if you haven't put in enough salt, you can add more? But now, you've put in too much salt, and, well, you can't unsalt it."

Shepard nodded, his face grim.

Zaeed had been watching the interaction between Shepard and Miranda. His ears perked up when he detected Miranda almost-slip-of-the-tongue. Interesting, he thought. Noticing the commander's apparent distress, he piped up, "Hey commander! You can always add more coffee, you know."

Shepard looked at Zaeed with an awestruck look. "Hey, that's brilliant idea, Zaeed!" The commander immediately left his seat for the galley, face brightened considerably.

"Hmph. Greenhorn," Zaeed muttered.

Miranda dropped her head onto the table and groaned, "Men!"

·

— — — ·

·

Less than 20 standard hours before they are scheduled to activate the Omega 4 relay. The Normandy's crews — what's left of it — were abuzz with the final preparations. Shepard took the time to talk with every member of the crew. And each and every one of them had expressed finality to him.

Except one. The last person he visited.

"So don't die! You promise me, damn it!" said Miranda, her voice cracking with emotion.

"It doesn't work that way. We could all be dead this time tomorrow. So if it's not worth it..."

Miranda stands up, tears welling in her eyes, and hugs Shepard. "No. It is."

At last they found some semblance of finality.

·

— — — ·

·

The table receded into the floor as Miranda initiated the QED commlink to The Illusive Man. Shepard stepped on the metallic disc to begin the body scan. Seconds after he stood on the disc, the orange beam of the holoscanner started scanning the profile of his body, from his toes to the tip of his hairs.

As soon as the holoscanning completed, The Illusive Man's holoimage appeared in front of Shepard. The Cerberus leader was sitting on his chair, his visage clearly indicated him being unpleased. Shepard could guess why.

The men just stared at each other in silence for awhile. Then The Illusive Man broke the silence.

"Shepard, this is the second time in a row you disappointed me. First, you did not give the geth to me. Then, you decided to rewrite the 'heretic' geth instead of destroying them."

"I did not see any benefit of handing Legion to you. You already have geth samples which you experimented with on Aite."

"Which you have destroyed. Remember?"

"As I recall, that was with your blessing."

"Yes. It was. But the point is, we do *not* have geth samples anymore."

"And having just Legion will help you revive the project, how?"

The Illusive Man leaned back on his chair. If he had to admit defeat with Shepard, he would. And for this particular issue, he *was* defeated.

"Alright, Shepard. You've won this argument. But pray tell, why did you rewrite the heretic geth instead of destroying them?"

"I figured that it was a gesture of goodwill."

The Illusive Man chortled. "Goodwill? To the geth? They are *synthetics*, for God's sake. They don't understand 'goodwill'. That is a concept understandable for species who have emotions, not... geth!"

"We need all the help we can get to fight the reapers."

"And what's wrong with having *only* the friendly geth, Shepard? They can easily clone their AI processes and upload those new processes to new platforms!"

"Did it occur to you, *sir*, that the heretics' knowledge of the Reapers might be valuable?"

"Did it occur to you, *commander*, that the heretics' knowledge of the organics might be misused? And don't forget: the heretics *hate* organics. Did it occur to you, that their hatred might be 'passed on' to the rest of the geth?"

"Yes, it occurred to me. However," Shepard quickly added when he saw The Illusive Man about to retort. "Legion had made sure that the both geth factions are aware that not all organics desire their demise, of which I am a case in point."

Silence befell them for several seconds. As before, The Illusive Man broke it.

"Shepard, earlier in Freedom's Progress, you had acted against my will. It's proven that your decision was sound. But then again, the stakes for your decision at the moment was not as high.

"But this time, the stakes are very high. Which is why I was very upset when you took the decision without consulting me. And, Officer Lawson, I am also very disappointed that you did not attempt to contact me. I know you're there. Please do not hide in the shadows."

Miranda was surprised. Sure, she knew that the comm room have some low-light cameras and other bugs, but she never expected to be involved in this meeting. She tried to control her emotions as she stepped forward, got scanned, and soon her holo-image joined Shepard's.

"That's better, Miss Lawson. You have something to say in your defense?"

Miranda had taken the time when she was being scanned to calm herself down. She began, "The decision had to be taken very quickly, sir. The heretic forces were still pressing down on us, Legion could not find a consensus, and we had really wanted to rescue the abducted crew as soon as possible. I trust the commander's decision to be the best for us."

The Illusive Man observed Miranda closely. He watched how she glanced to Shepard every now and then. Yes, he'd seen the security footage of their... 'dancing' around each other's feelings. He had to know, how far along had they gone.

"Officer Lawson, are you certain that your trust is not compromised by your personal feelings to Commander Shepard?"

Damn. I am *that* readable? Somewhat flustered, she answered as professionally as she could, "I assure you, sir, that despite our... close relationship, my judgments are still sound."

