Author's Note: And another chapter is up and I have to say that I had a really hard time writing this chapter, mostly because I didn't know in what direction I wanted it to go. I could have easily made it start off directly after ch. 11 but that didn't really feel right and so I spent just enormous amounts of time, mostly during Biology, thinking over how I wanted it to go and then when I finally wrote something I didn't like it. Anyhow it took about two weeks to actually write the chapter and I have to say I like how it turned out.

Another something I wanted to adress was just that I wanted to thank all of you who are reading...nearly a 100 if I go by how many people have this story on their alerts: 97. I'm also kind of glad we reached the 100 reviews mark...I hope to at least reach 250 by the end of the story, maybe more. We can get there, so keep on reviewing and keep reading the story and kudos to amrawo, I believe, who had the 100th review! So just enjoy the fic and keep on reviewing. It kind of helped while I was writing this chapter to know that so many people were reading it.

Chapter Twelve

Memories and Masks

Pain flooded through her. She took deep breaths, trying to maybe forget the pain. Severus next to her looked concern but she made no move to show him her distress; he had enough things to worry about. The meeting they had just left had been one of the more stressful ones, to put it in an understatement. To put it plainly, Voldemort had been in a bad mood. The way Hermione saw it, Voldemort was like a pregnant woman, changing moods at every minute of the day. The reasoning behind it hadn't been explained. Hermione, however, knew exactly what had happened to change his mood from the day before--happy, not that Voldemort, now that she considered this, could have a happy mood, but the closest he could probably get to one--to this murderous one. Five death eaters, all from his inner circle--a circle Hermione had yet to reach, it wouldn't be long now, she was sure of it--had been captured by none other than Rachel and Nick Potter. His mood had led to the capture of a muggle family consisting of a young couple, perhaps only four years older than Hermione, and their six year old daughter. He had expected all of the death eaters called that night to torture the three. Maybe more than half of them would find pleasure in doing so but even Lucius Malfoy did not seem to want to do it.

He shot out the first spell.

She had gone next, using a cutting hex and slicing the man's face with a cross. He had gasped in pain at the sting left behind, but that hadn't been the worst of his torture. The cruciatus had been thrown at him twice, and some had even decided it was alright to use muggle fighting, beating him with baseball bats. He looked more than ready to leave the world but Hermione knew it would take just a while more if Voldemort allowed his life to end. He often liked to keep suffering victims to set in front of new members. The way Hermione saw it, she would rather they died than for them to stay suffering for weeks with hard bread and water as the only nourishment. She had walked by the cells once. A little tour, or so Voldemort had called it.

The man died, his eyes leaving their sockets by the end of it, his blood not only covering his body but the ground and the clothes of his sobbing wife. She was next. The little girl however, in not knowing what was happening looked at all of them with such open trust, she was being hugged tightly by her mother one moment and then she was alone, the screaming tearing out of her mom, echoing against the walls, however, made her clearly aware of what was happening and she sunk to the ground next to her father, crying out his name, not knowing he wouldn't be replying.

Hermione from were she stood clenched and unclenched her fist, her eyes moving from face to face, not daring to look at the girl. Then came her turn to take on the mother. She was no longer screaming, her throat sore and as she looked at Hermione, her eyes begging her to put an end to it Hermione hesitated for a moment. No one seemed to notice. No one but Voldemort who gave her a look before raising his wand. Everyone assumed he too would be joining in when the cruciatus landed on Hermione who fell to the ground, writhing, whimpering, letting out the odd scream when the pain became too much. Once it was over Hermione knew to get up, she knew she had to prove something. Focusing her entire hate of Voldemort from her lips escaped the killing curse and the woman fell back dead. Only the loud scream of "Mommy" alerted Hermione to the little girl. Hermione's jaw clenched as she tried to find a way to maybe make the pain easier for her but nothing came to mind.

