Harleen of Arkham sat in her room as the sun rose, gazing at the tapestry partially woven on the loom in front of her. She sighed, running her fingers gently over the smiling face of the Joker staring back at her from the wool. "I miss you, puddin'," she whispered. "I know I've said that every day, but dealing with your absence hasn't gotten any better. In fact, it's gotten significantly worse, ever since the suitors came."
She shut her eyes and leaned her forehead against the tapestry. "But don't worry – I would never remarry even if you were dead. And I know you're not. I know you're still out there somewhere, trying to get home to us, just like you promised."
She sighed, turning to look at the sunrise with tired but hopeful eyes. "And I hope today's the day you come back," she murmured. "But until then, I have to wear a fake smile. But I will keep smiling, puddin'. For you."
Taking a deep breath, she opened the door and left her bedroom. And was instantly surrounded by men. "Good morning, Harleen – how did you sleep?" asked Jonathan Crane, shoving a bouquet of flowers into her arms.
"Uh…fine…have you all…been here all night?" asked Harleen, looking around at the group of suitors in concern.
"Yes, waiting for you to awaken, like the sun, so that the day can begin," said Crane, nodding. "For you are my sunshine, Harleen…"
"That's not a compliment – that's calling her flammable and inhospitable!" interrupted another suitor, shoving Crane out of the way. "And she's been anything but inhospitable, letting us all stay in her house for free like this. Although I can't help but think she could extend her hospitality just a little more. What do you say, baby?" he asked, grinning at Harleen. "You, me, this bottle of wine, heading back into that bedroom, and shutting the door on the rest of these losers?"
"Get away from our mother, creep," growled a voice. Everyone turned to see Arleen and J.J. standing at the end of the hall, each holding a drawn bow. Arleen's was the traditional bow, while J.J.'s appeared to be some sort of mechanical contraption similar to a crossbow. But both the twins' faces were deadly serious as they kept the weapons pointed at the audacious suitor.
"It's Creeper, actually," retorted the suitor. "Not creep. And I didn't mean to offend – I just think your mother would appreciate some plain speaking from her suitors for once. She doesn't know which one of these guys is here because they genuinely love her, or if they just wanna be king of Arkham. I'm just letting her know that my motivation is purely physical – I don't care about ruling the kingdom, I just wanna be on that body like Icarus wanted to be on the sun. So hey, I guess your sun metaphor was accurate, Johnny!"
"Well, that's…very flattering, and good to know, Creeper," said Harleen, slowly. "But as I've told you all repeatedly, I have no intention of remarrying…"
"Why not? Arkham needs a king, and you need a husband," retorted another suitor.
"Arkham has a king, and I have a husband," retorted Harleen. "And just because he's been away for a little while doesn't mean I'm just going to give his property away, which includes his kingdom and myself. And technically, you're still married too, Lex," she snapped, glaring at Lex Luthor, who had spoken.
"I'm not – my wife was stolen by the king of the gods after I fought a ten year war for her," retorted Luthor. "So we're no longer married. Anyway, I'm over her."
"Uh huh," said Harleen, skeptically. "Well, like I said, I am still married, so really not interested in any of you…"
"Harleen, I don't mean to be insensitive, but your husband has been gone for fifteen years," said Crane, gently. "And five of those years have passed without any news of him. Don't you think if he was still alive, someone somewhere would have seen him?"
"There has been news…" began Harleen.
"Rumors are not news," said Crane. "And those rumors are too wild to be true – that he landed on some giant crocodile monster island…"
"I don't doubt the existence of such things, and neither should you," retorted Harleen. "And the rumor is he escaped and landed on Flash's island…"
"And no word has been heard of him since," finished Crane, nodding. "Besides, there are rumors Aquaman vowed he would never reach home, and die wandering the sea forever. I would not doubt the word of a god."
"I would, against Mr. J," retorted Harleen. "He's more determined than any super-powered freak, and he promised he'd return home to us. He will not break his promise to me, and I will not break my promise to him."
"Harleen, I don't think you understand your position," spoke up Luthor. "According to the laws of our land, your husband is legally dead. Whether he actually is or not is largely immaterial. Legally, he has abandoned you and his kingdom, and forfeited all rights to his property, which obviously includes you and his kingdom. And since the laws of our land also forbid a woman from single-handedly ruling a country, you must marry someone, and soon, or you will be removed from your place here. You have no choice in this matter, except which one of us you will marry. So I suggest you make it, before all choice is removed from you."
Harleen drew herself up. "You will not threaten me in my own home, Lex Luthor," she snapped. "I will not be forced into marrying anyone as long as my husband still lives. And he does still live. I will not be discussing this matter any further, and I suggest you all stop wasting your time here. Good morning, gentlemen," she said, shoving past them and heading down the hall.
"Ok, but I've got nothing better to do, so I'm gonna be hanging around here hoping you change your mind, baby!" called Creeper, hanging upside down from a column. "You don't even have to marry me if you don't want to – I'm up for something casual! Friends with benefits, anything like that! And I'm giving away free samples! Once you get a taste of the Creeper, you'll realize that he's a keeper!"