The Illusive Man nodded. Close relationship. "Very well. What have been done, is done, and we can't do anything but wish for the best," he said to both Shepard and Miranda. He's not yet fully placated, but he'd just have to make do.

"We're on our way to the Omega 4 relay. Do you have any information on what lies beyond?" asked Shepard.

The Illusive Man shook his head. "Sadly, no. You're on your own. There's nothing I can add to what EDI had data-mined from the Collector's database. Speaking of EDI," he lighted a cigarette, "I still have some reservations on letting it run unshackled. I know it's currently needed, a necessary evil, but if you recovered the crew - when you recovered the crew - you should reconsider."

Shepard smirked. "EDI's just like Cerberus, a necessary evil. Yet I trust her just like I trust Cerberus. She did say that despite her shackles, you still put in necessary protocols to prevent her from going rogue against the crew."

For once, Shepard managed to make The Illusive Man speechless for several seconds. Not too long, but enough to give Shepard some satisfaction.

"I see," The Illusive Man finally replied. "So you now trust Cerberus, Shepard? That's quite a change. Pray tell what finally brought you to trusting us?"

Shepard just shrugged. "Like I said, you're a necessary evil. I might not like your actions, but as far as I can tell, Cerberus is the only organization that takes the Reaper threat seriously. The enemy of my enemy..." Shepard let his voice trail off.

"... is my friend. Indeed," The Illusive Man nodded appreciatively. He puffed some smoke before continuing, "The same source of that quote also said that: One thing a fool does, is mistaking foes as friends. Are you really certain Cerberus is your friend, Shepard?"

Now it's the commander's turn to be speechless.

"I am no saint. My methods are ruthless. The path to my goals is littered with lots of dead bodies - sacrifices, if you will - and I demand loyalty of my people. Why can you even trust me, Shepard?"

Shepard pondered for awhile, but then he answered with conviction. "The Alliance gave up on me. You didn't. The Alliance ignored the attacks on the colonies. You didn't. The Alliance put politics above all else. You're a man of action. Not to mention the untold billions you poured out to resurrect me and rebuild me the Normandy."

"And deciding not to put in a control chip in your brain, I might add," Miranda piped up.

"Thank you, Officer Lawson," The Illusive Man nodded to Miranda appreciatively. Then he turned back to Shepard, "I do still demand of your loyalty Shepard. Four billion credits is not small change, but if you decided to turn against us, then I will have to consider that as an acceptable loss in our books."

Miranda shivered. Shepard just nodded, completely understanding what The Illusive Man insinuated. "Of course."

The Illusive Man changed the subject. "Well, we can't cross that bridge until we come to it, but I always like to lay down a pontoon ahead of time. Speaking of preparedness," The Illusive Man paused to puff smoke, "Have you prepared yourselves - and the crew - for whatever lies beyond Omega 4 relay?"

Shepard nodded. "The best we can do."

Miranda added, "I've asked Samara and Mr. Krios to lead sessions of meditations for whoever interested."

"Body and soul. Good," The Illusive Man puffed more smoke. "I cannot suggest more, then. Maybe just wishing you godspeed. You're going to need that."

"Thanks," — "Thank you, sir," Shepard and Miranda replied in unison.

"Well, actually, I *do* have one more suggestion. Miss Lawson," The Illusive Man blew some smoke before continuing. "The Engine Room has no surveillance cameras, if you ever need some privacy from 'the prying eyes of Cerberus'. Cerberus Central out."

The Illusive Man's holo-image flickered out.

Miranda was thankful that the lights of the comm room took some time to reach full brightness. At least she had time to gather her thoughts and hide her being flustered at what The Illusive Man insinuated.

Of course, her blush did not dissipate that quickly. Shepard noticed it and smirked.

"Might need to cover the corrugated steel floor with something, Miri."

·


·

Author's Note: Somewhat shorter chapter than I used to publish. I know. Not much to talk about, anyways.

Shepard's a fast learner, isn't he? :D

Now, TIM's desire is of course no less than Shepard joining Cerberus. So, why did he question Shepard's trust, then? Why did he paint Cerberus negatively? Weren't he concerned of the possibility that Shepard would change his mind about Cerberus?

That, my friends, is a well-known psychological manipulation trick. I forgot its name. Let trust build, bring it down, and see it rise up again higher and achieve the absolute level. Clever, this TIM guy, eh?

Next chapter: Post-Suicide Mission, definitely. Post-LotSB? I have to think about it. Putting in Post-LoTSB might immediately ends this story. What do you think?

Before continuing to the next chapter: I suggest you read my other story first, "Last Rites". That story takes place between this chapter and the next chapter.

·

Edit 01: Explicit suggestion to read Last Rites before continuing with the next chapter.