A/N: Wow! I was absolutely blown away by all the reviews I received for the last chapter! Also, this story has now reached well over 100 reviews after the last chapter alone! That seriously means so much to me, you have no idea, and I'm happy to know you all are enjoying it so far. Thank you so much!
On another note, I am so sorry for falling off the face of the earth the past couple months. Between work, school, writer's block and drama-filled friends, I had neither the time nor energy to do what I wanted-including write. I could barely sleep. I really feel terrible making you all wait for this, and although in reality it was only two months it feels like it's been an eternity since I last updated! I hope you all don't hate me :( I know it hasn't been that long but it feels like it. Regardless, I am happy to be back, school is (finally) over, and I will hopefully be back up-to-speed on updates and not make you lovely peoples wait that long again. Admittedly, I had this chapter all typed out and ready to be posted a long time ago- but I didn't like it. I wanted this chapter to be perfect (although I know it's most likely still not) so I scrapped it and just had to rewrite it, which took me ages to get around doing and I just wanted to get it out so I apologize if it's not what you expected! I'm sorry! Gah I just feel so bad and ashdfjdkl... I am going to shut up now, let you all enjoy this long-awaited-overdue chapter, and without further ado, here is chapter 12- and I hope it's worth the wait! And that Severus isn't too OOC…this story will likely be kinda fluffy from here on out, just to let you know.
Disclaimer: As much as I wish I had JK Rowling's brain when she came up with her wonderful and amazing story & characters, I do not own it.
As Severus watched her head move slowly closer to his own, her eyes closing, head tilted up, and lips opening just…so…in anticipation, his own eyes widened substantially with realization; she was going to kiss him again. Before he had time to appropriately react, his mouth opening slightly to stop her, he felt her familiar lips back on his, pressing gently, but not insistently, and in his mind he knew it was wrong.
This should not be happening, nor should have ever happened. But then why in his heart did it feel so right? His traitorous body knew it, and his eyes slid closed, his head turning to a better angle to gain better access to her delectable lips.
Although she had kissed him before, it was still all a new feeling to him. While in school, when he would walk by the common face-sucking couple, he would roll his eyes, scowl and go on his way, wondering how the act could ever be enjoyable (perhaps, he later thought, out of jealousy but more towards disgust, he would tell himself). But now, with her soft, tender lips moving soothingly over his, he finally could understand how bloody…good it felt. Her hand leisurely slid from his cheek into his hair, gently pressing her mouth against his so as not to scare him away, and she was also reminded of how soft his lips were from the first time she had kissed him- and he was lost in her.
It occurred to him how much more experienced she must be compared to him, and he quickly wondered if he should be doing anything besides sitting there letting her run her hands through his hair and her lips massage his. As the man, should he take control? Or should he let her do what she wanted? He didn't want to look like a fool- because, after all, he didn't know what the hell he was doing- and what's worse have her laugh at him. He didn't want to look like a bloody inexperienced adolescent, either.
He realized what he was thinking, and what's more what he was doing, and with every ounce of control swiftly pulled away, eyes snapping open to stare wide-eyed at her. Hermione's eyes were still closed, her lips slightly red, 'from our kissing,' his mind decided to remind him, with a hint of a smile gracing her mouth. Slowly, she opened her eyes and stared up at him innocently, with an expression that looked much like, "Why'd you stop?"
He saw her eyes close and head begin to lean toward his lips again, and this time, he had enough sense to take control.
"Mi- Hermione, stop." He hoped his use of her given name may startle her enough to cease her actions.
She didn't stop, however, and Severus briefly panicked, eyes widening once more, his head rearing back.
"Hermione," he said more forcefully, hoping to put as much of his "teacher voice" in the word as possible to startle her.
Hermione's head stopped, and he breathed a silent sigh of relief. He didn't want to have to literally push her off of him. She looked up into his face with a slightly hurt and confused expression.
'Oh Gods, please don't look at me like that.'
