13. For You

The following morning it was raining again. Jason laid on the bed, listening to noise upstairs. He'd slept all through the night and Ginger hadn't come upstairs again. She'd been crying downstairs, throwing things and cursing. He'd been too afraid to go and stand by her side while she'd cursed her fate and their current situation. The family she'd thought she had hated was burning a hole in her chest now that they weren't there anymore. Jason didn't know if he could replace them for her. He didn't know if he could take care of her.

His wolf instinct was to offer solace, but his rational mind spoke against it. He could smell the blood on his hands no matter how hard he'd scrubbed them after killing the old man. Jason was beginning to wonder if this was no way to live. Maybe it would've been better to just take Ginger from the shoulders and tell her to go home. Bailey Downs might've been a mess, but he was quite sure Ginger might've been able to talk herself through it. She was good at bullshit.

He was beginning to think he should let her go.

Were they building a future together on a pile of bodies, living in houses occupied with violence, feeding on food that was bought with stolen money? Or was this fallacy that couldn't go on much longer: A tower of cards that was bound to fall soon?

Jason couldn't go back, not after what he'd done to Josie. But maybe there was hope for Ginger? Maybe she would be able to find that peace she was seeking for, if she accepted the love and protection of her parents? She wasn't accepting any of that from him. During these long days they had killed loneliness together, but he didn't feel much closer to her than he had been before all of this madness had begun. The truth was, he'd been the victim of her carelessness and ignorance, and he'd wanted to punish her for it. His obsession with her was not something she desired, so perhaps the right thing to do would be to give it up?

He twisted and shifted his position on the bed, but didn't stay in any position for long. His heart was heavy and he knew nothing of the bliss love was supposed to give you. If he did right by her, would it change? Would he be able to forgive himself for the unforgivable? Could he leave his anger behind and stop this make-believe that he was a true killer at heart?

Another loud noise downstairs made him get up from bed and throw his shirt back on as well as his jeans. He took a look at himself in the mirror: he looked as battered as he felt. Truly like a heartbroken young man. Had she set her sights on him, just wishing to cause him pain? Jason withdrew from the mirror as he failed to connect the reflection on the mirror to the boy he'd been just a month ago. He'd matured by force. She refused such growth, insisting that she remain the same irresponsible young wench she'd been.

Jason walked down the stairs, finding Ginger leaning against a wall with the fragments of a plate at her feet. Her cheeks were flustered and covered in tears. She'd found some old clothes at the house to wear and they made her look older. Her lower lip was shaking and she just looked lost and angry. Jason made his decision.

"Leave it," he said when she moved to pick up the pieces. Ginger's eyes spotted him at the stairs and followed him while he descended them. She swallowed like she had a heavy lump in her throat and then nodded back. "Grab a jacket," Jason instructed and begun searching through the drawer by the front door. Puzzled Ginger wiped the tears from her eyes and took the nearest coat from the hanger. It covered her almost completely. Jason smiled absent-mindedly at this as he took the car keys from the drawer and pulled a coat on himself as well.

"We're leaving," he said, taking her hand in his and pulling her outside after him. It was a grey morning and he made sure there was no one outside before he stepped out of the house and walked to the garage. To Ginger the morning air felt like forgiveness. She loved its touch on her hot skin and its feel in her nostrils as she inhaled deep. The wolf inside had been sated and for the first time in days, she felt like she was girl rather than a freak.

Jason stepped into the garage, finding the old man's car inside. He didn't know much about cars unlike his peers, but he did have his learner's permit, so he'd driven one before. He was hoping the old thing had enough gas to get them where needed. Ginger walked around the car, giving it a puzzled look. Jason them opened the car door carefully, motioning her to get inside from the passenger side. Ginger followed his instructions and stepped inside to the car that filled her senses with lifetime's worth of memories and scents. She could tell the old man had loved this car and done his best to keep it in shape.

Jason felt the wheel beneath his hands and adjusted the seat so that it'd be as easy as possible to drive. Ginger went through the different compartments, as if looking for something. She then put on the radio and a quiet classic tune began playing when Jason ignited the engine. He cast a look on her and then at the garage door, to which Ginger sighed, defeated, and climbed out of the car to open the door. She stood outside in the rain, feeling the raindrops bounce off her jacket one by one, while Jason drove the car outside. Once he was all the way through, she closed the doors and walked back to the car.