A groan escaped her companion and Hermione allowed herself to stop thinking about the murders of the night. Severus sported a broken rib courtesy of another death eater. Severus had made the stupid mistake of stepping on his foot. Hermione had managed to stop it by mentioning that Severus was still at Hogwarts and shouldn't be roughed up too bad. Another cruciatus had been her payment.

"Do you want to stop for a minute?"

Severus shook his head. "If I sit down I don't think I'll be able to get back up."

Hermione laughed, "Come on then, Sev."

They continued walking, both trying hard to not show each other their pain. Hermione's mind once more drifting to the little girl.

She had been wearing a white dress and her hair was in pig tails. Her big blue eyes were filled with tears while she looked for one person to trust. Hermione couldn't do it, she couldn't hurt someone so innocent. She had looked to Severus to find that he was following her instruction, keeping his emotions at bay. This alone had allowed her to keep up her strong front, to watch her be pushed around, slapped and thrown to the ground, for her white dress to be covered in the rouge of her blood. They had no Mercy on her as if everything would be better if they made her scream more. She watched Lucius when it came to his turn, he slapped her across the face. She fell to the ground but Hermione saw the slight anger--at what, she couldn't be sure--he had in his eyes. By the time the girl had come to Hermione she was more than ready to die, she begged for it much like her mother had done and Hermione, gulping, knew that she would be punished for it for some reason before she slapped the six year old hard, her neck cracking, she fell to the ground dead and Hermione vanished her emotions from showing as the cruciatus for the third time fell upon her. Hermione had not been the only death eater to be punished, in fact they had all been punished in some way. No one had left without the odd punishment.

"Come here." Hermione said. "Take my arm."

They had finally reached the end of Voldemort's wards.

Severus moved slowly and took Hermione's arm. Hermione apparated them to Hogwarts' gates. "I should talk to Dumbledore about allowing me some way to apparate into Hogwarts. I could probably work with the wards somehow, only allow me to apparate into a certain spot."

Severus nodded as they began walking towards the castle. Hermione no longer thought about the night's activities and instead walked with Severus, trying to keep from using her right leg to support much of her weight. She had a sprained ankle from a nasty fall she had taken when Voldemort shot her with a new spell created by one of the spell mistresses. It had literally made her entire leg feel like it was on fire, her skin turning a deep shade of red which Hermione knew would still be in tact. She had transfigured her jeans into a skirt while walking out of the meeting and her leg was still throbbing with pain.

They arrived in her rooms. Hermione smiled in relief. "Come, lie down." Hermione said, pointing to the couch. "I'll get you some potions and tea. Scones?" she said this as if she wasn't in pain and as if it was just another normal day.

"Yes, you might as well bring out those brilliant scones." Severus replied, he too acting as if nothing was wrong but his mask had fallen and swimming in his eyes was concern for her.

She shook her head at him, still smiling, and then walked to her bedroom, coming back out not five minutes later, her leg still red, her limp still evident. She handed him a number of potions and walked into her small kitchen where she began brewing tea, not once complaining of her injuries or the pain that still flowed through her.

Severus on the couch drank three potions and sighed as his broken rib stopped hurting and as all pain in his muscles left his body. He closed his eyes contentedly. The smell of Hermione's tea made him smile and when she placed the cup in his hands, still not opening is eyes he just sat there.

"Scone ?" Hermione asked.

He opened his eyes and looked at her. She looked terrible and he knew she still hadn't taken care of herself, as if she thought she deserved the pain.

"Thank you." Severus said, knowing that Hermione wouldn't like it if he mentioned her current state, instead he took a long sip of his tea and then a bite of his scone. "Lupin should be here soon. He must have felt your presence."

Hermione nodded, still not using a spell or potion to right herself. It was always like this with her, Severus noted.

"I should go." Severus told her. "He'll be here soon. He can't see me."

She nodded, indifferent. "Take some scones."

She always acted so strong around him. He took two more scones, finished his tea, thanked her once more and then left.
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In the Gryffindor seventh year boys dormitory two boys stood by a window, looking out at the empty grounds. Neither voiced their thoughts on the two figures they had seen walking across the grounds towards the castle for a long moment.

