As one day bleeds into the next, Damon has almost lost the concept of time. He's very lucky that Ric is an understanding boss and hasn't fired him for not being on the job. He is so grateful to Mason for allowing him to spend this time with her. Glancing over at the bouquet of blush colored roses, he smiles tightly. She carried some when she walked down the aisle to take his hand and pledge herself to him.
God, how could he be such a damn fool? Every day he hopes, prays for an absolution that may never come. He begs her to wake up so he can apologize and tell her that it was all an act and every day she doesn't. Two long days and since he last looked into those beautiful brown eyes of hers. The doctor said they're going to start weaning her off of the medication so hopefully she will open them soon.
Letting go of her hand for a moment, he walks over to the window, staring out at the bright blue sunny sky. The clouds are wisps, brushed across the endless expanse as if being blown by someone's breath. Looking to his left, the Jemez Mountains come into view. When he drops his eyes to the parking lot below, he sees an older couple approaching the front entrance.
That's when it occurs to him that Elena's family should be here. Has anyone called them? Even though the thought of seeing them is disconcerting, knowing what he did to her, he knows that he or someone needs to call them. But how, he doesn't even have a phone number anymore?
He's going to have to see if there's a number in her chart or something from an old hospitalization. At least he can tell them that she's stabilized and barring any unforeseen complication, she is expected to make a full recovery. Damon will thank the heavens until his dying day for this miracle.
Sitting down, he takes her hand between his and lays his head down on the mattress. He's been awake for the better part of two days with only a nap here and there in the mean time. With her hand as his anchor, he closes his eyes and lets fatigue consume him.
Having zipped their sleeping bags together, they're laying in the box of his pickup, staring up at the night sky. He parked in a secluded spot so they could make love under the stars and that's exactly what they did. Now in the aftermath, he's holding her in his arms. Brushing his lips against her damp hair, he looks down to see her looking up at him. The moonlight illuminates her eyes and the twinkle in his own. He gives her little ass a pinch and then yells aloud, "I love you, Elena Gilbert" which causes a giggle to escape her mouth. Leaning up on one arm, he smiles widely when she kisses him back.
"Hold that thought," he groans when she wraps her hand around his length. Raising up, he pulls a tiny box out of his pillow case. When she sees it, her eyes light up like a fire fly. Popping open the lid, he takes the heart shaped diamond ring out, holding it in his now shaky fingers.
"I love you, Elena. Will you marry me?" Their eyes meet and the earth shifts on its axis. When she bobs her head up and down, he slides the ring on her finger and then rolls her underneath him.
Feeling someone jostle his arm, he lurches upright. His eyes immediately drop to hers. Although they're still closed, he can see them fluttering beneath her lids. The doctor tells him that he needs to leave the room and reluctantly he does so. He doesn't want to do anything that would force Mason to revoke his visitation privileges. After running his lips over her forehead, the corner of her mouth and one of her still pale cheeks, he steps out and walks to the waiting room. His eyes are downcast and he heads straight for the coffee machine. When he feels a hand on his forearm, he whips around, getting the shock of his life when he sees her. Caught off guard, he forces a smile because he knows that he has to tell her about all the horrible things he did to Elena.
"Mama, what are you doing here?"
Damon can tell by the look on her face that she'd like nothing more than to lambaste him too. It's not that he doesn't deserve it, he rationalizes in his mind.
"What am I doing here? That's a silly question. I love her as much as I love my own flesh and blood. I'm worried about her and you," she tells him firmly. Taking his hand, she leads him over to one of the chairs. She knows her son so well so it doesn't take her long to put two and two together.
"What did you do, Damon?"
His head snaps towards hers. Picking up his coffee, he takes a swallow then asks, "How do you figure that I did something?"
Janie gives him the look that he remembers so well when he was a kid. It's like she has this sixth sense where he's concerned, she's always, always had it.
"Why do I ask? She was fine the day before. I drove in and the two of us spent the afternoon together. She seemed down at first but I had hoped that I was able to take her mind off of her troubles for a little while. She was good when I left her."
Having never been able to lie to his mother, he drops his eyes, admitting, "I let her think that I cheated on her."
Her mouth parts in shock as she stares at him. Finally when she can string two words together, she gives him that disappointed look that he hates so much.
