Well, the last couple weeks were… interesting. I got my first credit card two weeks ago, and in fifteen minutes, managed to spend $109 on two games and four books. It would have been cheaper, but the items I was after were old, and I had to order each one from a different person. I'm going to be paying that off for a while… But at the same time, I'm happy – because the two games I ordered are RE 1 and 2 – to replace the old copies that my cousin never gave back to me, that (uttering some choice words)! …It could have been worse, though. had the used games for decent prices – this other site that I looked at had them for like 40 bucks apiece. Oo
On another happy note, I finally started posting my retarded video game music videos (most of which are RE). The thing about that, though, is that it inspired me to do something music-related. And that ended up being this chapter. I don't know exactly how it'll be musical, but I'm beginning to form an idea.
I would have posted this last weekend, but I didn't start it until Saturday night. I was going to work on it a lot earlier in the week, but first I got caught up in trying to make a video without using my computer since it won't let me use my editing programs (gave up because it sucked big time), then moved on to a series of one-sceners, and then spent a lot of time with a bottle of Excedrin Migraine, because I got some bad headaches…
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Chapter 12
In Some Random Hallway Somewhere
Brad wandered aimlessly through the halls, trying to find his way back to his French class.
(Me: See? You're back in the story now.
Brad: But what happened to Steve Irwin?
Me: Um… For now, let's say he got eaten by that giant alligator from the sewers.
Brad: That leaves a big plot-hole, but okay.
Me: It's my story, and you're stuck with it, so shut up. Besides, he'll be back.
Brad: He will?
Steve Irwin: You bet! As long as there are dangerous critters around for me to talk about, I'll always be back!
Brad: Does that mean I'm going to get stuck with him again?)
Anyway, he'd been looking for his class for a while, but hadn't had any luck finding it yet. For that matter, he wasn't even sure which school he was in anymore. Everything pretty much looked the same, given the fact the school was just a bunch of rooms made from cinderblocks. And nothing was marked – except for in Braille.
He was pretty sure he was still in the middle school, he just didn't know where. That's when he came to two big doors.
"Is this the auditorium? Maybe there's someone who could give me directions."
He opened the doors and was greeted by the sound of… an audience clapping? The lights were dimmed everywhere except for the auditorium stage, where a bunch of chairs were set up in a row. And some guy with really long hair was walking back and forth, a microphone in his hand.
"Welcome to The Jerry Springer Show. Obviously, I'm not Jerry, but I am a Heavy Metal legend, and I'll be standing in for him today."
Brad turned to leave, but before he could even touch the doors, the spotlight shined on him.
"Ahh, here's our first guest of the day, Brad Vickers. Get down here, Brad!"
Brad just stared at the doors. He'd seen a lot of strange things, but this one was making him question his own sanity in a profound way.
"Come on. The doors are locked from the outside, you have nowhere to go – aside from the stage," the guy with the microphone announced, and Brad slowly walked down to the stage, and then up the stairs before the host forced him to sit down. "Welcome to the show."
"What's going on? And how do you know me?"
"We're filming The Jerry Springer Show, and we've been expecting you."
"Uh… How did you even know I would come here?"
"Because I know things."
"Are you spying on me?!"
"Anyway, I'm the stand-in host for today, Bruce Dickenson," the man said, changing the subject.
"Oh, you're the front man for that band," Brad replied, totally forgetting what just happened. "Break on through to the other side!"
"That was The Doors."
"Um… Goddamn, will I declare! Have you seen the light?"
"That was The Grateful Dead."
"Er… Everywhere I go somebody I know wants to come and kick it with me?"
"Aaron Carter… You have no idea who I am, do you? I'm from Iron Maiden, ya know, the band with the monster named Eddie for a mascot?"
"… The last time I saw you, you didn't look like you did back in the '70s."
"Whatever you say. So, you're on the show today, and this is quite an interesting story I've heard about you, old chap."
"Are you coming onto me?"
Bruce stared at him. "I'll pretend you didn't just say that…"
Brad shrugged.
"Okay… Now, you're here today to talk to someone - "
"I am?"
"That you apparently offended."
"I did?"
"Say hello to our next guest, Mimicry Marcus."
The audience clapped, and Mimicry Marcus came out onto the stage, seating himself at the other end of the row of chairs.
