A/N: Okay, so there's a bit of an icky dream sequence in here, but it has a happy ending, fear not. And the rest of the chapter is sweet and fluffy, I promise. :)
In all honesty, Levi wasn't surprised this had happened.
He spent several minutes staring at his ceiling, willing his pounding heart to calm down and digging the heels of his hands into his eyes in frustration. He had glanced at his clock before to see that it was an ungodly hour in the morning, and what else had he expected? Of course after spilling his guts like that to Eren he was going to have bad dreams all night. The minute he closed his eyes all he saw was the Red Room, or Marlow and his friends looming above him as they pressed burning cigarettes or needles against his genitals, or shoving foreign objects up his rectum that were far too large to fit in his tiny body. Or his mother crying and trying to comfort him all at once beneath him as those men forced his head between her-
Levi swallowed hard, feeling bile rise up his throat and trying to push it back down. He was far too exhausted and drained to be sick tonight. He was also far too tired and yet too on edge to fall back asleep. Yet whenever he closed his eyes for more than a blink, he was assaulted with more horrible images and phantom feelings, feelings of being pinned to the bed by huge, heavy bodies that were far stronger than his young, vulnerable one, feelings of being trapped and unable to escape.
He could get up, head into the living room and attempt to watch t.v until he passed out, but he knew that was unlikely to happen. The only outcome he could see from that was a migraine and aching eyes following him throughout the day. Besides, he knew deep down there was a part of him that was desperate for company, to assure himself that he wasn't alone in this house and that someone else would be on watch for his demons tonight. God knew it was exhausting watching for them alone.
Sighing deeply, tiredly, he realized he had only one option left. He didn't think he would be rejected, but he felt bad nonetheless. Trying not to think too hard about it, Levi swung his legs over the side of his bed and padded down the hallway to the bedroom at the end. The door was cracked open, allowing for a sliver of comforting, mellow light from the hallway to peak in. He carefully pushed it open the rest of the way, his eyes coming to rest on the lump nestled beneath the blankets in the middle of the bed. Even from here, he could see that Eren was deeply asleep, if his soft snores were anything to go by. Carefully, feeling very much like a small, guilty child, he picked his way over to the side of the bed, stopping once his knees were nudging the mattress.
Eren was facing away from him, the blankets up to his nose and his hair lying on the pillow carelessly. His lips were slightly parted to let his breaths in and out, and his dark eyelashes fanned out over his cheeks softly. He looked so peaceful for once, and Levi again felt horrible for thinking of disturbing him, so horrible in fact that he began to turn away from the bed, knowing that Eren needed all the sleep he could get and didn't deserve to have it interrupted because of Levi's selfishness. He was used to many years' worth of sleepless nights, what was one more?
But that selfish part of him spoke up a little louder, assuring him that Eren wouldn't mind, not really. If the kid was so sincere about telling Levi that he thought he was beautiful, surely he wouldn't mind letting him into his bed because he couldn't sleep?
It was those thoughts that made Levi sink gently to the bed, sitting down on it before he began to pull the blankets back. But then he hesitated again, telling himself that he shouldn't intrude, and the back and forth argument in his head was already beginning to kick-start that migraine he was worried about. However, before he could think on it any further, he heard a sleepy moan and felt Eren roll over, before he caught the glitter of the boy's eyes as they slowly opened into slits.
"Mmm…Levi?" he hummed, his voice thick and crackly with sleep, "Wassa matter? You'kay?"
Levi froze, like a rabbit that's been sighted by a fox, before stuttering, "I-I…I'm sorry for waking you up, Eren, I didn't mean- I'll just go back to bed, it's alright."
"No s'not," Eren mumbled, trying valiantly to wake himself up but failing miserably, his eyes drooping heavily, "Have a bad dream?"
The older man stared at him in shock. "H-How did you…?"
"Can't think of any other reason why you'd be here in the middle of the night."
"Oh."
For a brief moment, Levi went quiet, unsure how to proceed now that he had been found out, before he began, "So, um"-
But luckily, Eren beat him to it, opening up the blanket lazily and demanding, "Get in."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. C'mere. Don't want you to be alone."