"Even the most stubborn man on the planet would have been able to see how much she loves you.. but you didn't give her enough credit. I love you, son, but if you push her away, if it's too late to fix this, it's the biggest mistake that you will ever have made."
"I know, mama," he whispers, unable to look at her. Silence passes for several minutes before Damon sighs and runs his hand through his hair. "How did you get here?"
"Enzo is going to pick me up. Bonnie isn't feeling good today."
Only now remembering Elena's family, he asks Janie about them. Pausing, she takes a drink of water and after setting her bottle down, she shifts in her seat to face him.
"I talked to them yesterday. They've been in touch with her doctor. They were visiting Grayson's sister, Betsy in Texas but they're on their way home now."
"I've been dreading running into them quite honestly," Damon admits, rather embarrassed now that he's so estranged from Elena's family. "And Jeremy? Why hasn't he come?"
Taking his hand, her breath hitches slightly. "Damon.. Jeremy died a year after you went to prison."
Rendered speechless all Damon can do is stare at her, his eyes wide with shock.
With her eyes fluttering, Elena hears voices all around but none sound familiar to her. Her mind is a morass of pain, confusion and darkness. She can't see anything through the fog, it's thick and wet and cold. She's looking all around but she can't find her way. When it clears slightly, she realizes that she's in a cemetery. Frightened, she spins around trying to find her way out but the fog closes in again, shrouding her escape. Feeling a hand on her arm, she startles and looks up.
"Jeremy?"
"Yes, sister?"
"Where are we?"
When he takes her hand, the fog clears and she realizes that she's in a tree maze with her brother. The family is on vacation in east Texas visiting their aunt Betsy and Uncle Mike. For an afternoon of fun, they take the two of them to this place. When she found herself lost, she started crying, calling for him to save her. Minutes pass like hours till he finally finds her, tucked in one of the corners, her body trembling in fear. She then feels Jeremy's hand holding her own. He leads her out and as soon as she knows she's safe, she leaps into his arms, thanking him for saving her.
"I love you Jeremy," she whispers.
"Wake up, Elena," is the last thing he says before disappearing into the mist.
The next voice she hears is one she'd recognize anywhere. Damon.
Why does he sound so sad? She can feel his hand on hers and she wants to squeeze it but she can't move, she can't talk, she can do nothing.
"Is this even real?" It doesn't matter to her if it is or isn't because in her mind, he's here. She can feel him, smell him, and hear his deep sweet voice and the many ways she used to hear him murmur during the nights together.
She could die happy just listening to the masculine lilt of it as she fades away to nothingness. She thinks she feels his lips brush wispily across her forehead and her cheek and the corner of her mouth.
Then suddenly a loud droning noise fills her subconscious. The sound is keeping her from hearing his voice, from feeling his lips. At the same time her eyes start to flutter wildly, she feels like she can't breathe, there's something in her throat. She struggles against the restraints to free herself.
She thinks she hears a voice telling her to calm down but she can't, she continues to struggle until she starts to blissfully relax as a warm feeling spreads through her veins. When she finally opens her bleary eyes, the first thing she focuses in on is a cop and the chain around her ankle and then everything comes into sharp focus, a frightened gasp leaves her lips at the same time tears form in her eyes.
With a raspy voice barely above a whisper, she asks fearfully, "What did I do?"
As reluctant as he was to do so, Damon finally gives into Janie's urgings to go back to his place to take a shower and get some sleep. She promised him that she would stay near Elena until he returns. Despite his worry, sheer exhaustion won the war and he did sleep some ten hours. As soon as he wakes, he hurries to get dressed so he can get back to the hospital. When he reaches the main part of the bar, Ric hands him a travel mug and tosses Damon his car keys. Having no idea how he'll ever repay the man, Damon is speechless.
"Go to your wife, Damon. Your job is safe," Ric says, offering a terse smile.
"I promise I'll pay you back somehow," he tells him then picks up the mug and hurries towards the door. He doesn't even notice Ruby when he passes her running out of the door. Feeling more than a little miffed, she stalks to the bar to ask Ric where Damon has been the last couple of days.
"His wife is in the hospital," Ric starts to say, suddenly feeling a little irate when she rolls her eyes.
"He loves his wife Ruby so you may as well set your sights on someone else." Before she can say anything, he turns his back to her and moves on to another customer.
