Title: A Parallel Univers - Love's Labour Lost
Author: Strella Smith
Pairings: Fred/Lizzy
Rating: PG-13 (Sexuality)
Lizzy was quiet and withdrawn for days after her break with Charles. She made herself go to work every day, but her usual enjoyment of it had waned. She came home exhausted in the afternoons and immediately went to her room for a nap. She did not go out in the evenings and did not seem to want anyone's company but Fred's.
Fred watched over her like a jealous ministering angel. He cared for her and comforted her as tenderly as he knew how. He would not let her do any of the usual household chores, but took it upon himself to complete the tasks. He found himself doing things he would have never even considered doing years ago. He washed dishes, cleaned the house, and even tried his hand at cooking, although the results were so dismal he usually tossed it out before Lizzy came home. He thought wryly, that his old self of twenty years ago would have howled in horror if he could have seen himself cleaning up messes instead of making them. But he did not care. He had been a different person in a different lifetime then. All he cared about now was being there for Lizzy.
He listened to her when she needed to talk and held her when she needed to cry. She sought his arms more than she ever had before, and it gave him unspeakable pleasure to shelter her in them, whispering comfort to her as he held her. She never resisted or argued with him anymore. The invisible barrier which had existed between them for years had been swept away. With its demolition came a sweet closeness which made Fred so intensely happy, he was half afraid of it.
Occasionally, thoughts of the Powers-That-Be and their watchful eyes flashed through his mind. He remembered Judge Fair's words Perhaps if Elizabeth can successfully navigate the perils of this relationship, it will be the catalyst which will finally push her toward letting go of you.
He wondered uneasily if the Judge had noticed that nothing of the sort had happened. If anything, Lizzy's break with Charles had only driven her closer to Fred. He hoped the Powers-That-Be wouldn't frown upon this. He kept expecting to hear something from them, but no word came. He thought this strange, but did not want to draw attention to himself, so he avoided Limbo and tried half-heartedly to rein in his physical interaction with Lizzy. But he was so passionately in love with her, his self control was almost gone. Danger! Danger! his common sense cried. Oh but this is heaven, sighed his heart every time he pulled Lizzy close and felt her nestle yearningly against him.
Charles had attempted a few times to reconcile with Lizzy, calling her on the phone to have conversations with her which were full of apologies and excuses. He loved her, he really did, but what did she expect? If she had only let him sleep with her, he wouldn't have been tempted to cheat with Anabella. It was her fault really, but he was willing to give it a second chance if she was.
Lizzy hung up on him, her face white, angry tears trembling on her lashes. "How dare he speak to me like that?" she said to Fred. "How dare he make this my fault?"
"He's just staying true to form," said Fred grimly.
Lizzy shook her head disbelievingly. "My God, I can't believe I let him manipulate me for so long. He's as bad as mother."
"Worse," said Fred more grimly still.
Lizzy shuddered and leaned her forehead against Fred's arm. "What would my life have been like if I had stayed with him?"
Fred smoothed her hair, "Terrible, I'm sure," he said seriously. "Let's just be thankful you're away from him."
"I am. I'm more thankful every day. I just wish I could stop hurting."
Fred drew her to him, burying his lips in her hair. "It'll get better," he whispered. "I promise it will."
Polly, of course, was beside herself over Lizzy's break-up. She heard the news from Charles, who called, asking her if she could make Lizzy see sense. Lizzy unfortunately happened to drop by Polly's house at the precise moment while Charles was still on the phone. She had been intending to avoid Polly for as long as possible, but she discovered she had accidentally left a book she needed for school at her old home.
"I'll just swing by and grab it real quick," she told Fred. "I'm not even going to say anything to her about the breakup."
"Good plan," muttered Fred.
But as luck would have it, Polly was speaking to Charles the moment Lizzy came in the door. "Yes, Charles," Fred heard her say. "Just leave everything to me." Polly shot Lizzy a stern look as she came into the room. She put her hand over the phone. "I want a word with you."
"I just came by for a book, Mother. I can't stay."
"You can and you will. I'm on the phone with Charles. He told me what happened."
"You're talking to Charles?" Lizzy paled.
"Yes."
Without missing a beat, Lizzy marched over to where her mother stood. "Give me the phone," she said calmly.
Surprised Polly handed it to her. Lizzy put the receiver to her ear. "Don't call me or my mother again," she said coldly. She hung up the phone.
Polly was aghast. "Young lady, you have a lot of explaining to do!"
Lizzy looked at her. "I know what's best for me," she said evenly.
Polly glared at her. "What on earth do you mean?"
Lizzy sighed. "Mother, it's over. Charles was unfaithful to me. I was miserable with him. Nothing you can say will make me go back to him."
"Elizabeth Cronin! Listen to what you are saying! You are throwing away a brilliant future with a man who can take care of you!"
"I don't need a man to take care of me," said Lizzy firmly. "I want a man who will love me and be my friend, not one who wants to possess me and control me."
"I have no idea what you are talking about! Elizabeth, think of me! You've refused to take my advice about anything else. Will you please listen to me about this?"
"No mother, I'm sorry," said Lizzy tiredly. "This is my life, not yours."
"Why do you always go against me?"
Lizzy sighed and shook her head. "Mother, you have to stop treating me like I'm your enemy."
"Enemy?" Polly gave a bitter little laugh. "Sometimes I wonder with you." She slammed the telephone down on the table. "I guess I made the same mistake a lot of people make. I had a child to save a marriage."
Fred heard the barb fly from Polly's lips and he saw it drive home into Lizzy's heart, straight and sure as a javelin. He saw it in her wounded eyes.
"How can you say that?" Lizzy whispered.
"Well, you made things worse!" said Polly defensively. "He left because of you!"
Lizzy's face was stricken with pain. "What a pile of shit," she said quietly. She turned and started to leave the house.
"Don't you dare!" Polly suddenly cried out. "Don't you dare walk out on me!"
Lizzy turned. Her eyes were so sad, they broke Fred's heart. He was stunned at Polly's cruelty, but he was even more stunned by what Lizzy did next. She walked over to her mother who had just stabbed her in the heart with the cruelest thing a parent can say to a child. She looked at her soberly, then put her arms around her neck and hugged her and kissed her cheek.
"Mother, you're lonely and bitter," said Lizzy gently. "You need to get yourself a friend."
Polly just stared at her, completely at a loss for words. Lizzy tucked her book under her arm and went quietly out the door, leaving Polly in the middle of her desolate, immaculate house where no laughter echoed and no love ever visited.
