Alison jumped slightly when she felt someone wrap their arms around her. She'd been living in a completely blacked out house each time her dad and brother were gone. It was almost like she'd become allergic to people and to light. The blonde didn't even turn them on despite darkness being a fear ever since she couldn't figure out what was lurking in it. She turned around and smiled at Emily. Alison couldn't believe her "Killer" was finally home. "Emily. I missed you so much. Do you remember what I said to you in the barn?" She suddenly blurted out. There was so much she needed to, no, wanted to explain to Emily. Sure, the brunette trusted her again but her depression without the girl had made her realize that it was time to admit the truth to both herself and Emily once and for all. She needed to say it all out loud before it was too late.
''I remember every word, but why are you telling me this right now?'' Emily looked down at Alison and squeezed her body tightly, not at all wanting to let go. She wanted to think that Alison had changed, that she was all about the truth now. The brunette leaned her cheek over Alison's shoulder, everything finally feeling like it was back in place. ''I don't ever want to go back there. I felt so blocked off from the world, from reality, I don't even know what I missed.'' The brunette shrugged it off before finally pulling back from Alison.
"I just wanted you to know, I was wrong. Those kisses weren't just for practice." Alison had missed Emily more than she could have ever imagined. She needed the brunette to know that she'd made mistakes but that Emily was very obviously not one of them. "You didn't talk to me for weeks. I thought something happened. I...I missed you so much. When I left, you were the hardest one to leave." Alison admitted, looking into Emily's eyes and giving the brunette a look of pure sincerity.
Emily stood still between the doorframes in Alison's room. ''Alison.. I...'' She looked down at the blonde, her face was a little pale, she still had the Radley bracelet around her wrist. She had an emotionless look on her face, not quite sure why Alison was saying all of this. ''Why.. why are you telling me this now?'' She placed a hand behind the back of her neck.
Alison walked over to Emily and placed her hand on the brunette's cheek. "I just wanted you to know." She whispered softly. The blonde closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath. She slowly let it out and opened her eyes. "I told all those lies, yes. But I was afraid that if I told the truth I'd lose you." Alison leaned in closer to Emily, her hand still caressing the brunette's cheek.
Emily closed her eyes while Alison came up to her. She took a deep breath, wondering what she was up to. When she heard her words, she could feel her heart racing. This is exactly what she had been waiting 3 years to hear. ''Lose me.. lies... Alison what are you...'' She backed away for a second, feeling uneasy about the situation for some reason.. she hadn't seen or made contact with anyone in weeks...
Alison looked down at her feet, a look of complete defeat on her face. Emily no longer let her in and it really hurt her. "I'm just afraid. If she came back...I didn't want to lose you to her." Alison whispered softly, still scared to admit it out loud. "She made you fall for her. What if you and her actually ended up together? Losing my "Killer" to my own twin..." Alison blurted out every thought in her mind. She had been through so much sadness and she wasn't going to just let Emily shut her out.
''Ali.. we have to go to school.'' Emily blurted out and looked at the time. ''Sorry for missing your first day.'' She walked out of the bedroom and then walked downstairs, sitting on the porch to wait for Alison. Even though Emily wasn't supposed to go back to school for another two weeks, she needed to do something to get her mind off of being sent to Radley
"Yeah, okay. And it's fine. The girls walked me to the guidance counselor and then classes. But a car followed me home later that night after I left Spencer's." Alison shuddered slightly at the memory. "I ran to the church and umm, Mona was there. We had an argument.." Alison looked at Emily and sighed as she grabbed her new backpack.
''What happened during the argument?'' Emily asked the blonde who stood ahead of her. She took a breath, knowing that Alison was probably going to lie about it. She narrowed her eyebrows and then stood up, looking into Alison's eyes, a small smile covering her face. ''I have a spare period at first, but I'll gladly drive you if you'd like me to?''
"She slapped me." Alison admitted, lightly touching her cheek as if it still stung, even though it didn't. "Thank you. I would love it if you came with me. I mean I know dealing with Mona isn't going to be easy today." Alison smiled back sweetly, grateful to have Emily by her side again. Her first day back had been harder than she expected though she seemed to have managed to make amends with a few enemies simply by apologizing.
''I'm sorry that I wasn't there. I know I had promised you that I would.'' Emily walked to her car and unlocked it, letting Alison sit inside. Once the brunette herself got comfortable and slid the keys in the ignition, she turned to the blonde and looked at her. ''She slapped you, why?'' Emily mumbled. She knew Alison was possibly hiding something from her, but she wanted to hear her say it by herself.