Due to a car accident, traffic is moving slowly. He's frustrated by the time he finally arrives at the hospital. When he reaches Elena's door, he's stopped in his tracks by a new police officer, one that Damon doesn't know.
"What are you doing? I was given permission to see my wife by Mason Lockwood."
"Those privileges have been revoked for now. She's awake and in police custody so no more visitors," he explains to Damon.
"I demand to see her doctor then," Damon says and by sheer happenstance Dr. Tobias Fell rounds the corner and approaches the room. Taking Damon aside, Dr. Fell tells him that the visitor situation is out of his hands. But since Damon is her next of kin, he updates him on her condition which makes Damon breathe just a little easier. After thanking him, Damon goes into the waiting room but he's going mad not being able to see her or touch her soft skin or press a kiss to her smooth lips. Standing in his usual space in front of the window, he startles, reeling back with a closed fist when he feels a hand on his arm.
"Jesus, Enzo!" he says, relieved that he didn't punch his brother in law. "You know I'm an ex con, Enzo. Things happened that I can't talk about."
"You don't always react like this," Enzo mentions, scrutinizing him carefully.
"No not always, just from time to time."
"I had a word with Mason. Since she didn't hurt anyone, there's no reason for homicide to be involved. So you're just going to have to do what you're told. I'm sorry that you can't be with her. She's not allowed visitors. Maybe you should go back to work and try to get your mind off of it for awhile?"
"I want to see her, Enzo. I need to tell her that everything I said to her was a lie."
"I wish I could help Damon but my hands are tied too."
"I know," he adds, turning away and pressing his palm against the glass, feeling completely out of sorts because he's helpless to do anything for his wife. Enzo stays with Damon for an hour or so before he goes home to entertain Noelle so Bonnie can get some rest. Damon looks up just in time to see Caroline stalking over towards him. Standing up to greet her, Damon can see that she's angry judging by the rather ominous look on her face. As soon as she's in front of Damon, she rears back and slaps him so hard that his head snaps to the side.
"What the hell?" he growls, rubbing his palm over his cheek.
"That's for treating her like shit. She stuck by you through everything because she loves you and trusted in the sanctity of your marriage vows. But the minute you got out, you turned your back and had her served with divorce papers. You are an asshole and you don't deserve her. This is all your fault."
Although she hasn't said anything that he didn't already know, it still hurts to hear it voiced out loud. Blowing out a breath of air, he turns and walks over to the window. Stepping beside him, Caroline stares outside too. "How is she?"
"She's awake. They revoked my visitation as soon as that happened. Look, Caroline, you're right, everything you said is true but you have my word that I'm going to do everything in my power to make it up to her. I love her more than life itself. I thought I was doing the right thing. She's beautiful and vibrant and full of life, I didn't want to drag her down with me. Believe me, I hate myself more than you could ever hate me. What does it say about me that it took a tragedy to realize what I was so carelessly throwing away."
"She loves you, I don't know why quite honestly but she does. I have to get back to the studio, but hear me loud and clear, Damon. If you ever, ever hurt her again, you will have me to answer to. I will make your life a living hell. That's not a threat, it's a promise."
After sharing an intense look, she turns on her heels and walks out, leaving him to contemplate the enormity of her words.
As the days wear on, Damon is losing his ever loving mind. Because of his agitation, Ric and Enzo are going insane themselves. His only saving grace is that they understand why he's jumpy and on edge. He still hasn't been allowed to see her. The only positive thing in all of it is that Elena appears to be doing well. Dr. Fell assured him that she's healing and that she'll likely be discharged soon.
The caveat being that he doesn't know what the police have in mind for her discharge. Damon drove down to the police station to talk to Mason. Although it's not his case, he was able to find out that Elena seemed to have no concept of what she was doing. She was rambling incoherently and acted like had no idea where she was. Damon knows that public safely and preventing a mass killing was and is of utmost importance.
Yet when he found out that she dropped her gun just before the bullet struck her, launching her backwards for several feet, he felt the incredible urge to strangle someone. From what he's been told, the guard fired at almost the same time that the gun slipped from her hand. A few seconds would have made all the difference.
