Chapter 12 - Shake Me To the Ground

Summary: Grant finally relaxes, and Skye faces some hard truths (but as always tries to avoid doing anything about them...). Phil and Melinda talk playlists and have consciences, and Andrew tries to talk to Skye. Plus everyone's drinking.


Grant sighed and accepted the beer Clint handed him with a small smirk. "Streya Novikova. Stray Streya, they called her in the village." He took a long drink. "Nat had already been there for a month, but I was sent in with updated intel as backup. She brought me down to the local pub to cover a meet, and I was trying out my Russian for the first time in the field without her..."


Twelve years ago
Marat, Uzbekistan

Romanoff gave a small smile to the room while she whispered to him. "Just stay inconspicuous. It's Nikolov's birthday -" she pointed at a burly man in the corner surrounded by shot glasses, "so everyone should just be drinking and having fun. My contact should be here in a half hour and we'll be meeting upstairs."

Ward nodded. "Understood."

She shoved his shoulder lightly. "Don't be too inconspicuous, though. I've been talking about my Dmitri, so don't let me down." She kissed him soundly and pushed him away, laughing at the catcalls. "Dmitri!" she called with a smile. She took his hand and tugged him towards the bar.


"I don't know how much you know about Russian party etiquette, but you have to go shot for shot. And as much as I'd trained for Russia, we all somehow forgot to have me train for that." Like you actually got a say in it, baby? Kara's voice murmured. Grant shook his head. "I tried as hard as I could to pace myself, to avoid eye contact and stay sober, but..."

Clint snorted, thinking of parties with Natasha. "You didn't have a chance."

Grant scoffed. "I had less than a chance. I had Garrett throwing me at the mission in a month's time when anyone else would've had at least three." I think that's the first time I actually criticized him out loud...He scrubbed a hand down his face and took another drink. "And that's how I ended up drunkenly proposing to Streya."


Phil blew out a breath as he knocked on Melinda's door.

Melinda frowned at the sound. "Give me a minute," she murmured. She left her place on the couch to open the door. "Phil?"

"I'm sorry to disturb you, Melinda, but I need Andrew." The director frowned. "Or I think Skye needs him, actually."

Andrew exhaled and stood. "Something to do with Grant?"

Melinda's brows furrowed at the question, the furrows deepening when the director nodded.

"She caught him talking to Fitz on his way to meet Nat and seems really...thrown by her own reaction," Phil explained. "She's in my office, I told her to hide out as long as she needs, but..."

Andrew shook his head. "Don't worry about it. I can't promise she'll talk to me, but I'll definitely go check in."

Phil signed in relief. "Thanks, Andrew. Just - let me know what she needs." He gave Melinda an apologetic look. "If you want to take tomorrow off with Andrew, feel free."

Melinda rolled her eyes. "Andrew, go talk to Skye. Phil, pour us some vodka."


"Is forgiving and forgetting worth it, though?" Lincoln questioned. "What do we get out of it here?"

Fitz shook his head. "Don't misunderstand me now. I'm not saying forgive and forget, it's more like..." He paused thoughtfully. "It's more understand and forgive." He shrugged. "Isn't that the chance we gave Agent Romanoff? I know it's before your time, but even Director Coulson said you can save anyone if you get to them early enough." He sighed and looked from Mack to Lincoln, holding the latter's gaze as he continued. "And we weren't the ones who tried to save Grant. He worked on saving himself, alone."

"He could have asked for help," Lincoln challenged.

"Yeah, if he realized he needed it," Fitz replied. "And I don't think he knew until it all blew up in his face how much he needed to change."

"Being locked in the basement wasn't enough?" Mack grumbled.

Fitz shot him a glare. "Do you know what happened when we locked him in the basement? He tried to kill himself three times over." He frowned at the tabletop. "And we ignored it. We dismissed it. We thought it was an act. We even -" He cut himself off before mentioning Jemma. "Thinking back and knowing what I know now? He was looking for help, he was looking for purpose, and we left him alone in the dark." He looked up to Mack and Lincoln. "Have either of you ever been completely alone and abandoned? Then taken advantage of by the person who supposedly saves you?"

Lincoln froze, staring down at the table.

Fitz exhaled shakily. "Until that happens, I don't know that any of us have room to judge." He stood from the table. "Thank you both. I'll wish you good night."

Around the corner unseen, Jemma hurried away from the lounge, Fitz's words ringing in her ears.


Clint winced. "Drunkenly proposing? That doesn't sound good at all."

