Paradox
Chapter 12
It sounded like the rain. The spray of Levi's shower sounded like a warm and intoxicating rain. The apartment was dark save the sliver of light sneaking from the crack in the bathroom door. As Eren watched the curls of steam in the dim light he thoughtfully reminding himself that beyond that door Levi was naked and wet. It felt somehow intimate.
Blushing, Eren lay back in the bed, choosing to stare at the nightstand. The top was rather plain but the handle of its drawer was a wooden stag, its head held high. Eren had to wonder what Levi would hide behind such a pretty token. He didn't even think as he opened the drawer and plunged his hand in. The first thing he felt was the tight paper roll of a cigarette.
He pulled it from the drawer to find it was his cigarette; the same cigarette he had dropped all those months ago.
Deftly, Eren placed it on the nightstand then went back to look for a lighter. What he had thought was just pitch darkness turned out to be a bundle of soft fabric
Perplexed, Eren grabbed up handfuls of the stuff and pulled it into his lap to discover it was a bundle of thick silk scarves. He was so preoccupied with the dark purples, blues, and greens of the fabric that he hadn't heard the water shut off.
Eren took a scarf in each hand, rubbing them across his face. The smell of lavender was almost overwhelming and it made his eyes feel a little heavy. "Mmm," Eren picked up another handful, inhaling the sweet scent from them too.
"What are you doing?" Levi standing in the light of the bathroom. He was dressed but his hair was still dewy and wet. A towel was wrapped around his shoulders to keep the water off his back.
"I found these." Eren held up a scarf the same purple his tie had been. "I didn't know you wore scarves." He held it to his nose and inhaled slowly. "They smell good. Hey, why are you blushing?"
"I don't... uh..." Levi cleared his throat. "I don't wear them."
"Really?" Eren reached into the nightstand again. "What's this drawer for then?" His fingers bumped against something metal that rattled.
Levi yanked Eren's hand out and shut the drawer. "I'll show you later." His cheeks were still the color of rogue. "It's getting late and you should go back."
Eren pulled the pillow under his head a little closer. "Can't I stay with you?"
"It wasn't going to be all about you tonight. I still have to see Hanji." Levi was sitting on the bed, his fingers now ghosting across Eren's cheek. "It's just easy to take you back now."
Eren reached up and grabbed Levi's wrist. "Let me stay with you."
"No," he twisted his wrist to the side then pulled out, easily escaping Eren. "Not tonight, Eren."
He scooted in and wrapped his entire body around Levi's hips. "But I want to."
Levi inhaled slowly, giving himself time to carefully choose his words. "It's not your choice though." He grabbed both of Eren's shoulders and flipped him onto his back. "It's mine." Now Levi was on top of Eren, holding him to the bed. "You might feel okay right now but I didn't cover you." Levi's hard cock was pushing his zipper into Eren's belly button. "The heat will come back and I'll be in a rut and that will be the end."
Eren wrapped his arm around Levi's shoulder, grabbing his wet hair for support. "What if I'm okay with all of this?"
"Eren" Levi separated them with his elbow. "You need to understand that if you make this easy for me I will hate myself."
Quietly Eren studied Levi's face, Eren stared at Levi's face, desperate for even the ghost of sarcasm.
Levi remained stoic. "You understand that, right?"
"I'm... I'm sorry, Levi." Eren covered his eyes with his arm. "I'll try to be a little less, uh, needy for you." He felt Levi moving on the bed. "Uh, I mean, with you?" Eren felt hands touch the bare skin of his shoulder, gliding down to his elbow as a soft gasp escaped his lips.
"Don't apologize." Levi's breath was at his ear. "I want you to keep these feelings." His fingers went to the rim of Eren's jeans, still unbuttoned. Slowly, Levi's fingers began to trace the rise and fall of Eren's hip bone. "Just save them. Save them all for me, okay?"
Eren closed his eyes so he could experience Levi's touching. Warm lips at his neck and the hands rimming his hips were making Eren feel warm again. Slowly Levi's hands were going closer to the growing mound between Eren's legs. Then he felt a sharp pain the crown of his neck. "Ah!" Eren tried to move away but Levi looped his arm across Eren's chest and pulled him in for one last bite.
