July 30th, 2012

Add that to the list of things Yosuke liked most about Jude: when he said things were okay, they were really okay. He'd gone into his confession with the worry that it would ruin their friendship. He'd gone into the kiss with the worry that he'd be rejected, but neither of those things had happened. As a matter of fact, the only real difference between their friendship now and before was every now and again, he caught Jude staring at him. And it wasn't disconcerting in the slightest, especially since he did the same thing when he was confident that Jude wasn't watching. No matter who was with them, they'd make eyes at each other, but they still talked like friends and joked like friends. It was both nice and frustrating at the same time, especially with the way Yosuke found his mind wandering to that kiss when there was nothing going on.

There had been nothing going on a lot lately, too. Yosuke wondered if the Midnight Channel broadcasts had gone back to the once a month standard that they'd been on before.

With everything that had happened, everything that wasn't happening now, there was one thing that the team agreed on: they needed to talk to Souji. Whether he wanted to talk to them or not, he had to know that there was some crazy vigilante wanting to protect him, throwing people into the TV in his name. Naoto pointed out that they didn't know that it had been the same person, the one who threw him into the TV and the one who and Jude into the TV, and she had a point. They didn't know anything about this, and that was what was so infuriating. But that didn't dissuade them. Especially when he'd told the rest of them that Souji hadn't even so much as mentioned them to his parents. The look of hurt on everyone's faces (even Rise's, though he was sure she already knew) said that they all had questions for him.

Even Jude looked furious, even though he didn't know Souji. That fierce protectiveness that Yosuke saw inside the TV when he faced down his shadow flashed across those doe eyes again and Yosuke found himself smiling in spite of everything. A nice guy, flashed into his mind again, and that warm feeling flooded his chest.

At varying times throughout his recovery, he'd kept suggesting that the team go without him. Maybe he wouldn't get his closure that way, but the case was more important than some idiotic loyalty he had on a guy who would never reciprocate his feelings, right? And at this point, he felt like maybe he'd be more of a liability than anything else. He didn't know if he could make it out of the conversation without anger, and he really didn't want to test it.

But, in a display of loyalty that both surprised him and didn't, they refused. "If we're going to do this, we're going to do it together," Chie's tone left absolutely no room to argue, and Yosuke found himself cracking a smile in spite of the situation.

"I agree," Naoto echoed. "We started this whole thing together, and we're not going to go without you, Yosuke-senpai." She stood from where she'd been sitting on one of the stumps along the riverbank. "And of all of us, I think you have the most to ask him about."

He froze. What did she mean? For a split second, Yosuke wondered if Jude had told her about what he'd said before their kiss—not that it mattered or anything, it wasn't like it was a huge, shameful secret—but the thought was dispelled when she elaborated. "The person who attacked you said that he was protecting Souji now, right? Don't you want to know what he meant?" She had a point there, too.

Kanji's upper lip curled. "I got a couple words for that asshole, too," he said angrily. "I'll write 'em on my chair before I bash 'im with it."

Everyone laughed a little bit at that, but Yosuke chewed on his lip and stood up, too, cringing at the pain, but ignoring it. "Alright. You're right," he said. "If we're gonna do this, we should do it together." They did everything else together, right? "But... but if we're gonna do it, we should do it soon. Today, maybe." He looked between the group, at their surprised and slightly incredulous expressions.

"Are you sure that's a good idea, Yosuke-kun?" Yukiko asked.

Jude nodded his head. "Yosuke's right," he said, pushing some hair back from his face. "The longer we wait, the more it'll eat away at you guys. I'm sure you all have things you want to ask him, and maybe taking this chance will clear things up. Make the road ahead easier." For a second, Yosuke thought he caught a bit of anxiety on Jude's face. He'd have to ask what the worry was.

Humming thoughtfully, Rise smoothed a hand through her hair and nodded. "Going today would be a good idea. I have some questions, too." She didn't say a lot after that. Sometimes, it was easy to forget that she was just as affected by this as he was. Maybe more. She carried it so strongly with her, and didn't complain at all.

Teddie nodded his head, a surprising flash of maturity crossing his face when he looked at Rise. "If Sensei really did just decide that he doesn't care about us anymore, he needs to look us in the face and say it." In a split second, the maturity turned right back to goofy Teddie, though. "It frazzles my fur to think that he'd be so beary vicious, but we should know."

