Hey everybody! Holidays are in full swing - I hope whatever you celebrate that you have a great one!
I know this chapter is a bit shorter than my usual, but I wanted to get you SOMEthing before the holiday.
So you get this...my gift to you - a glimmer of hope! ;)
Chapter 12
Wednesday afternoon found Calleigh leaving work early. She knew that the clothes she had worn to work would be completely appropriate to wear to the viewing, but she'd wanted some time to herself, so she took the time to go home and change. A part of her knew that deep down, she wanted to look good for Eric, even though she was fully aware that on this day, what she looked like would be the farthest thing from his mind. Yet still, she took a quick shower to wash the workday away, chose a smart fitting black suit with a dark green camisole underneath (because of course that was Eric's favorite color on her), carefully applied just the right amount of make up, and brushed her hair, letting it dry naturally, falling loosely around her shoulders with just a touch of a curl to the ends.
Calleigh arrived at the funeral home just a bit after 4pm. She'd wanted to get there on the early side, hoping to avoid the large rush of people who would no doubt make an appearance after 6pm, when they'd gotten out of work. She hoped that maybe she'd have some time to talk with Eric in a less crowded setting, not wanting to vie for his attention with other folks wanting to offer their condolences.
Once inside, Calleigh discovered that she'd been correct. There were only a few people besides the immediate Delko family there so far. She sadly paid her respects to Pavel, a few tears silently drawing a path down her cheeks. She kissed her hand and pressed it gently to his cheek, saying her final goodbye. Then she made her way to wait in the receiving line for her turn to visit with the family.
Calleigh watched Eric interact with the people ahead of her. His face was emotionless as he accepted the condolences of the mourners who approached him. Calleigh knew better than anyone, though, not to be fooled by the lack of emotion he seemed to be showing. That was simply the outward façade. Inside - she knew that inside there was a hurt, a sadness that would remain for a long time. Calleigh swallowed the lump in her throat, trying to remind herself that no matter how broken he was right now, and no matter how strong her urge was to do so, Eric didn't want her to fix him.
Calleigh approached him, and to her dismay, Eric's expression never changed. He held the same blank, unaffected stare as he did when he'd greeted all the others. Her voice trembled as she took his hand and whispered "Eric, I'm so sorry." He didn't say a word, didn't even look at her. He wasn't trying to be rude, and she knew that. He just knew that if he looked her in the eyes, saw the sympathy and the empathy there, that the stoic front he was trying to maintain would crumble right at their feet. A shakey "Thanks" was all he could offer her.
Not being able to control the need to do so any longer, Calleigh wrapped her arms around Eric's waist and pulled him in to hug him. He didn't pull away, but he certainly didn't return the gesture. His body stiffened, and he barely rested his hands on her shoulders. To the others around them, it probably looked as though he was accepting a comforting embrace, but Calleigh knew different. Letting him go, she couldn't prevent the ache that ran through her veins – never before had she felt uncomfortable in his arms, until this very moment.
Calleigh felt like she had just hugged a stranger. This person standing before her, he wasn't the Eric she knew; he wasn't her Eric. No longer did his eyes take on a whole new intensity when they layed upon her. Whether in happiness, sadness, anger, frustration – Eric's eyes had always been different when he looked at Calleigh. She had always been able to see it, even before their friendship had turned romantic. The difference in Eric's eyes when it came to her was drastic, and fascinating, and had always warmed her from the inside out. Now it was one of the things that she missed the most about him. His eyes didn't change for her anymore, and it gave her an overwhelming feeling of being alone in the world, because nobody, no one, in her lifetime had ever looked at her with the intensity that he did.
Outwardly, it may have seemed like the tears she began to cry as she pulled away from Eric were shed for his father, a man she'd come to love like he was her own family. But Calleigh knew differently. This went deeper than that. As Calleigh walked away from Eric, without another word, she knew that suddenly she was grieving the loss of two of the most important people in her life – the man she was in love with and his father.