They drove in silence, neither of them finding anything to say. Ginger didn't care where they were going; she was still paralyzed by the morbid experiences of the past few days. Her heartbeat was steady but tired of all the commotion. Strangely she put her trust in Jason almost instinctively. He wasn't the slacker she'd taken him for, but a good man in the making. Adjusting into new things was tough for her, but she was sure she could do it with his help.

Jason concentrated on the driving, realizing how rusty his skills were a few times when the gears wouldn't change and other teens would race past them with thundering noise. He stuck to the side roads, looking for signs every now and then to prove he was heading the right way. His heart was restless though, for Ginger's silence disturbed him. She always had something to say, be it good or bad, but this time she had retreated so far into her own world that he didn't know what to do with her. Was he supposed to ask her to tell him about it and listen? Did she even want to tell him? – Probably not.

At some point hunger began to make its way to his body, but he ignored it as weakness. Ginger hadn't complained yet, and neither would he. Eventually the small pain in his stomach simply subsided.

And then he saw a sign by the road and began to slow down after it. Ginger seemed to wake up from her lethargy and began looking around her nervously and then at Jason. As far as she could see, they were in the middle of nowhere.

When Jason brought the car to a complete halt at the side of the road, Ginger sat up and turned to him. "What the fuck, McCardy? We're in the middle of nowhere. Do you need to take a leak or something?" she asked with her familiar bitchy tone that killed off the tension between them somewhat.

Jason smiled a bit and opened her seat belt. "It's your stop, Fitz," he said almost gently. His tone surprised her and quite honestly frightened her. "What do you mean?" she asked, her face a portrait of disbelief and suspicion.

Jason looked at the wet road ahead and then at Ginger. "We're just a few miles off Bailey Downs, so you can just walk back from here."

Ginger froze completely, turning to her door slowly after and stepping outside to smell the air. He was right, they were right near the woods she'd spent all her life in. The smell of earth and trees was etched into her mind as the scent of her birthplace. Ginger shivered and held onto the open door of the car and her seat, unwilling to step away from the car.

"What are you doing?" she asked him, disillusioned and frightened and also somewhat pissed off. All the hairs on her neck and arms jumped up when she thought of the things that had sullied her memories of this place. It felt ghastly to be so close to the hell she'd cursed through-out her teenage years.

"I'm doing what's right," Jason answered, avoiding looking at her lithe frame and sad eyes. He knew she was shocked by this turn of events, but he couldn't make himself just drive away like he'd planned. It might've hurt less, but he wanted her to understand.

"And what would I even say?" Ginger asked, thinking of her mother and father and the countless others, whose inquiries she would have to answer. Even if people were gullible, the guilt would be written all over her face. She was responsible for countless deaths.

"Anything you want. You're pretty good at bullshit. You had me convinced," Jason mumbled, gripping the wheel in his frustration. The wolf inside was howling, telling him this was wrong. That he was making a mistake that he could never fix if she left now. Well maybe everything had been a mistake from the start.

Ginger sat down inside the car again, still bewildered. Then she shook her head, trying to grasp his intent. "What the hell McCardy!" she snapped at him and hit his shoulder, forcing him to defend himself and grab her hand in his grip. This brought them face to face. There was a different kind of anger in her now and fierceness he hadn't witnessed before.

"You're going to leave me as well!" Her accusation hurt him, but he kept his ground and let go of her hand.

"You're not happy stuck with me Fitz. I'd rather let you be happy than drag you along in a journey that has no future," he claimed, having finally realized that their fruitless union resembled some bad road trip movie by Tarantino. It wasn't the solution to their condition. It was about avoiding the issue. One day such recklessness would have its results. He wanted something better for her.

Ginger listened to him express his pain and insecurity with mixed feelings. Why did he care so much? What had she done to deserve it? – Nothing, absolutely nothing.

"Shut up you stupid fuck!" Her hand connected with his cheek and the slap burned his skin as much as her piercing eyes. Jason simply had to restrain her hands again and bring himself closer to her in the process.

"You really think this is the answer? That you can just leave me here? We ran because it isn't safe here for us and the only reason to walk back in would be to give up and give in," Ginger complained, biting her teeth together, fighting her overwhelming emotions. She was a realist. She'd cried last night, because it'd been then that she had realized there was no going back to the way things had been. She'd cried because she'd known Jason would stand by her no matter what. Well guess that had been a load of bullshit.

"I'm not going back unless you're coming with me," Ginger said as stubborn as always, but this time her words were stuck in Jason's ears, playing in endless repeats. "What?" he asked completely lost in the raging ocean of her constant mood swings. A few days ago, she would've given anything to be rid of him.

