Chapter 12

To buy the truth
And sell a lie
The last mistake before you die
So don't forget to breathe tonight
Tonight's the last so say good-bye

-30 Seconds to Mars, Modern Myth

I woke up to my own crying and screaming. I looked at the clock and it was 6am. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep, so I grabbed a black t-shirt with gray stripes and a pair of distressed jeans and made my way to the bathroom.

I took a long, relaxing, steaming, shower. After my muscles were relaxed and I was calmed, I stepped out and dried off. After I pulled on my clothes and dried my hair, I looked into the mirror. My old bright, chocolate brown eyes were gone. They had been replaced with hard, brown marble ones. My eyes were dark and impenetrable and surrounded by red. Underneath, there were bruise-like, half-moons. I sighed and closed my eyes, unwilling to think about the changes in me, mentally and physically.

I saw my old scale sitting unused in the corner. I hadn't weighed myself in over two years. I stepped on the ancient whit contraption and watched the dial move. The red pointer rested on exactly 96 pounds. I sucked in my breath and sank to the floor, noticing for the first time in months, my bones prominently through my skin. I had realized I had lost weight, but not twenty pounds. I knew that I had always been lighter, but I had always weighed around 115. I rested my face in my hands, tears dripping silently across my skin. I was sick and broken and I had only one person to blame, besides myself.

I ate a little more than usual, adding an apple to my usual cereal for breakfast. After I finished and cleaned up the kitchen, I looked at the clock. It was already 7:45. School started at 8. I grabbed my orange book bag and threw on my jacket. I ran across the driveway, not paying attention to the slick ice. My feet slid from under me, and I landed flat on my back, the fall having knocked the breath out of me. I scrambled to my feet and took in a gasping breath. I walked slowly and carefully down the rest of the driveway to my truck.

When I pulled into the school's parking lot, most of the students were just entering the building. I let out a sigh of relief. I grabbed my bag and made my way to my first class. Time passed slowly, since I already knew everything the reading teacher was telling us. He was explaining what happened in our newest assigned book. It was Wuthering Heights, something I had already read a million times. I let my mind wander until I heard the shrill ringing of the bell.

I walked out of the building and ran straight into a boy. The force of hitting his body sent me to the ground, dropping all of my books in the process. I sat up on my knees and started picking them up, when I noticed a pair of hands helping me out.

"Sorry about that Bella," said a familiar voice. I looked up into Luke's face and smiled.

"It's alright," I answered self-consciously. Luke was one of the few people of the opposite sex that I wouldn't mind talking to.

"Hey, I heard about Newton. And let me personally say that he was one stupid fucker to waste his chance with you," he said. I looked back up to him and just shrugged. After all of my books were in my arm, he held out his hand. I took his offer and he helped me up. After I was on my feet, he held my hand longer than was necessary. I stared into his shining blue eyes and my breath caught. They were probably the second most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. He returned my idiotic stare with a smile. I shyly looked away and dropped my hand.

"Hey, you wanna do anything later?" he asked. Seeing my look of discomfort, he quickly amended his offer. "It doesn't have to be a date or anything." For the first time I had met him, Luke didn't seem completely sure of himself.

"Yeah, as long as it doesn't involve any illegal activity," I answered mockingly.

"Nah, I stopped the whole thing. I'm clean now and encourage others to be the same way!"he said with mock cheerfulness. I laughed and he winked back.

"So, could I pick you up after school Ms. Swan?" he asked.

"You could follow me home from school I guess, since you have no idea where I live," I answered, still smiling.

"I think I might have an idea where you live," he said slyly.

"What did you do, stalk me?" I asked with sarcasm.

"I don't consider it stalking, I consider it research," he answered. "I'll pick you up at five." And with that, he turned and walked away. I stared after him, biting down on my lip. I knew he was obviously adorable, but he was no Edward. Not that anyone ever could be. Still, I enjoyed watching him walk away, his dark, short, hair being tousled slightly by the wind.

I walked in a sort of daze to Trig, where I would see Angela. She stopped me at the door. I realized the eager spark in her eyes and knew she had seen the whole event between Luke and I.

"I'll tell you at lunch," I said. I knew we would most likely be sitting alone, besides Ben. Angela wouldn't want to sit with Mike, Jessica, and Lauren either. I was actually a little excited to tell her about my "non-date" with Luke.

After Trig was over, we got up to the sound of the bell. Angela and I waited impatiently for our lunches, and I grabbed a granola bar, a salad, and lemonade. Angela and I speed-walked over to my usually empty table; well the Cullen's usually empty table. I noticed that Angela was sitting in Emmet's old seat, the one closest to where I sat. I quickly overlooked that, not wanting to go through the pain.

