Disclaimer! I do not own Supernatural or its characters. All credit go to the wonderful creators of Supernatural and its actors.

Chapter Twelve: Passing time

Two months Later

The moment the dream shifted, Dean knew Cas was there. One second it was pitch black and he was trying desperately to get to Sam, his heart racing in his chest, and the next he had to close his eyes due to the sun. He opened them slowly, taking in the breathtaking view.

He was standing on the bank of a river, with bluer than blue water and a medium sized waterfall to his left. "Hello, Dean," The familiar voice said from behind him. He turned to see Cas and his eyes widened, as Cas was currently stripping off his clothes. The sight put images into Dean's head, and he shifted as he hardened.

He looked away, rubbing the back of his head as he got his thoughts back in order. "What are you doing?" he asked, looking back to Cas who was stripped down to his boxers. Dean felt tongue tied as he looked at him. Cas looked as he had always imagined, Lean and soft. Dean could make out the subtle muscle under his smooth light skin.

"This is the proper weather for a swim, is it not?" Cas asked, his brows pulled together in question. Did he get something wrong?

The looked on Cas' face made Dean chuckle. "Yes, it is," he said, a smile on his face.

Cas' heart skipped a beat the way it always did when Dean laughed. It was a beautiful thing to see him smile, but to hear his rare laugh always made him feel lighter. "Well then, isn't it obvious? We are going for a swim," Cas replied, with a smile on his face. He wandered past Dean to the edge of the water, pausing for a moment to look back at Dean, before wading in.

Dean watched as Cas went deeper into the water, until he was swimming. It occurred to him that he had never seen Cas swim, and until now, he didn't know he could. It was odd to him that there was something he didn't know about the angel, and now he felt like maybe he didn't really know him as well as he thought he did.

Dean watched Cas swim around for a minute before he decided to join him. He stripped off his clothes to his boxers before making his way to the water. He walked into it, expecting it to be cold, but the water was at a perfect temperature.

He made his way to Cas, feeling awkward as he did so. He hated that he often felt weird being with Cas. He supposed that it was just something that was going to take time to get used to. "Where did this come from?" Dean asked, motioning around them. He had often wondered where Cas came up with these places. So many beautiful places that always seemed to calm Dean.

"From a movie, I think," Cas said with a shrug, he honestly couldn't remember how he came up with this one. He swam closer to Dean, stopping in front of him. He ducked under water, staying under for a few moment before popping back up.

Dean bit his lip as Cas reappeared. Seeing Cas wet reminded him of all those times he masturbated in the shower, while thinking of him. He felt his face get flushed as he hardened, and he was very aware that his boxers didn't hide much.

The way Dean looked just now was even more breathtaking than the view around them. He was flushed and biting his lip, something Cas always loved. He frowned when Dean turned and started swimming away from him. "Where you going?" Cas asked, as he grabbed Dean's arm and spun him around. He hugged Dean close and could feel Dean's hardness press into his stomach. It surprised him, but he didn't let on that he felt it. "Don't go anywhere. I've missed you." He said into Dean's ear. He shifted slightly, trying to hide his own erection. He didn't want Dean to be uncomfortable.

Dean shuddered under Cas' touch and hugged him back. "I've missed you too," Dean replied. He tried to ignore the fact that Cas was hard as well, but if he was being honest, the fact was driving him mad. He pulled away, clearing his throat as he did so. "How's Sam?" he asked, trying to ignore his racing heart.

"He is well. He is still looking for the cure," Cas replied, swimming to the rocks near the waterfall. He pulled himself from the water and onto the rock, disappearing behind the water fall.

Dean let that information sink in before he followed Cas. Dean looked around him and he had to admit that it was pretty cool being behind the waterfall. "What makes you think you're allowed to disappear if I'm not?" Dean teased.

Cas turned to him with that soft smile on his face. "I would never go too far. Besides," he said, going further into the little cave like room, then coming back with a small basket. "I thought this would be a good place to eat."

Dean had to smile at this. Cas had discovered that in Dean's dreams he could enjoy the taste of food, so he liked to make eating a part of their time together. Dean sat next to Cas, who was already unwrapping a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Dean pulled out his own with a low chuckle. For some reason Cas was overly found of these sandwiches, but he loved that about Cas.