Grant huffed a laugh. "It wasn't. Like I said, Garrett rushed me into this. I pick up languages fast, but there are nuances to Russian that you can easily mix up." I wonder if he knew that? If he cared? He shrugged and took a long drink of his beer. "Streya was working behind the bar. She was probably...late twenties, maybe? But for a place that rural, she was an ugly old maid in their eyes. Hence Stray Streya." He chuckled and shook his head. "Anyway. I knew enough to realize I needed something to eat to sop up the vodka." He sighed. "And of course that process involved a bunch of similar sounding Russian words that I was trying to properly deliver while drunk."

Clint snorted. "Of course it did."

Grant nodded. "I went to the bar, and I swear to you, I wanted to ask for a meal, and thank the lady." He gave a self-deprecating smile. "Instead, I asked for 'torture' and thanked 'the old man'."

Clint's eyes widened. "You did what?"

"I mixed up the words - they're close, it's a common mistake - but instead of saying 'please bring me a meal, thank you, miss,' I said 'please bring me torture, thank you, old man.'" Grant shook his head. "She brought me her father, and repeated what I had said. And he -"

Clint guffawed. "He thought you were thanking him for his daughter, and the torture you wanted was marriage."

Grant tipped the bottle to him. "Got it in one."

Clint toasted Grant with a snort. "No wonder Nat loved it. She told you to be inconspicuous, and something like that -"

"Took over the whole party, yeah." Grant gave a bittersweet smile. "I thought she was going to kill me, but it ended up that her contact was getting skittish. I managed to save the op by being drunk and notorious." Could've been so much worse. "Best since Romanoff." He finished his beer with a sigh. "She never put it in the official report, but she loves to have me tell the story to people she trusts to know it."

"Well, I'm glad to be one of the ones who knows, then," Clint offered. He nodded towards Grant's empty beer. "Want another?"

Grant laughed. "Yeah. Sounds good." May as well enjoy the time off campus...

Clint nodded again and stood to retrieve them.

"You know, some people would find it odd to stock alcohol in the fridge in your gym," Grant joked.

"And other people know better," Clint countered. He handed Grant another beer. "I think you're one of 'em."


Andrew knocked on Coulson's office door. "Skye?"

Skye looked towards the door at the sound of his voice. "Doc?"

Andrew took the question as authorization to enter. "Hey. Phil came to get me. Want to talk about it?"

"No," she muttered. "But I don't know if I can avoid it for long."

Andrew squeezed her shoulder and crouched in front of her. "You're looking at the wrong guy for avoiding your problems. But I get the feeling that's why you came to Phil first, and not me."

Skye peered up at him from under her lashes. "Maybe."

Andrew chuckled. "I just came to check in because he was worried. I'm not going to force you to talk." He shrugged. "If you want to talk about it, though..."

Want to? No...Skye hugged her knees tighter. But do I need to? Do I owe it to myself? She took a deep breath. "I think I might have feelings for Grant," she whispered.

Andrew nodded slowly. "I think I'm not surprised."

Skye lifted her head to blink at him. "You're not?" Because I sure as hell am...

He shook his head. "I'm not. But I will challenge you to examine whether you have feelings for Grant Ward as he is now, or if it's all the old feelings you had that are coming back."

She frowned. "What do you mean?" Maybe this isn't the disaster I think?

Andrew shrugged. "You used...what did Melinda tell me you called it..." He frowned for a moment before chuckling. "Hate-fu, that's it. You used hate-fu to deal with Grant's reveal as a HYDRA agent, instead of actually processing those feelings, but now you're second guessing whether that hate-fu was ever warranted."

Skye sighed and nodded slowly. "Yeah, that's for sure." And I'm pretty terrified the answer is it wasn't. At all.


Melinda eyed the director. "Want to talk about it?"

Phil frowned. "About what?"

She rolled her eyes. "Skye and Ward."

"You mean Grant?" Coulson grumbled.

Melinda sighed. "Grant. Yes. Now. But really, has it gotten past Ward in your head? Honestly?"

Phil took a gulp of vodka. "Honestly?" He exhaled shakily. "I'm pretty embarrassed, Melinda. And ashamed." He shook his head. "All my talk about saving people and the greater good, and I..." He sighed. "I completely failed here."


Grant exhaled and touched the top of the beer bottle, charging the cap until it popped off. Look at that, it worked. He chuckled. "Okay, maybe there's some fun to be had with this."

Clint laughed and handed Grant his beer. "Mine next, does it make the beer warm?"

Grant repeated the process for Clint and took a sip of his own, shaking his head. "I concentrated on just the cap."