"Where do you think she and Snape were coming from?" James asked, breaking the silence.

Sirius said nothing, turning instead to the muffled ringing coming from their werewolf friend's bed.

"Sirius?" James said.

"She's always with him." Sirius muttered.

James nodded. "And what about that?" he asked. James had been trying to get Sirius to admit that he was in love with their professor.

Sirius shrugged, knowing fully well what James wanted him to admit. "They spend a lot of time together."

James laughed. "Poor lovesick puppy."

Sirius glared at his best friend and walked towards Remus' bed. He wanted to figure out what kept ringing but when he opened the hangings he found his best friend putting on his socks.

"Going somewhere, Moony?"

"Yes." Remus answered. "And no, I'm not telling you where."
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"Her blue eyes. They were so beautiful and the pain that flashed through them every time they struck her." Hermione cried, tears rolling down her cheeks and dampening his shirt.

Remus continued stroking her hair, letting her cry over him like he did every night after a meeting. She was always so broken afterwards, so ready to take all the pain the night had brought her and still, even now, she wouldn't let him try to heal her.

"You could do nothing to help her." He told her in a whisper.

Hermione shook her head. "But I just stood there, I let them do it and I didn't even try to protest." She moved against him, resting her head on the crook of his neck. "Remus." she said, now, still sobbing. "Do you think me a bad person?"

"No. You're very good person, Hermione. You're such a good person. No one would give up as much as you're giving up right now for something that they're not even sure to be possible."

Hermione allowed a small smile. "I killed her." she muttered after the smile, however. "She was in so much pain."

"You did the right thing." Remus said. "Now, come on, let me heal you."

"No. I need to feel something. Every time I leave a meeting something in me dies and it makes it impossible for me to even feel human. I need to feel the pain, that is the most important thing right now."

Remus sighed, knowing that he could do nothing to change her mind. "That you cry shows you feel something. That you care so much."

She didn't respond and instead, moving her leg gingerly, she settled herself closer to him on the couch and closed her eyes trying hard to stop seeing the blue eyes.

"Everything will be okay." Remus assured her, looking at her concerned, not believing that she could act so strong and yet feel so weak inside. Half the time when he saw her these days he found himself wondering if she was using one of her masks again to hide whatever feeling she was in fact feeling.

It was scary to think that someone could act so well as to fool so many people and then burst into tears the moment she was behind doors. To think he was privy to this information that he was like a brother to her and that they had gotten so close she let him comfort her like he let no other.

"Why do you bother with hiding everything you feel?" he asked.

She groaned slightly, "Pity" she spat the word out, "is something I do not want from anyone." and then she pulled away from him and standing. "I have yet to report to Dumbledore."

"It can wait." he told her, knowing that she only wanted to get away because she thought he was pitying her.

"Yes, I suppose." she said, taking a seat on another couch, looking the same way he had found her, hidden behind a facade, putting a strong front up as if everything that she had done was normal and that she was simply having tea with a friend.

"Hermione." He tried.

She looked at him.

"Please, don't hide, don't pretend everything is okay because then you would be just like them."

And then she began crying again and he rushed to her side.
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"The map, James, where is the map?"

"My trunk, I expect." James said.

Moments after Remus had left Sirius had felt the need to know where his best friend was going so instead of following him he had decided that using the marauder's map would make things simpler if not too much fun. And so Sirius found himself throwing the contents of James' trunk around the room until he found the blank piece of parchment.

Tapping it with his wand and muttering the marauder mantra Sirius watched the words appear before opening and finding Remus. He was walking down the stairs. He watched him for a while before wondering if there was anybody else awake. He noticed that Snape was leaving the third floor, walking to the dungeons probably. He also noticed, then, that Professor Malfoy was just walking into Hogwarts. Sirius wondered where he could have been though it was probable that he had gone out for a drink in the Three Broomsticks, he doubted it.