"What?" Cas asked, breaking Dean's train of thought.

Dean blinked, then realized he had been staring at Cas. Cas looked flushed as he took another bite of his food. "Nothing, I didn't mean to stare at you," Dean said, taking a bite of his own food.

They ate silently for a few moments before Cas breathed. "I love the way you look right now."

Dean met Cas' piercing blue eyes that seemed to somehow be more blue than he had ever seen them. The expression on Cas' face made Dean's heart flutter and his hardness returned. If he didn't know better he would say Cas was eye fucking him. Dean had to swallow, then swallow again before he could even get his thoughts back in order. How was he supposed to respond to that?

Cas chucked nervously. "I'm sorry, Dean. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"No," Dean said shaking his head at Cas. There was no need for him to apologize. Strangely he liked the compliment. It made him feel better than he would have thought it could. "It's okay. It just surprised me."

Cas looked away with a smile still on his face. He might not have meant to say it out loud, but he meant every word.

Two weeks later

Dean all but ran from the room. Trying that had been a horrible idea. He had no idea what he was thinking. He jumped into baby and pulled from the parking lot quickly. Yeah, that was disastrous.

Since Cas' last visit, he had been sexually frustrated, so he figured he would try to get some relief. However, it didn't go well. He really didn't have high hopes, but he didn't think that he wouldn't even be able to get it up. That had never happened to him before. It certainly wasn't for the lack of trying. Hell, he even tried thinking of Cas, but that only made things worse because it made him feel like he was cheating on him.

Dean let out a huff of breath. Would it even be considered cheating? It wasn't like they were exclusive. Hell they were technically not together. He only ever saw Cas in his dreams. He had no idea what they were. All he knew was his heart seemed to belong to Cas.

Dean sat on his bed once he got home, resting his face in his hands. He was frustrated, horny, and most of all, confused. He didn't know what he was doing. He spent his days full of energy and he was always super edgy. A damn dish couldn't fall on the floor without him over reacting. It was bullshit, and it pissed him off that he couldn't help it. Then he spent his nights either in fear or with Cas, and being with Cas always seemed to confuse him. He didn't know what the hell he was doing. So his nights were spent confused and his days angry.

To make it worse it was like the anger took him over, making him a completely different person. It was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde shit going on, and he couldn't stand it. He couldn't stand not having control.


Dean woke slowly to the feel of someone caressing his cheek. The touch was warm and light, making Dean feel relaxed. He felt himself moving his face into the touch, allowing it to sooth him further. He knew who it was without opening his eyes, and at the moment he didn't care. He craved Cas' touch more than anything else, not to mention this was the most in control he'd felt in two weeks.

"I know you're not sleeping," Cas said in a light tone. He fought the urge to scoot even closer to Dean.

"Why are we in bed?" Dean asked sleepily. He still didn't open his eyes.

"You weren't dreaming, so here we are," Cas replied. Usually when he visited, Dean would be having a nightmare and Cas would bring them to better places. Tonight Dean wasn't dreaming, so he just left him in bed. He stroked Dean's cheek one more time before resting it there.

After a moment he moved his hand down to rest if on Dean's firm, naked chest. It was soothing to Cas to feel the steady beat of Dean's heart. "Hey," he smiled when he noticed Dean's eyes on him.

"Hey," Dean replied, smiling back. "Where've you been?" He asked, trying to ignore Cas' hand on his chest.

"It's only been a couple weeks since I've visited. We've gone longer," Cas replied. He looked at Dean. "I saw what happened today," he added slowly. It broke his heart to see Dean go to a woman. Then he was delighted when nothing happened, then felt bad for being delighted. He and Dean weren't actually a thing, so it wasn't like he had claim, but he felt like he did.

Cas felt Dean's heart rate quicken. The only question Cas had was why? Was it out of embarrassment? Was it out of anger for him watching?

Dean didn't know how to reply to that. He felt flushed knowing that Cas had witnessed that and it made him, once again, aware that Cas could be watching at any point. He was super relieved the angel couldn't read his mind because then he was sure he would never be able to look Cas in the eyes again. "You saw that huh?" Dean finally said quietly.

"I didn't mean to. I was just…You know looking in on you," Cas said, frowning when Dean sat up. He felt himself blush when he realized Dean was naked. He could easily change that small fact, but he found he didn't want too.