"Levi!" Eren used the same elbow trick Levi had employed earlier, wrenching his body away. "Why would you..." He expected to see something nefarious in Levi's eyes but the alpha was slumped over at the edge of the bed, pain twisting his own face. Eren could barely finish his sentence. "...do, uh, that?"
"I'm sorry." Levi lay unmoving beside Eren. "I thought you wouldn't like it. But it's for safety."
"Safety?" Eren rubbed his smarting neck. "What do you mean?"
Levi reached out to touch Eren's hand. "You're still in heat." Eren was quiet, their fingers intertwined. "I just wanted to..." Quite suddenly Levi's cheeks turned a violent shade of red. He was hiding half of his face in the soft pillows. "...t-to tell other alphas that I—that I—I want..." For a moment he stared Eren in the eye but the green of them was so incredibly powerful that Levi had to look away.
Until now Eren had been silently watching Levi, so he came closer. "Levi?" He took his hand. "I'm not mad. Okay?" With one eye Levi watched Eren. "You're protecting me, I think. And I like that."
Levi was so still that Eren wondered for a long moment if he had been heard. Then Levi reached out and pulled Eren in, holding him tightly. "Let me take you home."
"You bit him?" Hanji was standing in the foyer holding a thick file but staring straight through Eren to Levi. "Like, seriously? But he—" She paused to sniff the air, taking a step closer to Eren who moved in turn closer to Levi. "He isn't mated, but you bit him? Levi, that's really—"
Levi put his arm around Eren's waist. "Enough. Go wait for mensomewhere else." He began pushing Eren back towards the medical ward.
"Okay, but can I give Eren his new phone? I just—" Levi ripped the phone from her hands as they passed and stuffed it into Eren's back pocket.
"Now go wait in the lab." He pulled Eren through the curtain maze without giving him a chance to say goodbye.
"Levi," Eren put his free hand to fresh bruises on his nape. "She noticed the marks." They still felt warm and painful.
"Of course she did." Levi opened the door to the medical ward, leading Eren inside. "She's an alpha like me."
Eren had fallen a few steps behind. "There are rules about these things, aren't there?" He felt lightheaded, embarrassed to have forgotten the meaning of being bitten. "I guess I just have a lot of questions." What meaning had Levi put behind it?
"Eren," Levi put his hands on the omega's shoulders, gently pushing him to sit on the bed. "This is why I want to do nice things like make you dinner. So you can ask me all of those questions over a delicious meal."
Before he could pull away Eren wrapped his arms around Levi's hips and pressed his face to Levi's chest. "Can I be dessert?" The flutter of Levi's heart was subtle, but present. It made Eren blush.
Levi didn't pull away but he didn't lean in either. "I have to work." He'd rather eat Eren then feed him cake. "So you should sleep and I will see you in the morning."
Closing his eyes, Eren squeezed Levi. He was trying to find something pathetic to say in a brutal attempt to make Levi stay when Eren suddely felt Levi pulling his sweater off by the hem. "What are you doing?" Eren ripped his shirt from Levi's hands and straightened it. "I thought you had to go?" It was the the forwardness that was startling.
"I do." Once again Levi slid his hand under Eren's sweater. "You didn't borrow a shirt? Why?"
"They were all too small," Eren wasn't sure whether or not he should stop Levi. The possessive way he touched was mesmerizing. "You're just a little shorter than me and your shirts are smaller and they didn't fit because I'm taller and so I just put on my hoodie and, uh, yeah. That's, why, and—"
Levi placed his hand softly over Eren's mouth. "I need to tell you that I'm going somewhere tonight." He pulled at one of the sleeves of Eren's hoodie. "so please... let me take this." He stroked Eren's cheek with his thumb. "Just for tonight."
Eren closed his eyes, finding it suddenly hard to speak.
"There are more clothes in the drawer, but this one," Levi's fingers ghosted down Eren's cheekbone and across his neck. "This one is yours."
"Mmmhmm," Eren buried his face in Levi's chest. His fingers were slowly unzipping the hoodie.
"Say it again." Levi ran his fingers through Eren's messy hair. "I can't hear you when you mumble."
Eren hesitated a moment, his own heart as loud as thunder. Then he stood slowly, the hoodie falling from his bare shoulders like a shadow in the moonlight. "I asked if... if I could kiss y—"
Levi stole the end with his lips. He was so quick that Eren was tense, expecting something demanding and rough. Instead Levi was gentle, his kiss soft and beckoning, asking only to be remembered when Levi was gone. He broke the kiss and Eren felt as if all of his breath had been stolen away.