Sighing in defeat, the older mean scooted under the offered blankets, immediately feeling himself relax when he noticed that the blankets and pillows all smelled like Eren. He relaxed even more when he settled his head on the pillow and felt Eren's body heat on the other side of the bed begin to bleed into his bones. The boy was like a cozy furnace, and without even realizing that it was happening, Levi's eyes began to fall shut.
However, they shot open a moment later when he felt Eren shuffle up next to him and drape his arm over his waist, before curling his body around the older man's, effectively spooning him from behind.
"Eren?" he asked, curious as to what the kid was up to.
"This okay?" Eren mumbled.
"…Yeah, it's fine."
"Good. Cool. Okay…night then."
Levi didn't reply, one because he could tell that Eren was already more asleep than awake, and he could feel his breaths evening out into sleep in a matter of minutes. Two, because he couldn't think of anything to say. The boy had yet again stolen all coherent thought from him, starting when he told Levi he was beautiful and then by showing him by kissing him on the forehead. Now this. It certainly wasn't unpleasant, having Eren wrapped around him with the boy holding him laxly around his waist. It wasn't uncomfortable feeling the length of his warm body all along Levi's and feeling his nose pressed against the back of his neck. His moist, warm breaths heating up his nape and teasing the fine hairs there also were not unpleasant. In fact, it made Levi feel exactly what he'd hoped he would when he came to Eren looking for comfort; safe, content, and even more shocking, made him relax enough where he began to drift again. His body registered that there was someone else with him now, someone else to help watch for danger, and that everything was okay now. The deep, primal instinct for physical contact and warmth when one was afraid was soothed, and Levi barely had the time to relish in the feeling of Eren's chest rising and falling against his back, before sleep claimed him again.
Almost at once however, he found himself plunged back into his dreams, picking up where the last one left off. He was in the Red Room with Marlow and his gang, the older man shoving Levi's face down onto his cock, saying matter of factly, "It's not gonna suck itself, kid."
Levi tried to keep his gaze locked onto the deep red comforter beneath them, wishing once more with all of his small heart that a hero would show up to save him, to pull him out of this place and take him outside under the sun, to tell him that they were going home and that no one would ever hurt him again. His mother always said if he wished, his dreams might come true. So he had made that wish every night since their capture, but of course it never happened. Instead, he was forced to clench his teeth together as another man gripped his hips and forced themselves into his tiny body, before obediently lowering his head to take Marlow in his mouth. He dearly hoped they wouldn't notice him crying. He didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he was hurting. Yet his tears always made them come, and if they didn't come, they might just hurt him worse.
The pain was brutal, burning, tearing him in half, and Levi knew without question that the warm, sticky liquid dripping down his thigh was blood. Maybe not much, but the sharp, iron tang in the air was enough to make him feel sicker and even more frightened than he already was. His fear only increased when he heard Marlow growl, "Now when I come, you better swallow every drop of sperm. I don't want to see any of it escaping out the sides of your mouth, or there'll be hell to pay."
Of course, Levi tried his best, but he could barely fit Marlow's penis in his mouth, much less swallow what came out when he at last found his release. His gag reflex had him yanking his head back when he felt it spurt down his windpipe instead of his throat, causing him to cough violently to the point where he thought he'd vomit.
"You little shit," Marlow hissed, glancing down at his lap and seeing the evidence of his own release now spattered all over his lap mixed in with saliva, "Ugh, Pierce"-
"Got it," the man still buried in Levi responded, and wasted no time in leaning forward, snaking his hands around to Levi's crotch and twisting the boy's penis hard enough that he knew it would bruise badly in the morning. Levi yipped in response, trying very hard to hold back any sounds of pain. But Pierce seemed to know exactly what he was doing, and began to dig his nails into the soft, sensitive flesh.
"Go on brat, scream," he demanded, "I heard your mama says you have a pretty singing voice. So sing for us."
Levi began to writhe on the other man's cock, trying to pull away but unable to, Marlow pushing his head down into the bed so that he couldn't. The pain became unbearable quickly, and his willpower was shattered in that instant. Levi began to cry out, tears welling in his eyes and burning down his cheeks. His whole world was pain and humiliation, had been for most of his life with no end in sight, and he wished impossibly once more that world could expand to include the warmth of the sun and security of a safe haven.
