BPOV

My stomach rumbled pulling me from my psychological rambling. I'm sure that it's a sign of insanity to play everything out in your head. I prefer to look at it as preventing unnecessary conversations. Either way sane, or bat shit crazy I was hungry, but a knock on the door prevented me expending the effort to get out of the bed.

Thank the stars because this bed is really comfy.

I ran my fingers through my hair and muttered," come in," feeling like a patient in an expensive private hospital. The door silently opened and revealed a staunch looking Jasper, and Emmett carrying a tray of food and showcasing the biggest dimples I've ever seen. It was no use hiding it and a giggle escaped my lips at my behemoth waiter.

"Mademosielle, we have here today your tasty tasty lunch which I believe is a gourmet turkey sandwich. For your beverage we have a cool glass of the finest Forks filtered tap water. And for dessert, morphine. Bon appetit!" Emmett wiggled his way over and placed the tray down on the bedside table. With a flourish rarely seen in straight men he unfolded the fabric napkin and placed it in my lap.

I smiled and fluttered my eyelids at the man who was a shot of normal to the system around all of this damn Cullen perfection. "Why thank you sir. Compliments to the chef." Manners be damned I grabbed the sandwich and took a huge bite. A moan of pleasure escaped my mouth as the turkey melted with avocado and tomato. Delicious.

Jasper stood near the door, thumbs in his beltloops but his legs shoulder width apart. He may have been going for relaxed but I know that stance. Bastard came to pick a fight. My mouth was still chocking down the deli delight when he cleared his throat.

"Bella I'm sure you know why Emmett and I are the ones delivering your lunch."

I looked up innocently,"No Jasper I don't, unless it's for my sparkling personality. I have no idea."

He snickered and crossed his arms. "Ok I get it. You don't like to talk, especially about yourself. How about doing me a favor and just listening? Otherwise I have to go back to Alice and she'll roast my ass in the pizza oven."

A picture of Alice being the witch from Hansel and Gretel popped into my mind but was too ridiculous. The girl weighed ten pounds and propbably still cries at The Lion King. But the thought of her in tears made my stomach reject my lunch so I nodded to accept his offer.

"Growing up Rosie and me, well our family wasn't like the Cullens. I was the oldest of the boys so I was expected to get the furthest the fastest. My grades had to be the highest, my horse the most well tended. Hell my daddy wanted me to lie to get into the damn military. Nothing I did was ever good enough so the old man figured if I got myself killed serving my country he could save a little face in the county we lived."

He turned around and lifted his shirt, revealing a basketweave of raised scars across his back. One slash extended from one shoulder diagonally down to his hip and looked like it would have cut through to bone. My meal was threatening to reappear but I took a sip of water instead.

"I'm not showing this to you for nothing. Alice told me what she saw in the shower. Mine happened all at one, at the hand of my son of a bitch father. At his belt really. I wasn't willing to listen to him on the military thing. No way I was going from one shithead barking at me all day to another."

All I could do was give a tight nod. Strange as it sounds I was proud of him, not that I could say that without sounding condescending. Or just like a tool.

I thought it was over but he started again,"It was a Monday this happened. Good thing too cause that means all my washing was done. I packed my bag to leave but he wasn't gonna let me go. I had to fight off my own dad just to get out of the house. I finally clocked him a few good ones and was able to get away. Blood was leaking out of me and my back stung like a bitch. No way I wanted an infection so I figure I'd stop off at my uncle's place first, see if Rosie could patch me up a bit. Never would have known if it was any day besides a Monday."

Jasper's head hung in...shame? Emmett clapped a big hand on his shoulder in the universal 'it's ok man' sign. Them Em turned his blue eyes to me and started filling in the blanks.

"You've seen my wife, she's beautiful. Problem is she's always been that, even when she was too young to know what that meant."

Bile rose in my throat and my vision was shaking. I realised I was actually shaking my head in the negative, begging it not to be true.

