Not even an hour after the meeting had ended, Pein heard the sound of someone pounding on his door with enough force to break it down. The leader sighed and rose from his bed, making sure to mark the page in his book before setting it down. Looks like it was time to partake in whatever training program the Jashinists had in store for the Akatsuki.

Much to his surprise, however, when he opened the door he found not a violent zealot eager to train the newest recruits, but rather his best friend Zetsu. "Zetsu? Since when do you knock?"

"Pein, we need to talk right now," Zetsu whispered urgently. "It's an emergency."

Pein looked over his shoulder at the other members. Deidara and Sasori were buried in a conversation, apparently deciding that if it was just Zetsu at the door they didn't need to immediately fear for their lives or concern themselves with what was going on. Konan, however, was looking directly at the pair, eyes silently asking what they were talking about. Pein waved his hand at her, motioning that it was nothing to worry about without alerting the attention of Sasori and Deidara. Konan shot him a look that clearly said she didn't believe him, but refrained from pressing the issue further for now. If it was really important, her boyfriend would tell her soon enough. With that, Pein stepped outside the room and closed the door after him. "What kind of emergency?"

"My meds are gone," Zetsu choked out.

Pein could have sworn the earth stopped for the briefest second. "What?" he asked, voice quite a bit higher than he would have liked.

"Gone, vanished, not where they should be!"

"Are you sure you didn't overlook them-"

"I went through all of my stuff three times!" Zetsu screamed. "I flipped everything inside out, I ripped open the lining of my bag, I turned that room upside-down-"

"Calm down Zetsu."

"Don't you dare tell me to calm down," Zetsu hissed. "You have no idea what it's like, how I feel when-"

"Who the hell kept you under control before they worked out your medication?" Pein demanded. "Who visited you every chance he got when you were in the hospital? Who stuck by you when all you wanted was to drop dead? Don't tell me that I don't know what it's like, Zetsu. Konan and I have been with you since the day this started."

"It's wearing off," Zetsu whined as his hands buried themselves in his hair, body doubled over as if in pain. "It'll be completely out of my system in a few days. Pein, you know what I'm like without those pills in me. I can't go back to being like that, I can't."

Pein felt like he wanted to throw up. His friend had always been the confident, cocky one in the trio of himself, Konan, and Zetsu. He remembered what it had been like when the teen had first been diagnosed; how strongly Zetsu had resisted the illness at first, as if willpower would be enough to fight the effects off, only to slip into depression soon afterwards. He'd been withdrawn and miserable, and then there had been the hospital fiasco…no, Pein wasn't going to let that happen again. "Zetsu, how long before you can get a refill?" A whimper was his only answer. "Zetsu," he repeated, pulling Zetsu's hands away from his face and forcing the older teen to look at him, "I need to know when you're due to get the prescription refilled."

"Not for another 6 weeks," he choked out. By now, the schizo was on the brink of tears.

"But you've never needed an early refill," Pein mused thoughtfully.

"So?"

"We're leaving here tonight. I need you to get into your hospital transcript and change the name on your file so they can't trace this back to us. Then, find a local pharmacy and call in explaining the situation. Hopefully we'll get someone that hasn't lost their faith in humanity and believes you, and see about getting the pills as soon as possible."

"Pein-"

"Do it now, while you're still in your right mind."

Wordless thanks was the only expression visible on Zetsu's face now. "What are you going to do?"

Pein took a deep, steadying breath. There was a good chance that Zetsu would hate him forever for what he was about to say, but there was no way around it. "I need to talk to Tobi, and explain what's going on. I think it would help if you were there."

"No."

The leader sighed. "He needs to know about this."

"Why?!"

"He's your boyfriend, for one thing!" Pein snapped. "If he really cares about you, this won't change anything between you two! And you need to stop trying to protect him out of pride or whatever this is. Just because he acts like the world is all sunshine and rainbows doesn't mean he can't handle something like this. He's been through plenty, and I'm sure you know more of those details than I do."

"Exactly why he doesn't need to know!" Zetsu screamed, face turning red from rage. "For the first time in his life everything has been fine, so why drag him into this just because I lost my medicine one time?!"

"You're lying to him."

"And you're acting like you know what's best for me when you can barely take care of yourself! Or have you just conveniently forgotten all the shit that's happened because of you and your Akatsuki?!"

