A/N: In the event any of my stuff gets removed from FFnet, I'm in the long and arduous process of posting all of my stuff at The Writers Coffee Shop and An Archive Of Our Own. The name there is the same as it is here, ruinedbyrob. I know it's easier for a lot of people to follow stories here, so I'll continue posting on FFnet for as long as I'm allowed to do so.

As always my stuff is beta'd by the lovely Mullet 86. I snuck in some extra stuff after she'd returned it to me. Please forgive me and don't blame her for any errors.


Tailspin

Chapter 12

"Assumptions are the termites of relationships" - Henry Winkler (Yeah, the 'Fonz' said that.)

For the second time in less than an hour, time stood still. I knew Taz was still yelling at me and out of the corner of my eye I could see Emmett gripping the arms of the blond he'd latched onto, holding her back, but none of that mattered. None of it warranted a moment's consideration.

All that mattered was Bella.

The shock on her face was all encompassing. Her body was rigid and I could swear that she stopped breathing for a moment.

"Breathe baby." I whispered. I don't know if she heard me or if her body's need for oxygen took over, but our table went silent at her loud intake of air.

I finished pushing my harpy of a cousin out of the way and made my way out of the cracked faux leather booth to stand directly in front of my tormentor, my everything, my Bella. My arms instinctively reached for her but dropped to my sides as she took a large step back from me.

"Bella?" I half croaked, half moaned. If I'd heard another man make that sound I'd let loose with any number of names depicting him as a pussy whipped punk. But as the sounds came out of my mouth I felt the hurt and the need behind them. You could call me anything you wanted as long as the woman in front of me labeled me as hers.

"Stop!" Her voice was strong, as she put up both of her hands in front of her, halting all thoughts of continued advancement. Our eyes locked. I grimaced at the hurt I saw in those deep brown, warm orbs. I didn't know what exactly I'd done but I knew instinctively that whatever it was, it was my fault. "You… you're the cousin…the one…" She stuttered slightly.

Fuck! I knew the rest of that sentence was not going to be good. I braced myself for what was coming. With a deep breath she regained her composure and finished her sentence.

"You, you're the manwhore cousin that sleeps with all of Alice's friends and then drops them." The accusation hung in the air like a slow pitched softball. I wanted to take a swing and knock it away before it hit me, splashing my chest with a big red "A" for asshole.

You can't hide that kind of stain.

"Baby, let me explain." I plead, fully aware of how lame I sounded but helpless to stop the appeal from falling out of my mouth like discarded cookie crumbs.

I watched for any sign of an invitation to continue but her body stayed firm and her usually warm eyes turned stone cold. "Don't." She said evenly with such force that I was completely immobilized. I watched stonily as she turned and walked out of the diner. I moved to go after her.

"It serves you right Edward." I stop at Alice's sharp remark and whirled around to face her.

"You! " I didn't even try to disguise the venom in my voice. "This is your fault!" Jasper moved closer to Taz and took a defensive posture around her. I unclench my hands that had balled into fists.

"My fault? Ha! It was only a matter of time before your whorish ways caught up with you!" You could practically see the hatred drip off her words.

"This has nothing to do with you!" My voice rose with my anger. I was well aware of the spectacle we were making in the crowded diner, but I just didn't give a shit.

"You're right, it had nothing to do with me when you 'fucked and ducked' my freshman roommate. Who was so heart broken after you used her that she had to leave school. And it also wasn't my fault when you screwed my dorm advisor. When she realized I was your cousin, she took every measure she could to torment me until my parents had to threaten the school with a lawsuit so I could get an apartment off campus." Alice's little body shuddered with the force of her words. Emmett and the blond stood off to the side, watching in silence. "And it had absolutely nothing to do with me when you slept withAngela on my sixteenth birthday. But that didn't stop her from not speaking to me when you told all of your asshole friends what an easy lay she was. I lost my best friend because you couldn't keep your dick in your pants!" Her voice wavered with the force of her emotions. I winced as her words hit home. I knew I would have to answer for my past misdeeds. I owed her that. Hell, I owed all of them that, but I'd be fucked if I would lose Bella because Alice couldn't keep her big, fat mouth shut!

I couldn't deny her accusations, but it didn't give her the right to poison Bella against me. "Who I get my dick out for is none of your damn business!" I leaned closer, Jasper pulled Alice tighter to him, my friend's blues eyes darkened in warning. I would deal with that turncoat later.

"Whoa bro." I felt Emmett's big paws steady my shoulders and pull me back from Alice's personal space. "Easy. She's family."

