Chapter 12: Kadenfreude

"ZEHAHAHA! I'M A GIANT DOUCHE-CANOE." –Marshall D. Teach


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Kade was feeling immensely satisfied with herself. She'd accomplished the impossible, after all—she'd managed to convince the Surgeon of Death himself to go and get an alcoholic beverage with her at some seedy little bar on the edge of town. And alone at that! Sure, he'd very reluctantly agreed to come along, and only for one (1) beer, but a tiny victory was a victory nonetheless, and Kade was determined to make that one drink last as long as possible.

She tried not to smirk like a fucking fool as they strode up the boardwalk toward the sound of civilization.

'Don't be a dork, don't be a dork, don't be a dork…'

Law was mostly quiet, hands in his pockets as he allowed her to lead the way, replying only in short sentences whenever she asked him a question...which wasn't very often, because Kade had no idea what to talk about. She'd already remarked on the weather, cracked an awkward joke about leaving Caesar alone with Momonosuke on the ship, and then tripped over a piece of driftwood while uttering a slew of curse words.

'Get a fucking grip, Kade,' she fiercely ordered herself after having babbled for far too long about how different the trees were compared to those from her home land. After that, she decided to shut up for the duration of the walk to town.

Minutes later, they arrived at a small brick building. Brightly lit letters at the top spelled out the name of the tavern, giving the vicinity a soft, colorful glow.

"Well, this is it," she said as she reached for the door's worn handle and pulled it open.

The two of them were immediately smacked in the face by the smell of ale and cigarette smoke. Kade grimaced, but stepped through the door anyway. There was no going back. She'd fought so hard to come here that she was never going to admit that this shitty little hole in the wall wasn't exactly what she'd been expecting. She was committed, damn it!

She cast a furtive glance back at Law to make sure that he was still with her, then pushed forward through the noisy crowd to find a couple free stools at the bar. A middle-aged man blew a cloud of smoke into the air as they walked past, Law catching the worst of it at his height. Kade heard him cough once, and until that moment she'd never imagined a cough could sound so annoyed. Her eyes swept across the room, hurriedly searching, worried that one more offense would be the end of their outing. Finally she spotted two unoccupied seats at the end of the counter and made a beeline for them before anyone else could get any ideas.

"I wonder if the beer here tastes different than the kind we have back home…?" She remarked as she hopped onto one of the stools and immediately leaned forward so that her elbows rested on the counter.

Law sat down on the stool beside her. "Alcohol is alcohol, isn't it?" He then made a slight face as his ears were suddenly assaulted by music from the live band playing in one corner of the bar.

Kade lifted one shoulder in a shrug. "Hey, you never know," she replied, though her words were all but drowned out amidst the squawking of the vocalist.

Shit, this place was the worst! She hoped that, at the very least, the drinks would make up for the horrible atmosphere.

As she fidgeted beside him, Kade couldn't help but notice the way Law's upper arm tattoos peeked out from the short sleeves of the dark shirt he wore. It looked as if he'd hastily grabbed the first black piece of clothing that didn't have his logo embroidered on it before they'd left the Sunny; possibly one that didn't actually belong to him, as it was about a size too small. But Kade certainly wasn't complaining about the way it hugged his chest and arms.

She wrenched her eyes off him just then as the band began to play a new song, searching for some other topic to branch off to.

"Seems like we share the same kind of crappy bar music," she remarked with a chuckle.

He spared her a glance from the corner of his eye. "What kind of music were you expecting?"

"Eh, I dunno. Depending on where you go back home, they could have a lot of different stuff playing. Usually it's so loud that you have to yell to be heard." She glanced around the rest of the establishment, noticing that most people were enjoying the music. It wasn't her thing, but at least now the sound was a bit more quiet and they could actually hear each other. "This is a little more lowkey than what I'm used to...unless someone starts a fight. Does that happen a lot in bars here?"

Law shrugged in response. "I don't go to bars often. But fights follow assholes around, and there's no shortage of assholes in the world," he said, idly tapping his fingers against the shiny wood surface of the bar.

They were interrupted just then by a voice from behind the bar. "So, what can I get the two of you tonight?"

Law and Kade glanced up to see the bartender standing before them; a woman with long, red hair and a plunging neckline who gave Law a sultry smile upon meeting his eyes.

"Whichever stout you have on tap," Law replied with an air of apathy, not noticing that she was looking at him in much the same way that Luffy would oogle a large cut of sirloin steak.

The woman grinned, sending her hair fluttering over her shoulder with a toss of her head. "Well, then, I think I've got something you'll really like." Her eyes moved from his face down his lean chest, then fixated for a moment on the tattoos decorating his arms.

Yep. That seems about right. Kade had to cough loudly to get the bartender to notice that she was still sitting there, now more in need of a drink than ever.