"We should all call our families and tell them we're going to head to Madomai to go shopping. The bus trip is two hours, so... let's meet at the bus stop in an hour?" It was a little surprising that he was taking the reins on this, especially considering that Naoto had essentially been proclaimed leader. What was more surprising, was the fact that everyone else was following.

Did they trust him again? He couldn't say he was really himself, but he had to admit that he was feeling a lot better since getting out of the TV. But was he ready to lead? You're reading too much into it, he thought. Just because they're following your lead doesn't mean that they miraculously think you're trustworthy again. His attention turned to Rise, who stood up and smiled sadly at him. Honestly, it said a lot that she hadn't hated him after finding out that she'd kissed Souji. Or had she found out? He gave her shoulder a supportive squeeze, and she smiled a little brighter, before turning around to be sure that Teddie was behind her. It was nice, how close the two of them had been lately.

Everyone said their 'see you later's' and split off in different directions. They didn't need to go home to call, no, but he didn't doubt that they needed some time to compose themselves. To ready themselves to face their former leader and ask him exactly why he'd thrown them out like yesterday's trash. Yosuke could use some of that himself.

The pairs that walked off together were equal parts surprising and not. Chie and Yukiko, Rise and Teddie, Naoto and Kanji... all three groups headed in different directions, and none of them headed home. They were all talking in hushed tones, and as much as Yosuke knew that they were a group... he knew that everyone had that one person they were closest to. This spelled that out even clearer.

He turned around.

Still sitting on the same tree stump was Jude, staring out at the water. Yosuke walked toward him, stopping a few steps away before saying, "watch out. You got a little black raincloud coming straight for your head." He smiled slightly, trying to keep the conversation light.

Jude looked up at him and chuckled softly. "And I don't even have my umbrella," he said quietly, and moved to stand up.

Before he could move, though, Yosuke put out a hand to slow him. "Everything alright?" he asked, moving slowly to sit on the stump closest to Jude. "You've got that thousand mile stare, and when we were talking about going to Madomai, you looked really stressed out." His ribs screamed at the constant movement, but he dealt with it. He'd have to re-tape them before the bus trip.

"It's... it's nothing," Jude stumbled, but when Yosuke gave him an incredulous look, he backtracked. "Alright. It's something. But it's asinine. A stupid concern."

Yosuke shrugged a shoulder and made a 'come on' motion with one hand. "Hit me with it. You listen to my stupid concerns all the time, right? What kind of friend would I be if I didn't listen back?" The word friend didn't seem right here, but it was the only true descriptor for what they were. Right?

Giving a weak smile, Jude turned to look away, refusing to meet Yosuke's eye when he spoke. "I'm worried." He'd already said that, but Yosuke didn't rush him. "About Souji." The words were simple, but poignant.

And Yosuke didn't know exactly what they meant. "Worried about Souji?" he asked. What was there to worry about? It was Souji. He may have turned his back on them, and he may have been a lot of things... but he'd never hurt them. Not physically. "He won't hurt us, if that's what you're worried about." His voice was certain.

"No," Jude shook his head. "I'm not worried about that. You all have faith in him, and that's enough for me. I'm just..." He looked away and sighed.

A light bulb went off in Yosuke head, and thought that maybe he realized what Jude was worried about. "We won't," he said seriously. "We won't forget about you. You're on the team now, Jude. You're our friend, and we wouldn't have been able to get through what we've gotten through these past couple months if not for you. You fixed the group, okay? Helped get rid of the dark cloud that losing Souji put over us." He was definitely sure about that. "You're stuck with us, Mathis. No matter what happens, okay? You better get used to it." He winked.

There was an expression on Jude's face that showed that it wasn't everything, and Yosuke realized what the concern really was. Oh. It's me, isn't it? He's worried that he won't get his chance. he asked himself.

"That was part of it," Jude admitted. "But I'm..." He sighed quickly, heavily, and stood up, his back turned to Yosuke. "I know you need to see him. To talk to him. Or else I wouldn't have agreed that going today was a good idea. But I'm worried about what seeing him will do to you." He turned to look at Yosuke and sighed. Well that wasn't the answer he expected. But maybe he should have. Did Jude Mathis ever think of himself? "You're doing better. You don't look tired all the time, and you're smiling and laughing and you're so much stronger now than you were when I met you. I'm worried that..." he stumbled with his words for a second, then crouched down in front of Yosuke. "I'm worried that seeing him will take the smile back away again."

