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Chapter 12: Seeing Mother

Almost a year passed…

Mother was still being kept at the military base. Edward was still trying to talk to me but after the incident I stopped all communications with him. I didn't want him getting hurt because of me.

Even though mother wasn't here it still felt like she was. That she would pop out of the shadows was a fear for me. I saw her image everywhere, whether she was there are not. My memories of her were imprinted everywhere I went. Especially the front hall.

I wouldn't go anywhere near those doors now.

The Epicari virus had started to spread again. The treatment stockpiles were nearly depleted by the time this outbreak started.

The results were devastating.

There were more and more bodies coming to the church every day. Some of the bodies weren't even infected. That told me more than the grim looks in the villager's eyes what was going on outside our small world in the church. The infected were becoming more hostile.

They were becoming so hostile that they were being chained and kept under surveillance.

But even that didn't help. The virus was still getting out.

Then one day the decision was made that both the town and the church had to be evacuated. We were going to be evacuated to the military base. It had been built a while ago under the church.

Now the only decision for me was if I was going to go with them. I contemplated it every day since the announcement was made.

The place where we were going had a reputation among the villagers. They all thought it was where the soldiers took their enemies to be tortured. And it might be true but I don't know and I don't want to know. I had a much more pressing reason for the depth of my thoughts into the matter.

Mother was there.

Whenever I thought about seeing her again I would hear her lullaby playing in the back of my head. It would be the first time seeing mother after she had killed the friar and I wasn't sure I was prepared to face her again. My feelings conflicted. On the one hand, I wanted to see her again. But on the other hand I was scared of her. She would lock me away again. I would smell like blood again.

And… Mother was a… murderer. I had thought long and hard about mother and realised that was exactly what she was. A murderer. I wanted to get away from the smell of blood. But mother would never let me go. I realised it wasn't about love. Mother probably doesn't love me. I don't remember her ever smiling.

I don't want to smell like blood again.

It was a hard decision I was faced with. Seeing mother below the ground or staying with the infected people above.

The deciding factor for me was the night that Esme came to talk to me.

She came into my room as I was getting ready for the upcoming day. Her long black hair was messy but I'm guessing that was from all the naps she had taken at her desk in between treatments and researching. She had heavy purple bags under her eyes but she looked at me with such clarity that I paused in my morning ministrations.

She came in and sat down on my bed. She clasped her fists together and rested her elbows on her spread knees. She stared at the floor attentively as she said "If you stay here you will be killed."

I sucked in a breath and asked "What?"

She didn't answer right away. After a couple moments she repeated. "If you stay here, you will be killed. You must come with us. We have to go…. We have to go to where your mother is."

I was stunned. She was so serious. I couldn't argue with her at that point. I immediately went to tell Father Carlisle I would be going with them underground. Everyone was pleased that I was coming but it was also met with wary apprehension. Everyone knew about my interlude with mother and the friar. They were worried about my mental health. As they should be, I had been close to cracking a couple times in the year since I had seen mother. None of my fits had been seen in public though. They had been contained in the room that held my bed.

The days of packing flew by quickly. Then the day came that we were all being moved to the underground. That day, Edward came up and talked to me.

He came to me in the courtyard outside of the stables. I had paused to look at the trees when I had heard his footsteps coming towards me. I looked over at his deadly serious face. He took my hand lightly in his. "Do you want to run away with me?" He started suddenly.

I was shaken. Run away from it all? Run away from Mother and Esme and Father Carlisle?

I knew mother wasn't here to stop me now. And she was a murderer. She would just lock me up again.

I looked deeply into Edwards's green eyes. They were so serious I knew that he would do it. He would run away with me. They had the colour of hope.

I wanted to be with him, I realised. I wanted to free myself from mother and I wanted to be with Edward forever. But I…

I wanted to see mother.

There we are. I just started a writing class so I hope that helps get me writing more and maybe get a little better at writing too.

Okay, so she's having some conflicting feelings here. Should she go away with Edward or should she go see her mother? What do you guys think?

Review please.