Dean moved the blanket, well aware that he was completely naked. He supposed Cas just left him the way he was when he went to sleep. He shook his head with a sigh. "I'm confused Cas," He whispered just loud enough for Cas to hear. Did Cas understand why he was confused? He wanted him to. He realized he needed Cas to make this all make sense to him.

Cas sat up to, moving so he was next to Dean, who was looking away from him. Dean always seemed ashamed of sharing emotions. Cas figured it was one of the reasons he hid them so much. "Dean, I can't help you if you aren't more specific," Cas replied softly.

There was a long moment where neither of them spoke, and Cas was just starting to think that Dean wasn't going to reply, when he said. "I'm not gay." he breathed, hiding his face in his hands.

Cas closed his eyes for a moment. He understood the statement, but it contradicted Dean's actions. Dean had kissed him, held him. He supposed he was a little confused himself, but didn't really care what it meant. He wanted whatever time Dean was willing to give him. He knew that made him sound needy and desperate, but it was nothing but the truth.

"Being with a woman feels wrong, but I'm not gay. I don't want to be with a male," Dean said, looking up when the bed squeaked and he was along. Cas' back was to him and he was sure he was upset with what he had just said. Dean took a deep breath as he closed his eyes. He didn't know what to do here. He certainly didn't mean to hurt Cas.

"I know you're not gay, Dean." Cas turned and faced Dean. "Perhaps I shouldn't have told you how I feel."

Dean shook his head. He might not like it, but he loved that Cas was in love with him. He loved his time with Cas, even if it was odd at times. "What are we doing Cas?" He asked. He needed to understand all this. "Where do we sit? What does all this mean? You're up in heaven, doing whatever it is you do and I'm down here trying not to go crazy. I need you, but this whole thing is messing with my head. I feel like I'm cheating on you when I try to be with someone else, but I'm not even sure what we are. I'm not…I'm just so confused." He stood up from the bed, taking the sheet with him to keep himself covered. "I'm falling Cas. I'm falling and it scares the living hell out of me!" Dean said, feeling like his chest might explode if he didn't. "I don't even know if I'm ever going to truly see you again and that…" Dean shook his head, feeling frustrated. "I just don't know what to do here and I'm confused. I don't know what to think or how to feel…"

"I'm sorry, Dean." Cas felt guilty for all this. If he hadn't said anything, if he hadn't been coming here all these months, then maybe things wouldn't be so bad for Dean. "Maybe I should go," Cas said his heart breaking for causing Dean confusion. He hadn't thought this through very much. Dean was right. It wasn't like they could ever truly be together. "Maybe we shouldn't meet like this."

"No!" Dean said, suddenly panicked. He walked closer to Cas with a plea in his eyes. Cas' statement seemed to have knocked the breath out him. The panic of never seeing Cas again was worse than it was when Cas actually left. "I can't handle not seeing you Cas. You're the only thing that seems to give me peace." Cas didn't looked convince and before he could argue Dean added, "I need you Cas. I can't stand the thought of not seeing you."

Cas' brows pulled together. "But you said you're confused. I don't want you to be confused."

Dean moved, taking Cas' hand with his free one. "You're the only part of any of this that makes sense." Dean kissed Cas' hand because he felt right.

Cas cocked his head to the side, with a look of confusion on his beautiful face. "I don't understand," he said, feeling confused himself.

Dean chuckled. "I'm not sure I understand either." He pulled Cas into a huge. "But I need you, and that I am sure of."

Six weeks later

Sam threw his bag on the table in the study. He had just stopped at the movie rental store to pick up a movie and he was sure he had seen Dean. The only problem was, Dean must have seen him too because, by the time he made it over to the porno section of the store, Dean was gone. It also made him realize that Dean must have been staying close. This was an odd comfort for him. He was missing Dean like crazy, and knowing he was close helped.

As he made his way to the kitchen for food his phone ring, and he smiled when Julianne's name popped up. They had been texting for a few months now, and he was liking her more and more. "I'm going to Rome! I'm so excited :D I leave in two days. Eek." Sam smiled at this. She had often talked about going to Rome, but was always afraid to go. He was sure she wasn't afraid to actually leave, but she was afraid to leave her current life behind. She was afraid of the change. "That's great! I knew you could do it. Make sure not to forget about me when you're there."