In the car, Lizzy leaned her head on the steering wheel and gave way to a silent gush of tears. Fred wrapped her in his arms and held her fiercely. "Don't you listen to her," he whispered roughly. "Don't you let her tear you down, Lizzy."
"I can't believe my own mother would say those things to me," said Lizzy brokenly.
"I can't believe it either," muttered Fred. "But she did. She did because she's a cold, hard, heartless woman. There's a reason why I always called her a Mega-beast. Oh, Lizzy, honey, you know those things she said aren't true."
"The thing about Dad leaving isn't," murmured Lizzy. "But she meant exactly what she said about having me to save their marriage. I don't believe she ever wanted me at all, Fred."
"Maybe not," said Fred harshly. "But that's her loss, not yours. She threw away the most precious thing in the whole world when she decided not to love you. I hate her for what she said to you, but I'm almost sorry for her, cheating herself out of loving you. She's missing out on the most wonderful thing in the world."
Lizzy smiled sadly through her tears. "You're sweet."
"Nope, only stating the truth. If you knew the things I'd like to do to your mother right now, you wouldn't think I was sweet."
Lizzy sighed and hid her face against his shoulder. "I want to go home, Fred," she whispered. "I just want to go home and be with you. Sometimes I think you're the only person in the whole world who really cares about me."
Fred strained her to him. "You have no idea," he murmured fervently.
When they got home, Lizzy cobbled together a supper for them and Fred helped her wash up afterward. Then they turned on the television, but didn't really watch it. Lizzy was silent and distant, seemingly lost in a world of her own. She sat staring into space, a little worry line, cutting between her brows.
Fred watched her anxiously. Lizzy wasn't one to complain, but he knew her heart was bleeding over her mother's cruel words. Eventually, he gathered her into in his arms and held her tenderly for a long time, whispering reassurances to her, trying to ease the pain inflicted on her by her mother and ex-lover. He didn't care if the Powers-That-Be were watching. He was reckless in his love and his desire to comfort her.
Lizzy had a rough few days after that. But then something happened which helped to rally her spirits. She got a call from the Performing Arts Center. She came and told Fred the news, her eyes shining with joy.
"A man wants to buy three of my paintings," she informed him. "I'm going to meet with him tomorrow to discuss prices. I'm actually going to make a little money off of my art. I can hardly believe it!"
"You can't say you're a starving artist anymore," chuckled Fred, relieved to see her smile for a change. "I'm so proud of you, Snotface."
Lizzy ended up asking a fairly large sum of money for two of the paintings, but when she found out that one of the pictures the man wanted to buy was The Angel And The Shipwreck, she had to tell him it wasn't for sale.
"I told him I would have a print made for him," she related to Fred. "I won't get as much money for it, but I can't bear to sell the original. That one is too close to my heart."
Fred said nothing, but he took her hand and held it. He understood why she couldn't sell the painting.
The next day, Lizzy went out after school and got her hair cut. Fred grinned when she came home and flipped her new do at him. He ran his fingers through the short, silky bob. "Now that's the Snotface I know and love," he said fondly. "You're looking more like yourself."
"I feel more like myself," smiled Lizzy. "I didn't realize how much pressure I was putting on myself to be a certain way for Charles. It's a relief to just be Lizzy again."
"Promise me you won't ever change something about yourself for a man, ever again," said Fred seriously.
She smiled at him softly. "It's a deal."
Little by little, everyday, Lizzy's heart began to heal over. She began to enjoy teaching her classes again, to delight in the little things in life which had lost their flavor after Charles's betrayal. One night she went and got her easel out and began a new painting. It was the first she had done since Charles's slight about the second rate motel room. She worked on the painting all through the early spring. One evening, when the last of the winter snows had melted away and a softer breeze began to blow through the budding flowers and trees, she came and told Fred she was finished with it.
Half of the picture was of a gilded gold birdcage, sitting against what could only be assumed was a prison wall. It teetered on a ledge with dirty, dark bricks behind it and rusted chains surrounding it. At the center of the picture, from the torn and splintered door of the cage, sprang a small bird, wings spread in flight, it's plumage of many brilliant colors. It was flying out of the birdcage, away from the dark, squalid half of the picture. It's destination was clearly the scene depicted in the other half. The prison wall melted away into a world of breath-taking beauty, a lovely swirl of flowers and trees, rainbows and mountains, streams and lakes and waterfalls, all captured in a blaze of color, shot through with sunlight.
The contrast of the miserable prison wall and the glorious paradise in each half of the picture was arresting. But Fred's eye was drawn to the little bird, with its purple and scarlet and gold plumage. Lizzy had somehow managed to capture the wild joy it was experiencing as it fled from its gilded cage, out into freedom and beauty.
"What do you think, Fred?" asked Lizzy, coming up and linking her arm through his. "I'm calling it The Freed One.
"It's great, Snotface," said Fred smiling. "I think I know exactly who that little bird is."
Lizzy smiled too, and rested her head against his shoulder. "It's for you," she said shyly.
He turned his head and looked at her, surprised. "For me?"
She nodded. "Look at the inscription."
He leaned close and squinted at the little words in the corner of the canvas. It simply said Lizzy. Underneath it it said For Fred.
"The little bird wouldn't have been able to escape from her cage if she hadn't had a friend to help her," said Lizzy softly.
"Lizzy..." Fred bit his lips hard. He had never been so touched in his life. He could not remember Lizzy giving him anything personal like this in a long time, not since she was a child. He was afraid he was going to cry. He was afraid if he turned around to look at Lizzy, to thank her properly, he was going to kiss her with every ounce of the love that was burning hotter in his heart every day.
He swallowed a huge lump in his throat. He did not look at her, he did not dare take her in his arms as he wanted. He took her hand and lifted it to his lips and held it there for a long moment. "Thank you," he murmured shakily.
Lizzy watched him, her eyes tender. "No, Fred," she whispered. "Thank you."
He kissed her hand again and went out onto the balcony by himself for a long time, trying to get his emotions under control. When he came back in, his eyes were wet and he did not seem to want to talk much the rest of the evening.
Later that spring, Janie decided to throw a birthday party for herself on her house boat. The weather was warm enough by then, and she told Lizzy she felt like a big celebration. "I'm inviting a whole bunch of people honey," she said. "Lots of friends. Some of them are attractive, single males! Well, two of them are. But anyway, now that you're on the market again, well... you never know." she winked teasingly at Lizzy.
But Lizzy instantly looked uncomfortable. "Oh, Janie, please don't try to set me up with anybody. I – I just want to be on my own for a while. I had such a bad experience with Charles, it's... well it's made me kind of gun shy."
