Chapter 12: Quiet Things No One Ever Knows
Since the competition was only a few weeks away, Mimi has been spending a lot of time practicing causing her to cut back on her dance classes at the Ryder Community Center and her shifts at the Cat Scratch Club. However, at the same time Roger was a bit worried that his girlfriend was overworking herself to a point where she would suffer from exhaustion due to the amount of hours she spent practicing. He knew she was talented, but she was also sick at the same time too which worried him of how her condition would be. He stopped by the Life Café to buy some dinner for Mimi with Courtney accompanying him.
"Okay sweetie what do you want for dinner?" Roger asked, "I'll order us some food for take out and we'll bring it to Mimi okay?"
"I want a chicken burger and fries," Courtney replied.
"Sure why not," Roger said as he suddenly noticed a familiar face at the bar he hasn't seen in a couple of years…April's father Dean Ericson, "Its…been awhile Dean."
"Well look what the wind blew in huh? Why if it isn't my once poor excuse of a son-in-law Roger Davis," Dean sneered, "I'm surprised to see your face after all these years for what you did to my daughter. You got a lot of nerve standing in front of me after everything you put my daughter through…for what you did to her…she didn't deserve to have her life end the way it did. Actually…it should have been you instead of her buried down at Haven Memorial!"
"Look Dean…I've known we've had our differences in the past and I know you resent me with all your heart for what I did to April," Roger replied, "But….you should know that I loved your daughter with all my heart and soul since she is my mother of my child…your granddaughter."
"You loved my daughter you say huh?" Dean snapped, "You loved her enough to take her down to Alphabet City to that Bohemian dump you call home! How much did you love my April to drive her into using smack and then contract HIV huh? She had a bright future once until she fell for a delinquent, lowlife musician like you and for what? You said you loved her but did you love her enough from stopping her from relapsing? As for that little girl you call daughter…I pity she has to spend the rest of her life with a father like you who should be dead by now for what he did…my granddaughter deserves more than you, and it should be April instead raising Courtney and not you."
"I admit I'm not perfect and God I tell myself everyday that I'm sorry for what I did to you and your family with April," Roger sighed, "I would trade places with April but my daughter is all I got left in this world…my redemption for the wrongs I did in the past. I'm sick and I know that and I'm paying for it…but I didn't want things to turn out the way they are today. I'm redeeming myself of all my wrongs in the name of my daughter and I'm making a new start in my life for her sake and for April."
"Well I was disgusted when I found out you contracted HIV…but to have my daughter test positive too was an insult on my part!" Dean snapped, "That's why I left things the way they were because for my daughter's sake, for Courtney and we agreed to not cross paths with each other after April's funeral. However, seeing you again just bring back the resentment and hatred I have for you for what you did to my family by taking April away."
"I loved her and don't you stand here badgering me about my past because I am making it up for it with Courtney!" Roger snapped, "God I'm sorry for what I did to your family and to April but you deprive me of the one thing I got left to redeem myself…Courtney. She is what I got left of April and I'm making something of my life now by starting over and reliving. You wouldn't understand what it was for over five years being racked with guilt for April's death."
"I'll tell you something Roger…you don't deserve redemption or forgiveness for what your little affair did to April," Dean added, "You know my daughter would call me up every night while you were at your office doing God knows what and cry herself on her marital problems with you and how she couldn't cope with Courtney. You said you loved my daughter you don't even know what it's like to love someone back Roger Davis! You took April's life away and that is something I will never ever forgive you as long as I live! I got nothing more to say to you but hoping that you get what you deserve…because the one thing you don't deserve was her love. You were never good enough for April and I pity Courtney for growing with a having a disappointment like you as a father." With that, Dean Ericson left the Life Café while Courtney came to her father's side as he noticed he was upset.
"Daddy…are you okay?" Courtney asked, "Who was that man daddy?"
"Oh that man…just someone I knew a long time ago," Roger lied, "C'mon the food is ready let's go see Mimi."
"Okay let's go see Mimi," Courtney smiled as she noticed her dad was upset, "Daddy why do you look sad? Did that man say something mean to you?"
"Huh…no it's nothing Courtney," Roger sighed as he quietly said to himself, "That was your grandfather…reminding me of the shadows of my past, the one I can never escape."
"That man…is my grandpa?" Courtney asked, "I thought grandpa died."
"It's more like he wanted to keep away from us and let us live our own life," Roger sighed, "He is mad at daddy for what happened to mommy. We haven't talked since mommy died."
