Cheering, clapping, flashing lights that blind me and enthusiastic screams of "Mockingjay" is all I can register as I step off the lift, other than the pressure of Peeta's hand gripping mine. I don't bother smiling, I didn't like these people before, and I don't like them now. I can feel Peeta's hand trembling, and I know exactly why, he's fighting against the images that threaten to control him, the Capitol created images. As I glance around I then catch sight of Johanna, her hair cropped close still, it's taken it awhile to grow out again, and with that, it feels as if I just got a punch to the stomach. Before I know what I'm doing I'm pulling Peeta with me, and heading backstage, I don't know where I'm going, but I know I'm getting off of that stage, away from the crowd, with Peeta struggling to get my attention and stop me.
"Katniss! KATNISS!" his yell finally breaks through my panic. I've managed to get us back to the training center, it's dark and deserted. I throw myself down on the floor and begin ripping pins and clips out of my hair, letting fall down around my face. It had grown all the way to my butt, I refused to cut it any shorter than that, as many times as it had been damaged, and after seeing Johanna's struggling to grow back, I had decided it was a form of rebirth and regrowth, a form of rebellion, my hair was something the Capitol constantly affected, but no more.
"Katniss," Peeta repeats, softly this time, "Katniss, what happened?"
"I can't do it Peeta. I can't. All I could think about was watching you on that screen, and before that, being scared to death for our lives, before and after the Games." I whimper pathetically, my voice raspy.
"I understand." He whispers. We sit there a long time in silence, the show must be close to over .
"Sometimes I can't believe I managed to hold onto this pearl the entire time, just like sometimes I can't believe I've managed to hang onto you," I say weakly. He pulls me back, from where my head was resting on his shoulder, and looks me in the eyes.
"You never had competition, there has never been anyone even close," he says as he kisses me.
"For a while there I actually worried about Delly…that she might win you over…" I admitted bashfully in between kisses. Before I can even be embarrassed he is gently guiding me back, I'm letting him, I don't care if people come looking for us, I want to forget the awful memories of District 13 and Delly being the only person able to be around him, I want to forget how mean I was to him, forget how awful Gale was to me, and forget how I had to watch the people I cared about die.
Taking our clothes of wasn't practical for that moment, so instead we simply pulled aside what we could and made do. This wasn't an act of romance; this was an act of need. We both needed each other so badly in that one moment, not sexually, but emotionally, we needed that feeling of being one, a team, and knowing we had each other to draw support from. Every touch sends a shiver of pleasure up my spine.
After what seems like forever sitting there in each other's arms afterwards, Haymitch followed by Caraway and Effie open the doors to the training room, by this time I'm up, hair streaming down my back, shoes kicked off, with at least 50 arrows lodged in various objects and walls around the room. Peeta is sitting back in one of the instructors chairs just watching me shoot.
For a while they all stand there observing me shoot, I make no acknowledgement they're even there. Finally I hear a sigh, not in impatience, but simply in exhaustion.
"Come on sweetheart, time to go home" Haymitch whispers. Silently I turn around, drop my arrows and bow, leave my shoes and various hair accessories on the floor, and follow behind everyone, even lagging behind Peeta. I turn around and take one more look at the place that was once part of my prison, and then let the door shut.