Into Eren's fragrant skin Levi mumbled, "Don't ask again."
By 10:02 in the morning it was getting hard to pretend to be asleep. Eren had spent the past three hours clicking around the phone Hanji had given him. Other than blank location services and a select few keywords he could not search, it functioned normally. A number of contacts had been loaded prior to his ownership but Eren only recognized a small handful of them, namely the favorited contacts. Levi was there and so were Mikasa and Armin. His finger hovered over Armin's name before skipping down to Levi.
Their current conversation popped up with only four texts.
Today: 8:07 AM
"Hi! :) Just wondering when you are coming? I know it's early. Maybe you're still sleeping. Well, I'm excited to see you!"
Today: 9:34 AM
"Are you okay Levi?"
"Did I make you mad?"
Today: 9:45 AM
"I'm worried about you."
All of them were from Eren to Levi. Now, not only had Levi ditched this morning he was refusing to answer text messages. It was easy to feel rejected and foolish while placing the worst assumptions on Levi in an effort to avoid the possibility of being hurt. Yet, a bigger part of Eren wanted to hope there was a good reason why Levi was ignoring him.
Because that's ultimately what this was. Eren decided he couldn't completely remove his bitterness despite the probability of a legitimate reason so he clicked on Armin's name and began typing a message.
"Oh, you're awake." Eren looked up to see Hanji at the door. "How are you feeling?"
Eren wasn't sure if he should feel embarrassed. "Uhm, good, I guess." She had to know that something had happened. Now it was all about damage control. "But do you... uh, happen to know where Levi is?"
The smile didn't disappear but Hanji furrowed her brows. "Well, he did tell me to tell you he would be late, and that was a while ago, so..."
"He told you that but couldn't text me?" The bitterness was beginning to poison his hope. Eren sat up to look at her better. "What's the deal with you two anyway? You sleep with him then just act like it's nothing?"
"Oh," Hanji leaned against the doorway. "I can see how that would be confusing."
"Yeah," He couldn't look at her. "It is."
"Well, this will sound kind of weird because you're so young, Levi and I have had our hearts broken enough that we can separate sex and love. Levi's very good at it, actually." Hanji was trying to be comforting but her words made Eren remember last night and feel cold.
Had that been sex? Had that been just sex? Eren touched the back of his neck, hating that he had forgotten the meaning.
"Look," Hanji sat next to Eren on the bed. "Levi and I are both alpha's. Some people are into it, but I'm not. He's too, um," She looked into Eren's wide and hopeful eyes, deciding she couldn't taint his innocence. "...let's say stubborn. But he's kind of been a little man whore since Erwin, if I do say so." She snickered but Eren didn't find it funny in the least.
"Since Erwin?" Eren remembered Levi's hands; how it felt to be touched so gently by an alpha. "The police chief." It still felt erotic and but also disgusting. How many times had Levi done this?
"Eren," Hanji placed her hand on his upper back. "You're taking this to a bad place. I can see it in your eyes. Levi is almost twice your age and it's not unusual for someone of that age to have been in love before." She leaned back, getting comfortable. "It's really weird I'm the one telling you this, but Levi really is my friend so I'll do him this favor. Anyway, I think you need to know two things before you decide whether or not you're mad at Levi."
Eren stared at the space between them, wondering if it was enough. "Okay..."
Hanji crossed her legs and held up one finger. "The first is that ever since you walked in on him and I he has been a chaste little boy. Second,"
"Wait, wait," Eren held up his hands. "You mean, he hasn't, um..."
"He's been waiting for you, Eren." Hanji giggled at the redness coming to Eren's face. "I know this is uncomfortable. But I really think you need to understand that just as you bring your family issues and everything as baggage or whatever to Levi, know that he has things you need to carry too."
Eren grabbed his arm, oddly comforted by everything Hanji had told him but completely disturbed by the fact that she of all people had been the one to tell him.
"Hey, I know!" Hanji slapped the mattress. "Why don't I make you something to eat?"
"Uh," Eren looked back at his phone. "I think I'm actually going to go out today. I mean, if it's okay. I wanted to see my friends."