"Oh I see…it's okay then," Courtney replied, "I like our little family…you and me and Uncle Mark, Aunt Maureen and Joanne, Uncle Collins, Aunt Angel, Aunt Mimi, and maybe Uncle Benny and Aunt Allison sometimes and maybe Marcus."
"Our little Bohemian family I would say," Roger replied as the two drove to Ms. McRae's Ballroom Dance School up on 5th Avenue, "C'mon let's see Mimi while she practices for the Ballroom Dancing Competition."
Ms. McRae's Ballroom Dance School…
Mimi finished another night of ballroom classes since the competition was a couple of weeks away. This was her chance to finally live out her dream of competing in a standard ballroom competition. She learned from Ms. McRae that there were going to be representatives from Avalon School of Dance from London, England attending the competition in a few weeks. Mimi wanted the chance to score to audition again and she was determine to make something out of her life and overcome her past.
"Hey Mimi I want to meet my fiancée Rosie," her dance partner Kyle replied, "Rosie, this is the girl I was talking about whose helping me dance in the Latin competition."
"It's a pleasure meeting you Mimi," Rosie replied, "I'm sure my fiancée hasn't stepped too much on your feet. I heard from Kyle you were a natural dancer."
"I'm only an amateur," Mimi sighed, "I've only been taking these classes for a few weeks. I hear you two are pairing you for the standard ballroom category of the competition."
"Yeah Kyle's dancing twice for the competition," Rosie replied.
"Tell me about it Ms. McRae is having me doing double duty for the competition," Kyle sighed teasing, "My feet are going to fall off sooner or later. Are you ready to go honey?"
"Yeah it's getting late," Rosie replied as her and Kyle left, "It was nice meeting you Mimi. I hope to see you next class."
"It was nice meeting you Rosie," Mimi replied as the couple left, "See you next class Kyle and keep practicing," Mimi waited in the lobby of the dance school for Roger to come pick her up until she was approached by a familiar face…Allison Grey Coffin, Benny's wife. Benny was talking with a business associate of the building and Allison saw Mimi and approached her.
"I'm surprised that our paths have crossed Mimi Marquez," Allison sneered, "So besides stripping down to your bra and panties for a bunch of perverted men or getting high on all the smack you shoot up, looking for another place to hit to seduce married men?"
"What do you want?" Mimi snapped, "I didn't recall inviting to chat with the most snobbish and cynical bitch of the high society! I see your expecting another child…are you going to raise this one to rape everyone out of Avenue B and 11th street of whatever money they got? I'm surprised that your son can live with all the bullshit you put him through and you believe fictionist crap you say about the people who live on the lower east side of Alphabet City and Manhattan. Oh I'm sorry…you don't know what it's like because you're nothing but the puppeteer behind the revolution."
"Sugar…it's call downsizing," Allison sneered, "Besides our son shouldn't be growing up in a city infested with rift rafts who take up too much space in a highly invested and gorgeous city like New York. When I mean about the rift rafts…it's about those who are below the hierarchy of society, what you people call Bohemians and it includes people like you."
"Wait a second you talk about the rift rafts you call Bohemians…didn't you forget to mention that you lapdog you call your husband one of them a long time ago?" Mimi snapped, "I'm sorry you probably forgot to mention that to your country club rich yuppies that Benny was once Bohemian…just like the rest of us. What's the matter…dented that little ego of yours?"
"You leave him out of this! I could never figure out why he would wanted to be turn on by the likes of you?" Allison snapped, "An HIV positive stripper with a drug habit I don't what men find attractive about you?"
"What the hell is going on?" Benny replied as he saw his wife and Mimi arguing, "Is there something any of you would want to explain? Allison don't start…your constant arguing will only cause stress to the baby."
"No I'm not leaving until I clear the air out," Allison replied, "This is a predicament huh? If it isn't the wife, the mistress and the man all in the same room?"
"We already talked about this Allison I don't want to restart again," Benny begged, "We've say what we had to say and it's over and done with. Mimi was a mistake to begin with and I just want to focus on us and our family."
"Always a lapdog and will forever is a lapdog to the bitch of the revolution," Mimi sneered.
"I beg your pardon?" Benny asked, "What is that suppose to mean Mimi?"
"I don't know between the two of you is bullshitting more," Mimi said, "Benny, the lapdog and the sellout of Bohemia or Allison, the bitch of revolution and tamer of the Grey empire. You blame me for your dysfunctional martial problems and I'm surprise your kid hasn't been messed up because of it. I'm not the bad guy here…you guys just needed a little push to cause a chain reaction to all of this. It's not my fault that you two are constantly at each other's throats." Roger and Courtney came in and they saw Mimi talking with Benny and Allison until they noticed Roger's presence and decide to put Mimi in her place.
