I'm really, really, sorry I took so long to post this chapter. I had writers block for the longest time and then I kept getting sidetracked whenever I went to post it. But I hope you like it and I'm still stuck for the next chapter. Please feel free to give me ideas. Thanx for all the support and I hope you like it.

Chapter Twelve: Worries

When Dean woke up he was lying on the bed in the spare bedroom. His head felt like someone split it open with a sludge hammer and every muscle in his body didn't want to work. He felt like he just did a 30 hour workout in ten minutes. When he finally sat up he heard a loud conversation coming from the living room…

"I know you guys are hiding something from me and I want to know what it is. You're always going off and talking in another room, Dean hasn't looked me in the eye since yesterday morning." Sam spoke loudly he could hear him clearly, but he had to move closer to the door to hear Mel.

"I don't know what you're talking about Sam. If you think he's hiding something why don't you go talk to him?"

"I would but for some reason he passed out, oh wait someone is trying to kill him and we don't know how to stop him. And you don't look like you can help much right now, you're a nervous wreck." Sam quieted down when he noticed the worried look on her face. "I'm sorry, I didn't get any sleep last night and just like you I'm a little stressed. Not to sound mean but you don't seem like much of a hunter."

Mel just laughed. "Cause I'm not."

Sam just looked at her. "What?"

"I'm a…researcher I guess you could call me."

"A researcher."

"Yeah, I specialize in legends, folklore, you know stuff like that. Myths and I'm pretty good with incantations." Sam just stared at her speechless.

"Here all this time I thought you were a hunter."

"I went on a hunt once with Dean, which was the last time." Sam just laughed. "Lets just say it didn't end well and leave it at that. And trying to explain my clothes to the dry cleaners was not fun" Sam and Mel sat there for a little while longer just talking when Dean decided it was time for him to come out. He slowly crept out of the bedroom and walked into the living room. Mel was the first to notice him. "Dean are you okay?"

"I think so, what happened." Dean looked at them a little confused. He remembered everything going black and what happened after.

"You passed out Dean; you scared the shit out of us. But you've only been out for like 20 minutes." Sam stood up and walked towards him but Dean just backed away. "Dean is something wrong?" When Sam looked back at Mel she saw a look in her eye like she knew but she just shrugged her shoulders.

"It was a dream." Dean whispered.

"What, Dean you're scaring me again." Sam was trying to make eye contact with him but Dean just kept his head down.

Mel stood up and began to walk into the kitchen but whispered in Sam's ear "I'll give you some time alone." Sam shook his head in understanding but he was going to talk to her later.

"I'm fine Sammy, I just need…" Dean trailed off and looked at the front door remembering what happened just before he blacked out.

"You need what Dean?"

"I need you to tell me what Michael said to you." Now Dean was looking into Sam's eyes and Sam saw that he was not going to let it go.

"We had an exchange of questions; he asked me one I'd ask him one."

"What did you find out about him?" Dean was staring at Sam with an intense gaze.

"He said you couldn't stop him. He has this deep fascination about learning how you think, and what you think. That he is the only one of his kind. That's what he told me." Sam's looked up at Dean with a dead stare. "He told me that he gave you the time you needed to say good bye. So that tells me that you knew this was gunna happen… Did you?"

"NO…Do you think I wanted this to happen, that I wanted to drag Mel back into this, and that I wanted to put you in the middle of it Sammy. Do you? I thought I killed him before, I thought it was over. And now I can't forgive myself that your involved this far Sam. I mean if he is coming to talk to you it's to find out about you to get me and he's only gunna make you feel miserable. He's gunna try and make you blame yourself for all the shit that has happened to me since you left."

"Isn't my fault Dean?" Sam yelled at Dean.

"No, none of it is your fault Sam. I made my own choices and you made yours. For once in your life Sam this has nothing to do with you. This is my problem and I don't want you involved. If it was my choice I would have sent you away when I first had my doubts." Dean was starting to raise his voice at Sam.

"Really so why didn't you?" Sam yelled back. Dean just looked at the ground; he really didn't want to answer that question. "Well why didn't you?"