He knew how this dream would end. He would continue to cry and squirm, until all of the men finished and eventually got off of him, chuckling and patting his head, thanking him for the fun. But this time, it didn't go like that. This time, instead, he heard the door burst open, smacking against the wall with a loud bang. He heard the pounding of rapid footsteps, and Marlow saying, "What the hell?" before there were sounds of a fight going on over his head. Heads were being bounced off walls, cries of pain filled the small room, and Pierce and Marlow were torn off of him, their assailant showing them no mercy as he stabbed them over and over with a large hunting knife between their legs. He finally cut off their cocks and, to Levi's horrified and yet fascinated eyes, he shoved them down their throats. He sliced Pierce's neck quickly, and then placed a heavy foot on Marlow's chest, before leaning down to bring his face close to the other man's.
"What's the matter?" the mysterious, shadowed figure said as he towered over him, "You're fine torturing a helpless child but can't handle it when someone hurts you? I thought sadomasochists love that sort of thing."
He pressed his blade up to Marlow's throat, and hissed softly, "I hear you have a pretty singing voice. So how about you sing for me?"
And with that, he sliced the man's neck from ear to ear, a wound that would ensure he'd die but not quickly. Marlow gurgled and gasped for breath, a sweet song indeed to his assailant's ears. Victorious, the shadowed figure stood up straight, taking his foot off of his chest, and spat, "Now rot in Hell where you belong."
He then turned away from him, and instead turned towards Levi. The small boy cowered against the bed for a moment, his body shivering from cold and fear. However, his shivers ceased when his savior pulled the blankets up from the bed and wrapped them around his tiny shoulders, effectively wrapping them around him and covering every inch of him.
"Who- Who are"- Levi began, and then gasped when he was met with a pair of green eyes only inches from his own. He knew those eyes, knew them as well as his own by now. Knew how they sparkled when they were filled with delight or dimmed when they were afraid. Knew how they looked at him with awe and affection every day, and he couldn't believe that they were here.
"Eren?" he whispered, hardly daring to believe it.
His boy grinned in response, and in the light Levi could see that he was miraculously free of any blood. He booped the end of Levi's nose, before the child leaped into his arms and hugged him close, wrapping his arms around his neck.
"You're here," he said breathlessly, "You saved me."
"Of course," Eren murmured, wrapping his arms around Levi and lifting him up from the bed, blankets and all, "You wished for a hero, didn't you? I'll always be your hero, Levi. Whatever you need me for, I'm here. I told you, I won't let anyone hurt you again."
Levi sobbed happily in relief, burying his face into Eren's neck and relishing the feeling of the warm skin and wonderfully woodsy smell that Eren had adopted since moving in with him. He smelled clean, like freedom and fresh air, like forests and wide open spaces.
He smelled like home.
With that, Eren took him from that room and led him down a hallway, before they were walking into the blinding sunlight. Levi closed his eyes and tipped his head back, letting it soak into his skin, and noticing that the deep red blankets wrapped around him were being stained a bright white as the sun touched them, accepting him into its loving embrace. He laughed in pure elation, Eren laughing right along with him.
And back in bed, Levi smiled softly in his sleep, snuggling back into Eren subtly. The boy sighed against the back of his neck, tightening his grip around his waist. Levi had been in the dark for so many years, but here at last was someone that was bringing him back into the sunlight, and that someone would make sure he'd never leave its embrace ever again.
000
March 30:
I can't write much today, seeing as how it's Eren's birthday. The little craplet got me up at seven today, literally took a flying leap at the bed and wouldn't stop bouncing around until I got up. Kept asking me if I knew what day it was and I told him I did, then he told me to hurry up and get ready. Little shot in the ass…
Anyway, we do indeed have places to be. This is most likely Eren's first actual celebration of his birthday in ten years, and I just hope I make it special enough for him. I suppose this happening on his eighteenth birthday is fitting. He's leaving childhood behind and becoming an adult, and hopefully it'll be another symbol of how he's leaving his trauma in the past and moving forward from it. I guess we'll see. I know it's not that easy, but I know hitting my eighteenth birthday helped me slightly in that manner.