"You could've blown your eye out, hotshot," Nat's voice drifted to them. She tossed Grant a bottle and he caught it reflexively. "Glad you didn't. Pop me one."

Grant rolled his eyes and opened her beer. "You know, someone listening might think you care."

"And they'd be goddamned right." She snagged the bottle from him and took a long pull. "There are few people I trust at my six, and I'm not going to let someone's wounded ego take one of them away from me. Even if it's your ego." She smirked from Grant to Clint and back again. "I know a lot of girls who'd be really jealous of me right now." She laid a hand against her forehead. "Like Streya..."

Grant groaned while Clint laughed his ass off.

"Yeah, so how'd you get out of that deal?" Clint asked.

Nat grinned. "It's why I've returned, I knew he would only tell you half the story..."


Andrew took a deep breath and considered Skye. "How do you feel when you think about Grant with Natasha?"

"Sick to my stomach," Skye muttered. That was fast, Grant's voice whispered to her. She flinched and curled further into herself.

Andrew raised a brow. "And how about when you think of Lincoln with someone else?"

Skye paused. Can't say I tried that one. She closed her eyes, picturing Natasha with Lincoln instead. She opened her eyes and shook her head. "Still sick to my stomach." And pretty alarmed that I'm surprised...

Andrew gave a small shrug. "Well. That's some new information for you, I take it?"

She nodded quickly. "I - I got caught up with being - upset about Romanoff but I forgot that...that I care about Lincoln too." And what the hell does that mean?

Andrew reached out to squeeze her shoulder. "That's okay, you've had a lot to process about Grant in the past few days. But don't lose sight of yourself and where you're actually at in your life. It did go on in his absence."

Skye sighed. It certainly did, but now it's pulling me backwards...She blew out a breath. "I don't know what to say to Lincoln, though."

"You're so sure you have to say something?" Andrew asked gently.

"Yeah." Whether I want to or not...She bit her lip. "Because I think he kind of already knows something's up."


Melinda frowned and shook her head. "You didn't fail at anything, Phil. We were all doing the best we could."

"Were we?" Phil mused. "Or were we so anxious to have a scapegoat that we ignored his cries for help?"

Melinda flinched, looking down into her glass.

Phil caught the move and sighed. "I'm - Melinda, don't let me beating myself up turn into you beating yourself up, okay? I'm - I've always been the starry-eyed idealist, here, I should have done better." He gave a small smile. "I gave the notorious Black Widow a second chance, but I couldn't give someone I had handpicked to join our team the same. Hell, I cracked Tony Stark."

Melinda snorted and drained her vodka. "He's cracked, all right, but I don't think in the way you mean."

Phil chuckled. "Maybe not." He exhaled. "The fact remains that Grant Ward deserved better than we gave him the first time, so I'm trying to do better now."

"Even if that means losing Lincoln if Skye..." Melinda let her voice trail off and refilled their glasses.

"If Skye and Grant pick up where they left off before it went to HYDRA in a handbasket?" Phil shrugged. "I'll lose electricity and gain fire. We'll just have to change the mission playlists."


Andrew gave a low murmur of remembrance. "Something about the cameras in the gym, if I'm remembering correctly? Melinda filled me in."

Skye nodded. "Yeah, kind of blew them all in a jealous fit." He knew better than I did...She gave a half-hearted smile. "I should be flattered or something, right?"

Andrew chuckled. "You're under no obligation to enjoy men fighting over you, Skye. Though there's also no judgment if you are flattered." He folded his arms. "So, let's deal with the problem you can't avoid, then. Lincoln."

"Lincoln," she repeatedly weakly. The problem I can't avoid, versus the one I can avoid. But still, multiple problems to be confronted sometime soon. Yay my life...

"Your boyfriend," the psychologist prompted.

"My...boyfriend," she echoed. For now, anyway...Skye frowned. That was not my voice. Was it?

"Nice pause there, Skye," Andrew teased. He quirked a brow. "You don't want Lincoln with anyone else, though, right?"

She shook her head silently. Because you don't want to lose him, or you don't want to tell him he was right? Grant's voice whispered. She frowned.

"Okay." Andrew blew out a breath. "You said he already suspects something."

She nodded, chewing on a fingernail. Pretty strongly, too...

The psychologist quirked a brow. "If you were to tell him he was correct that you were...conflicted, let's say, how do you think he'd react?"

She shrugged.

"Skye..." His tone was gentle but chiding. "Do you want to sleep in here and deal with it tomorrow? If that's the case, I'll head back to Melinda before the vodka is gone. I told you I wouldn't force you to talk about it."