"No, I think it's a great idea! Normalcy helps you recover and all that." Hanji was smiling. "Which friends?"
"Mikasa and Armin." Suddenly Hanji wasn't smiling. "Is... that okay?"
Levi was flush against the shipping crate, heart pounding. His held his gun down but the trigger ready. He glanced across the lane to Annie who was also peeking up the lane. The formation had split due to heavy fire and of all people he had been left with Annie to flank.
It couldn't be helped. "Hey," Levi whispered. "I need you to cover me."
She looked him right in the eye then gave him a once over.
"Did you hear me, Leonhart?"
Annie lifted her gun slowly to point at the ceiling, readying for a quick fire. "Are you wearing Eren's hoodie?"
"Why the fuck would you ask me that?" Levi didn't give Annie the pleasure of eye contact. "You fucking brat."
"It's kind of obvious." Annie whispered. "The bottom is halfway to your knees and you had to roll the sleeves up so they wouldn't fall down when you aimed your gun."
A spray of bullets flew down the lane between them.
"Go," Annie gestured. "I'll cover."
Levi stared at her. Was she Eren's childhood friend or the daughter of the man he had murdered? More bullets, footsteps.
He waited until the round stopped. Then Levi stepped into the lane and began firing.
Like a tweenager on their virginal date, Eren sat across from Armin and Mikasa with Oluo and Gunther two tables away. Hanji had absolutely forbid Eren to see a young alpha alone while he was in heat so this had been her solution. Mikasa was perhaps the most disturbed as she kept leering over Eren's shoulder at Oluo. Armin was so full of questions for Eren he scarcely had time to read the menu much less care about Levi's junkies.
There was nothing but innocence that cast shadows on Mikasa. She had tried to hide the redness with thick streaks of eyeliner but it only made the shadows under her eyes look darker. She hadn't looked Eren in the eye just yet but a musky vanilla scent was coming from her clothes.
"I don't know what you can tell us," Armin was so incredibly full of innocence Eren felt terrible for betraying his friend's opinion of Levi. "But we were really worried. Are you okay?"
"Armin, I'm fine." The memory of Levi's last kiss flickered inside. Did Armin still think Levi was dangerous? "Totally... fine." Eren felt himself blushing but couldn't stop it.
Had it been just sex?
"Eren—" Armin sat forward. "Are you saying that because of something he did to you?"
"What? No!" Now it was the memory of the orgasm Levi had given him. "No" Eren brushed his hands across his cheeks to try and conceal the rising blush. "That's not it. But even if it was, think for a moment. Where would I go?"
Armin was quiet. The waitress wordlessly filled their water glasses, giving them a long moment to sit in the awkward silence.
Once she was gone, Eren leaned in so they could hear him. "Back to my dad? Who would have let me die to protect his research? And what the fuck was he even 'researching'? Why am I, his son, a part of it?" Eren shook his head and leaned back in the chair again. "Please."
Armin was pale and silent, giving Mikasa a chance to snatch Eren's hand. "You can stay with me." Despite the thick stripes of her dark eyeliner Eren could see the of tears redness in her sweet eyes. "Even if I have to sneak you in you can."
He stared at them, utterly astonished by their assumptions of Levi. "You guys really think he's dangerous, don't you?"
Armin tried to make eye contact with Mikasa but she was watching the prize. "You're stupid to think otherwise." Her voice was hushed by the scarf over her lips. "Come home with us." Suddenly there was the delicious smell of warm sugar and vanilla.
Eren tried to pull his hand away but Mikasa held it tightly. "Hey, uh," Eren pulled again, but she did not relent. "Can you let go?"
"Okay," Armin put his hand on Mikasa's shoulder. "We should calm down. We're just worried he might have... uh, influenced how you feel."
"This is bullshit." Eren knocked his fist on the table. "You're the one who told me that you told him to kidnap me."
"What?" Mikasa reared on Armin.
"Wait!" Armin was holding one hand up to Eren, the other to Mikasa. "I wanted him to take you from the hospital because he was the only one who could and you would have died if you stayed." He lowered his hands a bit. "I did not mean for him to keep you."
"I..." Now the sink memory, of all things. Levi squeezing that stupid sponge. "I could have left anytime I wanted. I chose... to stay." Levi squeezing other things. Eren blushed, a panic soon following as he remembered Mikasa was an alpha. It just hadn't seemed to matter before.