Above all, I can't wait to see Eren's reaction to his present. I think the anticipation is killing him, especially since I've made him listen to various sanders and smell the stink of either polish or burning wood in the garage for the past couple of weeks, and every time he asked what was going on I'd tell him he'd find out on his birthday. I just hope he likes what I've been working on.
"Levi, everything's packed!" Eren called from the open front door, "Can we go now? Please?"
"Yes, just grab some breakfast to take with you," Levi told him, putting the journal away and heading into the kitchen just in time to see Eren hastily grabbing a muffin and a banana, already taking a bite out of the banana before running outside again. The older man snorted at his enthusiasm, before following him out the door.
It was a gorgeous spring day, the sun already warm despite it being so early in the morning. It was slightly humid, but that was normal for this area. He noticed that Eren had taken the trouble to pull his car out of the garage and it was still running, the boy already in the passenger's seat and vibrating with excitement even as he wolfed down the remainder of his banana and started on his muffin. Levi was just glad he had been indeed paying attention when the older man had tried to explain the basics of driving to him, seeing as how Eren had never learned. He hopped into the driver's side, slammed the door, and pulled out of his driveway before heading onto the main road.
"So will you tell me where we're going now?" Eren asked, finishing his muffin and eyeing Levi eagerly.
"We're going to spend the day at Salmon River," Levi explained, "It's a state park. It's got hiking trails, a waterfall, a little field for picnicking…shouldn't be too many people there, and if there are, it's full of wide open space. I know I always feel less claustrophobic when I can see the sky. Sound good?"
He chanced a quick look in Eren's direction to see that the boy was positively glowing, his smile so wide it looked like it was going to split his face. "That sounds amazing!" he exclaimed, "And it's so nice out today! Thank you Levi, you're the best!"
Levi reached over and ruffled his hair, causing Eren to laugh in delight. That warmth was back, rising up his chest to tickle his throat, Eren's happiness more infectious than he thought possible.
"No problem, brat," he said simply, before turning his attention back to the road.
It was only about an hour drive that involved Eren singing along loudly to the music from Levi's ipod that he had attached to the car's stereo, and Levi couldn't fight the smirk or the desire to sing quietly along with him, delighted more than he'd like to admit that Eren seemed to not only like his music, but had listened to it so much that he knew the words to many of his songs. They alternated between that and staring out the window at the rolling rural scenery that passed them by, Eren excitedly asking pointing out farm animals or wildlife they passed, or pointing out oddly shaped clouds in the sky. Finally, when they reached Salmon River, the sun was higher in the sky, the light less yellow from the early morning and gradually growing whiter with the creeping mid-morning to early afternoon sunlight. Eren hopped out of the car before Levi even had the chance to fully park it, bouncing on the balls of his feet by the time Levi got out.
"Alright, easy, you," Levi cautioned, shaking his head fondly, "Grab your water bottle and we'll head out. The trail leading the falls isn't too long, but there are other trails leading around it. If you want to walk those, we can come back and grab some more, okay?"
Eren agreed, before tugging on his hands excitedly and pulling him in the direction of the trail that led to the falls.
The boy was instantly pulled into a spell that his surroundings seemed to weave over him. The heady scent of pine and damp soil exacerbated by the humidity rose up around them, and the overly oxygenated air made them feel dizzy in the best way possible. Eren stared in wonder down at his bare arms, watching the dappled sunlight pass over his tanned skin as he walked. Their surroundings were every shade of green imaginable, the sun lighting up the thick canopy of trees over their heads and down beside them and making the leave glow brightly. There was the echo of birdsong all around them, and even the cry of a hawk passing overhead. The leaves skittered off to their left, and Eren saw a chipmunk scramble onto a fallen log, before it caught sight of them and darted away.
Eren was utterly enchanted with the little forest already, and while Levi thought that it was indeed lovely, he was far more enchanted with the boy himself. His wide-eyed reaction to everything was breath taking, his innocent wonder with the simplest things so sweet that Levi practically felt himself melting at the sight. He was just so happy that Eren finally had the energy to act like this; he was almost at a healthy weight again, the appearance of his bones softened dramatically, his cheeks rounder, his eyes brighter and his hair shinier than ever. Physically, he was pretty much healed, and it was a huge step in the right direction. His reaction to his surroundings was also a step in the right direction. For now, gone was the child that cowered against Levi's side. Instead, this new Eren was actively seeking things out and interacting with the world around him, running his fingers over oddly shaped leaves, lifting up rotting logs to get a look at the centipedes and salamanders that were crawling around underneath. The color was high in his cheeks, and his laughter and excited commentary came easy.
