Dear Rachel
Sorry (again) for not replying sooner. I guess I just needed to think. And I've certainly been doing a lot of that recently.
I'm glad that someone is proud of me. Sue hates me right now for having 'ruined' her routine, and I must admit I feel bad for quitting, after trying so hard to get my position back and even fighting with Santana over it.
Santana and Brittney are angry with me at the moment too. They know I'm hiding something. Seems like all I'm doing at the moment is upsetting people. Except you, Rachel.
Who would have guessed it? You and me, getting on like this. I'm glad you enjoy the letters, I enjoy them too. I always look forward to opening my locker, just in case one falls out. Baby steps or not, I don't think I could have done any of this without your letters.
I took your advice and started a journal. I don't know yet if it's helping or not, but... well, anyway I've included a bit from it. You don't have to say what you think, but I just thought maybe you'd like to read it. You don't have to if you don't want...
Anyway, thank you for, just thank you.
Quinn
x x x
October 31
It's Halloween, but I don't feel like celebrating.
I can't seem to get Beth out of my head tonight. I wonder if she's dressed up. I can just see her in a little pumpkin outfit, with those tiny little hands clutched around a lolly.
I miss her. I know I shouldn't, because she's safe and loved, but I wish I hadn't given her up. Some days its okay, and I can feel happy knowing that she's happy. But on nights like this, I just want to hold her. To take her trick or treating. To do things that proper parents do. I wonder if she can even walk yet. I suppose she can, I don't really know babies very well. So I suppose it's best that I did give her up. I know that Shelby will take good care of her.
Sam texted me tonight. He wanted to know if I wanted to go Breadstix tonight. I didn't reply. Maybe that's a little harsh, he's trying after all, but knowing what I know now, I can't even think about him, or any other guy for that matter. I just want to be left by myself. Maybe it's for the best that way.
Maybe I'm just not meant to be around other people.