"I couldn't do this alone Sam." Sam just looked at him speechless. "He might come after you Sam because I was to scared to face him alone, I figured if I had you here I might be able to beat him. But I was wrong, look at what its doing to us Sam. Now he's trying to go after you. And its all my fault." Dean was looking at the ground. He felt pathetic.

"Dean." Sam walked closer to him. "Its not your fault. Do you really think I would have left you if you had asked me?" Dean looked up and shrugged his shoulders. "Dean there's no way in hell I would leave you. Not a chance, and if you would let me help, I could." Sam looked at the sadness in Dean's eyes.

"I know but I don't know if its safe for you to help me, and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if anything happened to you."

"Nothing is going to happen to me Dean." Sam looked at the worry in Dean's eyes grow even stronger.

"I know, but-"

"Shut up Dean, nothing is gunna happen to me or you, and we're gunna kill this son of a bitch." Dean just smiled and pulled his baby brother into a hug.

Mel walked into the room with a smile on her face. "You guys hungry?"

Sam got a huge smile on his face. "Yeah, I haven't eaten since yesterday."

"How bout you Dean, you want something to eat?" Mel looked at him.

"Ah…no I'm not hungry, I just feel like laying down for a while longer."

"Sure, if you need anything you come and ask okay."

"Yeah." Dean then walked back into the bedroom and laid down and stared at the ceiling until he drifted into sleep.

3 Days Later

Dean woke up from another nightmare, they had gotten a lot worse in the past three days and every time he closed his eyes he saw his worst nightmares come to life feeling all to real. He could still smell the blood, feel the fear. He hated how in every nightmare he couldn't do anything to protect Sammy or Mel…even his Dad. In every nightmare the worst things that could happen do. His worst fears and inner demons would come to life to torture him. When he stood up he reached over and grabbed his knife and rolled up his sleeve. On his arms were several cuts, not deep enough to be serious but deep enough that they were gunna stay for a while. Every time he woke up from a nightmare he would put one slash in his arm. He would then roll down his sleeve and either lie back down in bed or go and stare out the window. It was a routine that he was all to familiar with now.

Mel and Sam were sitting in the living room talking about the past couple of days. Sam sighed. "Are you sure he hasn't eaten anything, I mean Dean always eats."

"Yeah I'm sure, he hasn't really been sleeping well either."

"I know."

"You here him to." Sam just nodded his head. Mel looked at the bedroom door and she knew she had to go in there to talk to him. "Could you run to the store and pick me up a few things and then a few books from the library? I know your not my personnel servant, its just I want to get some laundry and stuff done."

"Ah yeah, do you have a list or something for me?" Sam stood up and got his coat.

"Yep, right here," she handed Sam the piece of paper, "if you need anything form the store or anything like that you go ahead, here's $100.00 and my library card. That should be more then enough. And here are my car keys."

"Mel you be careful."

"Same to you, call me in an hour okay."

"Yes dear!" Sam said with a big smile on his face. With that he drove out of the driveway.

Mel walked toward the bedroom and opened the door to find Dean staring out the window. "Dean, you need to eat something."

"I'm not hungry."

Mel walked towards him. "Well you have to eat to keep your strength up." She grabbed his hand and noticed red marks on his shirt. "Dean what's wrong with your shirt?"

Dean quickly pulled his arm away. "Nothing."

"Then why is there blood on it? Huh… pull up your sleeve." Mel demanded as she glared at him.

"No." Dean said in a stern voice that made Mel pull away. He just kept staring out the window.

"Dean roll up your sleeve now or I will tell Sam and he can come and have a look." Mel gave Dean a serious look.

"Your not gunna tell him anything Mel, you have no right." Dean glared at Mel.

"Then show me." Dean looked out the window and rolled up his sleeves. Up and down each arm were several cuts. Some were a few days old and some were few minutes old. Mel just gasped and knelt down next to Dean. "Why would you do this to yourself?"

Dean looked her in the eye and she saw the sadness, the anger and how afraid he was. "Cause it helps the pain go away."