"Hermione-,"
"Severus, I just want you to know that I care about you even if you think no one does and you are not a despicable human being like you think you are and I-,"
"Hermione," he silenced her. "I am not going to deny that what just transpired was highly…enjoyable," Hermione sniffed softly at his refusal to say kiss, but ceased when she saw his serious and warning expression, "but…I know you are aware that this…cannot continue. I am your professor…," he saw her face fall, and instantly knew she would be disagreeing with him.
"I don't care!" she immediately exclaimed, her expression determined, "I don't care that you are my professor! Other than that, what is holding you back? I'm of age, much older than the students in my own year, I'll only be in school and have you as my professor for a total of four more months, I've been through a war, so have you, I think we both deserve something we want for once, and I know what I want! There is technically no rule against teacher-student relations in Hogwarts: A History- don't look at me like that! - And I know it would be frowned upon but I don't care! Severus, I don't care! I just…I want…," she sighed, her head falling into his shoulder, her arms going up to snake around his neck.
He laid still, his arms on either side of his body, knowing that if anyone were to see them they would be witnessing him in an awkward position of her practically hugging and spilling her emotions onto a stock-still Severus Snape lying on the ground of his ingredients closet, until he heard her murmur, "I know you're going to tell me I'm just a silly little girl who doesn't know what she wants… that I could never want you, that I don't deserve you, that I deserve more, try and push me away; but you're wrong. I do. You deserve more. I want to get to know you, I want to be your friend, I want…I want…you."
She lifted her head back up and reared back to stare into his eyes, a slight pout on her lips, determined to make him stop resisting.
"Please, Severus…," she whispered, before leaning back towards him. "I don't know why you deem me so special, but you deserve me; you deserve love, you deserve everything. Let me into your life. Please."
She didn't close her eyes this time, but chose to stare into his until their lips touched once more, waiting until she could witness him close his; she wasn't disappointed. Only when she watched him give in and gently close his eyes did she close hers, and revel in the feeling of his soft, thin lips that would so often spew venom and vindictive words, gently massage hers as if she would break. She could feel him trembling.
Severus allowed her to kiss him once again, whether it was because it was to get her to stop talking so she would get what she wanted or so he could kiss her again, she didn't know and he wouldn't admit to himself, but tried to kiss her much like their very first kiss on his birthday in his classroom- one where he suckled her lips and she had seemed to like- so as to not embarrass himself too much.
But when she moved her head downwards towards his neck and started to trail kisses, he lost his resolve. Moving them over what little was exposed of his neck, being careful of his scar he tried so hard to keep concealed, her nose brushing his throat, was a feeling he was not used to.
"Hermione! Hermione, stop," he breathed, pushing her away and scooting far away from her.
"What- what's wrong? Did I do something wrong?" she asked worriedly.
"What? No, I Just…I…Hermione, you- we- I…I can't," he stammered.
Hermione was left at the other side of the room, breathing excitedly, disappointed.
"Severus, please stop ignoring me; unless I'm wrong I think we both want this and it's not technically against the rules and…"
"No! I-It's not that; I…I think…I want…to- to do this…I just- I'm not…very...I've never…" he struggled with his words, and Hermione saw his blush cover his cheeks before turning his head away, embarrassed.
She knew she was likely the only person he had ever shown his emotions so openly to like this before, besides Lily perhaps, but the question she wanted to know was, why was he behaving as if…?
Hermione's face screwed into a confused expression, before it dawned on her what he was trying to get across to her.
"Oh, Merlin, you've never…I mean, you're not…you've never…done this…before, have you?"
She saw him hesitate before he slowly shook his head, still refusing to glance at her, his hair now covering his face; however Hermione could still see the red staining his cheeks.
She sat, shocked. How could no one have ever kissed this adorable man?
"So, was I…was I your first kiss?" she asked softly, sheepishly.
He suddenly looked up at her then, his eyes searching hers thoughtfully, still sitting with his knees propped up to his chest although he now sat a decent way away from her, before nodding and saying, "Yes," quietly.
"So I…so you've never kissed anyone, until I…a month ago, and then now-," she trailed off not sure how to say it and not quite believing it either.