He was so beautiful in his happiness that Levi's heart ached at the sight.
They reached the waterfall in a few short minutes, or rather, the top of the water fall. When he saw the water, Eren did not hesitate to pick his down towards the rocks that led into the gently moving rapids before taking off his shoes and dipping his toes in.
"S-Shit that's cold," he observed, shivering, but wading in slightly deeper anyway.
"Of course it is," Levi said dryly, "There was ice in this river a couple weeks ago. Take your feet out before they freeze off."
"But the water feels awesome rushing over my feet," Eren pouted with a slight whine, "I haven't stuck my feet in a river in ten years, do you really want to deny me this joy?"
"The joy of hypothermia? Of course not. Do whatever you want then, you're an adult now, I can't stop you. But if you freeze to death I'm not mourning your loss."
Eren laughed, before saying, "Fine, good luck finding someone else to reach things on the top shelf for you. Although you do look cute standing on a chair to get your cereal out of the cupboards."
"Eren, shut up before I drown you in that freezing cold water."
The boy only laughed harder, wading a little ways away from the shore until he was up to his ankles.
They spent the rest of the morning like that, Eren wandering around in the cold river, pointing out the minnows, frogs and crayfish that he'd find. He even found a water snake at one point and picked it up by the tail, showing it to Levi who'd backed away rapidly from it and told him to put it down before he got bit or contracted salmonella. Eren even at one point stopped near the edge of the waterfall to fathom at the sheer, massive drop that lay beyond his feet. It made him feel wonderfully small, and he knew he wouldn't forget the view in a hurry. They finally stopped for lunch, going back to the car and eating quickly, Eren far too excited to even stop for food. Although, he did savor and thank Levi profusely for the cinnamon and sugar donut the older man had packed into his lunch as a surprise, no matter how messy it made his pants the cinnamon sugar rained off the donut and into his lap with every bite. Soon enough, they were back in action, Eren deciding he wanted to walk some of the trails next. So off they went, each carrying a water bottle, until they reached the small field that branched off the main trails. It was no more than a dozen or so yards all around, but the wide, green open space laid under the bright blue backdrop of the sky had Eren's heart racing excitedly.
However, that excitement turned to apprehension when he saw a couple of people appear from the trees, just a few feet from where they stood. They were heading down the trail the opposite way, obviously on their way back from their hike. However, Eren didn't panic too badly, seeing as how there was the field to his left; he had an escape route if he needed it, and Levi was still standing right behind him. However, the man was quiet, just observing to see what Eren would do.
The boy's first impulse to move several feet away, but two things stopped him. First, the two newcomers were women, young women, about his age, so they didn't feel as threatening. And secondly, they were walking a small dog. The dog immediately captured his attention more than the women did. Its pointed ears were far too large for its foxy-looking head, and it trotted along happily on stubby little legs. Looking closer, Eren observed that it had no tail, and any tail that it might have had was covered under layers of fluff around its rump. It perked up when it caught sight of Eren and Levi, its ears pricking and its head tilting, going completely still, before it began to wag its whole butt, laid its ears back, rushing forward and pulling on its leash in its effort to run up and greet them.
"Oh, Willow, hey! Stay over here!" the girl holding the leash exclaimed. She glanced up at the two men apologetically. "Sorry, she thinks everyone we come across wants to pet her."
"Of course they do," Eren answered, surprising Levi thoroughly, "She's adorable."
He moved a little closer to the dog, drawn to its friendly face and wagging rump. Levi noticed that it looked like Eren was fighting the urge to reach out and pet it, that he would love nothing more in the world than to do so, but he was obviously too shy to do it. So, the older man decided to help him out.
"Eren, I'm sure if you asked, she'd let you pet her dog," he pointed out.