"All the more reason to jump back in," said Janie breezily. "Not all men out there are like Charles you, know."
"I know..." said Lizzy distantly. "But I just feel like I need a little space right now."
"Well, okay," said Janie kindly. "But it wouldn't hurt you to just meet them..."
Once upon a time, a conversation like this would have filled Fred with fear and trepidation, but this time he felt oddly indifferent. He knew that something in Lizzy had changed. She wasn't going to go fling herself into the arms of just any good-looking upstart. Whatever part of herself she had been fighting for years, she was finally reconciled to. He sensed that she was at peace in a way she hadn't been in a very long time. She didn't need a new man to make her feel whole.
The evening of the party, Lizzy dressed herself prettily and wrapped up the present she was giving Janie. It was one of her own paintings, a lovely thing Janie had admired immensely at the art show.
"Are you coming with me, Fred?" asked Lizzy as she put the finishing touches on the burlap-wrapped canvas.
"If you want me to."
"Of course I want you to. I need a date." She gave him a flirty little smile that pierced his heart with unreasonable happiness.
There were, as Janie had predicted, a lot of people at the party. Some of them, Lizzy knew. Many of them had come to the exhibit at the Performing Arts Center. Quite a few of them recognized Lizzy and came over to ask her about her painting. Cooper was there and he and Lizzy spent a long time in deep conversation about art in general. When it came time for Janie to open her gifts, she unwrapped Lizzy's and shrieked for joy. People surged around, admiring the painting. Before the evening was over, Lizzy had two more people tell her they were interested in purchasing a picture from her.
The two attractive young males were there, and Janie predictably introduced them to Lizzy. She smiled and nodded and made small-talk gamely, but Fred could tell her heart wasn't in it.
After a while, Lizzy slipped away from the party, and went to stand on the deck outside. Despite the warm weather earlier that day, a chilly wind was blowing off the water. But the night was beautiful and clear and the stars glittered like diamonds in the inky sky over head. Fred followed Lizzy outside and came to stand beside her at the railing.
"You having a good time, Snotface?" he inquired.
Lizzy smiled at him and nodded.
Fred leaned out over the railing and looked at the lights on the river bank slowly sliding by. "You know what we would've done if we'd ridden on this boat when we were kids?" he asked, smiling reminiscently.
"Probably played pirates or something," chuckled Lizzy.
"Egg-zactly! You would've been the captain and I would've been your loyal first mate and we would have sailed the seven seas, and put on eye patches, and cut off our legs and put on wooden ones!"
Lizzy laughed. "We probably would've sunk the boat too."
"Maybe. Possibly. But we would've had a hell of a lot of fun while doing it, wouldn't we?" chuckled Fred, putting his arm around her shoulders.
Lizzy smiled. "Yeah, we sure would've." She shivered a little.
Fred hugged her close, blocking her from the brisk wind. "It's nippy out here, you want to come in?"
"In a minute."
They stood together at the railing, watching the shore slip away. Lizzy leaned her head on Fred's shoulder.
"Remember how we used to run away when we were little?" she asked softly. "To escape from Mother? I used to love getting away from her and just being with you all day. You made me so happy."
Fred smiled fondly. "I remember. You made me happy too."
Lizzy took his hand, drawing his arm more tightly around her shoulders. "I wish we could run away, Fred," she whispered. "Just you and me, go have an adventure together."
The idea was heavenly to Fred. Wonderful, forbidden thoughts began to swirl in his head. He knew he should stop them, but they were so delicious, he gave into them.
"Lizzy, you just say the word..." he murmured against her hair. "I'll run away with you wherever you want to go."
She smiled and cuddled her cheek against him.
"In fact," continued Fred softly, drawing her closer. "I seem to remember a promise you made to me back when we moved into the apartment. When you stood me up to go out with Charles, you told me you would spend a whole day with me sometime to make it up to me."
Lizzy looked up at him with longing eyes. "We never did that."
"No, we didn't. What do you say?" He brushed his nose across hers in an eskimo kiss. "Do you want to run away with me for a day sometime? Just the two of us? Have an adventure together?"
Lizzy smiled rapturously. "Tomorrow's Saturday... I'm free."
"I'll have to check my schedule and make sure I am."
"Oh, Fred." Lizzy couldn't help but laughed.
"So is it a date?" he asked huskily.
"Yes," she gave him an unfathomable look.
"Okay," he said lightly. "Tomorrow, we're going to run away and be totally irresponsible and childish and forget we ever had any cares in all the world."
"Okay, it's a deal," she laughed.
Lizzy went in soon after that and said goodnight to Janie who looked disappointed that she hadn't hit it off with one of her attractive male friends.
The next day, Lizzy and Fred packed sack lunches, loaded themselves in the car, and ran away to find their adventure. They laughed as they whirled through the streets, debating what they should do. The day was perfect, one of those shimmering, golden spring days when the green of the grass, the blue of the sky, the rainbow of the flowers seemed almost too bright to be real. There was a strange, giddy rapport between them, a sense that anything could happen. They had stepped out of reality and run away to fairyland.
Fred never forgot how Lizzy looked that day, dressed in a floaty red sundress which brought out the golden tint of her skin and black gloss of her hair. Her eyes sparkled with fun and warmth and she laughed constantly. There did not seem to be a trace of the sad, broken girl from two months ago, nor even the nervous, unsure girl from last year. They had vanished. Lizzy had come into her own. She was free, happy, sure of who she was and what she wanted.
Fred was gloriously, unabashedly happy. It was rare for him to have Lizzy all to himself for a whole day, and he cherished every second of it. They went to the river, rented a john boat and whizzed recklessly around in it for several hours, Lizzy shrieking with laughter when they accidentally plowed into a flock of startled waterbirds. They ate their lunch on the water and threw bread to the fish and the seagulls. Then they went to a local festival which had come to town and rode too many fast rides and ate too much junk food and watched the street buskers perform their tricks.
People kept casting strange looks at Lizzy, wondering who the strange young girl was who was all by herself, laughing and talking as though there was somebody with her. Lizzy and Fred did not care. They were enjoying themselves too much to mind what other people thought.
As evening drew near, they got in their car and drove it to the top of a hill overlooking the river. They sat on the hood and held hands as they watched the sunset burn down over the water, setting the sky on fire with shades of pink, gold, and purple. Then they got in their car and drove home, quiet and a little tired, but sublimely happy.