He was close again. Yosuke felt that familiar erratic pattering that his heart always did when Jude was this close, and he gave a lopsided smile. "Oh..." he whispered.

The flood plain wasn't as empty as it was the last time they were here like this, but for the first time since his self-revelation, Yosuke found that he didn't really care. None of the people around them were really paying attention anyway. His eyes fell to Jude's lips again, and he played with his own lower lip in between his teeth. Yeah. He thought about kissing him a lot. And having him close like this, close enough to feel the warmth radiating off of him, was definitely making him think about it again.

As tempting as it was, though, kissing him right now wouldn't be fair at all. It had only been two days. And they'd agreed. They'd agreed that it wasn't a good idea. It should've been easy to remind himself of that, but it wasn't. It really wasn't.

"I wish I could assure that it won't happen," Yosuke admitted, his voice a little softer than usual. "But I can almost guarantee that this will be hard. For a lot of reasons. I won't be alone, though."

Jude turned his head away for a second, glancing at a patch of tall grass a few feet away from them. "Yeah. Yeah, I know. We have your back." When Jude's tongue dashed out to wet his lips, Yosuke couldn't help but stare.

Again, without thinking, he reached down and turned Jude's face toward his. His heart hammered his chest and his stomach twisted again. He was about to lean in to press their lips together when his cell phone beeped in his pocket. He froze, and before he could even gather his thoughts, Jude was standing up, facing away from him again. Damn it, he thought, reaching into his pocket and flipping it open.

Chie ran into his mother in town, and told her about their plans to take the bus into the city. As expected, she gave him the whole 'were you planning on calling me and telling me' speech. It had been tough to convince her to let him go, because 'last time you went to the city, you came back with broken ribs and a concussion,' but once he reminded her that he wasn't going by himself this time, and it would be near impossible for someone to attack the whole group and not be spotted, she agreed to let him go. With a promise to be home before midnight, Yosuke finally hung up the phone. He sighed with frustration, and then turned to glance at Jude, who was just sitting back on the tree stump he'd been sitting at before.

"Sorry about that..." he mumbled. About a lot of things, but mostly about... well, Jude knew what about.

Jude shook his head and smiled. "Don't worry about it. So you got the okay, then?" He put his hands in his pockets and rocked on his feet.

Yosuke nodded. "Yeah. Don't you have to call your folks or something?" He tried to push himself into a standing position, but before he could, his ribs seethed in pain, and he breathed out in a huff and stayed in place.

Before he realized what had happened, Jude was standing in front of him with his hand offered out. "No, they won't care. As long as I don't get killed or arrested, they don't usually care what I do." Most people their age would probably consider that a good thing, but from what Yosuke had heard about Jude's parents, it probably wasn't.

Or get a B, Yosuke thought, remembering what Jude's shadow had said. But he was very careful not to say anything about that. After he accepted Jude's hand and stood, he put his hands in his pockets. He was going to ask about Jude's parents, but today didn't seem like a good day to do that. It was already set to be unpleasant. He didn't need to make it worse. "Let's head to the shopping district. We can grab a skewer while we wait for the others."


The bus ride felt both shorter and longer at the same time. There were little bits of conversation being thrown around, which made it feel shorter at times, but when they were quiet, Yosuke's mind wandered. Now that they were on the bus, he didn't know if it was such a good idea to do this. What if Souji was gone or something? Or what if he'd warned his parents about them after Yosuke's visit? What if... what if the man who attacked him was out there again? What if he managed to get to one of the others? There were so many ways this could go wrong, and now Yosuke was cursing himself for not thinking of them before. He leaned his head against the back of the seat and turned it to look out the window.

When he looked back to his left, Jude wasn't the one sitting beside him. It was Naoto.

"Naoto..." he greeted her with a smile. "What's up?" It must have been something important, if she'd traded seats with Jude. A glance at the two seats in front of him told him that Jude was settling in next to Kanji, and the two of them immediately started chit-chatting.

Instead of the worried expression that she'd been giving him lately, she was actually smiling this time. "You look a lot better," she said seriously.

Yosuke looked down at his ribs and nodded. "I still feel a little bit of pain sometimes, and I get a little dizzy when I turn my head too quickly, but the doctors at the hospital and Jude's mom have been taking pretty good care of me, yeah." He turned his attention back to her.

