Chapter 12
Loss
People do not die for us immediately, but remain bathed in a sort of aura of life which bears no relation to true immortality but through which they continue to occupy our thoughts in the same way as when they were alive. It is as though they were travelling abroad. - Marcel Proust
Emily stood back as the 'medics checked Spencer. He was lying on his side, eyes closed. He looked as if he was sleeping, if it wasn't for the dirt and blood. He was covered in cuts and scratches, his lips split and bleeding, and the palms of his hands were bloody. His leg, twisted and misshapen and tied to a splint, was bleeding onto his clothes. His shirt was gone. She remembered that Hotch had splints tied to his body with cloth strips.
"Is he going to be ok?" she asked tentatively. "He was hypoglycaemic. We gave him some cola."
"I think you probably saved his life. Apart from the cuts and the leg, I think he's going to be fine." He smiled up at Emily. "He's sleeping off the hypo now."
They lifted Spencer onto a stretcher, and followed Emily out to the barn. He complained in his sleep at the movements, but that just meant he was responsive. It was a good thing.
They took Spencer straight to the ambulance, and one of the 'medics stayed with him, while Emily and his colleague went to see if they could help with Hotch.
Emily stood next to Rossi, who was standing back in silence while they frantically worked on him. He was lying supine, arms outstretched, not moving. He had been intubated, and was being ventilated by hand, as his intercostal muscles and diaphragm were paralysed. They were now worried that he would suffer heart failure, but as yet, his heart was still struggling on.
"Respiratory failure is the most dangerous." Rossi said, needing to say something. "They need to keep him breathing. As long as his heart doesn't stop..."
"...pupils responsive, but sluggish...muscle reflexes absent...bradycardia...arrhythmia..."
"Let's get him up!"
They lifted him with care onto a stretcher, and raced him to the waiting ambulance.
Rossi said, "We'll follow in the car!"
Morgan got in the SUV beside Rossi, and Emily sat in the back with JJ. Rossi drove through the streets like a madman. He wanted to be there when Aaron was taken out and into the ER.
-0-0-0-
Spencer was starting to wake up. His eyes flickered open, and he turned his head.
"He's awake!" One of the 'medics turned from Aaron, and sat by him.
"You're going to be fine, Spencer. You had an overdose of insulin, but your quick acting colleague gave you a drink, which saved you. When we get in, you will probably need to go to theatre to sort out your leg, but other than that and some cuts, you should make a full recovery."
Spencer wasn't really listening. He was trying to see what was happening on the other bed.
"Aaron? What about Aaron?"
"My colleagues are working on him now. I'm afraid he's in a bad way. We are doing everything we can."
Spencer sucked in his bottom lip. "He has to live!" he whispered. "He has to! I don't think I could carry on without him."He wiped a tear off his cheek.
The 'medic took Spencer's hand. "We'll do our best. Now relax." He turned away and rejoined his colleagues.
Spencer lay still on his back and stared at the ceiling. Aaron had to live. They had so much life ahead of them; so much to do together. He needed him.
Aaron, wake up. Fight it, Babe, come on. I need you. We all need you. Just don't give up!
-0-0-0-
Rossi drove in silence, the only visible sign of his inward turmoil was his grip on the steering wheel. Morgan had his head back on the head rest, the heels of his hands against his eyes, holding back the tears. Emily and JJ clung to each other in the back and cried.
All Emily could thing was that this was her fault. They had lost someone they loved, and it was down to her. Her mind kept flashing back to when she had last spoken to Hotch, in the hospital dining room. She remembered the tilt of his head, the excited twinkle in his eyes when he heard something interesting, how he was always professional, always in control.
"Oh Hotch, I'm so sorry!"
"It's ok, Em. You've got nothing to be sorry about." JJ hugged a little tighter.
"Why didn't I do something, JJ?" she sobbed. "All that torture and pain, now this, and I could have prevented it."
"Em, it isn't your fault!" JJ pulled back and held her face. "There was a crazy UnSub whose fault it is. Don't blame yourself. It is not your fault."
JJ wiped tears away and pulled her close again.
They were arriving at the hospital. Rossi screeched the SUV into a 'no parking' zone and the four got out and ran to the ambulance bay.
Aaron was brought out first, surrounded by 'medics. They rushed him past them and through the doors to the waiting arms of the doctors.
Then they went back for Spencer. He was sleeping now, after his hypo. He was taken through the same doors, and out of sight.
Rossi, Morgan, Prentiss and JJ stood looking at the doors.
"I don't want to be here again." said Emily quietly. "I cope with the job and all the horrible things we see, but sitting in there, waiting for..." She didn't finish her sentence, but she didn't need to. They all felt the same. Slowly, they walked round to the waiting room, each offering prayers to their own private deity.
They sat in the room, dry eyed and silent. Rossi got up and bought them all coffee, and they each sat looking ahead, waiting for news, clutching their cups in trembling hands. When the doctor came in, they all looked to him fearfully.
"Dr Reid?" Rossi stood up and extended his hand.
"We're here for him." he said.
The doctor shook his hand and said, "You will be pleased to know that Dr Reid is stable, and is in theatre now having his leg set. Apart from a slight limp which will probably fade with time, we expect him to make a full recovery." He smiled at them. "Your quick thinking, giving him cola to drink, probably saved his life."
"And Aaron?" Rossi asked, afraid of the answer, but had to know.
"I am very sorry, but the news is not good. Mr Hotchner is very poorly. The drug he was given has paralysed his muscle system. He cannot breathe unaided, and we are concerned with his cardiac muscle. We have put him on temporary peritoneal dialysis, to help get rid of the toxin, but that doesn't always work. From here on in, it is palliative care. If you have a God, now is a good time to pray."
Emily fought for control. She needed to be professional now. "Can we see him?"
"He's in theatre now. Both his wrists are broken and needed strapping, but he has serious crushing injuries in the pelvic region. There is likely to be internal damage, and he may need hip replacements, depending on how serious the damage is. His head and facial injuries just needed stitches. We noticed that he had a recent dermal transplant. That also needs repair. I am afraid that's all I can tell you. He will be several hours in surgery. I'm sorry. The prognosis isn't good. As soon as I have news on either of you friends, I will come and let you know."
They sat back down again as the doctor left them. Rossi leaned forwards with his face in his hands. Morgan leaned back and stared at the ceiling, his eyes full of tears. Emily and JJ clung to each other. The only sound was of the girls quietly crying.
