I was glad to get back to the house building and away from Oscar and Santana's grandmother. I had overheard her talking about Mario and what a disgrace he was to one of Santana's aunts who agreed. I was quiet the whole way home and even when I was inside and just with Santana, I still didn't say anything.
I knew there were people out there….like that, but I had never meet any. Sure, McKinley had some jerks but I had never heard them be as homophobic as some of Santana's family.
I had a gay uncle and all my family loved him and his husband. I guess I thought every family was like mine.
I started to panic that Santana's family would keep her from coming out and that she would go back to Old Santana after these six weeks. The Old Santana who would walk away or get mad when things got too intense between us.
"What's wrong Britt?"
"Nothing." I went to my room and stared undressing. I managed to get down to my underwear and bra before Santana came in.
"Bullshit," Santana said. I turned to her and actually smiled a little when I caught her checking me out. "Did one of my cousins upset you? Was it Gloria?"
I shook my head. "No, she was actually really awesome. She was my favorite. And Diego."
Santana came closer to me and put her hands on my bare waist. "Why were you so quiet then?"
She still had her heels on and was now a little taller than me. I reached behind her and unzipped her dress then pulled it down, leaving her in her underwear and bra too, her heels still on. I took her face in my hands and kissed her. After what I heard at that dinner I wanted to show Santana that it was OK to be who she was. I wanted to show her that being with a girl was perfectly normal, no matter what her family said.
She stuck her tongue in my mouth and I moaned. She had her hands around my waist, pulling me really close to her and her warm skin against mine felt amazing. She licked my bottom lip then pulled back, breathing hard. "Tell me what happened?"
"Do you like kissing me?" I had my hands on her shoulders, caressing them.
"Yes."
"Do you like my body?"
"Britt…"
"Do you?"
Santana looked down at me then up again. "Yes."
"Do you like me?"
She let out a soft laugh then smiled. "Britt, you know I do. You're the only person I truly like."
"No, I mean….do you like me, like me."
Santana gently pushed me away from her and stepped back. "Brittany, what's going on? What's with all these questions?"
I sighed and went to the drawer to get a shirt and shorts. I quickly put them on then sat on the bed. "Some of your family were talking about your gay cousin, Mario. I overheard some things about how gross he is and how he's a disgrace to the family. Oscar even said…"
Santana kicked off her heels and sat down next to me, still wearing just her bra and underwear. "Oscar is an asshole. And Mario…he's always been the troublemaker in the family and is always trying to shake things up. Alana, you meet her right?." I nodded. "Well, she said Mario set it up so he would get caught. He plays games like that."
"You make it sound like he's just dating guys to piss off your family." Santana just shrugged. "Really? You think him being gay is just some game he's playing?"
Santana sighed and started walking to her room. "Who knows with him," she said, now across the hall in her room. I got up and followed her and saw her putting on shorts and a tank top. "Look Brittany, I'd rather not talk about my family, OK?"
"Is that what you're doing with me?" I stood by the doorway watching her. She turned her back to me and ran her hands through her hair, pulling it up in a messy ponytail. "Are you trying to piss off your family by having sex with me?"
She turned around to face me, her arms crossed. "Don't be silly. No one knows about us, so how could this be about my family?"
"Then why are you sleeping with me? Are we a game?" I didn't expect to ask her this again but I had to make sure this wasn't about getting back at her family for something. I wanted to know. "Santana?"
"We had this conversation already." Santana uncrossed her arms and went to pull back the covers of the bed. "Look, this has nothing to do with my family and whatever is going on with Mario, has nothing to do with us."
I felt so frustrated. I knew I was picking a fight but I just wanted her to tell me the real reason she was sleeping with me. "What is going on with us? Like you said, we've been really good and we're always together. Sometimes it feels like we're a coup…""
"Look, I'm tired. Let's go to sleep, OK? We only have a couple of more days together and I don't want to fight about my family. Tomorrow I'll take you to Navy Pier, you'll love it."
She went to the bathroom and I heard the water running. I knew this conversation was over and I just shook my head and groaned. I left the doorway and went to the kitchen sink to wash up. After I finished, I got into the bed in my room and turned off the lights. I left the door open a little and saw the light to Santana's room still on.
"Britt!" Santana called out.
"What?"
"What's taking so long? Come to bed," she shouted.
Part of me wanted to get up and join her but another part wanted to stay where I was and just have some space. She still couldn't admit why she was having sex with me. I understood why she wanted to keep it a secret from her family but I didn't understand why she couldn't tell me. That's what really bothered me the most. I just wanted her to at least admit she was having sex with me because she liked me, and not like a friend. If she could just tell me, then I would be sure this was real to her. If she could just tell me, then maybe her family wouldn't be able to mess up her progress.