"I know it wasn't your fault but I'm really glad you're back." Alison smiled at the brunette and slid into the passenger seat. She buckled her seatbelt and took a deep breath, knowing what she had to say would upset Emily. "She was threatening me so I told her I could make 'Loser Mona' again. Then she slapped me." Alison looked down at her hands in her lap. She didn't want to disappoint Emily and make the brunette think she was the same old bitchy Alison.
Emily placed her hand over Alison's cheek, caressing her. She looked over at her, not making any sudden movements, not speaking, simply looking into her eyes. ''We're here for you.'' She whispered to her, afterwards slipping her hands on the steering wheel and spinning out of Alison's driveway and onto the main road to drive to school. ''Mona can't get away with all of this.''
Alison smiled weakly at Emily and let out a deep breath. "Thank you, Em." The blonde whispered back softly. She placed her hands in her lap and played with her thumbs nervously. She didn't know what Mona had planned, but she knew it was going to be horrid. "Can I come over after school? My dad won't be home and I just...I don't want to be alone."
Emily drove about, finally hitting the school's parking lot five minutes after leaving Alison's house. She turned to Ali, sliding the keys down her own jean pockets. ''Sure.'' She stepped out of the car, flicking her hair back. ''Are people looking at me or looking at you... do people know I've been in...'' She whispered the following word. ''Radley?'' She narrowed her eyebrows, taking a deep breath while locking her car.
Alison hopped out of the car and straightened her outfit. She fixed her hair and adjusted her bag on her shoulder. The blonde took a deep breath and took Emily's hand in her own, squeezing tightly. "You ready?" She looked around to see all eyes on her. "They don't know. They're all still just looking at me, Em."
Emily looked around at all of those who were just looking at them. She took her hand away from Alison's, sighing some. ''I'm ready, but...'' She looked at Alison. ''What do you think you're doing?'' She asked once she saw Alison had taken her hand. ''Let's just go inside, these people are already getting on my nerves.
Alison looked at Emily like she'd just been slapped in the face. "I thought...never mind." She shook her head and flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder. The blonde straightened up and strutted inside like she already owned the halls again. She didn't even bother to glance back to see if Emily was following her, after all the brunette had been the one to pull away from her. So Alison decided if she wanted space, she'd give it to her.
''Well then.'' Emily mumbled, rolling her eyes. She knew she had just broken up with Paige, but she had promised her to go to a school event with her during the night. The brunette walked over to Paige, a small smile on her face. They stood at her locker for a moment, discussing some things, Emily turned around to see Alison glancing over at her once, Emily wasn't sure if Alison was going to come drag her along, or if she was going to let her speak to Paige.
Alison walked over to her locker and put her books away. She turned around to see if Emily was around and saw that she was talking to Paige. Alison glared at the pair and slammed her locker door shut. She strutted over to Paige and Emily. She looked Paige up and down and rolled her eyes. "Paige." She greeted her and then turned to Emily. "Emmy? Come on. You promised to walk me to class."
Emily hugged Paige goodbye and then turned to Alison. ''Yeah, sorry. Coming.'' She whispered to her and walked along her side. ''What's your first period?'' She asked, a little smile over her face. ''English with Miss Montgomery? I didn't know she was back.'' Emily smirked, walking Alison to Ella's class. She had replaced Ezra since he had gotten shot. ''I think you'll enjoy it.'' She added.
Alison tugged on Emily's sleeve, practically pulling her away from Paige. "Yeah, since Ezra obviously can't teach, she took over his class." Alison whispered back. "What do you have second period?" Alison asked, remembering that Emily had said first period was her free period. "Me? Alison DiLaurentis actually enjoy school?" The blonde feigned shock and laughed slightly.
''Same as you, History and then P.E. We're stuck together 2nd and 3rd period.'' Emily smirked; she dropped Alison off at the door. The brunette smiled at Alison and then leaned in for a hug. ''I'll be in the library for some studies, I really can't afford to fail History this year.'' She shrugged, knowing her notes were a little low. She finally pulled back and waved. ''See you in an hour.''
"Ew, I have to actually exercise?" Alison rolled her eyes and hugged Emily tightly. "Okay, can we meet back at the library at lunch?" The blonde asked, knowing that she'd need the studying but also thinking of other things. She waved back and walked inside the classroom. She sat in the back row and sighed in relief when she saw that Hanna was in her class and sat beside her.
Emily made her way to the library and then walked backed to Alison's class when the bell rang. She leaned her back against her locker, which was in front of the classroom. She waved once she saw Alison and then took out her binders and notebooks from her locker. ''History... do you know where it is, or.. follow me?'' She smirked. ''So how was it?'' She asked, standing beside Alison.