"Oh, right," the boy spoke haltingly, as if he'd never even considered that to be an option, "Um, is it okay if I pet her?"
The girl offered him a kind smile that her friend matched, before saying, "Of course you can, honey. Go ahead."
With that, Eren returned her smile, before kneeling down. The girl let the dog's leash go slack, and it immediately rushed up to Eren, putting its front paws on his knees and stretching up to kiss his nose. The boy laughed happily, reaching up to scratch behind her huge ears and watching the dog's nub of a tail wagging as hard as a nub possibly could. The scratching was pushing up fluffy skin rolls that bunch up around the small dog's face adorably, and Eren couldn't help but smile at how cute and squishy it made her look. The dog seemed to like his laugh and his smile, because it reached forward again and began kissing his face with more vigor.
"What kind of dog is that?" Levi asked, figuring Eren probably wanted to know.
"She's a Corgi," the girl answered.
"Never seen one of those before."
"They're not very common around here. I'm actually glad that's the first question you asked me, I mostly get asked where her tail is."
"She's so cute," Eren breathed, and looked up at the man still standing behind him. "Oh my God, Levi can we get one? Can we get twenty?"
Levi shook his head regretfully. "Sorry, kid. My job doesn't allow for pets. But someday when you're on your own, feel free to get as many as you'd like."
Eren pouted, before turning his attention back to the dog, and kissing the tip of her nose. That made Willow flop over like she was swooning, and lay on her back, exposing her fluffy belly for him to pet, which of course he couldn't resist doing. He got her leg kicking in no time, and it was then that Eren vowed to indeed own one of these dogs before he died.
Regretfully, they had to bid the girls adieu, and the two of them continued on, hiking for the rest of the day and only finally deciding to head back when both of them began to grow hungry. The drive back passed in a flash, Eren chattering excitedly the whole way about every amazing thing they had done, before he was hopping out of the car again and trotting beside Levi all the way up to the front door.
Dinner was over fast, with Eren receiving a small chocolate cake baked courtesy of Petra as an apology that she couldn't be there for his birthday. Well, there was that, and another gift she had given him, sneaking them to Levi on those rare chances when Eren wasn't glued to his side.
And speaking of gifts…
Once the last bite of cake was consumed, Eren moved into the living room, sitting on the couch and sighing happily. The excitement of the day was finally catching up with him, and combined with his full belly, the boy began to feel extremely sleepy. It took no time at all for his eyes to start drooping and his chin to begin to grow heavy, constantly dipping towards his chest before he snapped his head back up again. Once Levi finished clearing the table, he came into the living room, snorting when he saw Eren clearly drifting off.
"Hey, don't fall asleep yet," he said, "You're going to want your presents, aren't you?"
Eren jerked awake, the fog of sleep clearing from his head immediately. "Presents?"
"Yes, Eren, presents. It's your birthday. You didn't think we'd forget to get you presents, did you?"
Eren blinked at him, dumbfounded. "You didn't have to get me anything. You've already done more than enough"-
"Well, we did, and there's no returns in this house," Levi said, smiling, "Besides, I think you'll like what we got you too much to want to give them back."
So, left with no choice, Eren sat obediently on the couch while Levi disappeared into the back of the house, returning with two small presents, one in paper wrapping and the other in a little black bag tied with a drawstring. He sat on the couch next to Eren and handed him the slightly bigger one first.
"That one's from Petra," he explained, "She said she saw it and immediately thought of you."
Curious, Eren opened it, and gasped in joy when the wrapping fell away to reveal a small, stuffed fawn. It was only slightly bigger than Eren's hand, its fur overly soft and plush with black bead eyes. He smiled wide, glancing up at Levi excitedly, before exclaiming, "This is so cute! That was so thoughtful of her. I'm going to give her the biggest hug and thank you when I see her again."
Levi grinned in response, before handing him the other present, the little black bag. "That one's from me. This is the reason you heard all that noise coming from the garage these past couple of weeks. I hope all the noise was worth it, I think it came out the way I wanted it to."
"Wait, you made my present?" Eren asked, awed by the implication.
"Yeah," Levi answered nonchalantly, "I used to make lots of things like this back in the day. Helped me relax."