"I am in bed," I shouted back, "I'm going to sleep here tonight. I'm too tired to move."
She didn't respond and I saw her light go out. I finally heard her say "OK". I snuggled into the sheets and closed my eyes but I wasn't sleepy. About 10 minutes later, I heard the door open and I felt Santana get in bed with me. I was still upset but I couldn't stay away from her when she was this close. I turned to face her and made her my little spoon, like usual.
"Good night Britt," she whispered.
"Good night, Santana."
###
The next day, we didn't mention what had happened the night before. I didn't want to be fighting the rest of the time I was here so I just let it go. We spent the rest of my vacation exploring the city and we even hung out with Gloria. I really liked that I was friends with someone from Santana's family.
I had a feeling Gloria knew Santana was a lesbian. She kept teasing Santana and she had even tried to get me to say Santana and I were more than just friends. When neither of us would give into the teasing, Gloria stopped.
Before I knew it, it as time for me to go back to Lima.
My last few hours there, I was sad. I mean, I missed my family and wanted to see them, but I didn't want to leave Santana. I zipped up my suitcase and rolled it out to the living room. Julio had given Santana the keys to his truck so she could take me to the airport.
"All packed," I said.
Santana was sitting on the couch, looking really sad. "Do you think your parents will let you come here again in a couple of weeks?"
I went to sit next to her and put my arm around her shoulders. "I'll ask," I said, kissing her cheek.
She turned to me and kissed me on the lips and, as usually happens, we ended up in a deep make out session on the couch. Last night we had had sex four times since we knew it was our last chance for a while. I hoped that being apart for so long would make her miss me so much she'd finally admit her feelings. Or admit she was a lesbian. But after meeting some members of her family, I just hoped that they didn't make her regress. Calendar word.
I pulled back and put her face between my hands. "Remember you said you'd try. I'm really proud of you Santana. Don't let them…anyone scare away the real you I know is in there wanting to wake up."
Santana's eyes got watery and she started blinking fast. She pulled down my hands and looked down at them. "I'm going to miss you."
"Me too."
"I do, you know."
"Do what?" I asked.
"Like you, like you." She looked up again and kissed me again. "We should go."
Hearing her say that almost made me cry. I didn't push her more. "Yeah. Let's go."
###
My dad picked me up from the airport and the first thing he was asked was why I looked so sad. As soon as I got to my room I called Santana and we ended up talking for an hour before she had to go pack. Her mom was making her move to the second floor with her.
I took out my laptop and logged on to all my social media accounts to catch up on what everyone else was doing. I browsed my accounts on my phone but when I wanted to really invest some time in my Internet trolling, I had to have a laptop. I scrolled through pictures of Rachel modeling a new animal sweater, Artie hugging his new game controller and Kurt holding up some fabric. I commented on everyone's pictures and I instantly got a message from Rachel about meeting for ice cream later.
I saw a picture of Eva next to her new car and left her a message congratulating her. She commented right back that she was going to call me later to see when she could come pick me up. I was glad she got a car so we could hang out more. I sent her a private message that I was going for ice cream with some of the Glee club and if she wanted to come. She did.
My first day back turned out to be pretty busy and I was glad I wasn't just sitting in my room sad about missing Santana. I hung out with Rachel, Kurt, Mercedes and Eva and didn't get home until past nine. My parents were a little mad that I had spent my first day back with my friends but I promised them to spend the whole day with them tomorrow and that made things better.
After I finished getting ready for bed, I grabbed my laptop and got in bed. I signed on to Facebook and saw that Rachel posted a bunch of pictures of our day together. There was one picture of Eva, Rachel and me holding out ice cream cones and smiling and we looked, like, really good. Even Rachel. I saw it had a few comments including one from Santana.
Brittany S. Pierce - Guess you got over Chicago fast.
I frowned. I picked up my phone and sent her a text. Then another one. And one more. I waited for her to reply but I fell asleep and when I woke up in the morning, I saw that Santana still hadn't replied.
I finally managed to get a hold of Santana the next day.
"Why are you mad at me?" I was outside in my backyard walking barefoot on the grass.
"Why do you think I'm mad?" Santana tried to sound casual but I knew that tone. She was upset.
"You did that thing where you avoid me and now you have that tone."
She sighed and cleared her throat. "You know I forget to charge my phone all the time."
I looked up to the sky and let out a breath. "Do you think I don't miss you because I went out with my friends yesterday?" I looked back down and continued my walk.
"I thought your girlfriend Eva lived too far for you guys to hang out?"