I shrugged off my brother's hold, "She's a fucking viper."

"You're a fucking asshole user Edward and I won't let you destroy my friendship with Bella." Alice pushed against Jasper's arms, trying to make another run for me. But he held her tight. "I won't lose her like I've lost everyone else." Her voice dropped as her emotions overrode her anger and her head fell to Jasper's chest as she quietly sobbed.

I could feel my chest constrict at her words. But the only word that meant anything was Bella.

I would never use Bella like that. FUCK!

The realization hits me like a freight train, that's exactly what Bella thinks I thinks I used her. I'd poured my heart out to her. I told her I'd never felt anything like our connection before. I fucking let her stay the night! How could she think I used her?

I focused on my cousin as she clutched my best friend's shirt. Her little fingers were white with exertion. I'm not heartless; I can tell she's in pain. It's just that her pain is secondary to Bella's so I push it aside like an unwanted roll at an all you can eat restaurant.

"It's not like that Alice." I want to rage at her accusations. I want to put my fist through a wall hoping to distract my heart with the pain. But instead, I speak softly. The calmness of my voice contradicts the turmoil that's churning in my blood.

I shake my head slightly. "I care about her." Alice's head rose slightly, her unbelieving eyes bored into mine. "You don't care about anyone but yourself."

I forgot about trying to change Alice's perception of me. The only person whose opinion I care about just walked away from me thinking that I was a fucking asshole who had callously used her for sex. "You know what Alice, think whatever you want. But you're wrong." I sneered at my cousin and turned to find my brother standing between me and the door leading to my Bella.

"She's just upset Edward. She doesn't mean it." I shake off Emmett's hand and turn to leave the diner, hoping in vain to catch Bella before she walked out of my life forever.

Behind I leave my brother, best friend, my hateful cousin and a no name blond with big tits. In front of me is the woman who owns my heart. She's out there hurting because she believes another's words over my own. The door to the diner gives easily under my force; the crisp morning air fills my lungs with a harsh burn. The burn moves me forward.

I quickly scan the lot as I walk towards the road. I have no idea how Bella and the other girls arrived at the diner so I don't know what kind of car I'm looking for.

Suddenly I spy a sliver of pink to my left. I think quickly. Wasn't Bella's shirt pink? I turn to the left at the end of the diner's parking lot, and move steadily up Lincoln Way. Cars move quickly up and down the busy street hurrying to get to their weekend destinations. Their occupants' minds filled with grocery lists, soccer practice schedules and other mundane thoughts. They're oblivious to the crazy haired man about to catch up with the beautiful brunette.

"Bella!" I call out over the din of the traffic, never slowing my steps. She doesn't acknowledge me, only quickens her pace. I follow suit and break out into an easy jog, thankful for Emmett and his demands that I keep up a halfway decent work out schedule.

"Bella! Stop!" I commanded. To my dismay, she picked up her pace.

"Fuck off Edward!" I cringed as her retort bounced off the brick buildings, echoing in my ears as we passed. With a few more steps, I was close enough to grab her arm.

"Let me explain baby, please." She pulled forward, my grip on her arm tightened until she stopped. I was only given a moment to bask in my victory. My hold on Bella's arm slackened when she wheeled around and clocked me in the jaw with her right fist.

I let go of her and cupped my injured jaw. "Dammit Bella. That hurt!"

"It serves you right." I grimaced at the sound of her pained voice and watched her cradle the hand that she'd just used to beat me with.

Forgetting the pain in my face, I reached out and took her injured hand in mine. She tried to pull out of my hold. "Let go Edward." I ignored her command and used my thumbs to make soothing circles on her wounded hand. "You've hurt your hand baby. Let me help."

"Stop. Don't pretend that you care. And Don't call me baby." I stilled at her harsh and false words.

"Bella, I do care." How could she think otherwise?

She pulled her hand from mine. "Don't lie to me. I don't deserve your lies." The loud noises from the traffic faded into the background as her words rang loudly in my head. She went back to holding her injured hand, and mine fell to my sides, useless to her.

"I never lied to you." Her eyes stared at me so cold and suspicious; her gaze froze me from the inside. I had to force myself to not look away.

"I'm sure you never lied to any of those other women either." She stood defiant as she spat her words at me. "I'm sure that out of all the women you've used, you were being honest with me, plain old Bella Swan."

My heart hurt. Plain? How can she think she's plain? How? The chilled wind whipped her hair around her face. I longed to reach out and tuck the errant strands of her shiny, soft hair behind her ear. But didn't dare, she might bite my hand off.