The woman finally wrenched her eyes off Law, giving Kade a look of slight disdain. "And for you, ma'am?"

MA'AM?!

Kade visibly bristled at the word and was instantly offended. What was she, eighty-five? Had she walked in with a cane and some knitting needles? Had she been sitting there passing out Werther's Original candies and remarking on the noise level and yelling at the boys to pull their pants up? NO! No, she had not.

Ma'am. What the hell!

Kade's left eyebrow twitched in annoyance as one corner of her lips curled upward. "Oh, let me think... What do you have for wheat beers, ma'am? Actually, can I have a menu to look at, ma'am? Is that okay, ma'am?"

The bartender gave Kade a sweet look laced with an underlying poison. "Sure thing, sweetie. Take as much time as you need." She held out a menu, but dropped it onto the counter just before Kade could grab it from her. "I'll be back with your drink in a second, handsome," she added with a wink directed at Law.

Kade's lips pulled into a scowl. "You gotta be kidding me! What a bitch! This is exactly why I hate most other women. Ma'am. What the fuck is her problem?"

Law rolled his eyes. "It's just a formality."

She folded her arms over the table. "Right, and I suppose it's also a formality to hit on your male patrons? Double standard bullshit is what it is. Really, what about me says that I belong in a nursing home?!"

The look on Law's face told her he didn't understand what the big deal was, nor did he want to. "Remember, we're only here for one beer. Decide what you want already."

"Right..." Kade relented, turning her attention to the menu in front of her and began flipping through it.

Law, though he was sitting a mere ten inches from her, seemed more like a thousand miles away. He stared ahead at nothing in particular and seemed to be caught up in his thoughts until the busty bartender came back with a tall glass of ale in her hand.

"There you go, love. Enjoy!" She said with a grin. Her demeanor changed immediately when she looked at Kade. "So...decide what you want yet?"

"Yeah, could you just get me your most popular wheat beer?" Kade asked, choosing to ignore the obvious disdain directed at her.

"You got it, ma'am."

"For fuck's sake," Kade growled as the bartender walked away, balling her hands into fists on the counter. 'Calm down, calm down...this is supposed to be fun,' she had to remind herself. After all if neither of them were having a good time, then how the hell was she going to get Law to stay out longer with her?

So she sighed and did her best to shake it off, running a hand through her hair and glancing at Law as he sipped his own beverage.

"How is it?"

"Not bad," he replied, wiping the foam from his upper lip as he nodded his appreciation.

A moment later, Kade's drink came sailing down the counter at a speed that very nearly sent half of the liquid spilling over the top when she reached out to stop it. Fuck, that lady really had her panties in a bunch! Kade gave the beverage a wary once-over, quite sure that the bartender had spat into it. There wasn't even an orange slice in it as advertised on the menu! What a travesty.

"Bottoms up," she muttered as she raised the glass to her lips and gulped down a large amount. If she happened to ingest poison, well, at least the ship currently housed two doctors.

Things continued to be rather awkward as the two of them sat in silence, each taking sips of their drinks at regular intervals. Law finished his beer first, being quite keen on sticking to the bargain they'd made earlier. He had turned his gaze onto Kade, pointedly watching her take small sips of her beverage as if she hadn't already gotten the hint, when the bartender happened to swoop in and place another full glass in front of him.

Law looked up in confusion. "I didn't order this."

"I know," she said with a wink, "but you still looked so thirsty. Don't worry, it's on the house, handsome."

He frowned. "I don't want it."

"Aww." She pouted, tilting her head to one side and twirling a finger into her long hair. "Are you sure about that?"

Law opened his mouth to confirm, but Kade beat him to it.

"Wait, wait, wait a second… I mean, it's a free drink! You might as well take it, otherwise it'll just go to waste…right?" She met the bartender's eye just then, and in that moment an unexpected truce began to form.

"Mm-hm, that's right. Why not take advantage? After all, not everyone gets a free drink from me," the other woman replied with a throaty laugh, her eyes trained on Law's sculpted chest once more.

Kade wasn't wild about this woman's infatuation with Law, but as long as she was going to dole out free drinks and keep his fine ass in that seat a little longer, then what was the harm in letting her do a little more flirting? Law seemed oblivious to her advances anyway.

He stared hard at the glass in front of him for a long moment. Finally he reached for it and slid it closer, then raised it to his lips in silent acceptance.

"I guess I'll go ahead and get another one for myself," Kade said with a shrug.

"Yours is still half-full," Law grunted after taking three large gulps.

The bartender nodded to Kade. "Another one, coming right up!"

Law scowled into his glass.