Alison got up as soon as the bell rang. She was happy to see Emily standing just outside the doorway, waiting for her. She waved as Hanna walked off in another direction and held her notebook tightly. She didn't exactly want Emily to see that she'd spent most of her time drawing an Eiffel Tower doodle on the cover. "It was okay, I guess." Alison shrugged slightly. "I don't really remember where anything is anymore." She sighed softly, feeling out of place in a school that once had been her kingdom.
''You'll get used to it.'' Emily nudged the side of Alison's body, laughing just a little bit. She sighed once and then walked towards history class, Alison following. ''I sit in the back if you want to sit beside me.'' Emily sat in the back row, the seat at the extremity of the room, Alison deciding to sit beside her. ''I can't fail.'' She added. The brunette looked at Alison and pulled her desk closer. ''There.'' She bit at her lip.
"I guess so." Alison rolled her eyes at a random guy who clearly wasn't going to stop staring at her and Emily. The blonde followed Emily over to her seat and sat in the one beside her. She smiled at the brunette when she pushed her desk closer. Alison pulled out her notebook, the cover with her doodle from last class showing. She pulled out a pencil and started working on the sketch more, trying to perfect it.
Emily looked up at the teacher and then took notes as she spoke about the French revolution. It wasn't something that interested her at the most, but if she didn't take those notes, she knew she'd be screwed during the test. Em noticed Alison wasn't taking notes. She laughed and then narrowed her eyebrows. ''The Eiffel tower?'' Emily whispered and cocked her head to the side as she saw Alison's notebook.
Alison barely heard a word the teacher said. She was lost in her own world, thinking of her past and how she wanted her future to go. She'd lost a lot of time and creating a new life wasn't as easy as she'd hoped. Alison snapped out her reverie and looked over at Emily, covering up her drawing a bit. "Yeah...it's not finished yet, but do you like it?" She whispered back softly, smiling sweetly at the brunette.
''I'm surprised you didn't take art class.'' Emily added the remark, looking over at the drawing a little bit. She gazed at the side of Alison's arm and she did so, smiling up at the blonde. ''I love it.'' She whispered to her, making sure the teacher wouldn't catch them talking.
Alison brushed a strand of her hair back behind her ear and smiled even brighter than before. "I thought that was kind of Aria's thing though." She shrugged slightly and then quickly wrote in her best handwriting "You and Me in Sweet Paris." underneath the drawing she'd just finished. She ripped off the back cover she'd drawn it on and handed it to Emily. "It's for you."
''Art can be anyone's' thing, Ali. We can go see the guidance counselor after this course if you want..'' Emily whispered to her and then took the drawing, a small smile on her face, though she could feel her heart skip a beat. ''Paris... how long are we going away for?'' She asked, waiting to hear Alison's reply.
Alison smiled and nodded slightly to let Emily know she wanted to switch one of her classes into art. The blonde looked up to meet Emily's bright eyes. She gave her a sweet smile as she whispered back softly. "How about forever?"
Emily smiled, not turning her head from Alison. ''It's really nice to have you back in school.'' She admitted, placing the sheet of paper that Alison had given her in her binder over the top of her own doodles. ''I'm keeping it.'' She smirked and placed her hand over the top of her own desk, looking ahead of the classroom at the teacher to take some notes.
Alison smiled back and reached over to place her hand over Emily's. "Good. I wanted you to keep it." She looked over at the teacher who was glancing in her direction. Alison quickly sat up straighter and looked over her notebook, holding her pen to give the teacher the impression that she was taking notes.
Emily chuckled as she looked over at the teacher. She narrowed her eyebrows, remembering how defensive this teacher got when someone didn't listen. The brunette didn't move her hand when Alison put hers on top, instead, she tensed up her knuckles and yawned, feeling a little tired considering her last night of sleep was in Radley.
Alison rolled her eyes and shrugged off the stern look the teacher was giving her. Surprisingly, she rarely took notes or paid attention but still managed to get decent grades. She'd always had a good memory but of course, when it came to her and Emily, the brunette always remembered the small details that Alison didn't. She absently rubbed over Emily's knuckles with her thumb, her mind already on something completely unrelated to the class.
Emily sighed once she thought the class was taking forever, and to her utter disappointment, there was still another 30 minutes left. The brunette softly bit at her lip when she felt what Alison was doing with both of her hands. She turned to face Alison, a small smile still forming her lips. ''The girls want to meet up with us for lunch.'' She slid her phone back into her pockets, telling Alison about the text she'd received from Spencer.