"Bella, you know I meant the words. How can you not know how much you mean to me?" I implored her.

"How can I believe you?" She moved right up to my face, I was enveloped in her scent. The soothing scent of lavender did little to calm the dark haired beauty in front of me. "You're a user Edward, just like Alice said you were and using me fits right into your M.O. Why would I be any different than any of her other friends you fucked and chucked? What makes me special?" She practically snarled the last words.

This was getting out of hand. How do I get her to listen? How do I make her understand that she was different? She obviously wasn't going to listen to my words. Maybe a reminder of my actions would make her believe? I raked my hand through my hair, "Bella, I never let another girl spend the night before." My voice softened and I could hear the desperation in my own voice. "You're the first woman I've allowed in my bed. You're special."

I tried to take her hand; I needed to feel her skin against mine. If I could get her to feel the zing of our connection, maybe she would remember what we were like together and get past all of this bullshit. Bella snorted and took a step back; her eyes glowed with her misplaced anger. "I suppose I should feel privileged that the great manwhore of the University of Washington deigned me special enough to allow me the privilege of sleeping in his bed after fucking me!" She took a deep breath. "But I don't" She paused and shook her head back and forth. "I feel… dirty."

Dirty? What the fuck? Her words felt like she'd punched me in the gut. She thought what we did together was dirty? She labeled the most amazing sex of my life with the first woman that I'd felt anything for other than a means to an end, as dirty? Fuck that! If she wanted to pretend that we didn't share a special connection, fine. If she wanted to listen to the poisonous ramblings of my cousin, fine. But no fucking way was I going to allow her to mark what we shared in my apartment, what we felt as our bodies came together over and over again in a ballet of give and take, of honesty and truth and need as dirty.

She felt the same connection I did. I know she did. And I would make her admit to it.

Play time was over!

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Bella's head shot up, her eyes wide with surprise. But I was too fucking pissed off to be taken in by their beauty.

"What?" She asked softly. Where's all that anger now pretty girl? Oh, that's right, it's my turn.

"You heard me. What the fuck do you mean by that remark?" I took a step closer to her.

I made you feel dirty? Dirty like something I would scrape off the bottom of my shoes? Dirty like a secret desire that you don't let your friends and family know about?" My blood was boiling with anger. She has no idea what it felt like to be made to feel dirty. " Or dirty like the feeling you get when you discover that your girlfriend of years had only been using you for sex practice before dumping you for the guy she really wanted?"

Shit! Maybe she didn't hear that last one.

"Bella's mouth fell open and her eyes widened. She heard it. Time to deflect.

"Edward, what happened to…"

I had to steer this conversation back on course. I was not going to discuss what that bitch Tanya did to me. Not here. Not now.

I interrupted her. "Answer me Bella! How did I make you feel dirty? Because what we shared felt pretty fucking good to me and judging by the animal sounds you were making and your soaking wet pussy, I think you would agree."

Stunned, she took half a step back before once again standing her ground.

She jutted out her chin; her anger replaced the need for more information regarding my sad past as Tanya's fucktoy. "You know what I meant. You played me, just like you played every woman before me."

Yes! We were back on track. "Describe one time I played you. One!" I held up one finger in front of her face.

Her eyes narrowed and both of our chests heaved with our heavy breaths. "The bar!"

"The bar?"

"You must've known that I was Alice's friend and roommate otherwise you would've never noticed me. She told me all about you. I should've known that was the reason you approached me."

"Oh, right because I live to fuck over Alice's friends. Jesus Bella, listen to yourself. I didn't even know Alice was there and I certainly had no fucking clue that you lived with the little spikey haired harpy. All I know was that a gorgeous and alluring woman was eye fucking me from across the bar and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. My body started moving towards yours before my brain could even figure out what the fuck I was doing. You wanted me just as much as I wanted you. You still want me."

"No."

I snorted at her lame denial. "Now who's lying?" She bristled at my accusation but didn't bother to deny it. This is fucking ridiculous. The mere fact that I'm standing in a fucking parking lot on a Sunday morning trying to make you seen sense and not back in that diner enjoying my breakfast and gloating over my latest bedpost notch, should be proof enough for you to believe me!"

"You want me to believe that out of all the women on campus, all of the women you've been with, that I'm the one you want above all others? I may be a plain and simple girl from a plain and simple town, but I'm not that naïve Edward!"

I ignored her assertion that she was plain. That was another fight for another time. Or maybe not as I had no idea if I'd ever get to see her again after today.