Skye groaned in frustration. "If Linc wouldn't notice, yeah, I might," she muttered. It'd be a hell of a lot easier than this..."I'm just - I feel like if I could just -" She bit her lip. "Not hate-fu, but...put it in the past, for real. You're right, I never actually dealt with my feelings. But it's been too long and we're not - we can't -" She shook her head. "It doesn't matter." What part? Grant whispered again. Skye squeezed her eyes shut against the suggestion.

Andrew bit back his urge to correct her. "Well, if all you need is time to sort old things out, but then you're sure you want to be with Lincoln, can you say that to him?"

Am I that sure? She exhaled shakily. Focus, Skye. "He - he was patient with me when I was trying to figure out my powers. I mean...maybe?"

Andrew shrugged carefully. "Well, maybe that's an option worth exploring then." He lowered his voice to a stage whisper. "Phil's couch is lousy to sleep on."


"Figured I'd be done and couldn't miss the chance to enjoy my discomfort, or wanted to be sure I told the whole thing?" Grant snarked.

Nat's smirk curved even more mischievously. "Both?"

Grant snorted a laugh. "At least you're honest." Which is more than I can say for a lot of SHIELD...

"Now," Nat teased. "If I'd been honest back then, poor Dmitri would've ended up married and a barkeep, probably."

Clint quirked a brow. "Yeah, true, how'd you get out of it?"

"Well, Nat finished her meet and then came back downstairs," Grant began.

Nat scoffed. "Oh, no, you don't. I get to tell this part if you didn't already." She grinned at Clint. "I came downstairs and one of the other good patrons filled me in. Grant was red-faced and stumbling for his Russian, trying to conjugate a way out." She reached over to pat Grant's cheek. "So I slapped him and accused him of trying to get out of our arranged marriage."

Grant rolled his eyes. "Slapped. More like punched." Still lighter than anything Garrett ever gave...

"Hey, watch it, or I'll show you the difference," Nat threatened with a grin. She took a drink of her beer. "Either way, I managed to turn the focus away from Streya and dragged him out of there."

"The next day I went in and apologized," Grant sighed. "Luckily we were moving on - that was part of the intel - so I didn't have to live with the humiliation for long." At least not in that town...

"Just when I feel like trotting it out," Nat teased, blowing him a kiss. "All's well that ends well, right?"

Grant took a long drink of his beer before shaking his head. "Not in my experience," he muttered.


Melinda snorted. "That easy?"

Phil scoffed. "After what he created to help our cause, when I basically told him in no uncertain terms to go to hell?" He shook his head. "It's not easy, but he deserves it. And if it's what makes her happy, Skye deserves it too."

Melinda took a long gulp of vodka. "And if she decides she wants him, but he wants the Avengers?"

Phil winced this time. "Let's not borrow trouble, shall we?"


Mack frowned as Fitz left the room. "You all right?" He pulled out two beers and opened them, handing one to Lincoln and taking a long drink of his own.

Lincoln shook his head. "No. I'm really not." He blew out a breath. "Jiaying - she - when she found me, I couldn't control it. I was -" He sighed, drinking deeply before continuing. "I was homeless, I had nothing, and I had no one. I would shock everything and everyone I touched." He closed his eyes. "I was inside a dumpster looking for food, and someone came out to throw something in..." He opened them and met Mack's eyes. "When he touched the side of the dumpster, he was electrocuted. He died."

Mack looked at him speechlessly. "He - that fast?"

Lincoln nodded. "I was a live current, walking around. It's why I never stayed in a building with electricity or wiring." He sighed. "Jiaying and Gordon found me as someone was screaming for the cops. They got me out before the police arrived." He swallowed. "They saved my life. I would have been arrested for murder, if the cops could even touch me. SHIELD, HYDRA...I would have been targeted and I would probably be dead." He shook his head. "They never let me forget it."

Mack grunted his disapproval before taking another drink. "So when Fitz asked if you've ever been taken advantage of by the person who saved you..."

Lincoln frowned and guzzled more of his beer. "Yeah. I might understand Ward more than I ever wanted to."


Nat took a long pull of her beer and considered Grant. "You know, speaking of endings. What do you think Garrett was playing at when he threw you at me, anyway?"

"What do you think?" Grant snorted. "Probably hoping I would be in a position to turn you, or take you out." He always was an arrogant SOB...

It was Clint's turn to snort a laugh. "That wasn't going to happen."