Turning back to Remus he saw him now at Hermione's door. Hermione seemed to have allowed him inside and then he watched their dots in her rooms together and he began to wonder what this was about.
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Lucius arrived in his room, nursing a wound on his shoulder. The new burning spell really was a favorite of Voldemorts it appeared but Lucius had other things to worry about than a sting on his shoulder. He had to find a wife otherwise his mother would probably use up all of his inheritance for something stupid. His first choice was still Narcissa Black and maybe he could get Dumbledore to agree to let them marry under certain circumstances but it was unlikely. He needed someone pure and strong, not only magically but emotionally. He knew Narcissa was perfect what with a sister like Bellatrix and she was just as pure as himself. He sighed, a headache was coming on and he didn't feel like getting a potion. For a moment he allowed his emotions to show, the distress and pain he was feeling mixed in with the betrayal he felt from his mother. His father had long ago taught him that the thing that made him a Malfoy was his control, the mask he held for everyone in the world, even his family would never be aware of his true feelings. It wasn't only a Malfoy trait, he knew, most Slytherins used it. They hid their hand, as it were.

He stood up, deciding that he had felt enough pain but convincing himself that it wasn't the pain that bothered him but that he could look so weak and undignified to others, something that no Malfoy could show.
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"I'm scared, Remus." Hermione mumbled onto his side. He sat on the arm rest of her chair one arm around her as she continued to cry. It was terrible seeing her like this.

"Scared of what?"

"That I won't succeed. This task of mine, it's too much for me, believe me when I say it."

Remus smiled slightly. "If I didn't know you I would fear that you would fail but, Hermione, it is you we're talking about here, you won't fail, one way or another you will figure it out."

Hermione began to laugh. "You always said that, all the time even when we--" she stopped to listen for something, "--did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Remus asked.

"Maybe it's just me, a little attuned to my wards. I rather check it out. I wonder if that's Harry or perhaps Muffie. I have been meaning to see one of them. I wonder how Elanor is doing."

There it was again, her mask. She didn't even seem to be recognizing the pain her leg probably was in. He could see her limp, however as she walked into her office calling for "Evan". Remus doubted it was him, he usually knew when to not show up and this was one of those nights. Muffie on the other hand, from what he had come to understand of the girl, would show up unexpectedly.
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Lucius reached for the salve. He was standing in his bathroom now and had fixed everything but his shoulder. It was just that he couldn't find the right salve. He couldn't very well go to Madame Pomfrey either and he didn't want to make himself a salve.. He stood in front of his mirror, shirtless, thinking about two things, how to fix his shoulder and how to find a willing woman to become his wife.

Sighing, he knew who he had to go to. His fellow professor and death eater, Professor Hermione Granger. Putting on his white shirt again, Lucius walked to his door and began walking up the stairs to the third floor.

Her classroom was empty, just as he expected but it seemed she had heard him because she was calling out for Evan the apprentice. Did the apprentice always visit her so late at night? She seemed to have lighted her wand and she stared at him, surprised.

"Malfoy." she said.

"Granger." he lifted an eyebrow at her.

"What do you want? It's been a stressful night so please make this quick."

Lucius eyed her. She looked tired, a mess and yet there was something in the way she held herself, something in the way she spoke; something regal.

"Your leg." he said, instead, having noticed her slight limp as she walked closer. "It's burnt."

"Nice of you to notice." Hermione said. "Now what do you want?"

"To talk, maybe you could help me with a couple of things." He said.

"Not tonight, I'm afraid, another day perhaps, if that is all, good night." Hermione said, growing frustrated at the blond man.

"Do you have any salve for burns?" He asked now.

"If I did would my leg still look as it does now? I would expect you to have some, you are the potions master." Hermione said even though she did have the salve. The only thing was that even if she had enough she didn't want to have to give some to him if he could make his own. While she was good with potions, for this was what the salve was, she didn't have her own lab or the time.

Lucius groaned, turned away and walked to the door. "Expect me here tomorrow afternoon."

Hermione walked back into her rooms. Remus was waiting for her, holding a cup of steaming tea. She smiled. "You really are a great friend Remus. I really needed you tonight."