"We're in this together, McCardy," she vowed, truly meaning her words. Companions in crime, a pack – that's what he was to her and more. Even if she went back and served her time there was no going back to the mundane everyday life of a small town as Ginger Fitzgerald. She was someone else now.

Ginger leaned even closer, her warm breath tickling his face before she kissed him. He released her hands quickly to take her closer into his arms and she brought her fingers on his face. Jason's resolve melted in her kiss. The experience was sweet and he almost felt loved – this was nothing like the kisses before. She'd always touched him out of lust, instead of appreciation.

When their lips parted, Ginger leaned her forehead into his and whispered, "I'm not going anywhere."

"No," Jason said and shook his head. "I'm doing this for you. Your family cares about you and maybe they'll even run for you. It's a better road than sticking with me." He pushed her away, trying to lock the emotions she stirred in him in a dark place inside his head.

"And your family wouldn't do the same for you?" Ginger questioned his logic, tilting her head to reach his eyes with hers. There was annoyance and refreshing worry in her demeanour. Yet her words stung him. He knew he could never go home.

"I killed my sister, Fitz," he reminded her, his voice dripping guilt all over. He'd avoided talking about it for so long. He hadn't even allowed himself to think about it. His animal instincts had overrun everything. His blind lust for Ginger had been more important than the welfare of his sibling. And then she'd already been dead. The memories haunted his nightmares.

Ginger didn't have words for Jason. Of course she knew about it; he'd told her in the midst of a fight, but she hadn't really given it thought. So had he been clinging onto her so hard in the beginning, because he had no way of dealing with what he'd become? Had he held onto her as some sort of justification for his actions?

"I know. I know, Jason." Ginger put her hands on his neck and stroked his skin with her fingers. "I lost Brigitte too, but I'm not losing anyone else. I'm going to stay with you and shut your mouth."

His breathing was growing restless and seconds later he withdrew from her and stepped out of the car for a breath of fresh air. His skin felt hot and wolf purred like a cat, so satisfied with the way Ginger had turned out. He couldn't make sense of this. So she just changed her mind overnight?

Ginger stepped out of the opposite door, leaning over the roof of the car to look at him. She was calmer than he had expected. Once the initial rage over his decision had died and she'd made her choice, all that negative energy she'd harboured was gone. Was it because this time she'd made the choice to be with him herself? When he'd saved her, he'd dragged her with him by force, never really giving her a chance to consider her options. So serenity came through the simple truth of being in control of one's destiny?

She brushed the hair from her face. "You're not going to hurt me McCardy. Remember when you woke up in the woods? You embraced me while you were a wolf and came to me and there was nothing hostile present that night."

Jason listened in silence. He barely remembered that night, but he did remember the countless other times she'd nearly pushed him over the edge. Could he help his nature?

"You really think I chose you by accident?" Ginger asked, finally preparing to confess something she'd only realized awhile ago. "I was confused and horny and lusting for blood, but I didn't feel any better around anyone else. I felt calm when I was with you."

He looked at her over the roof of the car. She wasn't lying.

"So I'm not another piece of meat to you?" he asked, half joking. Ginger grinned for the first time today and shook her head. "I like my meat with plenty of salt," she threw back. To look at him while he was so relaxed made her wolf howl.

"Get in the car," Jason sighed in defeat and opened his car door. Ginger happily obliged and sat down, closing the door behind her. For a fleeting moment she looked at the road ahead that led to Bailey Downs and thought about her sister. Brigitte would fight her wolf until the bitter end, rather dying that giving in. Her betrayal stung Ginger, but she didn't feel the urge to find her so desperately anymore. Maybe she needed time to gather the pieces of her own life before she could confront the person, who'd once been her world?

"She's not stupid," Jason said, sensing what Ginger was thinking. "She'll be fine until we find her."

"No, she'll be fine until we find ourselves," Ginger said, glaring into the distance with a defeated look. Then she turned her gaze to Jason. Ginger peeled the jacket off her back and lifted her leg over the gearstick and handbrake. She quickly positioned herself on his lap and proceeded to kiss him again.

Warmth spread all over Jason. "You realize that after this I'll never let you go, right?" he asked, stroking her hair with his fingers. Ginger kissed him again, relishing the familiar taste of his mouth. "Shut up," she mumbled between her teeth as she pecked his lower lip gently.