Eager to see what was inside now more than ever, the boy opened the drawstring on the back and tipped the bag upside down. A hard object fell into his palm, followed by the hemp cord that it was attached to, and belatedly Eren realized that the object was a necklace. However, upon closer inspection, he realized that this was no ordinary necklace. It had clearly been worked on by hand, as Levi had suggested. The thick but light stone attached to the cord was polished and shiny, the edges sanded smooth. However, looking at the rings in the center, Eren figured out that it wasn't a stone at all, but a chunk of deer antler. On the front of the antler, an intricate tree had been burned into the front, its branches and roots wild and swirling, the roots at the bottom twisting at the bottom into something Eren recognized as a Celtic trinity knot. Lifting up the back of the antler, Eren saw that a word had been inscribed there, but he had no idea what it said.
Seeing his confused expression, Levi explained for him. "Troid.' It's Celtic for 'fight.' Which is what you've been doing since the day I met you. The tree on the front is called the tree of life, popular symbol for Celtic lore. It's supposed to symbolize how all life is connected. My mom tells me we have a lot of Irish in our blood, and in my darkest times that symbol has helped me a lot. It's reminded me that no matter how awful my problems are, they're insignificant in the grand scheme of things. My problems mean nothing to the stars in the sky, or the deer that pass by outside in the woods, or the leaves that fall from the trees. It's always made me feel better, like someday, somehow, this darkness too will pass. That word on the back is from me to you, to remind you no matter what, no matter how horrible or difficult things become, I want you to keep fighting. To be brave. Because you are, Eren. You're so brave…"
Eren was in shock, unable to breathe, unable to do anything but clench Levi's gift tightly in his hand and hold it to his chest, overcome by the symbolism of the necklace and the meaning behind his words. Quickly, far too quickly, he felt tears sting his eyes, before he shook his head.
"I'm not brave," he denied, trying to look anywhere but Levi's face, "I'm not brave at all. You've seen me at my worst. How can you possibly think I'm brave after that?"
"That's exactly why I think you're brave," Levi insisted, gently opening Eren's hand and taking the necklace. He adjusted the hemp cord so that it would fit over his head, before he slipped it around the boy's neck. He tightened the cord and straightened it so that the antler was settled square over Eren's breast bone, right above his heart, "Because I have seen you at your worst, kid, at the moments where you just want to die, where you have no hope of ever getting better, and yet you get back up and keep fighting. That's beyond amazing, and you don't give yourself nearly enough credit for accomplishing something so incredible."
Eren continued to shake his head, wiping at his eyes. "I'm only able to because I have you here with me. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't even try."
With that, Levi carefully but firmly took the boy's upper arms, forcing him to face him, before saying, "Listen to me, Eren. Maybe what you say is true, maybe it's not, but that's not important. What's important to me is getting you to see the person I see every day. To me, you are brave. You're brave, and strong, and so vibrant. God, I couldn't get over how happy you were today in that park, like nothing had ever been wrong in your life. And the fact that you can act like that at all after what happened to you is what makes you so strong."
He reached up to softly brush the backs of his fingers against Eren's cheek, the boy keeping his eyes on Levi's, the tears still flowing freely.
"You're beautiful too, Eren," the older man continued, "You're so beautiful that it breaks my heart. You're so courageous that I'm in awe of you, and so kind to me. In my opinion I've done nothing to deserve it. I'm just a broken coward pretending to be stronger than I really am. I don't deserve any kind words or the admiration you have for me. But that doesn't matter, because for as long as you'll let me help you, I wi"-
Levi was sure he could have gone on for another hour about how he didn't deserve any affection from anyone, and surely not someone as special as Eren. However, he wasn't going to get the chance, not tonight, or any other night. The boy was sick of hearing this speech, sick of the man giving so much and telling him how wonderful he was without receiving any of those same beautiful words in return. And Eren knew he could wax poetry for hours about how amazing Levi was, but he also knew the words wouldn't do any good. Levi wouldn't believe any of them. So he was left with only one choice.
He had to show him how much he meant to him.
So, he lifted a hand to the back of the other man's neck, grasping it gently and pulling him forward, before he leaned towards him and softly pressed his lips against Levi's.
A/N: Chapter title means "wild rose."