Grant shook his head. "Hell no. But I wasn't going to try to tell Garrett that if he had the idea in his head." He rubbed his shoulder. I have the scars to prove you don't tell him no...

Clint frowned. "What's up with that shoulder? Injury you need help with?"

Not the kind of help you're talking about. Grant cleared his throat. "It's - it's an old injury. Just...been thinking about it lately."

Nat narrowed her gaze at him. "Garrett?"

I hate when she does that. Sees right through me...Grant flinched. But is she the only one, baby? Kara whispered. He took a long drink of his beer in response.

Clint sighed. "Sorry, man. I'll try to remember."

Grant shook his head, looking down at the table. I'm trying to forget. "No, you don't - you don't have to, it's -"

"I know I don't have to," Clint interrupted gently. "I want to." He gave a small smirk. "Fucking Asgard, right? I know how that goes." He took a long drink and stared at the beer bottle. "People don't always see your scars."

Grant took an unsteady breath. "Thank you," he managed. I don't - this isn't -

Nat reached over to squeeze Grant's hand, a knowing smile on her face. "I know. He's too good for the likes of us." She shot Clint a soft look. "But I'll take it. And you could too."


Skye took a deep breath and knocked on the lounge wall. "Hey Mack, can I, uh...can I borrow Lincoln?"

Lincoln's gaze shot to hers and a tight smile appeared on his face. "Yeah, sure." He downed the rest of his beer and stood to cross to her side.

Skye exhaled shakily and pulled him down the hall before starting to speak. "I have to apologize to you, Linc. I know you've been - you've been worried and I haven't exactly been helping with that."

Lincoln reached for her hand. "No, you didn't. Thank you."

She gave a small smile. "Yeah, don't thank me yet." She turned them towards their room.

He frowned. "Why do I have a bad feeling when you say that."

She sighed and opened the door. "Because you've been saying I'm confused, and I've been saying I'm not, but now I'm saying..."

"You are." Lincoln dropped her hand and folded his arms. "You still have feelings for him. For Ward."

Skye shook her head. "I don't - I can honestly tell you I don't know if it's anything more than old leftover feelings, Linc, but the fact that I can't tell you means it's not fair to you not to give you a choice." She put her hands on his biceps, curling her fingers in tight. "But that doesn't mean I want you to go. Thinking of losing you to someone else makes me crazy, I can't -"

He gave a short, brittle laugh. "Come on, Skye. You've been dancing around it and now you're finally saying something, but you're asking me to ignore what it means."

She turned frantic eyes to his. "No. I'm asking you to let me figure it out. Like..." She took a shaky breath. "I told him once that hoping for something and losing it hurts more than never hoping for anything. And now it's like...maybe I didn't lose as much as I thought I did back then, I actually had what I was hoping for." She frowned at him. "But I don't know what that means after all this time, I don't know if it means anything at all. That's what I need to work out."

Lincoln scoffed. "That doesn't - that isn't any better, Skye, it's -"

Skye squeezed his arms. "No. This - I don't know what to do with us right now, but I know I don't want to end like this, not when what I'm feeling doesn't change history. I need to process, but that doesn't mean I'm - I'm in - that I -" She shook herself. "Just - give me time to clear my head, please." She tugged at Lincoln until he met her eyes. "Please."

He sighed again. "Skye...I don't want to drag this out if you're not -"

"Lincoln, I'm here with you, I want to be with you." Or do I just want to want to be with you? She shook her head. "It's just bringing up old memories, old feelings. I need to process them properly and put them away. Give me the time to do that." She rubbed her thumbs along his skin. "Give me a reason to."

Lincoln unfolded his arms and grabbed her elbows, pulling her in to kiss her fiercely. "I will give you every reason to," he whispered. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her again.

Skye whimpered under his hold and kissed him back with all the uncertainty in her heart.


Grant exhaled as he landed the Quinjet, the base silent around him. As much as I would've loved to stay, if I had, I'd never even have come back here...He powered down the engines as Kara's voice whispered, You sure there's nothing here you're looking for, baby?


Skye blinked awake, a vibration nearby pulling her from sleep. The pad on the nightstand gave a soft beep and she exhaled. He's back. Do I...She looked over at Lincoln and swallowed hard, turning towards him instead.


Grant exhaled as he picked up his pace past Skye's door and quietly made his way back to his bunk.

Not anymore.


A.N.: Don't kill me! Slow burn SkyeWard, you see she's torn, but Grant deserves to feel not totally defensive all the time, and until Skye's all in, he'll still have to be on guard...Hope you stick with me!