"Dean this isn't gunna make the pain go away, now you have to stop." Mel tried to look him in the eye but he just turned his head to stare out the window again. He rolled down his sleeves and Mel stood up and looked around the room. She picked up his knife and looked at him. "If your not going to stop then I will take away your option too." Mel took the knife and walked out of the room. Dean quickly got up and ran after her.

"Give it back Mel, you have no right to take it." Dean yelled as he ran after her grabbing her arm.

"I'm not going to let you do this to your self Dean. I'm going to keep your knife or I'm telling Sam everything, its your choice." Mel looked Dean in the eye and Dean knew she was serious so he let go of her arm and looked at the floor.

"I can't do this again Mel, and Sam can't know anything. If you tell him I swear to you I will walk out and deal with this on my own." Dean just looked at her with a hardened glare. "You have no right to tell him anything."

Mel just glared back and yelled. "He has every right to know Dean; if it were the other way around you'd want to know."

"Well its not Mel, its none of his business what happened 2 years ago. And frankly I don't think its any of yours."

Mel was almost in tears. "Its none of my business…I was the one who found you Dean. What if next time its Sam huh? What are you going to do then? What if Sam walks into the bathroom and finds you in a pool of your own blood; what are you gunna say then?" Dean heard the challenge in her voice.

Dean yelled back. "He didn't know before, he's not gunna know now and he's never going to know."

"Know what?" Sam was standing in the kitchen doorway with a very angry look on his face. Mel was staring at him and Dean was looking at the floor. After a moment of silence Sam repeated the question slower. "Know what?"

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Chapter Thirteen: Surprises

"Know what?" Sam was standing in the kitchen doorway with a very angry look on his face. Mel was staring at him and Dean was looking at the floor. After a moment of silence Sam repeated the question slower. "Know what?"

"Nothing." Was all Dean said as glared at Mel.

"I'm sick and tired of you lying to me Dean." Sam looked at Dean angrily. "Tell me what the hell is going on."

"Sam…I can't." Dean looked at the floor.

"I'm gunna run out and pick up supper so you two can talk." Mel said calmly as she walked out the front door.

"I don't want any more of your macho crap, or that its for my own good Dean. Tell me what's wrong." Sam saw how defeated he looked. He looked tired and completely drained. He couldn't even stand straight. And on top of that Sam noticed some weird marks on Dean's shirt.

"Sam-"

"Don't you dare try and change the subject Dean. Your not moving until you tell me everything." Dean looked into Sam's eyes and saw the worry he had for him. Mel was right, he had the right to know everything. But he was scared to tell him. Dean shook his head and sat on the couch.

"Something happened 2 years ago that I regret…and I…" Dean was staring at the window. "I did something really stupid…and I've been trying to do it…and I never…I don't want you to be mad…"

"Dean what are you trying to tell me?" Sam looked at him and noticed that he was extremely nervous. "Dean you can tell me."

"Yeah Dean," Both Sam and Dean jumped up to see Michael standing in the kitchen doorway. "Tell him what you did to yourself when you couldn't take the pain. Tell him what it felt like when the knife cut your flesh. Tell him how you felt relief as your life flowed from your body. Tell him how much you want to have that feeling again. Tell him how your too weak to take the pain." Dean looked at Michael.

"Dean what is he talking about?" Sam asked looking back and forth between Dean and Michael but still watching Michael for any sign of aggression. Dean just looked at the floor.

"C'mon Dean don't be shy." Michael stood there with a straight face watching what happened between them.

"Dean." Sam looked at Dean and he knew what Michael was talking about by the way he described it.

"Sam, I-" Dean started to stay before Sam cut him off.

"Why Dean…why the hell would you want to kill yourself. I mean you're the strongest person I know. You would never. It would be the farthest thing from your mind." Sam looked at him and saw how ashamed he was.

"I couldn't do it anymore Sammy." Dean took a deep breath. "You wanna know why I couldn't do this alone, its because I knew I might do it again and if your were here I would have a reason not too." Dean looked him in the eye for the first time in 5 days. "Your always at me to open up Sam, well in the past week I've opened up to you more then I have my whole life. I'm letting you see me, how I really feel. I don't want to lose this fight and have you remember me as a jerk that had no feelings."