"What is that thing?" Brad asked.
"That's Mimicry Marcus."
"I heard you the first time. But what is it?"
"A guy made of leeches."
"And I'm supposed to have offended that thing? I don't recall talking to anyone made of leeches."
"Well, according to him, you did. He doesn't like you very much, because you called him 'Christopher Walken'."
Brad looked over at the monster. "… He does kind of look like Christopher Walken. With a little less hair…"
"So, why'd you call him that?"
"I never called anyone Christoph - wait… Were you that guy who called my house and didn't say anything?"
The monster shook its head no.
"You are! This jerk called my house every night for a week and never said anything! And I didn't call you Christopher Walken, I said I'd get Christopher Walken if you didn't quit calling me!"
"Isn't that just terribly interesting," Bruce said apathetically.
All of a sudden, a blonde woman in a 50's style dress with a hairdo to match, came running onto the stage. "Mike, something horrible is happening! IT'S THE APOCALYPSE!"
"Lady, first of all, this isn't the set of The Stepford Wives. Second of all, that isn't Christopher Walken. It's a man made of leeches."
"Oh. Okay," she said happily, leaving without a further word.
Bruce looked at Mimicry Marcus for a long time. "… You might not be Christopher Walken, but can you do that dance from the "Weapon of Choice" music video?"
In the High School Library
The Merchant stood at the checkout desk, feeling cheerful and wondering exactly why he was here. When he got hired, all the principal told him to do was go to the library. And somehow he ended up at the desk, checking out books for people. Either way, he was happy.
"Welcome," he said to a guy who came up to the desk with a huge pile of books. "What're ya taking out?"
"Books for my project about making drugs," he said innocently.
"Hahaha, thank you," the Merchant replied, handing him the stack.
Just when he was beginning to think that things were going to be just like they were back in home sweet home Spain, there was a scream from within the book stacks. A girl came running out, holding a red-stained book in her hand. "Somebody just hit me in the head with this book!"
"Now that's a weapon," the merchant commented.
"And it cut me! Oh, wait a minute… That's not blood, it's ketchup," she said, wiping ketchup from the burger she'd just eaten off her hand.
"Hey! Who used all the paper in the printer?" another girl asked, holding up a six-inch stack of papers that had been on top of the printer, after sticking some new paper in. "They all say 'All homework and no school closings make me peg people in the head with books'."
"Stranger, stranger!" the merchant exclaimed, "Now that is a mystery."
"Whoever did it must still be in the library," ketchup girl said, and the merchant scratched his bandanna-covered chin thoughtfully.
"It like a bad game of Clue or something," printer girl added. "We could be up against Colonel Mustard, Professor Plum, Mr. Green…"
Suddenly she got nailed in the head with a book and passed out cold on the floor.
"Yup, he's still here," ketchup girl said, also to get spiked in the head with a book and passing out.
The printer came to life, spitting out some more papers. The merchant went over to it and picked the first page up.
It was a lunch menu.
He dropped it as the printer stopped, but then it started again. This time it was a message.
"Prepare to get pegged."
The merchant dropped the paper, deciding it was about time to arm himself with something. But it didn't occur to him that he was already completely armed – instead he grabbed a laptop off the nearest table. "Stranger in the library with a laptop!"
Mire, But Souls Sucked Away by Willy Wonka… In the Home EC Room
Ashley watched another one of her classes make pizzas. Very, very messily.
She didn't feel the need to step in anytime soon, although the class was slowly beginning to get out of hand. There were a lot of arguments going on, some kids making fun of someone who accidentally stabbed themselves with a particularly sharp fork, a couple kids chucking mushrooms at each other, and one group making a really disgusting-looking pizza that smelled like Crunch bars and dishwater.
She was starting to stare around the room at random things because she was extremely bored. Then she spotted a copy of Les Miserables on the table and picked it up.
Inside the old book, someone had scribbled various notes on the pages, especially pertaining to their dislike of one character Javert, about whom there were many bad jokes written in the margins. Each chapter had been retitled, and even some of the characters' names were scratched out and written over. She began reading about a group of people now called Beef Wellington, Crème Brûlée, Mountain of Pastry and Gravy Roach fighting with a rope and trying to climb something, and then, a little later on, a group called the ABC – which now stood for Alcoholic Bears of Christmas.