"Zetsu-"

"You know what? Tell him. Tell everyone. I don't give a fuck. Then Tobi, and you, and Konan, and all the others will know I'm a psycho and can tell me what a freak I am to my face and behind my back. I'm going to try and get my medicine, before I do something smart and kill myself." Pein watched stone-faced as his best friend stormed off down the hall, presumably to get his laptop and alter a few records. The ginger was upset, but smart enough to know that Zetsu wasn't speaking in his right mind. The schizo had said worse things to him in the past, and had apologized for all of them later. Besides, hiding a secret this big from Tobi was the worst thing Zetsu could do right now. If the boy really had any feelings for Zetsu, then he wouldn't let a mental disease come between the two of them. And if he did, well, Zetsu deserved someone better. "Pein?"

The ginger turned around to see Konan staring at him, the door to their room cracked open a few inches. "I heard screaming. What's going on?"

"Konan, please find Tobi and bring him to me. You and I need to go somewhere private and talk to him. And no, it can't wait."

-n-

"Wait, so this guy is your uncle?" Boom asked in complete and total amazement. After Tenshi had dislodged herself from her perch on Itachi's chest, the trio had retreated to the comfort of Boom and Tenshi's shared room. In Itachi's humble opinion, the area was nothing short of a disaster zone; Tenshi's side of the room was messy and completely hidden under a fine layer of books, and everything on Boom's half was either singed, covered in soot, or both. Currently the group was sitting in a triangle on the floor as the two Uchihas were given the chance to catch up for the first time in many years. "Why is he dressed like a she then?" the redhead demanded.

Itachi sighed. "No, I'm her cousin. She only calls me that because she couldn't pronounce Itachi when she was little. And as for the skirt…that's a long story which you really don't want to hear."

"Don't downplay it so much!" Tenshi demanded, slugging Itachi in the arm. "He's my godfather too," she proudly informed Boom.

"Seriously?!" the redhead exclaimed. "But he's only like, two years older than you!"

"Three," Itachi corrected as he rubbed his rapidly-bruising arm. "Our fathers were very close and wanted us to turn out the same way, so I was named Tenshi's godfather shortly after her birth. Though they'd never have done something so stupid if they had known at the time I'd turn out to be a killer."

"You're a murderer?! How'd you do it? Strangling, poisoning, shove 'em off a building? Wait, what'd they do to you? Cheat you out of money? Ooooh, I bet they found out your diabolical secret, and you had no choice but to dispose of them over a bottomless pit! A bottomless lava pit! With sharks! And laser beams!"

Tenshi sighed and shook her head at her friend's wild delusions. "First, Boom, try to keep the crazy to a minimum. Second, you are not a killer Itachi! I told you that those were all accidents; I even showed you that everything that happened to you was statistically possible."

"It was .05% likely to occur."

"That still disproves black magic or some jinx on you was involved," Tenshi argued.

"Hn."

"Fine, we'll change the subject," Tenshi conceded. "How's Madara been?"

"He's here with me, actually, and he goes by Tobi nowadays."

"Seriously?! It's been forever since I've seen him," Tenshi excitedly told him. "Can you take me to see him? It'd be just like a family reunion! Pretty please Uncle Itchy?"

"Hey!"

"Sorry. Can Boom come with us too?"

"Maybe later. I'm looking for someone right now," Itachi admitted.

"Hn?"

"It's complicated."

"Who is it?" Boom eagerly inquired.

Itachi was beginning to think these two girls were far too nosy for their own good. "Just a friend. He's about six and a half feet tall and has blue skin and hair. Have you seen him?"

"Your 'friend'? I bet he's your boyfriend." Boom was somewhat surprised when Itachi's cheeks flushed a bright red, since she'd made the comment in jest, but quickly recovered and began to partake in the one thing that young females are notoriously well known for; merciless teasing. "Ha, I was right! Itachi and blue guy sitting in a tree, F-U-C-"

"Boom, he's my godfather. If you have any respect for the sanctity of our friendship, you will not finish that song."

"…"

"…"

"K-I-N-G."

"Ok, I'm leaving," Itachi stated as he climbed to his feet. There was only so much insanity that he could handle at one time, and although years of living with Tobi, Deidara, and Hidan had caused him to build up quite a tolerance to these sorts of shenanigans, he was at his limit.

"Ignore her," Tenshi pled as she pulled Itachi back down into his seat. "Now then; tell us about this guy." Itachi raised a brow at her, surprised by the girl's curiosity. "Oh don't give me that look," Tenshi ordered. "You and Tobi are the only members of our family I still like, and if you're going out with someone, I have to make sure they're not some kind of jerk who's going to take advantage of you."

Deciding that he wasn't going to get either of the females to back down, the weasel sighed and began to spill his guts. "His name's Kisame. He's kind, and strong, and…hn."