She shook her head no. "That's not what I meant, senpai. I meant... I meant that you look better. Better-better. Less stressed." She folded her hands on her lap. The look on her face was meaningful. He could tell. Like something was on the way.

"Oh. Yeah, I mean..." he shrugged, "I'm still not my best. Still not completely back to normal, but I'm doing better, definitely."

Naoto grinned. "Well, I was thinking. You remember how I said that my lead was only temporary? At least on my own. Do you want to step back up again? I know that we don't really have an official leader; we all make decisions, but things aren't the same now that everyone's looking to me. I'm a good decision-maker, but I think it would be better if you helped me out." She lifted her elbows, resting them on the armrests, and kept her hands folded at her stomach.

To say that he was surprised would have been an understatement. He was doing better, yes. But he'd just told her, and he was the first to admit, that he didn't really feel completely like himself again. It wasn't that long ago that she was insisting that he wasn't stable. Had it really been enough time to determine whether he was okay or not yet? It had literally been just over a month.

"Are you sure?" he asked her, scratching a hand through his hair and chuckling. "Like I said, I'm still not my old self. I mean, this whole thing with Souji might set me back."

Jude had brought up a very good point. If they managed to track him down, it might set him back a little ways, hearing the answers to his questions. It was a calculated risk. Yosuke knew that. But going the rest of his life without the answers could drive him crazy. Maybe it wouldn't, but if his recent behavior was any indication, it was a distinct possibility. He didn't want the recovery that he'd done over the past couple of weeks to be in vain. It was ironic, too, that it could potentially end up happening either way.

With a nod, Naoto glanced down at her knees. "We're all sure. We learned the hard way that without you, the speed of battle changes. It's more difficult, or at least it seems that way. Jude is great in battle, but when we came to find you, it was his first time fighting on the other side. He didn't know what he was up against. You're the best one to help him, since you've been doing this for the longest, we figured." She smiled at him again. "And we realized that without you there, things didn't feel as..." she paused, then hummed thoughtfully. "As possible. If that makes any sense."

He arched an eyebrow wordlessly. It didn't.

"There's something that only you bring to the team, Yosuke-senpai. It took trying to fight without you to make us realize it, and I apologize for that."

The words took him completely by surprise, and it made him smile in spite of himself. Was it really that much harder without him? "Wow..." he mumbled, and even he could hear the utter shock in his voice. "Yeah, of course I'll help you lead. I mean, I don't think I can do it solo, no, but I think the two of us together have basically everything we lost when..." he trailed off.

She nodded. "The only thing we're missing is that persona changing trick that he has," she said with a bitter chuckle.

Well, it was a little more than that, but yeah. As far as battle went, the persona switching trick was the only thing they didn't have. "Part of me keeps wishing that someday, one of us will wake up with that power," he half-joked. "Whoever that is will be the unquestioned leader." It was a joke, but it was true.

"You know," Naoto said, after she'd been quiet for a few seconds, "I always kind of felt like you were as much the leader as Souji was, back when we were all together." She sounded sincere, and that took him by complete surprise. She held her index finger up when Yosuke was about to object. "Yes, Souji made the ultimate decisions, but you were very much a mouthpiece. You came up with a lot of ideas. More than you realize. A lot of things wouldn't have happened if you weren't there."

Wow. Okay, that was completely shocking. "You really think so?" he asked. When she nodded, he chuckled once. "I don't know how much truth there is to that, but thanks. I'm not really half the leader he is... he was... whatever. I really just want to help, you know? That's how I can do it." At least that was what he figured. But if Naoto... if everyone thought of him as a leader like that? Maybe he was doing something right. A smile crossed his face. "Why are you telling me this?" he asked her.

Naoto shrugged her shoulders. "Partially because it's true. But also partially to help you. You mentioned concern about this visit to Souji setting you back. I had thought that myself when you suggested we come this way today. When we all dispersed from the riverbank, I spoke to Kanji-kun for a bit, and then I called and chatted with the others about it. Since I knew Jude was with you, I waited until we all got back together and pulled him aside to ask him how he felt." She smiled. "Consider it something of a get well gift. Encouraging you to continue to get well, no matter what we see today."

Yosuke laughed. "Always full of surprises, aren't you, Naoto?" he asked, as he noticed the sign telling them that they were entering Madomai. "Continue getting well, huh? I think I can do that," he reassured her.

He saw the taller buildings on the horizon, and his smile faltered a little bit. At least he hoped he could.