Alison looked over at the clock and made a face at Emily, expressing her utterly bored and tortured self. She hated history class the most because none of it felt like useful information for anything she'd ever want to do. Alison sighed softly and shrugged. "Okay I guess. But I kind of wanted to have lunch with just you."
''We can just eat with them and then say I have to help you catch up on classes? They haven't seen me in over a month...'' Emily shrugged, cocking her head to the side. She had missed Hanna, Aria and Spencer a lot. She used to spend all her days with them, and then 5 weeks without seeing them? It was hard. The brunette pierced her lips and closed her notebooks, finally able to just look at the movie that the teacher was showing to the class.
"Yeah sure, Em...whatever you want." Alison replied, distractedly. She'd spent her days doing practically nothing, hitting complete depression without Emily. It upset her to see that the brunette didn't really seem to think that mattered. The blonde couldn't help but feel possessive. The girls had completely ignored her for the most part the past few weeks and no one, not even Emily seemed to be bothered by it. Alison focused her attention on the film for a few moments before feeling bored. Instead she focused on what she wanted to do at lunch today.
Emily sighed, turning her chair quietly to face Alison once and for all. ''What, Ali.. what's wrong?'' She sighed, a shrug over her face. The brunette placed her hand slightly between Alison's knee and thigh, keeping it there for a moment, squeezing it. She kept her eyes on Alison, not wanting her to be upset or anything at all.
Alison chewed on her bottom lip and took a few slow deep breaths. She didn't want her frustration to make her lash out at Emily for no reason at all. Besides, then the brunette might actually think she was secretly Courtney instead. "Do you have any idea what I've been through the past five weeks? I didn't eat or sleep or even exist to the world. The girls barely spoke to me. I thought something had happened...that she'd gotten to you."
Emily couldn't help but narrow her eyebrows, rolling her eyes afterwards. She took her hand away from Alison's knee. Once again, it felt like it was all about her. ''I was in Radley for 5 weeks Alison, because of you and your psychotic sister. My parents blamed you for the way that I am, so no, excuse me but I have no idea what you've been through because I was busy trying to stay sane and to not want to jump out of my barred window.'' She spoke angrily, walking out of the classroom without even asking.
Alison couldn't believe what she was hearing. Emily had come to her house first. She'd thought that meant the brunette had missed her the most but now it seemed like she didn't even matter. The blonde got up and followed Emily out the classroom, not bothering to pay attention to the teacher who was calling out her name angrily. "I thought you cared about me. But clearly all that matters is the girls." Alison shouted out in a hurt tone.
''I care about you, I care about the girls too, but clearly all you think about is yourself and we're all sick of it!'' Emily shouted to Alison in the hallways, her back turning to Alison's face. She hated when the two argued, but when Alison made it seem like she was the only one going through stuff, it drove the brunette crazy.
"You care about me? My dad was practically ready to call The Preserve and send me back there when it was weeks that I hadn't eaten or slept. You were at least in a place that wouldn't let you hurt yourself." Alison looked down at her feet. She walked over to Emily so she wouldn't have to shout. "Not all my scars are from that accident, okay..." She whispered softly, still looking down at her feet.
Emily really didn't know what to reply to the blonde. They were arguing yet they could still find a way to be soft and somewhat intimate with each other. ''We all have scars we wish we didn't have.'' She admitted. The brunette looked over at Alison as the bell rang, knowing they had P.E next. ''I'm ditching, I can't be around people right now.'' She shrugged.
Alison sighed and rolled up her sleeves. She revealed her wrists that showed the fresh cuts she'd carved into her skin without even meaning to. "These are from last week. I didn't even I did them until I saw the blood." She admitted, knowing she'd definitely gone overboard lately. "I know I'm to blame for all that's happened to you and I just...I couldn't handle it." Alison bit her lip softly. "Can I show you something instead of going to class?"
Emily simply pulled Alison in for a hug as all of the girls, Paige, and others spilled into the hallways. The girls were smiling at them, Paige slammed her locker door shut and seemed to be heading home. ''Yeah, let's get out of here, it's too crowded. Where to?'' She pulled away from the hug, placing a hand firmly over Alison's waist.
Alison hugged Emily back, feeling a lot better knowing the brunette was sympathetic towards her feelings. The blonde couldn't help but roll her eyes when she saw that Paige was leaving early as she had on Alison's first day back as well. "Hmm.." The blonde thought for a few moments before deciding where it was she wanted to go. "Catch me if you can." She spoke in a playful tone, giggling as she ran down the hall, towards the library.