"Please let me shoot him," begged Arleen, keeping her bow fixed on the Creeper as her mother passed.
"Believe me, I'm tempted," agreed Harleen. "But your father wouldn't approve if there's no joke. And sadly there's no joke in killing someone that pathetic – the joke is in keeping them alive and making them suffer."
"The only ones suffering is us by their presence," muttered J.J., as he followed his mother and sister down the hall. "Dad wouldn't stand for it if he was here."
"They wouldn't be here if your father was here – that's the whole problem," sighed Harleen. "But he wouldn't stand for it, and I shouldn't either. I should have them all forcibly removed under pain of death, and don't think I'm not tempted to."
"Please, Mom, let me," begged J.J.
"Not if I do it first," said Arleen.
"Nobody is doing it, sadly," sighed Harleen. "There would be repercussions if I insulted any of these men. They are all very powerful in their own kingdoms – they could wage war if given insult. And we can't fight a war without your father or his army here."
"I'd wager Leenie and me against an army," said J.J. "Especially with my repeating bow."
"Your father wouldn't want you fighting," replied Harleen. "He'd never forgive me if he returned to find either of you hurt or killed. He loves you so much, and so do I," she murmured, hugging them both tightly. "No, we must be patient with the suitors, but firm. I am not marrying any of them."
"And won't that lead to war anyway?" asked Arleen. "If what Lex said is true, won't they try to remove you?"
Harleen nodded slowly. "Yes, they will…unless I can do what your father did, and outsmart my enemies."
She sat down on a balcony overlooking the sea. Arleen and J.J. looked at each other, and then J.J. cleared his throat. "Mom…how do you know Dad's still alive?"
She turned to look at them. "You don't think he is?" she asked.
"It's not that," said Arleen, shaking her head. "It's just…it's hard not to lose faith after so long. Don't you ever doubt that he's coming home?"
"No," replied Harleen. "I've never lost faith in your father, and I never will."
"It must be nice to be that certain," agreed J.J. "But Leenie and me…we can't help but feel…afraid."
Harleen studied her children. "If he was dead, I would know it," she murmured. "I would feel it, right here," she said, placing a hand over her heart. "There would be an emptiness there, a sense of loss, of something missing…but I don't feel that. I know he's alive, and I know he's out there, trying his hardest to get home to us. I know the gods think they've made it impossible for him, but he's not giving up. Your father will never stop fighting – that's just the kinda guy he is. That's why I love him."
She took their hands. "I swear to you, he is coming home someday," she murmured. "But until then, we all have to be strong. We have to fight the despair, and the nagging voice that tells us to give up hope. We have to fight, the way he's fighting. And I know you children are just like your father in that respect. You're both fighters. Not just with weapons, but where it matters," she said, putting their hands against their hearts. "Here. That's where fights are won. And here," she said, touching their foreheads. "That's where all the tools you need to win the fights come from."
Arleen and J.J. nodded. "What do you want us to do?" J. J. asked.
"Just be patient, for now," said Harleen. "I know waiting is the hardest thing in the world to do, but that's all we can do for now. Try to distract yourself somehow."
"You could teach us to weave, Mom," said Arleen.
"Oh, now you think my weaving's good, huh?" asked Harleen, smiling.
"It's improved in five years," agreed J.J., nodding.
"Well, I've had a lot of practice…" began Harleen, but she trailed off suddenly as an idea struck her. "The tapestry," she murmured. "That's it."
"What's it?" asked Arleen, confused.
"That's how I'm going to delay the suitors," said Harleen. "I'll tell them I'll make my decision about which one of them I'm going to marry as soon as the tapestry is completed. I'll say it's a metaphorical funeral shroud for my husband, and that once it's finished, I can lay his soul to rest and remarry. But every night, I'll just undo my work on the tapestry, little by little, so it will never be completed."
"Are they gonna buy that?" asked J.J.
"They're not the smartest guys, in case you hadn't noticed," retorted Harleen. "Probably all that noble inbreeding. Although I don't think even that explains Creeper. Anyway, they probably don't know how long it takes to weave a tapestry, so I can probably delay this thing for a few more years if necessary. Hopefully your father will be home before then, and everything will be back to normal…"
She trailed off with tears in her eyes. "Yeah, he will be, Mom," said Arleen, hugging her. "And I'd hate to be one of these suitors still hanging around when he does get back. Dad's never been particularly reasonable, especially where you're involved. He'll probably murder them all horribly for trying to get their hands on his property."
"That's true," agreed Harleen, smiling. "I'll just imagine him murdering Creeper to keep my spirits up. Thanks, kids," she said, hugging them both tightly. "Now why don't you both get breakfast while I get ready to deliver the news to the suitors."
They nodded, and headed off to the kitchen. Harleen looked out across the waves once more, hoping against hope that she would see a sail on the horizon. But she didn't see anything but the endless blue sea and sky.
She sighed heavily, turning away from the horizon and whispering, "Oh, puddin', where can you be?"