He only sat, watching her expression and reaction to his words, confused and slightly raising a brow. Gods, this was so mortifying; it was one thing to tell someone you've never gone…all the way…with someone before; it was another to admit you've never even been kissed once in your entire lifetime. Of course, he didn't believe it was that surprising. After all, who would have ever wanted to kiss him- the greasy git? No one even wanted to be in the same room as him, let alone a small, confined closet such as this. Now she would surely want nothing to ever do with him ever again…so humiliating…
"Oh gods, I…I'm sorry. If I'd known I wouldn't of-," she stammered.
Hermione was extremely horrified. She thought he would've at least had one kiss in his life! Now she had gone and ruined his first one, and perhaps make him more terrified and push her away more! 'Stupid, stupid, Hermione.' As much as it pleased her to know she was his first, she was still rather uncomfortable when it came to kissing- she had really only kissed Ron a few times and even then they were small and messy. She honestly had no idea where her courage came from… to kiss him like that…so…sensually. She supposed she just assumed he had had a few women throw themselves at him before in his life so he would want more than an innocent kiss and to show him she was not still just a silly little girl…She wished he could have been her first…
"Don't apologize," he muttered, swiftly interrupting her.
Hermione blinked, and he continued, "I'm not upset you were…I mean I think I am rather pleased you were my…first…kiss," he admitted uncomfortably.
Hermione smiled, genuinely surprised, "Really?"
"…I only apologize in advance for not being as experienced as you had hoped-," he continued.
"Oh, Severus, it doesn't matter!" she tittered, and Severus raised a brow at her daring continuous use of his first name, as well as her careless attitude as if what they were doing were completely normal. He was utterly perplexed by her.
He chanced a look at her, "It doesn't?" he stated more than asked, not believing what the girl was saying.
"No not at all," she smiled again, "In fact I think it's sort of…cute," she told him, and laughed even more at his expression.
'Cute? She thinks I'm cute.' He scoffed in his mind.
"I do not desire, nor need your immature terms of affection. I have never been nor will I ever be..."cute"."
She shrugged, "To me you are."
He ignored her comment and moved on, "I would have thought it would mean something to you; I'm sure you and Weasley were highly acquainted with one another," he sneered.
"No actually," her smile staying in place, sensing his jealousy, "It was only ever a hasty, sloppy peck on the lips that didn't really mean anything- to me anyway- it was nothing like what I just gave you," she saw his cheeks flame again.
"Yes, well," he cleared his throat.
"I'm not experienced as you think I am either, you know," she said, gradually scooting closer to him again. "Far from it."
Severus quickly tried to decide if he should try and move away from her once more, but didn't want to look a coward, like a scared animal running away from its predator, and there wasn't much space to move around in the cramped closet as it was.
She was soon seated next to him yet again, her side pressing against his, and he could feel her warmth radiating through her robes.
"I've, as much as I hate to admit it, really only ever kissed Ron."
"I find that rather hard to believe," he scoffed.
"What?"
"That you are not…experienced in this field of affection, as I am."
"You can say 'kiss' you know!" Hermione laughed warmly, causing his heart to flutter faintly.
He cleared his throat again, "Yes, well, kiss then. I suppose I believed a young woman of your looks would have the men flocking to her," he smirked.
"Of my looks?" she blinked innocently, raising an eyebrow slightly, silently mocking him.
He immediately regretted his words and chastised himself. He knew he had already told her unintentionally that he deemed her attractive several times already, and that he should for once think before he spoke around her. She seemed to let it go, though. For now.
They sat in silence for a bit, until he needed to ask the question that was pressing on his mind.
"I just still don't understand why you- I mean of all people, me."
She looked up at him, amusement playing in her wide brown eyes, "I think I just explained it all to you, and hoped that kiss would have showed you," she playfully rolled her eyes.
Severus was not convinced, however, and with a neutral expression said, "I don't think it will ever make sense to me, Hermione. I have never had any witch show any interest in me whatsoever; why would a beautiful, intelligent witch like you ever want me?"