When they got home, Lizzy put away their picnic paraphernalia, and then went out to stand on the balcony to watch the stars come out. Fred came out and stood next to her. The night was soft and warm, a gentle breeze wafting through the trees over the creek. The crickets and tree frogs were tuning up for their nightly symphony. The last vestiges of the sunset had vanished and the stars were starting to wink out in the velvety black sky. A nearly full moon was flooding the world with its silver light.
Fred's heart was full. It had been a wonderful day, a perfect day. The kind of day people only dream about having. He was so happy, he was half afraid it was all going to evaporate. He turned to look at Lizzy who was watching the sky over the tree tops with an expression of utter contentment on her lovely face.
"Have fun today, Snotface?" he asked softly. She turned and gave him a radiant smile. "I had so much fun, Fred. More fun than I think I've had in... well... in years. It made me think of the fun days we used to have when we were kids. The days when we ran away from Mother."
"Except the perk now is that we don't have to worry about being grounded when we get home," chuckled Fred.
Lizzy smiled. "Very true."
They were silent for a while, watching the peaceful night. Lizzy began to play with her hands, glancing at Fred from time to time as though she had something on her mind. After a while, she said softly, "Fred?"
"Yeah?"
"Fred... I need to talk to you about something."
Something in her tone made him turn to look at her. Her eyes had gone from contented to very serious.
He looked at her concernedly. "What is it?"
Lizzy looked down at her hands which she was still twisting restlessly. "I've – I've been meaning to talk to you about it for a while... but I just haven't gotten my courage up yet."
Fred knit his brows, wondering what on earth was on her mind. "What is it, Lizzy? You can tell me anything."
Lizzy bit her lip and looked out over the creek bed into the night. "Well... it's just... I've been doing some soul searching in the past few weeks since I broke up with Charles and I... well I've realized some things about myself."
Fred watched her closely. "What things?"
She swallowed hard and even in the moonlight, he saw the color rise to her cheeks. She squeezed the railing of the parapet hard. "I realized why I couldn't keep dating Micky Bunce after high school."
Fred stared at her in complete bemusement. This was the last thing he had expected. "What?"
"I realized why I couldn't keep dating Micky Bunce," she repeated, her cheeks flushed red. "I realized why I couldn't love him. I also realized why I couldn't keep dating Kyle, or John or Eric or any of the others. I realized why Charles and I were never going to work out. I realized why I couldn't care about any of them no matter how hard I tried."
She turned to look at him, her face earnest and filled with emotion. He saw the glitter of tears in her eyes in the moonlight. "It's because none of them were you, Fred."
Fred's heart stopped beating.
For several moments he couldn't speak. He felt as though someone had sucked all the air from his lungs. Finally, he gasped. "What do you mean?"
Lizzy shook her head slowly, gazing up at him with soft eyes. "Fred, ever since I was old enough to date, I've been looking for a special man; a man who could know all my hurts and secrets and still love me just the way I was. A man who would understand me and be my champion. I've looked and looked, but I've never found him. I – I dated all those men, hoping that I might find my special man in one of them. But I didn't. I never felt for a single minute that I could open myself up to any of them. I always felt like I had to keep myself guarded."
Lizzy took a deep, shaky breath. "When I met Charles, I thought maybe, because he was older and more experienced, that he would be able to understand me and love me. He seemed so... perfect at first. But of course I was miserably wrong about that. I was desperately unhappy when I was with Charles, partly because of the way he treated me, but also because I was starting to wonder if there was something wrong with me. I wondered if I was being too idealistic, looking for some elusive soul mate who didn't exist."
"And then one night it hit me. It hit me so hard, Fred. The reason why I've never been happy in a relationship, the reason why I've never found a man I wanted to stay with, is because all these years, the only man I've ever wanted... was you."
Fred was staring at her, his eyes wild with disbelief. He tried to speak and found that he couldn't.
Lizzy looked at him, her dark eyes swimming with tears. "Those men... those boys... they meant nothing to me. I was looking in them for the one thing that was there in front of my face the whole time. I mean, who else in the world beside you could know all my secrets and hurts? Who else has been there by my side every step of the way? Who else is going to know how to encourage me and cheer me on the way you do? There's nobody, Fred, nobody. You know me from the inside out. I was foolish enough to try to find someone to take your place. And I couldn't, because no one ever could take your place. "
Lizzy brushed her hand across her wet eyes. "I've loved you all my life, Fred," she whispered. "I fell in love with you when I was a young girl. How could I not? You nurtured me and loved me when no one else would. You made me laugh and showed me how to have fun when there was nothing but sadness in my life. You protected me, and taught me to stand up for myself. I – I was so in love with you. But when I got older, I ran from it because I was afraid. I was afraid of being in love with my imaginary best friend. I – I wanted to be normal. I wanted to be in relationships with men other people could see. I was afraid of being crazy. I used to get so mad at you for being jealous because it was a reminder to me of how I really felt. But I never could stop loving you, no matter how hard I tried. And no matter what, I always wanted you near."
She came a little closer to him."When we moved in here together and got away from Mother, it was... wonderful, like the sun coming up after a long, dark night. I loved living with you. You made me so happy, made me feel so loved and so free. I started realizing that I didn't like it when Charles came around and interrupted our time together. But still I ran from my feelings because I was... afraid."
"Than that night, when Charles and I started to make love, I couldn't go through with it because – because I was lying there and he was kissing me and taking my clothes off and I just kept wishing so much, so desperately much that it was you and not him..." Lizzy choked suddenly and put her hand to her eyes. "I wanted it to be you kissing me and touching me the way he was, and I couldn't stop wanting it. I knew that if I went ahead with Charles, it would be horrible and not the special thing I wanted it to be."
"It stunned me, Fred, but it also made me think. It made me start examining myself and my life, questioning what I really wanted. Then, when Charles betrayed me and I was so hurt and upset, you were there, loving me, picking up the pieces of my life like you always do. That night when you held me in your arms while I was crying, I suddenly knew that I didn't care anymore that you were "imaginary". I didn't care that other people couldn't see you. I wanted you no matter what. And it was like chains just fell off of me and set me free."
Lizzy put up her slender hand and rested it against his cheek. A tear slipped from her eye and dropped sparkling in the moonlight. "I love you, Fred. I love you more than anything in the world. I'm telling you all this because I know you love me too. I see it every time you look at me. I feel it every time you touch me. I know you love me, but I know you've been running from it too."
Fred shuddered, and caught Lizzy's hand which cupped his cheek. Almost against his will he brought it to his lips and kissed it fervently. She drew closer to him, her eyes brimming with tears. "Please, Fred," she whispered. "Can we stop running? Can we forget all the reasons why we shouldn't be together, and just love each other? I'm so tired of pretending. The only place in the whole world I've ever felt safe was in your arms. I don't care if nobody else can see me in them. I know who's holding me. That's all that matters."