"Yeah baby Bell, exactly what you're thinking. I won't go into details but her father Royce loved her in ways no man has a right loving his daughter, because it wasn't love. It was sick and wrong,
and she still has problems from it. She can't have kids or at least we dont think so. He got her pregnant once, found out, and beat her so hard she lost it. It did some damage, you know, like on the insides and shit."

"Oh Em," I had nothing else.

"It's all good now B, well at least it's better. Jasper rode up bleeding all over the place and saw what was happening. Must have stocked up on adrenaline or some shit because he beat the shit out of uncle dickweed, grabbed my girl and drove off."

He smiled big and fist bumped Jasper. Jazz turned his attention back to me," We drove all night, just kept driving, putting as much dirt between us and Texas as we could. Took awhile but we stopped for lunch one day at this little diner in San Francisco. All of a sudden this little bit of spikey haired sugar dances right up to me telling me how I've kept her waiting. Six months later,
Alice became my bride and three months later Em and Rose got hitched."

"Six months? That's it? I mean ok you love her but how did you take that jump? That's like skateboarding across the Grand Canyon!" I asked increduously.

They both chuckled before Jasper answered," That's why we're the ones up here talking to you princess. Me, cause I know at least a little of how you feel. If your own damn daddy uses you as a whipping post and your mama don't help, it's easy to lose all trust. Humankind is shit, I get that Bella, I really do. But Em's here too, because you gotta know when it comes to this damn family, they don't run from ugly. They can take it, they're a helluva lot stronger then the look, 'specially the ladies."

Emmett nodded emphatically with a comically scared look on his face before cracking into his normal grin," So there you have it Baby Bell. What do you think?"

My teeth worried my bottom lip as I tried to sort through the headfuck that lay before me. Searching deep into my gut instincts I felt the truth in their story. The problem was, their story wasn't mine, and that's what I told them.

"What is it then Bella?" Jasper's tone was strained and his body language was sending off enough angry vibes to warn off a brown bear. "You got my wife crying over your scars, my cousin in love with your son, and everyone else worried as shit. Let's not even mention Edward moping around like someone kicked his damn dog. What is so fucking bad that you think this family can't handle?"

Useless tears slid out of my eyes without my permission. I shuddered in a big breath," I told you guys I'm trouble. Rosalie believed me. I should just go."

Emmett surprised me by standing in front of the only exit arms crossed. What is he, the bouncer to my bedroom? "Um sorry B, that's not going to work. You're a pain in the ass sure, but you're fun too. Your reactions to shit are too hilarious to let you walk your skinny ass outta here."

Jasper almost whispered,"you're worth it Bella." That broke me.

"No I'm not! I'm human garbage getting thrown aside when I'm no longer of use to anyone. Can't take a punch Bella? Bam, out you go. Question anything? See ya. It's everyone, EVERYONE in my life ever. They come in like you guys, kind and warm and next thing I know I need fucking stitches again. My own mother left me to run off with her boyfriends. She finally marries one and asks me home. Bam hello Mr Handsy." My voice was rising and the hysteria was taking me over. I couldn't stop, everything poured out of me. Word vomit filled with all of my misdeeds.

"I've been stabbed, thrown through furniture, and down stairs. My hairs been pulled, my body violated till I can't wash the grime off no matter how hot the water gets. And the funny part? They all said 'I love you'. Each and every single one, but I figured it out. The common denominator? It's me. Every person has an evil inside of them and I bring it floating to the top. I'm a monster magnet and I hate myself, more then you could ever know."

"My Dad is good but all I've ever seen is people walk all over him or the look of disappointment he gets because his daughter is in more fucking trouble. I will not survive that look from you people.
I can't do it again."

I finished in a course whisper. My throat was raw from crying and screeching and I didn't have a second thought before I popped the morphine laid out on the lunch tray. Mason would be fine for now. As long as I wasn't around them too much, I couldn't draw the ugliness out of them.

The two men stood agape, unsure of how to react to my emotional pyrotechnics. I rolled over and think I heard them apologise before the door whispered shut. Breathe Bella, just wait for the numbness.