"I don't think that's true," she told him, not without her face heating up from his compliments, "While in my rooms or even the Gryffindor Common Room and Great Hall I would hear girls whisper about you all the time; I knew a lot of girls who had a crush on you, and as they grew older thought you were quite sexy, actually."
He scoffed once more, "I highly doubt it."
"It's true!" she exclaimed. "It would make me quite jealous, really," she huffed.
He sneered, not believing any of it. However, now that he thought about it he did see Miss Parkinson and others stare at him with a faraway look in their eyes, that he figured meant they were daydreaming (not of him of course), from time to time…including her; even catching some staring at his arse as he turned around…he just never thought about it, he supposed, and didn't connect that it was actual attraction, refusing to believe girls actually thought of him in that way.
The silence stretched between them uncomfortably, until he had to ask one more question, "You think it is "cute"?"
She looked up at him again, a smile splitting her face at hearing Severus Snape forced to say the word 'cute', a laugh threatening to break free, "Think what is?"
"My…inexperience," he said, his face screwing up as if he had just eaten one of Dumbledore's lemon drops.
This time a giggle did slip out, and covering her mouth after seeing his slight grimace she said, "Yes. I'm happy you don't throw yourself at women and can control yourself, unlike most men I know," she smirked, "Plus it's quite adorable how shy and unsure you can be."
He sneered and looked ahead of him, sighing. This was all so foreign to him, continuously getting complimented from a young, beautiful woman who also found him attractive, and he had no idea how to act or what to do. A little voice kept nagging in the back of his mind that this was all a joke, this couldn't be real, she was lying. Nothing this good had ever happened to him in his life- someone liking him, much less a highly attractive girl wanting to kiss him. He had always been told he was ugly all throughout his life- why would that change now? But then there was another voice, albeit quieter, telling him to just let it happen, let everything play out...
"I find it rather hard to think, too, that no woman has ever had the desire to kiss you, before me," she said, playing with her hands in her lap. He didn't think it was- being it was obviously true- but chose not to comment, opting to stare straight ahead at the opposite wall.
"I thought you would of had at least one kiss. I know about...about Lily," she uttered softly, and his head whipped to her, giving her a dark, warning look.
"How do you know about her?" he asked lowly, dangerously.
"Um, Harry- Harry showed me...the memories," at his narrowed eyes she continued quickly, "I didn't want to at first, as it was a huge invasion of privacy, but then my curiosity got to me."
He decided not to make too much of a deal about it as everyone knew already anyway, thanks to Potter. He also then thought how dumb of a question it was to ask her. Frankly, he was tired of hearing about her.
He rolled his eyes, but her Gryffindor bravery urged her on, "So I thought...you and her, would have-,"
"My feelings were unreturned," he said shortly, "As always. She had only ever seen me as a friend- if that- nothing more."
"Well, they're returned now," she stated, pausing to wait for any reaction from him from those words, but when none came and she saw him continue to stare ahead of him, she added, "I- I'm sorry, that that happened to you," he snorted, "But, like I said," she continued, "I'm not as knowledgeable when it comes to this as you think I am either."
"Well then I suppose I am rather pleased," 'That's an understatement if I've ever heard one,' he thought, "that you are, as well." 'And that she wouldn't do that to Weasley but to me is nice to think about also.'
"Be that as it may, have you ever considered no one has ever desired to kiss me because I am simply an undesirable person?"
Hermione sighed. She knew his self-esteem had been shot to hell, but she had already told him all of the qualities she liked about him, kissed him, told him other girls thought of him as sexy, 'What man wouldn't like that?', and he still didn't think he was desirable? She knew the memories of everything everyone has ever told him and done to him would not dissolve in just a few matter of minutes of her telling him all that but surely it might've helped a little…?
"Severus, I've already told you, you are. I think you are. I believe it's just your...cold demeanor that turns most people away and makes them afraid of you," she told him carefully. She sighed, "I, however, really don't have an excuse."
Severus raised an eyebrow. "Easy. You were always an intelligent girl but you grew up to be an attractive young woman as well. The dimwitted boys are simply intimidated by you."
It was Hermione's turn to look skeptical, "And how do you know that?"
