A/N: This is tag to 9x18 "Rabid", but you probably don't need to have seen it to understand.


Reid was going to kill Morgan. Slowly and painfully. Every step he took was agony; he almost hadn't made it down the stairs from his apartment.

Morgan was a dead man.

When he stepped out of the elevator at the BAU floor, he immediately caught sight of the object for his hatred. Morgan was leaning against the wall speaking to Rossi, both with cups of coffee in their hands. Both of them looked up at his entrance and his pain must have shown, because Morgan's jerk-face immediately broke out into a wide grin, while Rossi just looked puzzled.

"What's with you?" he asked.

"Someone" – he glared at Morgan – "thought it would be fun to stage a reenactment of a gladiator training camp."

"I helped him and Garcia train for their fitness tests," Morgan supplied when Rossi didn't look as if Reid's answer made things any clearer for him.

Rossi raised his eyebrows. "Those tests are just formalities, for experienced agents."

"Someone didn't mention that," Reid said, giving Morgan another tight-lipped glare. Suddenly struck by inspiration, he turned to Rossi with a wide-eyed look. "So, y'know, technically, he lied."

"Whoa, pretty boy…" Morgan began, defensively raising the hand not holding his coffee.

Reid broke him off. "Which we're not allowed to do."

"You're forgetting I was in the marines, kid," Rossi said, looking very amused by the whole thing, "You won't get any sympathy from me. Whatever Morgan put you through, I've had ten times worse."

"Then how are you even alive?" Reid asked disbelievingly.

Rossi shrugged. "Didn't have permission to die." He took a sip of his coffee. "But… he did lie."

He gave Morgan a dangerous smile, getting a very put out look in return.

"You're only taking his side because he's prettier," Morgan protested.

"No. It's because he's younger," Rossi shot back quickly, "And… maybe I feel some sympathy. I know what it's like to work out with someone whose policy is 'if you're conscious, you can keep going'."

"I wasn't that bad," Morgan protested, giving Reid a look. Reid pursed his lips, considering for a moment before he shrugged.

"I guess not. I only almost passed out." He paused for a moment. "Were they really that bad in the army?"

"The marines," Rossi corrected, "You don't wanna get those two mixed up. And yeah, they were." He made a small grimace. "And my boss when I started out in the Bureau was rather fond of physical exercise as a means discipline."

"Which means Dave spent most of his days running laps," the dry voice of Hotch came from above them, where he had apparently left his office to look down into the bullpen.

"Hey! I was an exemplary agent."

"Uh-huh. You do know that Alex tells me stories?"

Curious, Reid craned his neck to look up at Hotch. "Really? What stories?"

"Remember that I can tell a lot of stories about you too, Hotch," Rossi said warningly before Hotch had time to answer. Hotch smirked, crossing his arms on the railing.

"I could order you not to tell any."

"I could order you to do a thousand push-ups," Rossi retorted, widening Hotch's smirk. Reid kind of wished he could be as confident that Rossi wasn't serious about his threats.

"There was one time, apparently," Hotch began, ignoring Rossi's growled "Aaron" as he continued, "when there was a retirement party for one of the AD:s and Rossi and Alex were required to attend. So they went, but Dave here though it was a boring party and since he is who he is, he solved it by chatting up the prettiest girl in the room."

"This is complete slander," Rossi protested, glaring at Hotch, who once again ignored him.

"So they talked and got along rather well, and… decided to leave the party."

Rossi crossed his arms, shaking his head. "Slander!"

"It's true, isn't it?" Hotch shot back. Rossi hesitated, tilting his head.

"…it's not entirely untrue," he admitted at length.

"Slander is by definition false, you know," Reid added helpfully.

"Yes, thank you, Reid," Rossi said, and Reid was fairly certain it was sarcastically. He was getting pretty good at detecting sarcasm from his teammates.

"So what happened?" Morgan prompted, obviously sharing Reid's curiosity. It was always interesting to hear about Rossi's youthful escapades.

"I took her to a conference room on the fifth floor and we… enjoyed each other's company."

"But…?" Morgan raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"We were missed," Rossi replied with a small grimace, "It turned out the very nice girl had forgotten to mention that she was the retiring AD's daughter."

Morgan chuckled. "And getting it on with her on a conference table wasn't appreciated?"

"Don't be crass," Rossi ordered, swatting lightly at the back of the younger man's head, "But… yeah, pretty much."

"According to Alex," Hotch broke in, "the AD was livid and wanted Dave fired for corrupting his daughter's innocence."

"Which I didn't, by the way," Rossi said, "Innocent was one thing she wasn't. Trust me."

"So what happened?" Reid asked. At least this was one thing he could pride himself on never having been in trouble for.

Rossi shrugged. "Someone called in a favor from someone else. I wasn't really in a position to demand details. And then… well, I was punished."

"Alex says he couldn't walk down stairs for a week," Hotch added, grinning. Rossi shot him another glare.

"Alex talks too much."

Hotch gave no other reply than a wide grin before he turned around and headed back into his office, apparently deciding that his part in the conversation was over. Rossi glared after him for a moment, before he shook his head with a small chuckle and turned back to Morgan and Reid.

"So…" Reid said, "About Morgan lying..."

"You know, pretty boy, you're really living up to the youngest kid tattle-tale stereotype here," Morgan said, mock-glaring at Reid.

Reid gave him the sweetest smile he could muster. "I'm just being honest."

"And that's great, kid," Rossi said, "but I'm afraid Morgan's in the clear this time." Then he grinned. "But this gave me an idea, you know. Next time either of you need a reminder to behave, I'll introduce you to an old buddy of mine. He's a marine drill sergeant, and he'll make you wish for a spanking."

He gave both their backs rather hard pats and left them to head for his office. Morgan turned to glare at Reid.

"Great job, kid," he said. Reid shrugged.

"It's your fault."

"How is it my fault?"

"You're the one who tricked us!"

"You're the one who told Rossi!"

"Boys," came the rather amused voice of Rossi from above them, "settle down. Squabbling like children doesn't count as behaving."


A/N2: Please take time to leave a review. :)