"Hn?"

"Hn."

"Hn?!"

"Hn."

"Awwww!" the two girls cooed in unison. "He sounds like a regular prince!" Boom declared.

Itachi seemed to shrink in on himself at the words. "Yeah…"

"So why were you running down the hall?" Boom pressed. "Was he late for something and you needed to get him?"

"Not exactly. That reminds me, I still need to go find him-"

"Wouldn't recommend that for a few more hours," Tenshi cut in, pulling her cousin back to the floor for the second time in a very short while. "Dinner's about to start, and most of the Jashinists like to wander the halls during mealtime. You'd be lucky to halfway back to your room before someone pounces on you and tries to personally convert you."

"That reminds me; what are you doing here, Tenshi? And why haven't either of you said a single word about Jashin?"

Boom and Tenshi nervously looked to each other for a brief moment, before turning back to Itachi. "Tell you what," Tenshi reasoned. "We'll take you back to your room right now, if you'll let that question drop." Itachi was a bit more eager to resume his search for Kisame than hear whatever sob story Tenshi and Boom may have had, and quickly agreed to the terms.

The trip back to the room was relatively uneventful, and only interrupted a few times when one of the three was unlucky enough to bump into a Jashinist on his way to eat. Unfortunately, one of those Jashinists happened to be a rather familiar womanizer. "Watch where you're going, you-oh, it's you," Kakashi said, voice softening almost immediately upon recognizing Itachi. "On your way to dinner, I presume?"

"Actually," Tenshi cut in, not even attempting to mask her apparent disdain for the man, "we were just taking Itachi back to the guest rooms-"

"Nonsense," Kakashi insisted, waving his hand at the two girls like they were some sort of pests he wanted to shoo away. "You two haven't eaten dinner yet, and I just finished my meal. I'd be quite happy to finish escorting our newest recruit the rest of the way. Or do I need to remind you that some of us are still wondering how that explosion on the 16th hole of the mini-golf course happened, and if you two are found wandering the grounds again…well, people might start talking."

Tenshi shot Kakashi a look that said quite clearly she very much wanted to punch the male in his smugly smiling face, and Boom wasn't doing much else to restrain her anger. Shooting her cousin a warning look, Tenshi grabbed her best friend's hand and spun around to leave, but not before calling out, "Keep your hands off my cousin, pervert."

Once the two girls were well out of sight, Kakashi's attention and lecherous eyes returned to Itachi. "Shall we?" he asked, offering his arm to the Uchiha.

What might have come off as charming or sweet to another person managed to do little more to the weasel than set off numerous warning bells inside his head. Rather than take the offered arm, Itachi began walking forward and as forcefully but politely (never let it be said that the Uchiha family didn't have good manners) as he could, told the other man, "I have a boyfriend, you know. My entire group is taken, for that matter. Kindly stop harassing myself and my friends."

Kakashi raised a brow at the raven-haired male, having already rushed forward to keep pace with him. "Itachi, I'm hurt. If you or the others are offended by anything I've said or done, then I'll gladly apologize to them from the bottom of my heart. Preferably alone, however. Wouldn't want you people to gang up in me in the middle of my apology, after all."

Itachi kept his tongue in check, deciding that even though he had a number of things to say about what he thought Kakashi would do if left alone with anyone, Akatsuki or otherwise, such a remark did not deign a reply.

Feeling the Jashinist's hand wrap itself around his waist, however; well, that definitely deserved some sort of response. "Hand. Off. Now."

"You look uncomfortable, Itachi," Kakashi explained with such nonchalance it was as though he was talking about the weather instead of molesting the weasel. "I'm merely trying to put you at ease." Itachi glared and pried the Jashinist's fingers off his body. Once freed from Kakashi's death grip, the Uchiha curtly informed the other teen that he was quite capable of returning home without the other's help, and immediately took off for his room. Kakashi seemed to concede defeat for this round and turned to walk back the way he'd come.

Itachi stormed into the room and all but dove into the bathroom, completely oblivious to Kisame even after the shark called out to him. Kisame had returned to the room several hours ago and, upon calming down and accepting the fact that he probably overreacted to their argument, immediately began to worry about what had happened to Itachi after the weasel had stopped pursuing him. Itachi's blatant ignoring of his calls soon banished this worry, though, and immediately replaced it with an annoyance at the weasel that was becoming more and more familiar to him.

Itachi, meanwhile, was in the shower attempting to scrub off the top layer of skin on his hip. There was a grand total of one person who was allowed to touch him so intimately, and that person was not Kakashi.