Fred finally found his voice, hoarse with restrained emotion. "Lizzy," he rasped. "Oh, sweetheart... there are so many things you don't understand... so many, many things..."
She looked at him, tears glistening on her cheeks. "What things, Fred?"
He shook his head, not trusting his voice. He was trying to think about the danger they were in from the Powers-That-Be, trying to remind himself to be careful, trying for the millionth time to quell his heart and deaden his body. But his whole mind was completely overpowered by the precious, longed-for words Lizzy had just spoken to him.
"Fred," whispered Lizzy. "Do you love me?"
"Oh God, Elizabeth," he sobbed, leaning his forehead against hers. "I love you so much I could die. I've loved you for so long... so long..."
"Then do any of those things matter?"
Fred let out his breath in a gasp. He felt as though a dam inside of him was bursting. He was terrified of the violent tide of emotions it was unleashing. He knew he could not fight them anymore. He had fought them too long. He had no more strength left. He gathered Lizzy to him and flung the last vestiges of caution to the wind. "No, Lizzy," he whispered raggedly. "They don't."
He wound her in his arms then and let the torrent of love wash over him. Like a hurricane it took him, a searing, intolerably sweet thing that obliterated everything else. He took Lizzy's face in his hands and began to kiss her. He kissed her cheeks, her eyelids, the tip of her nose, her jaw. Again and again, he brushed his lips over her face, his heart nearly bursting. Lizzy closed her eyes, gasping as she surrendered to his kisses.
At long last, Fred kissed her lips. He crushed her to him, drinking her in like a man dying of thirst. The sweetness of it went to his head like potent wine. Lizzy wound her arms around his neck, kissing him back hungrily. He could feel her heart thundering against his chest. They stood on the moonlit balcony, tasting each other again and again, almost desperate in their ardor.
"I love you," Fred gasped between kisses. "I love you... I love you...oh, I love you."
"I love you too, Fred," Lizzy breathed. "I love you so much."
Scarcely aware of what he was doing, Fred gently steered Lizzy through the balcony doors, into her bedroom. The moonlight was streaming in through the windows, bathing the room in silver light. He drew her against him, letting his hands slide over the delicate contours of her body. He brushed his lips down her neck, to the hollow of her throat, over her slim shoulders. Lizzy was breathing hard, clinging to him.
"Oh Fred..." she whispered desperately. "Don't stop. Please don't stop."
Fred couldn't have stopped if he wanted to. He was completely overthrown. With trembling fingers, he took the straps of Lizzy's dress and gently slid them down her shoulders. She moaned as he shyly stroked her soft breasts, leaning his forehead against hers.
"You are so, so beautiful," he groaned.
They began kissing again, more and more passionately. "I want you, Fred," Lizzy breathed. "I love you. I want my first time to be with you. I don't want to give myself to anybody else... ever."
Fred felt tears blind his eyes. Overwhelmed with tenderness, he held her close, stroking her. "Oh Lizzy, sweet love," he choked. "I want you too."
They sank onto the bed, kissing fervently, forgetful of everything else in the world.
But the world did not forget them. In the far flung reaches of time and space, out beyond the very edge of physicality, eyes beheld them. Their stolen delight was observed and noted. Forces beyond their control or understanding began to move. Fate reached out for them, its cruel hands inescapable and callous, uncaring of whether or not it shattered lives or destroyed joy. It marched against them, impartial in its ruthlessness.
One moment, Fred's mind was enveloped in blissful passion as he lay kissing and caressing Lizzy. The next it was rent in two by a soundless siren, a inexorable screech for his attention. He wrenched away from Lizzy, clutching at his scull, gasping in pain. The call was so forceful, he thought it would tear his mind apart with its fury.
He was vaguely aware of Lizzy crying out in alarm. He could do nothing but hold his head in agony, praying for the savagery of the summons to pass. Gradually it subsided, leaving a dull but persistent drumming inside his scull, an inescapable tattoo demanding his presence.
The world came back into focus. Lizzy was holding him, fearfully calling his name. "Fred, Fred! What's wrong? Answer me, please! Tell me what's the matter!"
He dragged his eyes over to look at her, the reality of what was going on dawning on him in its full horror. His breach of protocol had been noticed. His foolish hopes that the eyes of the Powers-That-Be would be turned elsewhere, were shattered.
He closed his eyes, fighting back the panic, the terror, which had so jarringly replaced the rapture which had engulfed him a few moments before.
"Fred!" Lizzy sounded as terrified as he felt. "Fred tell me what is wrong?"
Fred put his head in his hands, his whole being shrinking away from the terrible thing which was happening. Get away, get away, leave me alone! The internal plea was either unheard or unheeded. The pounding call only intensified again, refusing to be ignored. He felt as though his head were going to split in two.
He lifted his head and made himself look at Lizzy, the only thing in all the world he loved, and he forced the terrible words out of his mouth.
"Elizabeth..." his voice was a broken rasp. "I have to leave."
Her eyes widened in hurt and disbelief. "Leave?"
"I – I have to go. I'm being summoned."
She stared at him incredulously, her distress mounting. "Summoned? By whom?"
He shivered. "By the people I work for."
Her face was twisted with confusion and doubt. "Work for? Fred, what are you talking about? You don't work for anybody!"
He looked at her wretchedly and took her face in his hands. "Lizzy... my love, my precious love, there is so much about me you don't know..."
Lizzy began to cry. "Fred what is going on?"
He gathered her into his arms, his heart breaking. The pounding in his head was unbearable, but he could not endure the thought of leaving her here without the slightest explanation. He held her head against his chest and spoke brokenly.
"Lizzy, I'm not... a free agent. There are forces in this world that I answer to. Beings who watch my life, my movements. They've been watching us ever since I came into your life, monitoring our activity. They're watching us right now. They saw – they saw... I went too far... " he broke down and began to sob. "Oh Lizzy, forgive me. All I wanted was to love you, but I may have cost us dearly by giving in to my own desires."
Lizzy was crying. "Fred! I don't understand!"
The summons to Limbo was beating unbearably at Fred's mind. He knew he couldn't take it much longer. He put his face against Lizzy's, kissing her desperately. "There are rules where I come from," he said horsely. "One of them is that I should never, ever love, never ever touch a human like I was touching you just now. I knew it was forbidden but I was... weak. I want you so much. I didn't even try to stop myself, and I gave myself away. They know now. They know how I feel about you. And it's dangerous... oh Lizzy I'm so sorry..."
