Zetsu as the Beanstalk
First day of school and I already have homework and a project-_-" great. But I'm gonna procrastinate for a while and type this instead! So if I get and F on all my work I know what to blame! JK...anyways, this is the start of part two!
Disclaimer: This is the last disclaimer! I don't and never will own Naruto:(
Once upon a time-
"Said our lovely narrator, Kirina."
"Baka! Kisame, we're are the narrators. Therefore, we narrate and you won't need to say all that 'said' stuff with me!"
"But I wanna!"
"No buts. I'm also director here so I'm the boss of you!"
"Fine...meanie."
"Okay, let me continue."
Once upon a time, there was a poor family of two, Jack and his Mother, Pein. Pein enters stage dressed with an apron and cloth around head. In a motherly voice he speaks:
"Jack, would you please take our cow...Betsy, and sell it at the town."
Enters Jack with a orange mask.
"But why mommy?" He says. "Betsy is a good boy."
"Betsy is a girl, child." His mother corrects.
"But Betsy is a good moo-moo!"
"We are poor, if you still want to eat that ridiculous baby food of yours, sell it." Enters cow.
…...silence.
"Psst, Kakuzu! You have to go 'moo'!" said cow faces girl narrator.
"No way in hell!"
"Come on, I'm director here."
"Moo."
"Come on, give more...emotion!"
"Moo~"
"Reminder: you are a girl cow."
"Moo3"
"Perfect!" I gave him a thumbs up.
"On with the story." Blue boy begins to narrate.
So the boy takes cow to town they sell it. Boys take beans, grow it...the end.
"Kisame...you suck at storytelling."
"No! I'm the best at that."
"You just ruined the ending for everyone. I'll take over."
"You have no taste in narrators and good storytelling!"
"No, I really do not."
The saddened boy takes his beloved Betsy the cow to town. On the way he meets a blonde old lady.
"Man! Old man, un!"
"Okay, okay."
The boy meets an old man on the way.
"Hello, little boy, un. Are you selling that fat cow of yours?"
"Yep! This is Kaku-Betsy. Tob-Jack needs to sell it to town!"
"Well, I have an offer for you, un. You see, in my hands I have these magic beans. I will trade you three magic beans for your Kaku-Bestsy, un. We have a deal?" In his hands were three black and white beans.
"Ooh, magic? But Jack can't. Jack needs to sell Betsy to town."
"Why, my name is town, un."
"I thought you were sempai!"
"Tob-Jack! I am town, un. Got that?"
"Okay! Jack will trade fat cow for beans!"
"Here." Town threw the beans to Jack.
"Thank you sempai! I mean...thank you town!" A happy and satisfied Jack skipped back home, anxious to show his mother the new beans.
"Mommy Pein! I traded Betsy to town!"
"That's wonderful darling! What did you trade her for?" Mother Pein spoke in a fake motherly voice.
"These!" He held out the beans for his mother to see.
"Why you stupid a...boy! I told you to sell it and you bring back beans!"
"But they're magic beans."
"Magic beans my behind! No dinner for you boy!"
"But I sold them to town!"
"Who in town! When I find out who it is I will shinra tensei his house!"
"I sold it to a man named town!"
"A man! You got tricked! Go to your room now!"
That night the hungry boy sat on his bed.
"Stupid beans. You're not magic! Now Jack is hungry. Beans are not a good boy. Die!" He threw the beans out the window. The poor boy slowly fell asleep after that. Little did they know, the beans were indeed magic.
The next morning, Jack woke up, but it was still dark outside.
"Hey, who turned off the light?" He walked over to his window and right there, covering his sunlight, was a giant plant.
"Ahhh! It's Frankenstein!"
"No! We are Zetsu...the beanstalk."
"It's alive! The plant is alive and it talks!"
"We are Zetsu! Not plant!"
"Oh, okay." The boy ran to his mother's room.
"Mommy Pein, the beans are magical! They're alive!"
"Sure they are. Why don't you invite them in for some tea?"
"Okay." Jack ran back to his room. "Would you like to come in for some tea?"
"We do not like tea and prefer to stat outside."
"Okay, Jack will come outside with you." He jumped out of his window.
"You know, Zetsu-san, you are awfully tall. Can I climb you?"
"Of course not, childish boy!" The narrator/director cleared her throat.
"Okay, fine. Yes you may climb.
"Yay!" He climbed and climbed then stood on top of his venus flytrap head.
"Er, Zetsu, can you grow a little taller? Jack can't reach the castle."
"Why don't you grow a little taller?" The plant growled.
"Can we get some help here." Said the director. Two workers enter the stage with a ladder.
"Put it on his head. Okay, Jack, climb." Jack climbed up and up the ladder until he reached the top. In front of him was the castle that belonged to the giant and his wife.
"Ooh, big house, Jack wants to go!" Jack runs into the house and meets the giant's wife, Konan.
"Little boy, what are you doing here?"
"Wah! Konan-chan is so big."
"That's just a jutsu I used. Ignore it."
"Oh, Giant-chan can continue now."
"What are you doing here? If my husband finds out, he will eat you!"