"She's not my girlfriend." Santana was so frustrating sometimes and she gave me stress. I thought only adults with hard jobs got stress but I got it too and it was all Santana's fault. "You're stressing me out."
"You're stressing me out!" Santana shot back, "Did you have sex with her?"
I stopped in my tracks. "What?"
"Eva. Clearly you have a preference for Latin women."
"I didn't sleep with her!" Now I was getting mad. "And even if I did, what does it matter? It's not like I'm officially someone's girlfriend."
"Do you want to have sex with her?" I could just imagine Santana clenching her jaw and her fists. She was jealous.
"Stress!" I almost shouted. We'd been separated one day and we were already fighting. I knew she was jealous but she would never admit it, so instead she got mean. "Look, I don't want to fight. I miss you Santana. So much. I wish you were here or I was there. I'm not going to spend the rest of my summer depressed because then my parents will put me on those prescription pills you see in those commercials and I'll get rectal bleeding from the side effects."
"Fine! Fine," she said, "But I don't trust her, OK? She looks evil and you should stay away from her."
"I'm not going to do that. She's my friend."
Santana groaned. "Then don't sleep with her."
"Why?" I wanted her to tell me that she wanted me to only be with her and no one else. Just, something. Something to make me sure that I wasn't crazy and imagining she had love feelings for me. Her telling me she only liked me suddenly wasn't enough.
"Just don't."
"Why?"
She stayed quiet for a many seconds before she spoke again. "I…forget it. Sleep with her if you want. It's not my business. I have to go. Oscar is having a dinner party for just the cousins."
At the mention of her cousin my anger went away. Oscar made it clear how he felt about gay people and I was afraid that he'd say something to destroy the progress she'd made. "I miss you Santana. I miss kissing you and being with you. Please remember your promise to try, OK? Remember what I told you before I left. Don't let them tell you how to live your life."
"Uh…O…OK. You're really taking this next Oprah thing seriously," Santana said with a nervous laugh.
"I'm serious Santana. Just remember to keep trying."
"I'll remember," she whispered.
I really wished I was there with her.
###
The first week without Santana, we called each other every day. I hung out with my Glee friends and Eva and I actually had a lot of fun with all of them. I felt a little guilty at how much fun I was having without Santana but I wasn't going to just sit in my room all summer.
I asked her about Oscar's party and all she had said was that it was boring but I knew there was more. She was hiding something. I tried to get her to tell me throughout the week but she told me to drop it.
In that week, I also got a friend request from Gloria. I accepted and asked her about the dinner party because I felt like she could be trusted. Gloria had told me Oscar and two other cousins had said some mean things about Mario. I was afraid of that.
The second week without Santana, we missed two days of the week talking. I spent the second week with my family in Los Angeles. My dad surprised us all and said he got a big raise at work and he was taking us all to Disneyland. It was so awesome. I also got a chance to see the ULA and CU campuses and I loved them. They both had amazing media programs and L.A jumped to the top of my list of places to go to school. I guess it made sense since they made movies there. I got to see some filming and even saw Gwen Stefani at a Chipotle.
The third week without Santana, we only talked for four days. One of her uncles had gotten her a temp job at an advertising agency so she could get practice making commercials or something. The job kept her super busy and was the reason why she hadn't had time to talk as much the last two weeks. I didn't want to think of why she didn't tell me about the job when she started.
The fourth week without Santana, we only talked for two days. I felt that feeling again that we were going off in different directions and I didn't like it at all. When I did talk to her, she sounded different.
"Are you doing OK?" I asked. We had managed to find time to Skype and I was glad to see her face. She looked so beautiful and seeing her made me miss her so much.
"I'm fine Britt," she said with a smile, "This temp job is keeping me busy and whatever free time I have, my family takes it."
"Is that why we haven't talked much?"
"I'm sorry about that." She ran a hand through her hair and sighed. "I have to concentrate on this job because the manager said that if I do a good job, they'll bring me back next summer."
"Oh, uh, that's awesome." There it was again. Santana making plans for her life that had nothing to do with me. I had no right to be sad about that because she had to make plans to get a job and be a grownup. I had to do the same. I mean, just yesterday I was looking at maps of L.A. and making a list of places to visit if I went to ULA or CU.
"Oh hey, how was Disneyland?"
We spent the next hour just chatting and catching up. I sort of had an idea of what she was up to by Instagram, Facebook and from what Gloria would tell me. It made me wish I was there. Santana told me she saw all the pictures of me that everyone was posting and said she was happy I was having a good time.
"So, you're not mad I'm hanging out with everyone?"
"No," she said with a smile, "You were right. I can't expect you to sit in your room all summer. Though, I am concerned you're spending so much time with Rachel and her minions. At least you're still hanging out with Quinn to keep you on the right track."