"Oh look if it isn't Roger and Courtney," Allison replied, "So…I see this has been your next venture Mimi. You probably outdid yourself this time hooking up with a widower and trying to play mommy to little Courtney."
"Excuse me?" Roger asked, "You shouldn't be talking to my girlfriend like that or saying crap like that in the presence of my seven year old daughter!"
"Allison baby c'mon let's go," Benny begged trying to get Allison away, "This discussion is over c'mon let's go home."
"No you stop Benny if it wasn't for this little home wrecker we wouldn't be going to counseling and we wouldn't be stuck in this situation," Allison snapped as she turned to Roger, "You want to know something about your precious little girlfriend Roger Davis? She had an affair with Benny awhile back…that's right. If my dear husband has talked about our martial problems to your little Bohemian friends while he collects your rent…he forgot to mention that the Spanish bitch you're dating is the home wrecker that caused our martial problems. If I were you…it's better that you find someone else that wouldn't systematically destroy your life in the end like what she did to my family."
"Let's go now!" Benny demanded, "C'mon we've already made our presence known." After Benny took Allison out, Mimi was on the verge of tears after they managed to expose Mimi's affair with Benny in front of Roger and Courtney. Roger just stood there silently while his daughter had no clue what was going on.
"Mimi…listen I don't know what to say except…" Roger was suddenly cut off by Mimi.
"Am I still worth being with now that you know my dirty little secret?" Mimi sighed in tears, "I never wanted anyone to know about that…especially you because…well forget it now. It's already out in the open thanks to that bitch. She got her revenge and she well…deserved to get it…you talk about redemption…all I want is the same thing you want to be redeem." Mimi took off crying while Roger tried to follow her but she quickly got into a taxi and just took to god knows where.
For the next few days, Roger hadn't been able to get in contact with Mimi and it was beginning to worry him. Since that night when he found Mimi talking with Benny and Allison, Mimi hasn't return any of Roger's calls nor even answer her door. It worried Roger because it was the other way around…instead of her looking out his wellbeing; it was his turn to look out for Mimi. However, he didn't know what was going on with his girlfriend and she would practically ignore him. Roger went by to Mimi's place one afternoon and knocked on her door.
"Meems…it's Roger c'mon babe open up please," Roger begged, "I know…you're in there c'mon please talk to me. I want to help you…I owe you that for everything you've done for me. Mimi please open the door…please talk to me." Mimi was inside crying because she couldn't bring herself to face Roger for what he found out…she was scared.
"Please…just go away Roger," Mimi cried, "She was right about me the whole time…it will always be the same way no matter what. You don't understand Roger…and it's better that way. I can't stand Benny…for what I did with him awhile back. I hate Allison…for being right about me this whole time!"
"She's wrong and so is Benny for what happened," Roger assured her, "They don't know you, no does. The only one who knows you is yourself Mimi."
"What do you know?" Mimi asked, "You don't know me that well!"
"I know you well enough to know…that you mean everything to me Mimi," Roger said, "If it weren't for you…I don't know where I would be heading right now. I owe you for that and I'm thankful to be with you. Don't let people like them doubt you. I will…always be there for you."
"How can you be sure of that Roger?" Mimi asked as she was making her way down the escape ladder, "Maybe I should…stay where I belong."
"Wait Mimi don't go!" Roger barged in and found Mimi escaping down the escape ladder as she made her way towards the park.
He began to follow her but he lost track of her. Roger spent hours looking for her and worried that something terrible would happen to her. Meanwhile, Mimi was sitting alone at the playground, with a bag of smack in her hands. She was on the verge of tears as she just wanted the pain to stop and just relax. She looked at the bag with the needle in it. Mimi took the needle out and started loading the smack in it. She was shivering as she was about to inject it into her arm.
"I know you well enough to know…that you mean everything to me Mimi. If it weren't for you…I don't know where I would be heading right now. I owe you for that and I'm thankful to be with you. Don't let people like them doubt you. I will…always be there for you." She snapped out of her trance remembering Roger's words before she stormed out distraught and Mimi finally realized…he was right, "He's right….thank god for you Roger."
"Everyone tries to find an easy out," a voice said snatching the needle out her arm. Mimi looked up to find Roger standing in front of her, "This was…my way to escape everything but in the end…it ruined everything for me…almost cost me everything I had going. I never told anyone this except the others about what happened after April's death." Roger took a seat on the swing next to Mimi as he let out a sigh where he felt the pains of the past out.