"Dean, why didn't you tell me?"

"I couldn't Sam, I couldn't have you look at me in the way that I'm weak. I-"

"Isn't that sweet Sam. Your brother wanted to protect you from his demons. A regular white knight. Do you know the definition for a white knight Sam?" Sam shook his head no as he glared at Michael. "Somebody who rescues a person from disaster and you all live happily ever after… in fairytales. But in real life Sam the white knight usually ends up six feet under for his efforts." Sam watched Michael stare Dean down as he said this.

"What the hell are you doing here anyway Michael?" Dean looked up at him with an angry glare.

"I told you we would have one last talk before I finished you off. And I thought it would be a good idea to have your brother join us and you can tell him a few things."

"Well now really isn't the time Michael, and we agreed that you were gunna keep Sam out of this. That means your not supposed to go anywhere near him. That was the deal."

"Wait a minute." Sam put his hands up and looked at Dean. "What deal?" Dean looked back at Sam and closed his mouth. He stood there speechless. He put his head down and just stood there. Sam looked at Michael. "What deal?"

Michael looked at Dean and said. "Ask your brother."

Dean looked up at Sam. "I made a deal with Michael before I thought I killed him. I thought it was over-"

"What was the deal?" Sam was looking between Dean and Michael waiting for one of them to answer the question.

"I made the deal because it was the only way I could protect you and Dad. I had no choice Sam." Dean looked him in the eye. Sam just kept looking at him waiting for him to continue. Dean took a deep breath. "The deal was that if I killed Michael that would be that and it would be over with."

"And if he killed you? What then? Huh Dean." Sam focused his attention on Dean.

"If he killed me I had to work for him, and if I did everything he said he would leave you alone." Dean tried not to make eye contact with Sam. He was waiting for him to say something but he never did. "I-"

"Don't Dean…don't try and explain yourself, I think I've heard enough." Sam began to walk to the door. "I need some fresh air." And he left.

"You have a lot to say tonight Michael, your in a good mood. Why?" Dean looked at Michael with an angry glare.

"I'm enjoying watching you squirm, I did tell you once that you could never keep up this macho façade. You drove Mel away 2 years ago, you drove your father away six months ago and now your driving your brother away. The last good thing in your life Dean. Your alone in this." Michael looked at Dean and watched him grow angrier and angrier. "Its you and me in the final fight Dean and no one is gunna miss you." Michael turned around and walked away.

"Michael do you think I'm gunna let you walk out of here that easily after what you just did." Dean watched Michael as he turned around slowly.

He just smiled. "And what are you gunna do about it Dean?"

"This." Before Michael had time to react Dean had lunged at him with his knife Mel had left on the table. They began to fight.

Sam was walking down the street trying to clear his head. He had been walking for about half an hour when all of a sudden he got vision of Dean and Michael making the deal. He had to sit on the curb and after a while he thought about what he had just seen. He wanted to know who the hell the employer was that Michael was talking about. Then all of a sudden he got a vision of the conversation Dean and Michael had in the car and everything made sense. He sat there and thought about it realizing how much his brother loved him and how far he would go to protect him. Dean made a deal the Devil. Michael's employer was Satan. "What the hell have you done Dean." Sam whispered allowed. He put his head down and tried to think and thought about his visions.

"But you know in your line of work your gunna make a lot of enemies."

Dean just looked at Michael. "Who … like you said I'm saving the world."

"And you said that Lucifer has an army and in an army are assassins." Michael was looking into Dean's eyes and it made him quiver. "You should watch your back."

Sam figured it out but how was he going to kill an assassin from Hell. He sat there for ten minutes thinking about it when a car drove up beside him. When he looked inside he saw Mel. "Hey."

"What are you doing on the side of the road, where's Dean?" Mel looked at him confused. "What happened?"

"Dean was trying to tell me what happened when…" Sam just looked down toward the house with a look of terror on his face.

"Sam what's wrong?" Mel looked at him with worry.

Sam jumped into the car and said. "We have to get back to Dean know."

"Why?"

Sam stared into her eyes with a look of regret. "Michael's there."