Yes, the realization hit her with the force of a Mack truck. Calleigh was still, and probably forever would be, hopelessly and helplessly in love with Eric Delko. Despite the things that had happened, what he'd done and how she thought she should feel, her heart still belonged to Eric. He had stolen it long ago, and while she had thought that she wanted it back again, she was beginning to see that maybe she was wrong. Maybe her heart was exactly where it was always meant to be. Only now, he didn't seem to want it anymore. That was through no one's fault but her own, she knew, but it still left her feeling empty and alone, and more than a little scared. And completely and utterly lost.
Calleigh moved her way through the receiving line, offering her condolences to Eric's sisters and their husbands before she reached his mother. Calleigh was nervous, afraid of feeling the same sense of rejection from his mother as she had gotten from him. She did, after all, break the heart of Carmen's youngest - her baby, the son she treasured and protected and constantly worried about.
Yet when Calleigh approached Carmen, she was shocked when instead of being rejected, instead she was pulled into a strong, warm loving embrace. "Oh, mija," Carmen whispered as she caressed the back of Calleigh's head, hugging her soundly. Calleigh buried her head in Carmen's shoulder, letting herself be enveloped by the love that the woman offered her. She could have drowned herself in the comfort of Carmen's welcoming arms for hours, but Calleigh knew she needed to move along, as there were people behind her waiting to pay their respects as well.
Calleigh released Carmen from her iron grip, sadly murmuring, "Oh Mrs. Delko, I'm so sorry." She wondered if Carmen even knew the depth of her apology. It went so much deeper than being sorry for the loss of her husband. Carmen reached up to wipe the tears from Calleigh's cheeks. "Mija, none of this 'Mrs.' business. You still call me Carmen, you hear?" Calleigh nodded, and Carmen continued. "Thank you so much for coming, Calleigh. I know it means a lot to Eric."
Calleigh hung her head, shaking it back and forth in doubt. "I don't know about that. I'm not sure he's very happy at all that I'm here." Carmen took hold of Calleigh's hands, forcing her to look back up at her. "Listen to me, Calleigh. Eric is hurting right now. He's trying to be so strong for the whole family. But I know my boy, and even if he can't show it right now, he appreciates that you're here. And even if he didn't, it doesn't matter, because I appreciate that you're here. You know, Pavel loved you like you were one of his own. And I still do. That hasn't changed."
Calleigh was struggling to keep it together. She looked down at her hands, held tightly in the strong, weathered hands of the woman before her. "Carmen, I know Pavel's feelings about me had to have been…what I did…I'm just," Calleigh stuttered, trying to find the right words. "…I just wish things had been different." Carmen reached up, cradling Calleigh's face in her hands, forcing her to look into her dark, knowing eyes.
"Calleigh, don't you ever doubt how Pavel felt about you. Eric isn't perfect, and his Papi knew that. He made mistakes and he paid the price for them. But don't you ever think that changed how Pavel felt for you. You've been there for Eric, have watched out for him and taken care of him when we couldn't, and despite anything that's happened recently, we never forgot that. Pavel loved you, and he'd be glad you're here. He is glad you're here, and so am I."
As Carmen pulled Calleigh in for another hug, she thought to herself, "Eric's glad you're here too, Mija." Calleigh, having found immense comfort in Carmen's words, pulled back far enough to kiss the woman's cheek. She offered her a simple, "Thank you" that was both genuine and heartfelt. Carmen smiled, patted the younger woman on the cheek and replied, "And thank you, Calleigh. And by the way, the flowers you sent were beautiful. It was the most beautiful arrangement we received. They're in my kitchen so I can enjoy them every day while I'm cooking!"
Calleigh smiled warmly, gave Carmen's hands one last squeeze and moved to sit in a chair towards the back of the room. Little did she know, but there was another person in the room who'd taken interest in her exchange with Mama Delko. And if she had turned around to look, she would have seen that his dark chocolate eyes, so much like his mother's, took in the scene with longing and reverence. Had she turned around, she would have seen that his eyes were different, emotional and intense, as he watched on. His eyes had changed, for the only time that day – and they'd changed for her, and only her.
