Kee-Ara sighed as the moon traveled through the sky. Rin had already fallen asleep, she was worn out from her hard work and if Kee-Ara was being honest with herself so was she. Everything ached. A day of activity that would usually have only left her a little tired but happily sore had instead left everything aching.
She felt like one entire bruise and her side had started slowly bleeding again through the stitches. Perhaps she had pushed herself a little too far. She wasn't the best at letting anything heal and it annoyed her that she couldn't do the things she typically could. So now she found herself exhausted and yet unable to sleep plagued by thoughts.
Sesshomaru had set back near the trees, letting the shadows concealed him. At first she had waited for him to say something, anything, but as the silence lengthened she realized he was ignoring her. So be it. She wouldn't know what they would have talked about anyways. He was so unreadable and somehow she knew he wouldn't find the story of her new scarf interesting. The problem with his silence however was that she had nothing to distract her from the memories that clouded her mind.
Fear had hovered in the back of her mind all day but now it was the only thing she had left to concentrate on and it left a metallic taste in her mouth. He was so close. Tsuki had almost been captured and he had never been able to find Tsuki before. That meant he was getting stronger, something imaginable since she had barely escaped the first time. Should she even travel with Rin? What if he caught up to her. She would never forgive herself if something happened to someone because of her. Sesshomaru would never let him touch Rin of course but there were some things Sesshomaru just couldn't do. What if he got passed him?
She looked towards where he was sitting but couldn't make out his form in the dark. She stared at the fire instead watching the claws of flame reach towards the sky in colorful heat. The orange danced in front of her eyes but it wasn't enough to keep away her thoughts. He could be close right now. Close to finding her. She shivered, fear sending its cold fingers down her spine. She had promised herself that he would never get her again. And she wouldn't. She would rather die.
She was unconsciously grasping the hilt of her sword as she thought about some of the darkest days of her life. She didn't like to go back there but she visited those memories most nights in her nightmares. If she wasn't careful the hooks of despair and hopelessness at her situation would sink into her soul. Tsuki was the only reason she was moving on with her life, why she even had a life, and now she couldn't just give up what he had given her. He had been with her and suffered at the same hands she did because of her. She couldn't let him down by being weak when he continued to be strong. If she only knew where her enemy was instead of worrying about where he could be.
She squinted as suddenly the flames started slowly jerking before the fire started swaying. Shapes started to form, indistinct figures moving ominously. She stared confused as they started to turn yellow. It felt as if she was asleep or in under water, her limbs were slow and she couldn't think as the figures condensed into one large circle before it too started taking shape.
An angry dried blood-red color dripped out of the gold to carve thin lips. Recognition sent fear down her spine as it started to shape the high cheek bones and slowly a familiar face started to morph out of the flame. A face Kee-Ara had seen repeatedly in her nightmares. Kee-Ara opened her mouth to scream but the sound wouldn't come out. She was frozen, unable to move for the horror that was unfolding in front of her.
Suddenly sheer panic rushed through her as his sharp nose was finished and she knew what would be next. She couldn't let his eyes be finished. She couldn't let him see where she was. With a jolt of adrenaline she shot to her feet and slid her sword out. Unthinking she reacted slicing her blade through the heart of the fire nad into the picture. Pain shot through her arm as blood-red power raced up her arm trying to find her heart.
"Ceaseray!" Kee-Ara screamed as she felt its acidic touch and immediately felt her power snap to her command. Gold light washed through her burning the red away from her and arching to the fire from her sword. The fire roared towards the sky a swirling mix of blood-red, gold and orange. Slowly her power consumed it until it was a column of gold. It sank back towards the ground with as soft whoosh and went out with a rush leaving her panting in the darkness.
Her sword was hot to the touch but she couldn't bring herself to lay it down. Instead she felt inside herself, searching for any trace of his vile touch. As she had thought of him her power had unconsciously leaked into the flames. She was searching for answers in, calling to him and the fire acted as a doorway. It had slowly drained her until he felt it and his power took over trying to grasp her and hook a piece of his power onto her so that he could trace it back to where she was. She had almost done the thing she was so scared of. She had almost led him right to her.
As she found nothing except her own diminished power inside she sunk to her knees in relief and dismay sobbing hysterically. Her shields were stable, a dam built of her power that surrounded her and hid her from anyone searching for her but he had almost got her anyways. She couldn't stop the tears any longer and so she bit on her fist trying to stifle the sound as she rocked on her knees. A hand lowered onto her shoulder and she shot to her feet swinging her sword around in an uppercut that would decapitate the attacker.
