Weeks passed, and all hope seemed lost. The only sounds inside the wretched machine consisted of pained moans and a compilation of every Beatles song ever played on repeat.

Suddenly, for the first time, the music stopped. Every living creature in the room, even those without lungs, let out an audible sigh of relief. The Doctor gritted his teeth and marched over to the player to begin the playlist again. He got angry when John Lennon wasn't in the background to soothe him. Very angry.

"psst." The sound had come from a broom closet directly below Potter. He gasped.

"Who's there?" He asked in an urgent whisper.

"No time. This is the first I've been able to contact you. I don't recognize your voice but you feel familiar, and I'm drawn to you… and we need to escape. Get out of your cage." The voice was deep and sultry, a strong sound similar to booming thunder but quieter, and it made Potter's nipples quiver in anticipation.

"Yeah." He reached through the bars with one hoof and unlatched his door, climbing out and landing on the ground. Radrig did the same thing. When they were on the ground the door to the broom closet opened and out came…

The Hamburglar. No, we're not talking the chubby red haired motherfucker. We're talking early 2015 spicy hot ryan reynolds pedophile looking slice of motherfucker.

"Wowie! How did you get out, Mr Hamburglar?" Potter asked.

"Well, I'm kind of an escape artist you see. There is only one closet I could never escape from. Oh, and you can call me Hammy." He winked and Potter and Radrig felt shivers in their vagits.

Suddenly there was a gasp behind them and when they turned they saw the silhouette of the Doctor, dramatically backlit from some unknown light source within the Fardis.

"NGAHHHHH!" He screamed, and fish n chips erupted from his puffy pink grunthole. "You think you can escape so easily? And with my prized possession?!" He crossed his arms and laughed, brows drawn together and one corner of his mouth tilted up in a vaguely anime-ish half smile smirk.

"You don't own me." The Hamburglar's hands curled into fists at his sides, and this beautiful voice cracked. "One day Doctor, I'll have my revenge." Potter's scrotum clenched.

The Doctor advanced, the sound of his squeaky clown shoes unmistakable as he approached them. They knew they couldn't overpower this man. Even The Beatles, playing loudly in the background was not enough to soothe his British Fury.

As if by luck, the Fartis began shaking and tilting violently and the annoying sound returned. The Doctor was somehow thrown into one of the cages by the force of its tilting and the door slammed shut to trap him just as the porta-potty crashed. He screamed and began pulling at the steel bars, bending them with strength only an angry englishman ranting on Reddit could achieve.

"We need to get out of here!" Potter led their small group to the door before the Doctor could catch them in his primal rage. They threw it open and collapsed onto a heap of loose sand. They scrambled up and, while working together, were able to create a shitty blockade around the outhouse door by forming a giant mountain of sand. Then they ran. And they ran, until they couldn't any more and they collapsed.

"Potter… he will keep looking for us. We are a piece of his collection, and he will want us back. We leave today with a bounty on our heads." The Hamburglar said in a solemn tone. Potter placed a hoof over his hand.

"At least we're here together."