"Eat me? Jack wants to eat meat too!"
"You must be hungry, here's some food." Jack began chewing on the giant loaf of bread that the giant's wife gave him. A little while later, the floor started shaking.
"Fee, Fie, Ho, Hum. I smell...I smell...chicken! Blood too." Enters, the giant!
The giant's wife hears her husband.
"Quick boy, hide in the cupboard!" The giant walks into his house.
"Wait, wait, wait. He's my husband?" The giant's wife interrupts.
"Oh, blue haired bitch is my wife! This doesn't see m so bad now."
"Kirina! Why?" Said director shrugged.
"Sorry, I didn't do casting this time."
"Then who? I will give them the paper cut of life!"
"I don't know. I found this paper on my desk with the cast, so sorry."
"Fine, I'll live."
"I OBJECT!" Enters Mommy Pein with makeup half done and wearing carrot boxers.
"I don't agree to this! Why does the religious asshole get the girl and I don't!"
"Uh, because you are a girl in this!"
"Well I quit!"
"Sorry you signed the contract."
"What contract?" I held up a piece of paper.
"You signed it last night after you had that sake bottle."
"Why you- Hidan, I will kill you!"
"Hey, do I have permission to knock him out?"
"Sure." The giant took his giant bat, not scythe! He bonked the PMSing mother, successfully knocking her out.
"You guys continue."
"Woman! Fetch me my magical chicken." Enters Itachi in a chicken suit.
"Here's your chicken."
"Hn."
"Hey, look here...chicken goes cluck not hn, got that? Geez, you criminals need to learn about animal sounds." The narrator/director rants.
"Cluck."
"Lemme show you what my chicken can do, he poops..." Three colorful egg like things pop out. "Dango." The giant finished. Yes, the giant has a magical, dango-pooping chicken.
"Now chicken, give me some food!"
After a long time, the giant fell asleep. Jack slowly crept out of the cupboard and stepped out. He took a long look at the chicken before taking it home with him.
"Okay, chicken be a good boy and be quiet."
"Hn." Jack went back to the ladder/Zetsu.
"Okay, chicken goes first!" He threw the chicken down to the ground then climbed down the ladder.
"Hi Zetsu! Look what I brought, a magic chicken!"
"They got to you too, eh Itachi-san?"
"Hn."
"Come on, chicken. Jack will show you your new home!" Jack led to chicken inside and showed his mother...but his mother was fast asleep on her bed.
"Oh, Mommy Pein can't see. Too bad." That night, Jack filled himself up with dango and had a great night's sleep.
The following morning, Jack climbed up Zetsu again.
"Hi, Lady-Giant-sama!"
"You again? Here's more food." She handed him more bread. He ate in silence. The thundering steps of the giant were heard again.
"Fee, Fie, Ho, Hum. I smell pie and chicken and grapes and...blood!" Without needing to be told, Jack hid in the cupboard once more.
"Hey, woman. What's for dinner?"
"I OBJECT!"
"F- no. Again?" Yet again, the PMSing mother invaded the giant's house. The giant's swung his bat and hit the mom square in the face. Knocked out once more.
"Anyways, wifey, bring me my special harp." Enters Sasori as 'harp'.
"Here it is."
"Let me tell you wifey, my harp looks like a puppets and plays the best songs using chakra strings." He ordered the harp to play, and it did..the harp was certainly not the best musician out there. He played horribly out of tune and a few of his strings broke too.
"Hey! I won a Grammy for this piece, ya know!"
Yeah, sure, keep believin that puppet boy!
The harp played until the giant fell asleep and Jack came out of the cupboard once again.
"Jack will take harp and win lots of Grammy's!" He stole the harp and just when he was about to exit, the giant woke up.
"Hey! Where the f- is my music?" The giant spotted Jack by the door.
"Oi! You harp stealing boy! Get your ass back here!" The giant stood up and chased after Jack. Jack was faster, he ran and ran till he got to Zetsu then threw the harp down and climbed down.
"Hurry Zetsu! Move over."
"Why?"
"Because the fat giant, Hidan is coming!"
"No! Not him!"Zetsu disappeared under ground.
"I WILL GET YOU BOY!" Hidan came down on the spot where Zetsu was supposed to be, instead, falling into the hole Zetsu disappeared in, trapping him forever.
"Yay! Scary giant is gone!"
Jack and his mother won many Grammys from the harp and have their own dango stand. They were very rich and lived happily ever after.
The End.
"Kisame, it's finished." The narrator sulked in the corner.
"Come on, you're still mad about that?" No answer. "What do you want me to do to make you talk again?"
"Admit that my storytelling skills are better than yours."
"Fine, your storytelling skills are awesome."
"Okay, I'm good."
"But you still suck."
"Aww." Kisame sulks in his corner again.
Okay, what'd you think about this? I hope it was okay.
Like my other story, Unexpected, Kisame still sucks at storytelling. I don't think that he's gonna improve anytime soon either.
I'm keeping the same poll as last time for a while, but for part two the polls will be some random stuff about Naruto and not always Akatsuki-centered. So...yeah. Review! Bye!