Sesshomaru stepped to the side, not flinching as the blade whistled past his ear. Instead he grabbed her wrists restraining her from swinging again. He didn't expect her to kick him. Hard. Luckily, his speed helped him move enough that her foot connected with his leg, making him hiss in surprise.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't know!" Kee-Ara started, her round eyes met his in shock, noticing who it was for the first time. She immediately quit fighting but she couldn't stop the tears streamed down her face. She couldn't stop shaking. For the first time in her life she dropped her sword on the ground, the blade falling loosely from her hand as she tried to sink to her knees.
Surprised by the sudden motion Sesshomaru didn't let go of her wrists fast enough and she fell against him instead. After a moment of shock at the sudden contact he released her wrists and grabbed her arms, intent on moving her away from him when she stopped crying. She just froze, her sobs ceasing and the shaking stopping. He looked down to find her eyes dark and her face blank and emotionless.
"Excuse me," Kee-Ara said, her voice flat and devoid of emotion as she tried to move away from him. She raised a hand to his chest and pushed but he was to strong for her to pull away. Startled he stared at her confused by the lightning quick change when he realized she turned off her emotions. She didn't feel anything any more and anger rose in him as he stared at her expressionless face and his hands tightened on her arms.
She gasped as he pulled her close instead of away from him and she immediately tensed. His arms slid around her back as he awkwardly held her and for a second they stood frozen before she realized that he was trying to comfort her. Then the tears came.
Slowly at first and then flooding down her face and she pressed her face against his shoulder and held on to him like she had never done to anyone else. She let the pain and fear flood through her and then they swept with them the loneliness she had felt for a long time. Every emotion she had told herself she didn't have time for came out as she stood in his arms.
She didn't know how long he held her, the tears running down her face but when they finally stopped he slowly unwrapped his arms from around her. Agonizing emotions flashed across his face to fast for her to understand as he stared at her, his eyes molten gold burning with some internal conflict and she had never seen him more breathtaking. With the fire gone the moon was the only source of light and it cast its soft glow on Sesshomaru making him seem softer than in the harsh light of day. Kee-Ara's breathe caught as she watched him struggle, beautifully fragile emotions warring on his face. But then he smoothed it into his usual expression and his eyes hardened again. He turned away from her and walked away leaving her there alone.
He walked into the shadows between the trees, a pale phantom in the night. A ghost or angel she didn't know but she stared at the spot where he disappeared for a long time before she realized he wasn't coming back. She felt empty, all the emotions she had kept inside and that she had always pushed away were spent and now she had a hollow in her chest where her heart should be. It ached as he left her alone and yet she was relieved. Confusion about what had just happened consumed her as she thought about his face before he walked away. Her stomach twisted in knots as she thought about the boundaries she had just broken and of the consequences. How was she supposed to act around him now that he had seen her like no one else had?
She was just to exhausted to figure it out. Now she was also mentally and emotionally to keep her physical weariness company and she felt drained. All she wanted to do was fall into her bed in sleep and so she rolled up in her blankets next to the sleeping and pressed her back against his familiar side as they had slept on many nights before. He sighed in his sleep as she laid next to him and turned his head to lay next to hers. Kee-Ara rolled towards him and let herself hide in darkness, her arm over him, as she slept. She was asleep before Sesshomaru came back.
He halted at the edge of camp, unsure of what to do if she was awake but he immediately spotted her curled up next to the demon horse. He was furious with himself. He did not know which of the weak human emotions he had let come over him when he held her but he knew he would not let it again. He knew he could have walked away if she had continued to cry but for some reason when she had pushed away her pain and looked at him with dead eyes he couldn't stand it.
He didn't even remember how she had ended up in his arms but he had held her there, listening to her heartbreaking sobs as she cried. No one could feel that much and still be sane. What had happened to her that she was so devastatingly damaged on the inside. She shouldn't be so weak. He had seen her be strong, when she stood up to him and when she saved Rin. Why did she let herself be consumed by emotion? It was a waste, that pure grief he had seen on her face. She was everything he had hated, human, emotional, and weak. And yet the effect the tears on her face had on him was indescribable in its complexity. Her eyes had nearly consumed him with the emotions he found swirling in their deep soulful depths as she stared at him.
He watched her from across the clearing, not liking the effect she had on him. Ever since he had met her he had started to lose control. He would never have let someone make him so angry but he couldn't stand it when she so easily did every last thing that annoyed him. And now he had let sympathy seep into his heart, the useless organ that had before now refused to feel that emotion. Anger was an emotion eh could at least control and hone into a weapon that would make him stronger. Sympathy was useless and weak.
With a soft growl he strode away back into the night, too frustrated to stay there through the night. He would have stayed if he wanted to. It had nothing to do with the fact that she was there. He didn't like the feeling that he was running away because he was not. But the small doubt that he was didn't stop him from continuing to rush away back into the night.