Sam tucked his phone into his pocket and pulled out the fixings for a sandwich. He mindlessly made his while thinking about the night ahead of him. He was still busy trying to find a way to get the mark off Dean. So far, there was nothing in the lore and he wasn't even sure if there was going to be anything. He often wondered if there was anything on the damn demon tablet that said anything about it, but he never heard Kevin make mention of it. Though he supposed Kevin wouldn't have. That wasn't what was on the agenda at the time.

His phone buzzed again as he sat at the table. "How could I forget about you? I'm not sure how long I'll be gone but we will have to get together when I return. I'm going to miss you." Sam smiled a little at that. They had been getting together about once a month for the past few months. It wasn't a booty call, though the last time they got together sex was involved. Sam genuinely enjoyed her company and she his, or at least he assumed so. "We will have to do that. I will miss you too."

Metatron would know, wouldn't he? He wrote all of them. Sam sighed in frustration. How the hell was he supposed to talk to Metatron? Heaven was locked or whatever. It had been months since he had seen Cas. He knew Cas said he was going to be gone, but a small part of him thought it wouldn't last, and he has been gone for about ten months now.

"Hey Cas. Do you have your ears on?" Sam asked out loud. He was sure Cas wouldn't respond, but he had to try anyway. "Look buddy I know that you are stuck up there, but I need your help. I'm thinking Metatron is the only one who may know how to get rid of the mark. Dean needs you Cas. I need your help." Sam waited there for about twenty minutes before he sighed and stood. Cas wasn't coming, and he would be lying if he said it was okay.

Sam went to the study and pulled out the new lore book he bought. This book claimed to have older lore, and he prayed this book would be it. If not he was running out of options and according to Dean's message, he felt like he was running out of time.


Dean turned off the TV after realizing it did nothing for him. After his last encounter with Cas a month and a half ago he thought, what if he was gay? He sat on it for a while and finally decided the only way to know for sure was to find out, and he sure as hell wasn't going to try to sleep with a guy, so he settled for trying out a gay porno. Unfortunately, he didn't have internet here, which was by design; if he had it he would be too tempted to go out and hunt. He barely turned on the TV because of that. Not having internet meant he had to go to the damn video store. Not only was the trip embarrassing, he was sure he saw Sam, and ended up leaving without the video. He asked some woman to get it for him and she agreed after he bribed her with fifty dollars.

Dean sat back on the sofa feeling frustrated. It all seemed to be in vain because it did nothing for him but make him a little uncomfortable. He had no idea two guys could have sex in other positions besides doggy style. He also found that regular porn still did it for him so this didn't help anything. He still liked women and they turned him on, but so did Cas.

Dean sighed as he ran his hand through his hair. Not knowing whether or not he was gay was driving him nuts. The only thing he knew for sure was that he was falling for his best friend, who just happened to be a guy.

Maybe that was the answer, Dean thought, as he ran on the treadmill later that night. Maybe he wasn't necessarily "gay." He just happened to be falling in love with a guy. Okay, so he supposed that made him bisexual or something? He shook his head. He couldn't be, because that still implied that he was into dudes and he wasn't. He was just into Cas. He was Cas sexual. Dean smiled at his thought. Yeah, but seriously, he could be okay with that.

Dean sighed. Maybe he really could be okay with that. He wasn't gay, he was just in love with Cas. Dean wiped at is forehead with his discarded shirt. Yes, he thought again to himself, he could handle that. Dean picked up his pace. Okay so he wasn't completely okay with it, but it sat better with him than thinking he was into guys. He had always been as straight as a line.

Cas changed that. Cas changed everything, and looking back, Dean knew that he had been falling for Cas for years. It wasn't something that just happened, it was gradual. He didn't know he was falling then, but he knew it now. There were many times where he would get odd feelings or urges, but he had shaken them off, stuffed them down. He had ignored them because he didn't want to feel them. He wasn't ready to accept the truth. Part of him still wasn't ready to, but he couldn't deny the truth anymore either. He was in love with Cas, and this acceptance of the truth scared the hell out of him.

I hope you have all enjoyed the chapter. Reviews and Comments are appreciated. Thanks :D