Lizzy stared at him in amazement, tears streaming down her face, fear growing in her eyes. "You have to answer to someone for kissing me?" she whispered.
"I don't know," groaned Fred. "I don't know. I have to go though, the call – it hurts like hell. It's in my head and it's driving me insane. I have to go Lizzy."
Feeling like he was ripping out both of their hearts, Fred gently disentangled himself from Lizzy's arms. He cupped her face in his hands and leaned his forehead against hers. "Elizabeth... whatever happens, just know that I love you. I loved you the first moment I saw you, and I will love you until the day I die."
"I love you too," she sobbed.
"I have to go."
"Fred!" the cry was torn from Lizzy in terror. "Are you going to come back?"
"I don't know," he confessed, almost breaking down again. "Lizzy, I don't know. I love you. I love you."
He closed his eyes and let the pounding summons whirl him away.
. . .
His first sensation was relief as he slipped away and the incessant drumming in his head finally ceased. He let himself be pulled into Limbo like a fish caught in a net. He materialized inside the garden, just outside the front doors of the central building. He stood there for a moment, trying to collect his wits about him, but a wave of nausea gripped him as he thought of what he was about to face. He retched violently and leaned against the building, trembling with dread. Finally he, straightened his clothes, gathered what was left of his courage, and slowly opened the front door.
Inside, there was deathly silence. The entire body of the counsel was there, sitting grimly, watching him. There was not a smile or kindly eye among them. Fred closed the door with what sounded to him like a deafening boom. He walked slowly forward and stopped before Judge Fair's elevated desk.
The Judge was writing something. He did not look up at Fred. Fred stood before him, outwardly calm, but inwardly sick with terror. He glanced desperately toward Sagacity, hoping for a sign of sympathy from her, but like her colleagues, her face was a mask of sternness.
Judge Fair finished writing his note, cleared his throat loudly, and finally look up at Fred. His voice was very grave when he finally spoke.
"Drop Dead Fred, do you know why you have been summoned here?"
Fred lifted his head defiantly. "I think I have an idea Judge."
The Judge gazed back at him, his face pained and unsmiling. "You were being watched this evening, Fred." He was silent for a moment, staring before him shaking his head slightly. "What I saw confirmed a growing fear and suspicion others have had about you and Elizabeth Cronin for sometime; that your feelings and interactions with each other have evolved into something... inappropriate."
Fred said nothing.
"Fred I have been very generous with you in this case," continued the Judge. "Very generous. I have allowed you to stay with Elizabeth Cronin longer than any imaginary friend has stayed with a charge in history. I allowed you to stay because I truly believed that your presence in her life was beneficial. For sometime now, I have turned a blind eye to what others on this panel believed to be warning signs about your relationship with her. I chose to ignore them and to trust you. However, what I saw tonight opened my eyes to the fact that they are right and I have been wrong."
Fred stared back at him helplessly. He knew there was no defense he could offer.
Judge Fair looked at Fred with exasperation in his eyes. "Fred in many ways, you have been a wonderful influence in Elizabeth's life. You have helped her to blossom and grow in ways that greatly exceeded my expectations. I have looked on you and Elizabeth as my pet project, so to speak. I was very proud of you. I truly felt that you were guiding Lizzy down a path to complete healing and independence. That is why, when I saw they way the two of you were behaving tonight, I was greatly shocked and disappointed. It is not what I expected of you, Fred."
Fred was still silent. He thought back over all the many years he had loved Lizzy so deeply, so passionately, and he found that he was amazed that Judge Fair had had such a huge blind spot. He wondered who on the panel had read the signs and tried to alert the Judge to them. He thought of Sagacity and wondered if he had trusted her too much.
"You are very quiet, Fred," said Judge Fair rather accusingly. "I am trying to understand why you chose to behave as you did tonight. Perhaps you would care to shed a little light on matter for me?"
Fred stared at him with tortured eyes. He did not know if there was any way he could make this ancient being understand how he felt. He suddenly doubted that he could make any of them understand. How many millennia had they sat up here, cooly observing the human race and all its interactions without ever having dealings with them themselves? Was there a single one of them who had experienced a moment of passion, a millisecond of tenderness in their lives ever? Sagacity was the only one who still seemed somewhat in touch with affairs of the heart. He realized how very little he knew of the Powers-That-Be.
Fred gazed at the Judge trying to muster his thoughts into cohesive words. "Judge Fair," he said faintly. "Have you ever loved anyone before?"
This question completely caught the Judge off guard. "I – I, that is a highly irregular question..." he sputtered. "And not relevant to this case. I am the one asking the questions, not you, Fred."
"I know," said Fred sadly. "I only asked because if you had, then... it might help you understand where I'm coming from."
The Judge stared back at him in stony silence.
Fred swallowed hard and cleared his throat. "Judge Fair... the reason why I behaved as I did tonight has a very simple explanation. I love Elizabeth Cronin. I've loved her her entire life. From the moment I first saw her, it was like some part of me connected to her. I've never had a bond with any other person like the one I have with Lizzy. I've watched over her and cared for her all her life because I love her... deeply. I loved her as a child and I fell in love with her as a woman. She is... everything to me. Until very recently, I didn't have had any hope that she felt the same about me. But this evening, she told me that she did – " his voice broke with emotion. "She told me she loved me, Judge. She told me she loved me and she wanted to – to be with me. To hear that after loving her and wanting her for so many years... well, I would've had to be made of stone to not give in to the temptation to – to show her love in return."
"I knew you cared for her," said Judge Fair grimly. "But I did not realize your feelings had escalated to this level. Until recently, you hid it very well, Fred. What I don't understand is, why would you stay with a woman for years and years knowing that you had developed such strong feelings for her and knowing that it was forbidden for you to act upon them? Why would you stay, knowing that you were putting yourself in the way of temptation? Why didn't you leave when you realized what was happening?"
"I wouldn't expect you to understand," said Fred bitterly. "That's a bit like asking me "why didn't you stop breathing? Or "why didn't you stop eating and drinking?" I love her. I need her. I love her with every fibre of my being. I couldn't bear the thought of living without her."
"So you say," said the Judge dispassionately. "You may think me a callous man, Fred, but I doubt you would have keeled over dead if you had exercised a little self-discipline and left her when your emotions started getting out of control."
Fred stared at him in despair. He saw that the rift between his understanding of love and passion and the Judge's was completely unbridgeable. They could not reach each other's minds. He was a white-hot flame and the Judge was a pillar of ice.