"Okay, spill," she commanded. I quickly obeyed.

"Okay, so I ran into a random person, not realizing it was Luke. I obviously fell as you saw. I dropped my books, and he helped me pick them up. Then he said he was sorry about me and Mike. Then he just asked me to go out with him tonight, and I said sure. He said that it didn't have to be like a date. We could just go as friends," I answered.

"I think it would be good for you to have a male friend. Then maybe, if you feel like it, it could develop into more," Angela said.

"Yeah, maybe," I answered. I actually thought about that possibility, not minding having a boyfriend if Luke was in the equation. Somebody else had my total love, but I was allowed to like someone else, right? I mean, he was the one who didn't want me. I should be allowed to try to make someone else happy, even if I couldn't be happy.

Angela, Ben, and I talked about all kinds of different things, including the lamest movies ever. I enjoyed our conversation, even laughing at some of Ben's cheesy jokes. It turned out, I really like Ben. I could see us easily becoming friends.

After school was over I got to my house and went directly to my room. I was nervous about my date with Luke, and I went over numerous outfits. I wish I had Alice with me… that thought put a few tears in my eyes, and I waited for the pain to pass. I missed my ex-future-sister more than anyone would believe.

I decided on some distressed skinny jeans, black flats, a white tank top, and a 3-quarter sleeved, purple sweater to go over top. The purple sweater tied in the front and it didn't have any buttons. It was casual, but it would still look fine in a restaurant, depending on where Luke took me. I straightened my hair until it was stick-straight and I put on a little mascara and silver eye shadow. I looked into the mirror and decided I looked okay. Then I heard the sound of the doorbell, and I made my way downstairs.

I opened the door to a rather handsome looking Luke, if I do say so myself. His hair was a little tousled and his eyes were like a deep ocean. He was wearing a grey t-shirt with the long sleeves pushed up. His jeans looked perfect on him.

"Bella, wow, you look…beautiful." He said. I smiled a little and grabbed my coat.

"So where are we going?" I asked. He smiled widely.

"It's a surprise," he answered. I shrugged and followed him out to his car. He had a big black Chevy pick-up. It fit his personality somehow.

"So we have a fellow truck owner?" I said casually. "Yes we do," he answered.

He sped through the town streets until he reached an almost-empty parking lot. He opened his door and climbed out. I opened my door, and stared at the long drop to the ground. Luke saw the nervous expression on my face and came to my aid. He held out his hand and helped me out. After I was safely on the ground, he didn't let go of my hand. I enjoyed the warmth, being used to a certain icy touch. I didn't feel sparks and electricity, but that was alright. I knew I would never have another love like him. Luke grabbed a plastic shopping bag out of the truck bed, and led me to a bench.

I looked around and noticed we were in the middle of a park. It must have been Forks' only park, Liberty Park. It was beautiful, with winding paths through the woods and streams along the paths. We were on a wooded hill that overlooked the whole park. I stared at the view, reviling in the beauty. Luke reached into the bag and pulled out two water bottles and two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I laughed a little at his cooking skills.

"Not a man of the kitchen, are you?" I asked.

"Hey, I didn't screw these up, now did I?" he asked jokingly. We ate our sandwiches quietly, sometimes commenting on different things. After we were finished eating, he led me onto one of the paths. We walked, holding hands. After a while, we came to a clearing. I looked around and realized we were standing on a cliff. The sky was beautiful. I could see the stars starting to shine a little through the clouds. I stared at the beauty, enjoying the feel of the cool wind across my skin.

I turned to Luke. "Thanks for tonight. It's really amazing," I said. Some strange look flashed in his eyes and I couldn't turn away from him. I felt his warmth getting closer as he leaned in a his lips touched mine. He felt warm and comforting. I leaned back into his kiss, and it got warmer and more passionate. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and he intertwined his around the small of my back. We kissed until time seemed to disappear. It was the second best kiss I had ever had in all of my life. He started kissing me more eagerly, and I couldn't find the will to stop. He pulled back for breath, both of our breaths ragged and our hearts beating fast. He leaned back in and we kept kissing until he pulled me along the path, still kissing.

We made our way slowly back to his truck, still intertwined. He opened his door and placed me in my seat, breaking away. He quickly went around to his side and got in. He drove me home with a triumphant grin across his features. I felt my guilt seeping through the bravado. I choked it back. When I got to my house, I said goodnight and quickly made my way to my room. I got in, locked the door and collapsed on my bed. The tears flowed freely, the hole ached, unforgiving. I was a cheater, no better than Mike. I belonged to Edward, and I was kissing Luke. Life was so confusing now. I wanted nothing more than to be with Edward, have him kissing me and holding me. I wanted Edward to love me. But I knew that was impossibility.