As it turned out, the bartender's name was Debbie. Kade ended up having a rather pleasant conversation with her once the second beer began to affect her system. She still thought Debbie was a bitch, of course, but at least they had an understanding in the form of an incredibly sexy, tattooed surgeon sitting on the barstool beside her. Debbie brought Law two more free beers while Kade worked on her second drink, and then he demanded that she stop supplying him with free alcohol.

"You're taking too long to finish that," he remarked to Kade once he'd shooed Debbie away.

That was when Kade noticed two things: one, he knew damn well what she'd been up to all along, and two, Law actually seemed the slightest bit more relaxed than he had been when they'd first arrived.

It wasn't just her imagination, either. His posture was noticeably looser, his shoulders not quite so full of tension and his jaw not as stiff. Even the way he spoke seemed a bit less cold than usual. And, perhaps most telling of all, was the fact that he'd figured out her little ploy and he wasn't annoyed by it. Kade had to bite her lip to keep from grinning just then. This was exactly what she'd hoped for; a little something to take the edge off. And while she wouldn't go so far as to say he appeared to be enjoying himself, at least the plan had been somewhat successful.

Kade smirked back as she took another sip of her drink. "I know, I can't help it. I have to take it slow," she admitted.

You see, Kade was what you would call a Fucking Lightweight. This is an unfortunate group of individuals who have been gifted with the amazing ability to become inebriated after just one alcoholic beverage. They are pathetic and often mocked by their peers, but they are also cheap dates and almost never experience hangovers, so it isn't all bad.

Presently, Kade was deeply involved in trying to pretend she wasn't as drunk as she felt.

The redness in her cheeks? Well, it was obviously very hot in that crowded bar.

Her ridiculously giddy smile? She was having a good time was all!

And no, she wasn't slurring her words, it was just hard to hear over the din of the crowd and the live music.

It wasn't long before the Debbie sidled up to them again.

"Can I get you two anything else?" The bartender asked.

"No."

Kade mouthed the word 'yes' very emphatically, careful to make sure that Law was looking away from her as she sent a wad of bills whizzing across the counter. The bartender rolled her eyes, but the idea of a tall, handsome stranger getting progressively more inebriated on her bar stool was evidently too good an opportunity to pass up because she slipped the cash into her apron a moment later and disappeared to fetch them more drinks.

About ten minutes later it became apparent that Kade had pushed her limits as far as they would go when Law, staring into the remnants of what he had determined to be his final drink, suddenly pushed his stool away from the bar. He stood, showing absolutely no sign of imbalance despite the six tall beverages he'd ingested over the last hour.

"It's time to head back."

Kade snapped out of her warm, fuzzy haze when her brain registered his words. "Back? Hey, I'm not finished yet, hold on a minute!"

He grabbed her shoulder to steady her as she wobbled on her stool, nearly falling over. "Oh you're finished. You're a wreck." He clicked his tongue once in disapproval and tossed a stack of bills on the bar. "Let's go."

Now, Sober Kade might have recognized where the line had been drawn and probably would have agreed to head back to the ship with neither complaint nor incident. Unfortunately for the both of them, however, Drunk Kade was currently behind the wheel, and Drunk Kade couldn't even see the line anymore. Drunk Kade was equipped with far less restraint and absolutely no filter whatsoever, and so there was no second thought to her actions when her hand shot out to grab his arm. He didn't stop immediately, though, so she was unceremoniously hauled off the stool through sheer momentum.

"Hold on, hold on, hold on!" She cried out as she wavered on her feet, the room suddenly spinning. "Jesus...hey, wait up! Why are you in such a hurry to go back, anyway? You really looking forward to diving headfirst into the shitstorm that's coming?! Doflamingo is going to-"

She stopped suddenly as the scenery around her blurred out of focus, followed by the feeling of vertigo twisting her insides. Her world went dark, but only momentarily. Before she had time to shout, "What the fuck?!" the sensation had vanished. Kade blinked in drunken confusion, looking left and then right, and finally it dawned on her that they were outside of the bar. She had opened her mouth to ask if he'd just done what she thought he'd done, but Law silenced her with a sharp look.

"I don't know why you thought it was appropriate to mention Doflamingo in a public place," he hissed, keeping his voice low. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

She scoffed a little too loudly, feeling defensive despite the fact that he pretty much had every right to be annoyed. "What's wrong with ME? Oh, I don't know, WHERE DO I BEGIN, Law?! A few days ago I ended up in a world I didn't even think existed after some FREAK ACCIDENT I don't even remember, I miss my damn cats, nobody here understands any of my jokes, and now I have to watch in real-time while my favorite character marches to his fucking death or something and I'm not even sure there's a damn thing I can do about it!"

Law quickly sucked a breath in, shocked by her last several words. "What are you saying?"

Notably, he hadn't missed the part where she'd called him her favorite, though he wasn't about to acknowledge that at the moment.