She took the cup and brought it towards her.

"Hermione, I think it is about time you let me heal you, then you will take a bath and afterwards you will go to sleep." Remus told her.

Hermione smiled. "Alright." she said, deciding that she had felt enough for the night and knowing fully well that she would feel it again soon.
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Long after Sirius had fallen asleep, James remained awake. He was thinking about his parents. In the Daily Prophet that morning a picture of them in their blue auror robes had been shown for all to see about their capture of five death eaters. Instead of feeling proud--not that he didn't feel like that--he had been worried. This alone, their picture, their names mentioned for the world to see put them in a bad position. Voldemort and possibly all of his followers would be after them within the day. It was bad enough as it was and he didn't like it one bit. James loved his parents and losing them just wasn't an option.

The human brain works in odd ways, soon after James had begun thinking about his parents a memory came forth, one he hadn't wanted to ever think about but which plagued him every time he thought of what scared him the most.

"James, honey, hurry up. I don't even know if I should take you with me. I can't very well leave you with someone else, however. Oh, your father will never hear the end of this." Rachel Potter said.

A five year old James smiled at his mother sweetly. She shook her head at him and then took his hand.

"I really shouldn't be taking you with me. " she muttered, as she apparated the two of them into the Ministry of Magic's atrium.

James looked around, excited, this was only the second time he had ever been in the ministry and it was bound to be a good trip. His mother held his hand tightly as they walked through the crowds and then they arrived at the lifts from which four to five memos had flown out followed by two men.

James watched the doors open at every spot and yet they weren't getting off. He waited as patiently as he could and then when they had reached the last floor his mother and two other wizards got off with him still attached to his mother's hand. It was apparent that they weren't in the floor they wanted to be in yet, so they continued down stairs and then down a long hallway until they had reached a round court like room. People were already inside and James was looked at oddly, some muttering as to what kind of person would bring a child his age into the room.

Rachel Potter too seemed somewhat reluctant to stay and have her son in the room when the doors opened and a strange black hooded creature stepped inside, pulling a man behind him.

James shivered at the sight of the creature and it seemed to have sensed him, the creature seemed to turn his way it was then James began to cry, only like a five year old would cry when faced with something as scary as a figure in a black hooded cloak.

Rachel shook her head, mad at herself for allowing him to see the dementor. What had she been thinking.

James tried to get the picture of the dementor out of his mind. He hated the dementors, they were all so dark and scary looking. He had never feared anything as much as he feared them and not only because of what they did but rather how they looked.
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She was finally asleep.

Remus brushed a stray lock away from her mouth before walking towards her bathroom to put her potions to order. She would kill him if she found them out of place. He loved how organized she was, much like he himself was. When he walked back into her bedroom she was shivering slightly and her face was set in a frown. Then she sighed and rolled to her other side gasping. He winced.. He had fixed her leg as best as it was possible to do even though the burnt skin would continue to be pink for next two hours and would hurt her when brushed against something. Her twisted ankle he had not been able to fix but knew she could do it herself in the morning. He watched her shiver again.

He took an afghan from a chair and threw it over her, careful with her leg. He then watched her for a while wondering if she had told him everything about the meeting. She often ommited things she felt were too gruesome for him to hear, things that he would cringe at even though eventually she would mention them.

"Good Night, Hermione." he told her, grinning slightly at the peacefulness that had settled over her.

He exited her rooms after cleaning up like he did on many nights and then he walked back to his now cold bed wondering how many nights like these there would be in the future and if somehow he could get Hermione to accept someone else that already cared so much for her.

Author's Note: I know many of you are probably slightly frustrated with the non-Sirius/Hermione action, I am too, lol. Sometimes I end up looking at this fic and thinking doesn't it look like it's turning into a Severus/Hermione or a Remus/Hermione, but it wouldn't make sense that way. So it is still a Sirius/Hermione even if it is taking a while to get there...even now with this whole Death eater business that this chapter dealt with, I have to say, it might be getting darker soon.

hope you enjoyed the chapter!