"Liar!" Mikasa stood so fast she knocked her chair back. "He has you under his spell!" She pounded both of her fists on the table, knocking all of their waters over.
"Mikasa," Armin was covering his head. "Please. Don't."
Ignoring Armin, she stepped onto the table and grabbed Eren by the front of his shirt.
"Mikasa!" Armin wrapped his arms around her waist and tried to pull at her but she was stronger. "Please stop!
Eren too was trying to get away. He held her wrist in his hands and tried to struggle free but she pulled him close and put her nose to his neck, inhaling deeply. "You smell like him." She murmured.
There was a metallic click. "Hey!" It was Oluo. "Put him down."
Mikasa seemed unaware of anything other than Eren. "He... marked you." Her face was twisted in disgust. "But you're not taken. So you need," She touched his cheek. "to come home and—"
"I will fire on three," Gunther took a step closer and pulled his pistol from his coat pocket. "One,"
Mikasa met his cold eyes.
"Two," Gunther cocked the gun.
Mikasa let go, dropping Eren back into his seat with a thump.
"Good," Gunther and Oluo both began to slowly approach. "Now just step down."
Mikasa didn't move, glaring as Gunther and Oluo came up next to Eren and lifted him out of his seat. He didn't look at Mikasa, he looked at Armin. His friend's hands were over his head, quivering like a leaf in the wind. Somehow he'd bumped his head and blood had tangled itself into Armin's hair.
This wasn't what Eren wanted to remember.
It was sometime about five in the afternoon that Eren began to fall ill. It began with nausea and a light fever. Hanji gave him a once over, decided his heat was returning and sent him to bed. The passing of hours would only nurture Eren's pain, the familiar ache beginning at the base of his spine and spindling into the bones and muscles of his hips. Worst of all, this time his stomach lurched with every jitter of pain and Eren felt he could scarcely move.
Yet, every time his phone chimed Eren would faithfully sit up to check his phone only to be disappointed by an alert from a stray app. Then the urge to vomit would return and he would have to lay back down and wonder why.
Why was he nauseous this time? Why was it already midnight? Why was Levi almost an entire day late? Why had he installed so many useless apps?
The doors to the infirmary opened with a bang and a crowd of people pulled a stretcher behind the shade next to Eren. Everyone was whispering expect for Petra. She was crawling after them, sobbing hysterically. Eren crawled to the end of the bed to get a better view. At first he thought he imagined a fresh scent because of his swimming head, but as Petra passed him it was undeniable.
She was warm and smelled of magnolia blooms. It was immediately alluring but as he watched her crawl to the foot of the hidden stretcher he knew the smell wasn't meant for him.
The first thing Eren felt wasn't fear or love. It was red hot anger. He felt like he wanted to kick Petra in her moment of desperation; to shame her in front of everyone because she was so desperate for an alpha that Eren would not let be hers.
And then Eren remembered what they were competing for and his breath was gone again. If she was crying at the foot of the stretcher then that could mean only one thing.
"No," Eren approached the curtain. "Please..." Petra didn't matter anymore. "Don't..." Because Levi was on the stretcher, a strap of leather in his mouth. The left leg of his jeans had been severed at the knee and there was a bulging wound in the calf. The blood on the sheets was the bright color of cheap cherry candies and everything smelled of copper and Petra's disgusting magnolias.
As he covered his mouth Eren now realized that this hadn't been nausea at all. It had been a darkness gnawing at his guts, warning him of this very moment. "Levi..." Eren had drifted close enough to see the sweat on the alpha's brow. "You're hurt..." He reached out to take Levi's hand.
"Petra, Eren," It was Hanji's voice above the din. "He's been shot. Move away from him."
Eren was going to obey but Levi grabbed Eren's wrist. His grip was weak and the seat of his hands was was already making him slip away. Levi was looking up at Eren, his eyes intense and dark.
"...Hey," Eren took Levi's shaking hand in both of his. "Just hold me, okay?" Someone at the other end of the table was counting down. They reached zero and Levi screamed, the leather strap falling from his teeth.
A/N: Trying to address the loose ends whilst still moving the story forward. Once again thank you everyone for reading/commenting! :D
