AN// Chapter twelve is here! And with any luck, perhaps I can work on thirteen too!
Chapter Twelve: Insanity / Summary: It is difficult to clutch to the very last thread of sanity left in you, when it's slowly slipping through your fingers.
Disclaimer: I don't own them.
Warning, SPOILERS for infinity and Nihon arc's, slight Celes arc spoiler!
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When they first started out on this journey, they knew not a thing about each other except their names. There was Syaoran, Sakura, Mokona, Fai and Kurogane.
Fai knew Syaoran was a hard working, strong willed young man the moment he saw him. The look of pure determination and worry for the girl clutched in his grasp was so pronounced, that he noticed it almost instantly.
Later on, he knew Sakura to be a kind hearted, loving, self-sacrificing young woman, who cared so deeply for the well being of others, even when she didn't know them at all.
Mokona was a mischievous little rascal, but could be infinitely wise on rare occasion.
And then there was Kurogane. As they traveled Fai got to see the kind of person he seemed to be, and the kind of person that he really was. On the outside he seemed to be a tough and brooding, and was easily annoyed… and if he looked a little bit deeper, he could see his strong will and the need to keep his comrades safe. And at the very bottom, so deep down that it was possible that not even he himself could see it, he could see just how much he really cared for each of them.
As they all traveled and got closer and closer, Fai found that over the years after all that he had seen…those horrible, horrible things. He found that his sanity was stretched very thin between their small group. They were the only reason that he did not simply just lose it, the only reason he kept smiling. He had to smile, if only to heal those deep bleeding wounds in the children's hearts. Especially after what had happened back in infinity, and Sakura had told him, "Do not smile, if you don't feel like it."
It had surprised him at first, to have had Sakura-chan say that. He didn't think that she had known…he had hoped she hadn't noticed.
The first little piece of sanity that had begun to slip away was Syaoran, or…who they thought was Syaoran. The boy who could always make Sakura-chan smile, the boy who could smile so easily and actually mean it when Fai could not. He brought a little bit of light to them all, and then…he left, And now this new Syaoran, the real Syaoran so like the other one, but different at the same time…did what he could to make things right.
The second little piece was Sakura-chan. He had stabbed her, she had changed the very fabric of fate to save Syaoran…and he stabbed her. She wasn't even the real Sakura, but she had always been so kind and caring and she was always concerned for them…for him. When all else failed, she could always make him smile for real, if only a little. She had such a wonderful type of magic, she could heal people. The way he had always wished he could…and he stabbed her.
He was truly a horrible person.
And the last piece was taking longer to slip away. It lingered, hesitating on his finger tips and he just wanted to reach out and grasp it, tight in his palm and never let go, and at the same time wanted to pull his hand back and let it leave. He had kept saying, "It's none of my business." And, "I don't care about your past." But he kept pushing…and prying and he had saved him when he didn't want it. If he had died, then the other Syaoran would have lost his magic, and beating him would not be the chore it is now. But he did it, he saved him. And now he is cursed to live off of him forever, or at least until he gets his eye back… if he gets his eye back.
That last piece, that little red thread so delicate and fragile that made him border on the edge of insanity was finally beginning to fall away, and he was scared. He couldn't lose it; he couldn't lose the only thing, the only person keeping him sane! As they fell into the next world he screamed out in horrified anguish as blood continued to poor from the gaping would in his shoulder, where his arm should have been. Salty tears that felt like scalding water on his skin dripped down onto the dry earth underneath his clenched fists as he watched him being carried away, his last tiny bit of sanity was being taken.
"Do not worry." A soft voice said, so calmly that he wanted to strike that person down for being so calm when his sanity was being carried away from him. He looked up to come face to face with perhaps one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen, dressed in such beautiful robes and hair long and black and violet eyes that shimmered with so many emotions that Fai just stared wide eyed and speechless.
"Kurogane will not die." And he trusted her and her words… her soft voice soothing him and stopping his panic, but not his tears.
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He stood calmly outside of the door, two shadows on the other side could be seen through the thin rice paper and he closed his eye and listened. He listened to Tomoyo-hime's soft voice as she praised her ninja on his epiphany. Fai smiled a tiny smile, as he listened to the rough voice of Kurogane, so calm and unfazed, even though Fai was sure that he must be in such agonizing pain. Smile gone he took four steps forward taking only half a moment to watch the shadows and make sure that they had acknowledged his presence outside the door before sliding it open. His feet bare against the cool wood were quiet as he stepped up to the futon on which the ninja was resting and looked down, calm and unsmiling for once.
The ninja stared back, Fai could see in his eyes that he was ready to fight back. Perhaps he thought that Fai was angry for saving him again. The wizard almost smiled…almost. But before the man could say anything Fai raised his fist and swung, knocking Kurogane back. Looking up he saw the stunned expression on the other mans face, and smiled.
"That was payback, Kuro-sama." His grin grew when he saw the relief in the others eyes even though he was smirking.
"I'll beat you up you bastard." He felt something heavy in his chest lift, and nearly sighed with the relief. Such a wonderful feeling this was.
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Fai smiled to himself, as he listened to the steady heart beating in the ninja's chest as he lay there draped over top of him, his head resting on his chest and reveled in the afterglow of their love making. His heart felt so warm, and so full to bursting that he had to keep himself from crying. He had never felt his whole before, not once. He closed his eye and imagined a tiny red thread, wrapping around his heart. He also imagined that same thread had reached out and tied itself around the heart of the man beneath him. His smile widened and he buried his face into the tan chest below him.
A low rumbling sound that sounded like a chuckle sent shivers up his spine. Lifting himself up on his elbows, his wispy blond hair curling to frame his face as he smiled at the red eyed man…a metal arm reached up and cupped the back of his head, pulling him down for a kiss, gentle and tender. When they broke apart, staying close enough so that they could still feel each others breath against their skin.
"Kuro-sama…"
"Hm?"
He laughed lightly and laid back down, and closing his eye. He could sense the other roll his eyes and just lay their, loving his warmth.
"One of these days you are going to drive me insane."
And Fai just smiled.
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Done! Review please!