"Don't start," I laughed, "They're awesome and when you get back, you're hanging out with us. You'll see."
"I doubt that." Santana bit her lip in her nervous way and I knew she was going to ask something that made her uncomfortable. "So, how are things with you and Evil? Judging by all those pictures, you guys hang out a lot."
I bit the inside of my cheek to stop from smiling at the nickname. "Eva. And fine. I mean, she's gotten to be really good friends with Quinn of all people. Once Eva paid her the money she owed her, Quinn got nice. And it was only like $10!"
"Quinn doesn't mess around when it comes to money," Santana said, "So, uh, you guys are still just friends? Any crazy parties?"
"No crazy parties." I could tell she was fidgeting and she kept looking down. "Well, none as crazy as the Carmel ones. Rachel threw a vegetarian BBQ. It was not that great."
Santana laughed. "No shit."
The truth was, Eva and I were always flirting and we had even gotten tipsy at Rachel's BBQ and kissed, but nothing like the Carmel party. Compared to that, the BBQ kiss was pretty tame. I really couldn't drink and be near Eva because we always ended up kissing. I liked kissing Eva but it wasn't the same as kissing Santana. When I kissed Santana, I went to that unicorn candy world. When I kissed Eva, I just stayed in Lima.
Eva was so different from Santana. I mean, yeah they were both Latina and I realized that I definitely had a type, but Eva didn't care what people thought of her. I wish Santana was like that.
Eva and I were still just friends because neither one of us was interested in being in a relationship. She said she was too young to be tied down and I said the same thing. The real reason was that I was in love with Santana.
Ever since Freshman year, Santana and I had been inseparable and I thought I could never be way from her. That it would be too sad and I wouldn't be able to deal. These past few weeks without Santana proved I was wrong and I could be without her. I didn't like it, but it was possible.
I loved Santana but I couldn't put my life on hold waiting for her.
"I miss you, Britt," she said.
"I miss you too."
"Just two more weeks."
"We can totally handle that," I said and gave her a big smile.
I just hoped that when she came back, she would still be the Santana I got to know this summer.
###
I woke up really early and got dressed. Today was the first day of school and it was also the first day I was going to see Santana. She had stayed in Chicago until yesterday because the job she had asked her to work longer. My mom dropped me off at school and I headed straight to my locker hoping to see Santana there. She wasn't.
That annoying camera guy Jacob was walking the halls asking people what they did during their summer vacation. I told him that I was lost in the sewers all summer. I liked saying random stuff like that to people just to mess with them and it always made me laugh.
I put my last book in my backpack and closed my locker when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and squealed.
"Santana!" I dropped my backpack and hugged her.
"Hey Britt!" She was laughing and hugging me back. We hugged for a really long time before she stepped back. "Did you miss me?"
"Duh!" I couldn't stop from smiling. I swear she got prettier in the six weeks I hadn't seen her in person. "Did you miss me?"
She gave me the sweetest smile. "Always."
"I'm so glad you're back," I said, "Can you believe we're Seniors?"
"No, but I'm glad we are," she said, "I cannot wait to get out of this school."
I knew how she felt. I couldn't wait to start college but at the same time, I was going to miss all my friends. I picked up my bag and linked pinkies with Santana. "What's your first class?"
"AP English," she said and I frowned. I had regular English.
"Oh. Uh, what about the rest of your classes?"
We compared schedules and we found that we only had one class together, history. Since we weren't in Cheerios anymore, we didn't have that together either. But at least we had Glee.
"Well that sucks," she said. We began walking down the hall to our classrooms since they were across the hall from each other. "What math class did you get? Didn't you take the highest last year?"
"They put me in AP Calculus," I whined, "I already studied that book cause I got bored with regular Calculus."
Santana laughed and squeezed my pinky with her own. "Such a genius." We arrived at her class and stopped. "I'll see you at lunch?," she asked.
"For sure." Neither of us let go of our pinkies. I didn't want to let her go after being separated for so long. I wanted her to tell me everything about her job, what she did in Chicago, and if she had tried like she promised. "Are you busy after school? Well, after Glee?," I asked, "My parents and sister are going to be home late so we can hang out and you can tell me all about your job."
She looked at me and I could tell she was trying not to smile. "That sounds awesome."
She finally let me go and walked inside. Before I left I heard her snap at some guy who had bumped into her. Santana was back.
A/N: I really thought I would be done with the high school part of this story by now so this is turning out way longer than I expected. ;) Hopefully it's not too much of a drag. A little preview, Santana is going to take a big step soon.
Thanks for the reviews and follows. I really appreciate it!