Mel stepped on the gas and headed back towards her house. "What do mean Michael's there? Why the hell did you leave?"

"I was pissed when I found out what Dean did. And when I found out about the deal I just needed to leave I didn't even think about-"

Mel cut Sam off. "What deal? How long were you gone?"

"I don't know about half an hour, 45 minutes. He didn't tell you… I thought you knew." Sam looked at her she pulled up in the driveway.

"We'll talk about it later, right now we have to see if Dean's okay." Mel and Sam ran to the front door and found it locked. Mel banged on the door and yelled. "Dean can you hear me…are you okay?"

A chilling voice came through the door. "Dean's busy right now would you like to leave a message?"

"What do you mean he's busy? Let him go Michael." Mel yelled into the door.

"Sorry Mel he's a little… tied up right now. But if you want we can talk."

Mel lent in and whispered into Sam's ear. "Tha back door is always unlocked, you can get in that way. I'll keep him distracted." Sam shook his head and began to walk around to the back of the house as Mel pleaded with Michael.

He stood there and looked in the patio door. The house was a wreck. Dean was tied to one of the kitchen chairs facing the front door. He was gagged and looked like he took a pretty good beating. But as he looked at Michael he realized that he was much worse then Dean and this made him smile. Sam looked at Dean's arms and saw the cuts. He stood there for a minute just looking at them. Sam slowly slid open the door and crept in behind Dean and whispered in his ear. "Shhh, I'm gunna get you outta here. Are you Okay?" Dean shook his head yes as Sam took the gag out of his mouth. "K, lets go."

"No… I'm not through yet." Dean whispered to Sam as he stayed on the chair.

Sam just glared at him. "Yeah you are Dean, now lets go."

"No just put the gag back on and go." Dean stared into Sam's eyes and when Sam looked he saw the Dean he knew. Determined and pissed. Sam thought about. Dean was being attacked mentally and he had no way of fighting back. It was making him feel useless and weak. But now he was able to fight back.

"Okay. You win but I'm gunna stay in here in case you need help. I'll just be down the hall." Sam slipped on the gag before Dean could protest and ran down the hall. Michael turned around just as Sam was turning the corner, but he didn't notice him. Dean let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. He looked up at Michael and watched him look around the room.

"Looks like Mel might throw a little bit of a hissy fit when she gets in here. But that's okay." Michael pulled up a chair and sat in front of Dean and pulled the gag off. "So how about me and you have that chat we talked about."

"There's nothing to talk about Michael. No wait a minute how bout that deal we made. Last time I checked you broke it. So the deal's off." Dean stared at Michael.

"Your right, that was the deal. But I'm not a nice guy. The deal is still in place Dean-"

"Like hell it is. You weren't supposed to go anywhere Sam."

"I just wanted to talk with both of you, see his side of things."

"Oh and what was the other night, huh. Was that just another 'friendly' conversation." Sam seen Dean give a deadly stare.

"Ah, no I just wanted to see how he would react to my… tactics we'll call it. If I had went after him it wouldn't have taken as much effort. You saw how depressed he was after the first night." Michael just smiled.

"So you admit you broke the deal."

"No, I said nothing would happen to them. Nothing did. He's still here. Fine and dandy." Michael smiled at Dean.

"True but I do believe you said that you were gunna keep them out of this. Now you're gunna pay." Dean smiled a half smile at Michael.

Michael just laughed. "You're in no possession to make threats Dean. Your tied to a chair Dean, all alone. No one is here to help you." Michael sat there looking at Dean and watching the smile on his face grow. Michael's smile soon faded away.

"Michael you should know by now that we Winchesters don't give up easily. And we hold a grudge." Just as Dean finished saying this he leapt forward and tackled Michael to the floor and started hitting him with all he had. Michael eventually pushed him forward and knocked him to the floor in an awkward position while grabbing the knife. And Sam ran out holding his rifle and pointing it at Michael.

"Don't even think about it. Drop and get out… and if you know what's best for you, you'll stay away from Dean." Sam glared at him. Dean just did the same as he felt the blade on his throat. He sat there not moving because he knew exactly how sharp his knife was and he knew he shouldn't move.