"I rarely never talked about the weeks following April's death…my family, my in-laws, especially April's father severed contact with me because they blamed me for what happen to April," Roger sighed, "The day of the funeral was one day I wouldn't forget because well…her dad delivered his eulogy and then he berated me in front of everyone of how I drove April to her death and my fling with Sophie Wade was the final straw. Everyone hated me, all those I knew soon turned on me, but no one hates me more than April's father. After the funeral…I started using again to ease the pain being wracked with guilt, pain and depression over April that Mark and the others were having a hard time trying to comfort me. I wanted to ease the pain and prove to everyone I didn't mean for things to turn out the way they did."
"At least you still had a few people left to be there for you," Mimi said, "I didn't have anyone with me and I was all alone…until I met you and the rest of you guys. How are we able to let go of everything without using some sort of relief that can ruin you in the end?"
"I've always asked myself that same question," Roger said, "I ran into Dean Ericson, April's father a few days ago and with that…all the shadows of the past came back to haunt me. I can't change the past, I don't know whether or not I'll find redemption, forgiveness, or love for that matter because maybe he believes…I don't deserve it nor Courtney for that matter. I almost cost me Courtney at one point because I was having such a difficult time dealing with all the issues I had after April's death. I nearly endangered my daughter's wellbeing at that time to a point where Mark and the others took actions into their own hands to make me learn how to deal with my problems. You and me like to talk about baggage…for me Mark and the others put me through an intervention to get me off the drugs and seek counseling to deal with April's death. I knew I had to because I still needed to keep living for the sake of Courtney. I know I found some sort of redemption through my daughter…and through you."
"I know what I did with Benny nearly destroyed his marriage and Allison had many reason to hate me for that," Mimi said looking down at the ground, "She wanted revenge by depriving me of my second chance to make things right…even if it meant she wanted to destroy my relationship with you. Being with you…is what makes me feel relief and comfort to know that I'm not alone and that I am worth something else. I wonder what happened if I did inject that into me if you didn't find me. Would I be able to make the pain stop and the hurt? Will I be able to forget everything I felt and everything I did? How do I know I'm good enough to be with you after all the shit that happened with Benny? I didn't want you to find out about my affair with Benny because I…was ashamed of what you would have thought about me."
"Put it this way…Benny is Benny and we can't change that," Roger added, "He maybe the yuppie scum that married the socialite Allison Grey and the lapdog we know him. However, he always knows how to screw himself over when it comes to his wife. Don't you ever think I wouldn't have been disappointed at you for what happened between Benny and you…I would have just kicked Benny's ass for dumping the blame of the affair on you. Allison isn't even the patron wife Benny married…he's a little secret between you and me, our little socialite princess also has her dirty little secrets too." Mimi chuckled a bit at Roger's joke about Allison and Benny's marriage.
"I guess the tables have turned tonight have they? Instead of me helping you…it's you helping me out and I'm thankful for that. Roger…you think us being here together and sitting down revealing the troubles in our life is part of what we have to face and live with? I wanted to forget all that stuff that happened with Benny before and I'm sorry…it had to come out that way. I don't know why you want me as your girlfriend after you found out I had an affair with your landlord awhile back. I was on the verge of relapsing again and then I stopped and remember what you told me back at the apartment."
"If it weren't for you…I don't know where I would be heading right now. I owe you for that and I'm thankful to be with you. Don't let people like them doubt you okay? I will…always be there for you no matter what happens," Roger smiled giving her a kiss, "I know that between you and me, we were meant to get together because you and I are two of a kind. We may live with a lot of baggage but it goes together. Sometimes the things we try to hide eventually come out but somehow…as long as we got people who will be there for you, it makes the healing process better. I should be the one asking if I'm deserving to be with you or seek redemption but I want to prove them wrong."
"You're with me and that proves people wrong just like I'm with you," Mimi smiled kissing him back, "Thank you for always being there for me…I know I'll always be there for you."
"Anytime babe," Roger smiled as they held hands and started walking back, "It's getting cold c'mon with the weather like this I don't want my girlfriend getting sick. How about we head back to the loft and maybe you can read me that little A Walk to Remember book?"
"Are you doing this to make me feel better?" Mimi asked, "Or because you finally got interested in that book?"
"Maybe…you could say both," Roger replied. The two of them were walking back to the loft hand and hand quietly. Roger was relieved that had his girlfriend back safe and sound and she wasn't going to relapse. He felt that closure of having her close however; he heard a quiet faint comment that would shock him.
"I glad to be with you," Mimi quietly said, "I think…I'm in love with you Roger."