Flipping through pages, she eventually came to a chapter renamed 'Mire, But Souls Sucked Away by Willy Wonka'. Strange title.
She didn't think anything of it until…
"Hi."
She looked down and shrieked. "Are you some kind of deformed midget Willy Wonka?"
"No," Dinky the lawn leprechaun mumbled, sick of being mistaken for things he definitely wasn't. "But I am here to take your soul."
"What?"
"Just kidding. I need hot dogs."
"Okay…" Ashley trailed off; staring into space while Dinky ran off with the stockpile of hot dogs from the fridge. There was one thing on her mind, and it wore a lot of purple and had red hair. "What if Willy Wonka really does take your soul?"
Somehow it made total sense to her. The guy always did seem sinister, especially when Gene Wilder played him. And he'd been created by a guy who mentality could easily be taken into question and wrote about weird things… like giant peaches, roses screaming, a guy turning himself into a bee…
One of her students came up to her, waving his hand in her face. "Excuse me… Hello? Did Willy Wonka take your soul or something?"
"He does take souls? Hm, I think I'm going to go to the library…" she replied, getting up and leaving the room.
"What about our class?" the kid called after her.
In the Bathroom, Next to the Other Auditorium
"You want to play 'I Spy'?" HUNK asked, pacing back and forth in the middle of the room.
"No," Wesker said, "Quit asking. You've been asking me over and over for the last two hours."
"Well, I have to do something to pass the time," he replied. "What do you want to do?"
"Sit in complete silence."
Five seconds later…
"Boring."
"Well, at least you can walk around, I'm chained to the wall!"
"At least you're not going to jail."
"Actually, he is," somebody said.
They both looked over to see Chris Hanson, leaning against the door casually.
"… How did you get in here without us noticing?"
"I do a lot of stuff like that," he said simply. "Anyway, hi, my name is Chris Hanson - "
"We already know that," Wesker said, and the reporter got annoyed.
"You didn't let me finish. I'm Chris Hanson, and I'm from To Catch a Con Man."
"Wait, but I thought you were from To Catch a Predator," HUNK said.
"I do con men, too."
"Okay, so how am I a con man?" Wesker asked.
"You reported that guy as a pedophile, which you knew wasn't true. That's, like… perpetrating a fraud or something," he replied matter-of-factly. "So, now you're both going to jail."
"Why am I still going to jail?" HUNK said, "I didn't do anything."
"Because we don't like you. So you're taking a one-way trip to Superjail."
"Isn't that a really creepy cartoon?"
"Yeah – but it's also a real place, right next door."
"What is Superjail?" Wesker questioned, giving them both a funny look.
"You don't want to know. But I think you'll fit right in there," Chris Hanson said, nodding.
A couple minutes later…
"Why are you still nodding?"
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Okay, this chapter was really… Weird. At least I'm getting back to those people from a long time ago. I'm having a tough time thinking of what I want to do with them, though…
I'm not sure why I put Mimicry Marcus in here – I wasn't originally thinking of doing much with RE 0, but he got worked in there… He does kinda look like Christopher Walken… And the whole Jerry Springer bit, well, I was thinking of an old story I wrote about Jerry Springer, and it made me want to do something with that. Plus, I still occasionally watch that… Just when I want to laugh at people's stupidity, though.
The parts about the Merchant and Ashley I wrote around 2am this morning, so I was really tired… And apparently thinking of Clue. I thought I needed someone in the library, and using the Merchant gives me the chance to play with his super-annoying monologues. Ashley's part came about when I was looking through my copy of Les Miserables for inspiration ('cause I wrote a lot of funny things in there) and I got the thing going with Willy Wonka. I don't know where I'm going with that, but I'll figure something out…
Superjail – man, am I looking forward to watching that tomorrow. I think I can easily get addicted to that show if it becomes a part of the normal Adult Swim line-up.
Well, I know this chapter was a bit shorter than usual, but I've been unmotivated to work on anything I have here lately. Next chapter should be a lot better – and make more sense. Anyway, leave me a review and let me know what you think – and maybe a suggestion, because my brain has, like, short-circuited! And thanks for all the reviews so far – without you guys, this story probably would have never gone anywhere!