He smirked, "I was a teenage boy once as well, Hermione."
Hermione blushed and looked away.
"I also see your fellow male classmates gawk at you, quite openly, I might add, and find it rather hard to believe you have never noticed," he smirked. "I suppose your bushy head is always just buried in a book too far."
Hermione honestly had never noticed, and it was news to her, but she was more thrilled that he seemed a bit watchful and envious.
"Well, as much as I don't accept that reasoning, I hope you're not intimidated by me."
"Not as much as your peers," he admitted. "I am not a teenage boy anymore. But I am still not skilled and a bit apprehensive around women I consider attractive."
"So…you think I'm attractive then?" she asked hesitantly.
Not being able to look into her eyes he instead looked at the wall above her head and jerkily nodded.
"…And I think you're attractive…" she continued, Severus dropping his eyes back to hers, "so…did you want to…to try this, then? See where it goes…?" she asked quite anxiously, biting her lip yet again, which caught Severus' eyes, who wondered if he might finally have a chance to do it for her.
He gulped inaudibly, and she watched his Adam's apple bob before, "As much as I know how frowned upon this would be…I…I cannot deny that I would like that, yes."
She breathed an inaudible sigh of relief and smiled. "Good, I would very much like to, too."
"That doesn't go to say you should run and tell anyone of this just yet, Hermione," she smiled at his use of her first name, "Can we agree, if we are still…affiliated with each other by this time…to not tell Potter or Weasley until the end of your schooling?"
She smirked, "I know Severus; I'm not an idiot. But yes, I agree. Although Harry basically already knows," she reminded him.
Severus made a soft hmph sound, and turned to sit back, but Hermione lifted her hand and with her index finger tilted his chin back to face her.
Keeping her finger in place, they sat still, staring into the others' eyes until Hermione brought her other hand up to his knee once more, feeling the slight jerk of his leg as she did so, and looked down to his lips, all the while Severus holding in his breath.
"Would you like to, erm, practice…a little more, then?" she asked, wanting to sound suggestive, and, perhaps, sexy, but knowing it came out sounding quite nervous and inexperienced herself, hoped he would understand her meaning and settled for anxiously gnawing on her bottom lip once more to calm her nerves. And because she noticed Severus would curiously draw his eyes to her mouth when she did so was reassuring as well.
Severus felt his heart beat faster at the prospect of kissing her- again.
He cleared his throat, "I believe that sounds…pleasant," and she smiled at his way with words, before leaning in again, not realizing he was leaning into her also, only to bump noses with him.
"Oh, I'm sorry!" she laughed.
She was mentally cursing herself, but stopped at seeing his embarrassed smile. She truly loved seeing him smile, any kind, and cherished every time he did so. No matter how small or toothless they were.
"It's alright," he told her softly, looking into her eyes.
She stared back, and again glanced over his face, appreciating his features. He truly was an attractive man. It suddenly hit her that she and him had just started…something, and that they were about to seriously kiss this time- one that wouldn't last for a second, be interrupted or have any mistakes this time around, hopefully. The only thing that made her feel less nervous was knowing the fact he was even more so less practiced at it than she was. It was always unpleasant with Ron, who had had more than enough sloppy practice with Lavender.
She didn't have to dwell long on her ex, however, for she saw Severus boldly nearing closer to her face and herself unconsciously closer to his. She felt butterflies in her stomach knowing that he wanted to kiss her as well. She didn't know why she felt so nervous; she had kissed him before after all! That little thought in itself made her smile, knowing she had snagged Severus Snape.
And then his lips were on hers of their own accord, ceasing all thought in her overactive brain, and she closed her eyes, simply enjoying the feel of his leisurely moving over hers. She breathed a sigh of surprise as he suddenly, confidently took her bottom lip between his teeth, much like their first kiss in the classroom, and nipped lightly. She moaned softly at the sensation and he abruptly moved away.
"I'm sorry, did I…did I hurt you?"
"What? Oh, no! No, it's fine, I- I liked it," she blushed furiously.
"I'm sorry, I don't…I don't know what-," he stuttered.