The Judge was speaking again. "Fred, based on these things you have revealed to me, I have no choice but to terminate your association with Elizabeth Cronin. I know it will be painful for you, but it has gone on long enough. You have become dangerously emotionally involved with each other and it very nearly spiraled into inappropriate physical intimacy tonight. This cannot be allowed to happen. If Elizabeth has reached a point where she prefers the company of an imaginary being to that of a live person, then her relationship with you has ceased to be healthy. She needs to strengthen her ties with humanity and relinquish her attachment to the imaginary world."
Fred closed his eyes, struggling against the unendurable agony those words caused him. "Don't," he said in a low, pleading voice. "Please don't do this, Judge."
The Judge looked at him exasperatedly. "Fred, give me one good reason why I shouldn't do this?"
"You will ruin her life," whispered Fred. "You will crush her spirit beyond hope. Everything we've worked toward, everything Lizzy has become, will be undone. I cannot even imagine what will happen to her if you take me away from her." He did not add that he could not imagine what would happen to him if he was taken from Lizzy. He had never yet had the courage to face that thought.
The Judge was eyeing Fred rather testily. "You honestly believe you are that indispensable to Miss Cronin?"
"She loves me!" Fred cried out, fighting back tears. "Do you hear me? She loves me! All these years, you've always wondered why Lizzy never wanted to let me go. You always wondered why we had such an unusual, close relationship, why it seemed so healthy, why I was able to help her so much. The reason why is because we LOVE each other. We understand each other. She trusts me more than anyone else in the world. I have seen more peace and healing in her life in the past two months than I've seen in twenty years, because she finally accepted the fact that she loves me and wants me and no other. She – she even told me tonight that she wanted me to be the one to take her virginity. I'm not ashamed of that. She was right to want that because there is not a man on earth who loves her more than I do."
Judge Fair was shaking his head in dismay. "Fred, Fred, that may be true, but it doesn't make it right."
"Why not?" challenged Fred.
"It isn't natural," said the Judge firmly.
"Why not?" demanded Fred again.
"Fred, are you even listening to yourself? I can't believe I am having this conversation with you. Human beings were meant to love and mate with other human beings, not imaginary friends!"
"Ah, but that's just a name, isn't it, 'imaginary friend'?" said Fred bitterly. "We all know it is. Lizzy figured out very early on, that I wasn't just a figment of her imagination. She knew I was something beyond that. She knew my presence in her life wasn't just her playing make believe. Maybe she's different from other people in that way. Maybe she's the only person who has ever wanted their "imaginary friend" for more than just a friend. I don't know and I don't care. The only thing that matters is that she loves me and I love her. We want to be together. What is so terrible about that? We aren't doing anyone any harm. Why can't you just let me go back to Lizzy and take care of her like I've always done?"
Judge Fair was shaking his head. "Fred, Fred you're not thinking about this clearly. Imaginary friends are meant to be guides and helpers for children, not life long partners. You cannot take care of her the way real man would. You offer her emotional support, but nothing else. You cannot provide for her. You cannot commune with the other people in her life the way a human would. No one else can see you. She would have to keep you a dark secret for the rest of her life. I think that would be harder on her than you realize. As for... being physically intimate with her... I am in above my head there because to my knowledge, no imaginary friend in the history of the world has ever wanted such a thing with a human woman. I do not know what the pitfalls would be, if you actually interacted with her body in that way. Have you considered the consequences? What if she became pregnant by you?"
"Is that even possible?" asked Fred in awe.
"I have no idea," said the Judge harshly. "And I don't intend to find out. Such a thing has never been done and never will be done as long as I have a say in the matter. It is not natural or healthy."
"I think it would be more unnatural and unhealthy for her to give herself to a human she doesn't love and regret it for the rest of her life," said Fred angrily.
"Fred, you are deluded by your own emotions and desires. Lizzy belongs in a relationship with a human man, no matter how much you wish it were otherwise."
"She belongs with me!" Fred burst out, tears of rage and frustration blinding him. "From the very beginning, from moment I first set foot in her room when she was a little girl, she belonged with me. I don't care what arguments you make Judge, I know it's the truth. Lizzy and I were made for each other. It's – it's like our spirits fit together somehow. If you tear us apart, you may kill us!"
Judge Fair glared at Fred. "You always were one with a dramatic streak, Drop Dead Fred. It served you well when you worked with children but it's rather maudlin and unbecoming in a thwarted lover. I'm sorry Fred, but you are going to have to accept your fate. It is time for you to leave Elizabeth."
Fred broke down and began to sob uncontrollably. "Judge Fair... I'm begging you, spare us this... please have some mercy on me and Lizzy. Please don't separate us. I – I'm not good for anything anymore except loving her. I don't even know how to be an imaginary friend to a child anymore. I've changed too much. All I want to do is love Lizzy and take care of her."
"Fred, I am genuinely sorry, but that is the one thing in the world I cannot allow you to do. It goes against every law imaginary friends have ever followed."
"Can't we change the law? Just this once?" pleaded Fred.
"No, Fred, I am sorry. I am firm on where I stand with this."
Fred bowed his head and hid his face despairingly in his hands. The finality in the Judge's voice drove home the awful truth to him. He was going to have to leave Lizzy forever. It was unendurable. He shrank from the monstrous black cloud of grief and loss which loomed at the edge of his consciousness. He was terrified of it. He feared that if he so much as glanced at it, it would pounce upon him and consume him. He raised his streaming eyes and looked at Judge Fair.
"Judge... may I at least go back to her one more time? Just once more to tell her goodbye? She deserves that much."
Judge Fair hesitated. The room was deathly still. Not a single other member of the counsel had spoken through the whole ordeal. The only sounds in the room, were Fred's convulsive sobs.
At last he heard Sagacity say softly. "Have a heart Judge."
Judge Fair sighed. "Very well, Fred. You may go and tell Elizabeth goodbye. Do not take too long and do not give her any false hope. Try to help her see the good which may come of your leaving her."
Fred did not know if the Judge meant that as some sort sick joke. The black cloud was rearing up larger and larger all the time, threatening to overpower him. He turned, broken and shaking, and left the counsel room.
Outside, nothing had changed. The garden and the flowers and the sunlight were as bright as ever. Fred stared at it in a haze of grief. He felt that he should have come out to find Limbo in charred, blasted ruins, a reflection of the agony which was razing his heart into an abomination of desolation. The garden's abiding beauty was cruel a mockery of his pain.