It's killing Damon that he can't see her, see for himself that she's living and breathing. He can't talk to her on the phone and he can't touch her soft, pale skin. What he wouldn't do right now to hear her reaming him a new one for treating her like shit and making her think that she didn't mean anything to him. How on earth is he ever going to be able to apologize enough for hurting her so viscerally that it made her want to take her own life?
And then he thinks about the fact that she kept Jeremy's death from him. He cannot even begin to imagine why. She and her brother were extremely close. He imagines that a little part of her died inside when she had to say goodbye to him.
It seems every time he closes his eyes, he hears his own words echoing in his mind, "I don't want you anymore" and it's killing him slowly.
But he can't run away again, he has to try to make things right with her even if it takes till his dying day. Dropping his forehead onto his hands, he weaves his fingers into his hair and tugs hard. Could he be anymore of a damn fool?
Damon is beyond relieved when Mason calls to assure him that it won't be long. Each second passes like hours but as long as he knows there is light at the end of the tunnel, he'll survive. Deciding to take his mom's advice and go back to work, he starts cleaning up the lunch dishes so he can put them in the dishwasher, readying them for the evening crowd.
After finishing up, he assembles what he needs to make the tonight's menu items. Needing a break, he takes off his apron and walks out to the main area of the bar where he sees Ruby. As if she can sense him, she looks up and licks her lips flirtatiously. Sighing, Damon walks over and takes the seat beside her.
"Damon," she says, dropping her palm to his leg. Before she can reach her destination, he jumps off of the stool. It's his fault that she thinks there's something between them so he doesn't want to be mean but he will as a last resort.
"Ruby, I don't want to hurt you, I really don't but what we had, it was fake. I needed to make my wife think that I didn't want her anymore and you were the means to do that. I'm sorry I used you. It was wrong and you didn't deserve that but you need to know that there is nothing between us, there never will be. I love my wife and if it takes moving heaven and earth to get her back, that's what I'm going to do."
"But Damon, you told her that you didn't want her anymore," Ruby protests, trying to touch him again.
"I lied to her. It's because of me, she's laying in a hospital bed with a bullet hole in her belly. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for my lunacy. Even if she doesn't want me anymore, I am still going to do whatever it takes to at least earn her forgiveness. Please don't make this harder than it is. There is no choice to make, Ruby, I will always choose her."
"Um okay, it was nice while it lasted," she mumbles. Without looking at him again, she grabs her bag from the bar top and hurries out of the building. Shaking his head, Damon sits back down and orders a cup of coffee. When Ric slides it to him, he picks it up and takes a long swallow, grimacing a little because it's hot. Looking up at his friend who has his arms crossed, Damon chuckles inappropriately.
"See how far I've fallen. I have to break up a fake relationship," he quips, rolling his eyes at the insanity of it all.
Time continues to pass at a snail's pace. She's been in the hospital around ten days now and is ready for discharge according to Dr. Fell. He hasn't seen Ruby in the place since he told her that she means nothing to him. Honestly, he's happy about that. When he saw her that last time, all he could see in his head was Elena's devastated face just before she left the bar that day.
Going into the supply room, he pulls out some clean rags and the Windex to clean the fingerprints off of the mirrors. Feeling his phone vibrate, he pulls it out of his pocket. Seeing it's Enzo, he picks up immediately. "Did something happen? Did they send her to jail?" he blurts out before Enzo has a chance to utter a word.
"No, Damon, calm down. She's alright. It's just that at the hearing today, the Judge ruled she needs to undergo a psychiatric evaluation."
"When can I see her?" Damon asks, his heart beating chaotically inside of his chest.
"You can't see her, Damon. She's already been transferred out of the hospital to a mental health facility."
"What do you mean gone? They can't do this. I need to see her, Enzo. I'm her husband, I should have some say in it," he protests, his roiling belly causing the bile to burn into his throat. He hears a deep sigh from his end of the phone line.
"Damon, she didn't want to see you."
Thank you all so much for your reviews, follows, favorites, encouraging words, endless support and friendship. YOU ARE ALL THE BEST.
And Eva, without you, I would not be here. Your wisdom, brilliance and insight are remarkable. Thank you for everything you do for me. Love you.
Chapter title: 'Need To Be Next To You' by Leigh Nash.
I did publish a one-shot "I Love You, Goodbye" not long ago. Don't let the title scare you away ;)
Have a phenomenal day. Thank you all again.