Emily shouted. ''Hey, Ali!'' She rolled her eyes, but laughed just a little bit. Alison was being her typical playful self. She followed the blonde to the library, it was quiet, and there was only the librarian and a few students sitting at the tables watching dumb videos on their phone. ''Ali?'' She whispered out, finding her as she sat on the ground between rows. ''Gotcha.'' She walked towards her.
Alison kept running until she reached the library. She wanted Emily to catch her but not before she got to exactly what she was looking for. She sat down in the row where Emily had first kissed her and waited for the brunette to come find her. The blonde smiled softly and looked up at Emily. "Find our book for me? I left something in it." She responded sweetly but chose not to give Emily much of an explanation, wanting her whole plan to be completely unexpected.
Emily nodded, flipping through the rows, trying to find Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. She remembered the library scene, the kiss, the passage about Pip and Estelle. She finally found the book and gently handed it over to Alison. The brunette sat beside her, a little smirk appearing on her face. ''Do you still think I'm big on happy endings?'" She questioned her.
Alison took the book from Emily and looked up to meet the brunette's eyes. She placed her hand on Emily's cheek and smiled sweetly. "That's why I love you. You're big on happy endings." She replied, the same words she'd spoken only a few years ago but they still rang true. Alison flipped through the pages and found her favorite passage. "I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be." She read out loud to Emily. "Do you remember that part?"
Emily couldn't help but smile. She remembered everything when it came to Alison. She nodded, a permanent smile appearing upon her face. ''I remember it. I always have and I always will.'' She admitted to Alison. Emily moved a little closer to the blonde, the library still as quiet as it was when they had both walked in. She leaned into Alison and quickly pressed her lips against hers, just the way it had happened a few years ago. ''And then I kissed you.'' She whispered as she pulled back.
Alison was glad to see that even though she'd denied that the kiss had meant anything to her, Emily hadn't repressed the memory. The blonde leaned into Emily and kissed her back gently. When the brunette pulled back, she gently traced over her lips. "I remember. It wasn't just for practice, Em." She whispered back. "Remember the letter you gave me after that?" She asked, hoping that she wouldn't upset Emily by reminding her of that letter and how Alison had practically laughed in her face.
''The letter.. the biggest regret in my life. I had written it to you, and you laughed at me... and then a week later, you were gone.'' Emily shrugged, leaning her back over the bookshelf that was behind her. She looked at Alison. ''I remember every detail about the time that I've spent with you, Alison.'' She whispered to her, looking down at her feet.
Alison reached over to tilt Emily's chin up slightly with her thumb so the brunette was looking at her. "Hey, I don't regret it. I still have that letter and I wrote one back. I left it in our chapter hoping you'd find it but then she ruined everything. Yesterday when I came back, it was still here." She handed over a letter to Emily. On the top page, she'd written "I'll be the one if you want me to. Anywhere, I would've followed you." It was her favorite line from her favorite song. She pulled out her phone and lowered the volume so they wouldn't get in trouble before hitting play. Her favorite song played and she whispered over to Emily. "This song...it's my favorite and every time I've listened to it, I thought of you."
Emily couldn't help but take a soft breath, wanting to let out a few tears. She thought she knew what Alison was trying to say, but she wanted to hear it from her, not from the letter. ''Read it to me?'' Emily handed it back to her, a soft speaking voice. The brunette's heart was racing, was this what she thought it was? She thought to herself and then pierced her lips. ''What... are you trying to tell me?'' She asked though regretted it afterwards.
Alison could hear how Emily's word caught in her throat but she chose to ignore it. She wanted this moment to be perfect. She'd planned it all out yesterday and it hadn't exactly gone as expected but it would still be perfect. She unfolded the letter and smoothed out the creases from the years it had been folded up inside their book.
"Dear Emmy,
You are and always will be my favorite. You are my "Killer," and I didn't even know how much I had hurt you until I read your letter. I knew you loved me but I didn't know how much it could hurt to love that deeply until you kissed me in the library. When you did, I felt something too and I'm so sorry that I told you your feelings were one-sided. There's something you need to know. I'm not that bitch I acted like. I just was afraid because of who I am in this school and in this town. But everything you've ever told me, I pay attention to. I remember how you used to get scared in the middle of the night and would climb into my bed on our sleepovers with the girls. I remember how you told me my hugs made you feel safe. I even remember when you told me to study for our French test and instead I asked you to run away to Paris with me forever. The truth is, I kissed you back that day and it wasn't an accident. I think I'm in love with you too, Emily. I hope you don't hate me for taking so long to finally tell you the truth but I love you and I think I always will.
Love (I hope forever and always),
Ali."