As he stumbled through the hateful loveliness, a random memory popped into his head, brought on by the nerve endings of his brain firing in grief. Lizzy reading Wuthering Heights aloud to him as she worked on it for a high school term paper. Something the character of Heathcliff had said when Cathy died. "I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!" Fred had scoffed at it as schmaltzy nonsense at the time. Now the quote echoed down through the years and assailed him with its dreadful truth. He understood exactly what Heathcliff had meant. He identified with that shriek of pain more than he would have ever thought possible.
He came to the garden wall and stood before it, staring at the blinking rainbow of portals which were gateways into countless human lives. Only one meant anything to him. He found the little window which showed him his universe. Lizzy was pacing around her room, twisting her hands, still dressed, her face white and drawn.
Fred turned away from the image, shuddering at the terrible thing he was about to be forced to do. He would as soon as gouged out his own eyes as to look into Lizzy's dark ones and tell her he was leaving her forever.
He shut his eyes, trying to block out the scenes of pain his imagination conjured up. He knew the reality would be far worse. Without stopping to think another minute lest his courage fail him, he balled his hands into fists and willed himself to Lizzy one last time.
. . .
He landed in her dim bedroom only a few feet from her. She cried out as he materialized. He caught her as she launched herself into his arms, crying "Oh Fred, Fred, thank God! Oh Fred, I was so worried!"
He held her as she babbled, her words of relief pummeling him with their hollowness. He pressed her slim, precious body hard against his, trying to memorize the feel of her, willing his frame to remember her imprint. He buried his face against her neck, breathing in her scent, rubbing his cheek against her skin, pressing his lips to its silkiness. He couldn't bear to look at her.
"Fred, what happened?" Lizzy whispered, holding him close and stroking the back of his neck. Her touch was so gentle, it broke his heart and he began to sob wretchedly. Lizzy froze. "Fred! What's wrong?"
Fred wept violently. He couldn't stop himself. Terrible, heaving sobs tore from his chest. He held Lizzy against him in a death grip, as though willing the pressure of his arms to cause their bodies to fuse and become inseparable.
Lizzy clung to him, frightened. "Fred... darling... please tell me what has happened? What did they say?"
He crushed her to him harder and harder, his body wracked with sobs. Lizzy held him tenderly, soothing him, stroking him, trying to comfort him as he had done her so many times before. The terrible irony of their usual roles being reversed struck him cruelly and made him weep all the harder.
At last he straightened up and forced himself to look into her face. Her eyes were dry, but glazed with terror. There was no way to soften the thing he had to say, so he just said it.
"They're making me leave," he said brokenly. "They're making me leave you. They say things have gone too far between us. Oh Lizzy, they're making me leave!."
All the blood drained from Lizzy's face. She stared at him disbelievingly. "Leave? Leave? Leave and go where?"
"To Limbo," groaned Fred. He did not care one iota how many rules he broke now. It didn't matter anymore. "Limbo. It's where people like me live. All those times you asked me where I went when I disappeared? That's where I go. To Limbo. The people I work for live there too."
"I don't understand!" Lizzy cried wildly. "Why are they making you leave?"
"Because I love you. Because I kissed you. Because we're too involved with each other. Because we almost made love earlier. I've broken every rule in the book and they're not going stand for it."
Lizzy began to cry stormily. "Who are these people?" she shouted. "What gives them the right to tell you to leave me?"
Fred shook his head wretchedly. "They are... they are powerful. They watch what goes on with humanity. Most of the time they don't interfere, but sometimes they do. They've let me stay with you all these years as sort of an... experiment. Imaginary friends are supposed to be for children only, but they made an exception for you because you clung to me so hard. Lizzy, what's happened between us is very rare. Humans and imaginary friends are never, ever supposed to fall in love. Maybe it's never happened before. I don't know."
Lizzy stared at him, white with pain and anger. "What do you mean, they aren't supposed to fall in love?" she demanded, tears streaming down her face. "Who made that rule? And what did they expect? We've been together for twenty years! Surely they realized that there was something between us! If they didn't want us together, why didn't they put an end to it years ago?"
"They called it an "experiment"," said Fred bitterly. "I think they're a bit like cold-blooded scientists and we've been their lab rats. I guess the experiment got a bit out of hand."
"This is intolerable!" Lizzy railed. "It's cruel! How dare they treat us like this? Who do they think they are?"
"They aren't human," said Fred bleakly. "I don't think they fully understand what they're doing."
Lizzy was almost beside herself with grief and rage. "All my life, I've been kicked around and abused and abandoned!" she shouted. "I've been hurt like hell and broken to pieces! But I've had one good thing! Just one good thing! I had one person who loved me, who made my life better. And now you're telling me some lofty, inhuman beings are going to take that one person from me because loving him goes against their damned rules? I won't stand for it, Fred! I won't! It's not fair! It will kill me!"
Fred caught her and held her fiercely as she wept. "There's nothing we can do about it, Lizzy," he groaned, his heart torn over her pain. "Believe me, I already tried. I said everything I could think of to make them change their minds, but they won't listen. They're going to make me leave you forever, and we can't stop them..."
She locked her arms around him like a vice, digging her fingers painfully into his back, crying violently. "Will I ever see you again?"
"I don't know," said Fred brokenly. "They said not to give you false hope... Oh Lizzy..." he crushed her to him and covered her with half-sobbing kisses. "I love you... I love you. I'm sorry I never told you I loved you until now. I wish I had told you every day how much I love you. You're everything to me, everything..."
"I won't let you go!" she wept. "'I can't live without you!"
Fred kissed her fervently and as he did, he felt the terrible, inexorable clamor start in his head again. He wrapped her in his arms, holding her against him as hard as he could. "They're taking me," he whispered wretchedly. "Lizzy I love you. They're taking me."
"No! No! No! No! No!" Lizzy clamped him to her in desperation. "Fred, I can't bear it!"
"I'm sorry. I love you, Lizzy. I love you."
He felt his body began to lose form and dissolve in her arms. She screamed in grief. The last thing he felt were her arms clinging to him as though for dear life as he was wrenched away and whirled into a void of nothingness.
He was hurled into Limbo, directly into the counsel room. Every member of its body was there. They were staring at him, their faces ashen. A pin drop could have been heard.
Through a blur of scalding tears, Fred looked up at Judge Fair. The Judge cleared his throat and looked away. Fred lurched to his feet and tried to stand. As he did, he caught sight of Sagacity, her face white and stricken, tears streaming from her eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, but the words never came. The blackness he had been fighting against finally crashed over him, and he collapsed to the ground in a heap of merciful unconsciousness.