Kade's expression softened all of a sudden, noticing the change in his demeanor and realizing she had probably said too much. "Shit, I...I just..." Her face was blazing hot and she wasn't sure anymore if it was due to inebriation or the fact that she'd gotten so worked up just now. Her world was tilting slightly and she shifted her feet, trying to focus all of her brain power on her reply. Fuck, she shouldn't have opened her mouth at all.

Finally, in a tone much more hollow than before, she said, "I'm just not sure that you can walk away from all this..."

Law's shock drained from his eyes, leaving a slow-burning resolution in its place as he looked away from her. "Then I do fight him...but, according to you, I'm going to die." He turned his gaze back onto hers with fire in his eyes. "That's fine. If that's the cost, I'll gladly pay it. So long as I take him down with me, I'm alright with that."

Kade was unable to stop the flow of words that came next, her tone giving away how progressively upset she was becoming. "So then what, you're just going to throw your life away after everything Corazon did to save you?! You can't do that! Do you really think that'd make him happy?!"

Law froze at the sound of her voice as it broke at the end. It almost sounded as if she were about to cry. He couldn't let himself get tangled up in her emotional speech.

He shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at the ground. "What would you know about his happiness? My life is a small price to pay to make up for his getting cut short. Do you think I wanted that?! I wouldn't be where I am today without him." He paused as the breeze ruffled his blue-black hair and turned to meet her gaze. "You're not even from this world. There's no reason for you to care this much about it…or about me, for that matter."

Kade took a deep breath as the fresh air blew over her face, cooling her red cheeks. She kicked at the rocks and sand on the ground for a bit before answering.

"You're right, I don't know much about your life, or about him. But I DO know that you don't save someone just so that they can turn around and get themselves killed later on, especially at the hands of their evil asshole brother! And why wouldn't I care? Why shouldn't I?" She was actually starting to get angry with him; hadn't he heard what she'd said about him being her favorite character?! "Don't pretend it's just your life on the line, either! You're dragging the entire Strawhat crew into this mess with you, under the pretense of going after Kaidou! That was never a goal at all, was it?"

"No, it wasn't," he shot back, an icy glare on his face. "You're right. I don't care about going after Kaidou at all. I just want to kill Doflamingo."

"Do you even hear yourself right now?!" Kade practically shouted back at him, forgetting all about controlling the volume of her voice. "How fucking selfish can you get? Do you even give a shit about your crew? Where'd you send them, anyway? Do they know you're planning on dying, or are they just waiting around for your kamikaze ass to come waltzing back?" She took several wobbly steps forward, invading his personal space as she practically stood on her toes to better face him down.

"That's none of your business," Law sneered back at her, not budging an inch from his spot. Hell, if she weren't so drunk at the moment, the look in his eyes probably would have scared the common sense back into her.

"I don't really give a shit if it's my business or not! I just don't want you to fucking die! Why is that so hard for you to understand? God, you're so-I just-" She growled in frustration, her mind just foggy enough to not know how to communicate her reasoning. Nothing was come out right! "Damn, fuck it!"

Before she could think twice to realize it might not be the best idea, Kade reached out and grabbed onto Law's shirt with both hands, yanking him down just enough so that she could send her lips crashing into his. Shit, if she couldn't get through to him using her words, then maybe...

Sober Kade would never have considered this, of course. Sober Kade was rational and usually thought things through. Drunk Kade, however, was completely fearless and had a bad habit of throwing caution to the wind.

She realized her mistake quite quickly, though, when there was no response whatsoever after a couple seconds.

Suddenly hit with a wave of horror more sobering than five shots of espresso, Kade immediately released him and snatched her hands away as if she'd been stung. Her eyes grew wide in realization of what she'd just done.

Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. Fuck. FUCKITY-FUCK.

Backing off, her face burning in mortification, she chanced a look at his face...and, oh boy, if looks could kill… She swallowed down the surge of panic, noting that he seemed curiously frozen in place.

Kade decided she ought to take advantage of that pause and beat feet before he decided to dismember her in the slowest, most painful way possible.

"Uh…" Was the only word that managed to make it past her lips.

And then she did the only other thing that she could think of; she whirled around on the ball of her foot and took off as fast as she could manage, sprinting back down the pier to the Thousand Sunny.

She didn't dare to look back.

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Notes: So, uh...we blinked and suddenly a year had passed since we updated this story. How? WHAT IS TIME?! Seriously it feels like it was just a few months ago that we were posting Chapter 11 but apparently not D: D: So if anyone was left hanging, we are terribly sorry. Hopefully the next chapter won't take a freaking year to write, LMAO. Hope everyone's doing well! As always, thank you for your continued support and pls consider leaving a review (they keep us warm and happy!).