"Yes I fucking expect you to believe it! I haven't given you any cause not to believe it!" I could hear my voice echo off of the brick buildings and passing cars. I suppose I should have cared that I was making a scene. But I was beyond caring what out little conversation looked like to anyone else. I opened my heart to this woman and she'd flung it to the floor, and stomped it into hamburger with her purple sneaker clad feet.

I was so fucking tired of this bullshit. If she could walk away from what we shared, walk away from me and any future we might have, than fuck it. So could I.

But I wouldn't go easily.

I took a deep breath and gathered my strength for what I was about to do. "Despite what you think, despite what Alice has told you, which by the way should be taken with a grain of fucking salt as she doesn't really fucking know me, I never lied to any of those other women. They knew exactly what I wanted from them. And I assure you sweetheart; they were more than willing participants. Just. Like. You. Were."

Bella's shocked face tore at my heart, but I hid behind the stone walls surrounding it and pressed on.

"I may be an asshole but at least I'm an honest asshole." I felt my face twist into a sneer, "I told you how I feel about you. But your unwillingness to even listen to me believing that all you wanted from me was a quick fuck!"

"That's not true. I'm…I'm not like that." Bella stammered.

"You're not like what?" I countered.

"I'm not like you!"

"What the fuck do you mean by that?"

Her head dropped. No way was I going to let her hide from me after that statement.

"Fucking answer me!' When did this become such a fucking mess? I came out here to get my girl back and I end up screaming at her in a parking lot. I wanted to bang my head against the nearest brick wall.

"I don't have lots of sex with strangers. I don't let my emotions run away from and sleep with everyone I come across. I don't … I just don't do that sort of thing." Her head was still bowed, still hiding. She refused to look me in the eye when she called me a whore.

I nodded, and in a calm voice that belied the anger simmering in my soul. I answered her. "No you're not like me. I'm not afraid to take and give pleasure when it's offered or needed and I'm not afraid to be honest when it's more than a fuck. You Bella Swan are an uptight, scared little girl who is afraid to admit that she craves passion in her life." I took a deep breath before I uttered the last words that I knew would be the nail in my coffin. " And a hard cock up her cunt!" A little harsh perhaps but we were passed the kind words and flowers portion of the day

"You bastard!'

I heard several gasps from behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see everyone standing behind me. The looks on their faces assured me that they'd heard what I'd said.

Fuck my life! This is just what I needed, a fucking audience to my heartbreak and humiliation. My fists clenched as I took in the disappointment on my brother's face. Our eyes met for a moment, before he shook his head and looked away.

"You're such a fucking asshole Edward!" Alice screamed as pushed she past me to get to the brunette that was now covering her face to hide her sobs. I lost my footing for a moment when the blond not so gently, body checked me on her way past.

Damn, Amazon Barbie was strong. Emmett is going to have his hands full with that one.

I watched both girls surround Bella and begin to console her. My arms ached to take her in my arms and do the job myself, but I forced them to stay glued to my sides.

"What happened to you Ed?" Jasper asked quietly.

I turned to my friend and offered a half laugh. "Nothing. Didn't you hear?" His eyes narrowed quizzically at my question. I repeated the words that my own family had thrown at me earlier. "I'm a fucking asshole."

Emmett reached out to touch my shoulder but I shrugged him off. I didn't want his fucking sympathy or pity. I only wanted Bella to acknowledge that what had happened between the two of us was real. I knew what I felt and I knew she felt it too. She was just too afraid to admit it, because if she admitted it, she'd have to stop hating me for a second and actually listen to what I was saying. But judging from the shit storm that this morning had turned into, I wasn't going to get what I wanted.

I was tired. For the first time in years I'd fought to have someone love me back. I jumped off that high board and tried to swim in the deep end, but just like last time, I wasn't good enough. My body ached with the stress of our fight and the pain of knowing that once again I wasn't good enough for the girl I wanted.

I began walking away from them, away from my family, my friend and away from Bella. I got into Vanessa and drove out of the parking lot, ignoring the group surrounding my girl. She was still mine in my heart though I knew that would be the only place I'd ever get to acknowledge it.

As I made the turn out of the drive, I took one more look, and our eyes met.

One set shone with hurt and disappointment, the other with regret and guilt.


Ooooh, which eyes are whose? LOL! "Confrontation in the diner parking lot! Everyone gather around for the show!"

Poor Edward. He started out trying to get his girl back and ends up possibly burning a bridge in order to save his heart. What do you think about his reaction? Where do you think things will go from here?

As always, I'd love to hear from you!

Thanks for reading,

ruinedbyrob