"Just do what feels right," she reassured him. He gave her a worried look. She shrugged and blushed herself, "That's just what I've been told to do."
His cheeks tinged pink again before she saw him nod and move closer to her again.
He tilted his head and pressed his lips to her neck, much like she did him, and gasped at the sensation. Ron or no one had ever kissed her there, and it felt so…sensitive. They weren't open-mouthed kisses, which was fine by her being they both most likely weren't comfortable enough to do that yet, but only gentle pecks of adoration, and she leaned her head to the side to allow him better access. To steady herself, she rested her hands atop his shoulders and was admittedly surprised by how strong they felt. He made his way up to her mouth, his lips pressing over her throat, jawline, cheek, the edge of her mouth, and hesitated before again kissing her lips. She felt him shudder slightly again and knew he was nervous. She knew he probably began at her neck merely because she had done so to him and to prepare himself for the real thing. She smiled, and to ease his tension ran her fingers through his silky, long hair that she loved. He seemed to like it too, for he visibly relaxed, calming all his muscles and sighing quietly.
In response, he finally moved a hand to her waist and the other to cup her cheek gently, shakily, while maintaining a sitting position facing her. Severus, meanwhile, was in heaven. He was a ball of emotions of being nervous, exhilarated, worried, surprised, confused and just plain happy for once in his life. He had actually gotten something he wanted. A woman he liked, who was gorgeous and brilliant, was kissing him. Him. It was indescribable. He didn't know what he was doing, quite honestly, but went by instinct.
He slowly leaned in more, and they continued to gently massage the other's lips with their own until Hermione pulled back reluctantly, needing oxygen. As she pulled back, she drunk in the rare sight of his more vulnerable side, with his eyes still closed and lips more red and hair slightly muffed. He looked beautiful to her.
She watched as his eyes slowly opened in front of her, her face still only an inch away.
"So, um how was that for your first real kiss?" she whispered.
He slowly smiled shyly, his eyes still half-mast. She took that to mean "good".
Hermione grinned, and then suddenly grabbed his hand before he could move it too far from her cheek and linked his fingers with hers, settling it between their bodies.
Severus smiled to himself (he felt himself doing that quite often in the last hour, he realized), and both leaned their heads back against the wall, Hermione leaning hers more on his shoulder, and closed their eyes, both thanking whatever deities granted their wish.
They sat there for about a half-hour longer, not speaking, as it wasn't necessary, resting their eyes, enjoying being in the others' presence.
As Severus breathed slowly, nearly on the verge of sleep, Hermione suddenly sat up.
"Severus!"
His eyes snapped open, frowning at the witch, "What is it, know-it-all?"
She nearly stuck her tongue out at him for his little nickname for her from her third year, "You said you can't unward the door wandlessly, correct?"
He raised a brow, "Yes…"
"But couldn't you, though, do a summoning charm? It is simple enough to do without a wand and the bottom of the door looks like it has enough of a crack for a wand to roll under…," she wondered aloud. "I don't know why I didn't think of that before…"
He smirked, "Know-it-all indeed," and held his hand out for his wand as he summoned it wordlessly, both watching as it rolled hastily under the door and into his outstretched palm.
She smiled cheekily at him as he unclasped their hands and stood to undo the many powerful wards he had placed on the closet after certain students began breaking into it; he looked pointedly at her as he did so, only for her to continue to grin up impertinently at him.
He opened the door and held it, and held out his other hand to pull her up.
Standing up and walking out past him, she waited until she heard the sound of him closing the closet door to turn around and wrap her arms around his neck again, promptly kiss him full on the lips quickly one last time, before whispering, "You're a really rather lovely kisser, by the way," and turn and sway out of his classroom, not without her turning, smiling, and winking, before he could even register what had just happened.
A/N: A sort of rushed ending, I know (sigh) It's going to start to get better though! Hope this chapter wasn't too rusty from my little break…I honestly don't know what to think of it or if I like it and feel like my writing has gone a little out of shape in my absence :/ I know that no writer likes what they write though. But please please please let me know what you think and review! Every single one truly helps and encourages me!
