Hello cupcakes,

I apologize in advance.

Love you all

Ps: If you're live-tweeting, don't forget to use the #lecrit hashtag or to tag me.


Deep breath. Empty your head. You're alive. Find a way out in your own mind. Deep breath. Fight it. Fight this. Deep breath. You're safe. You're safe. You're safe.

You're miserable.

"Magnus."

He opened his eyes slowly, looking down from the edge of the rooftop at the quiet street below his feet, taking in the buzz of the night. New York was always awake, always in movement, but it seemed like time had slowed down now, as if to accommodate to the ache in Magnus' heart.

"It's been two weeks now."

Magnus hummed absently, uncrossing his legs to let them hang in the void, cold wind ripping through the hole of Alec's sweater and sending a wave of shivers up his arms.

There was a sigh behind him, and soon a body moving to join him on the edge, sitting up next to him.

For a while, the silence was dominating, enveloping them in a cocoon of quiet awareness. He tried to take it all in, to use it to coax his mind into finally finding that unfolding he had been looking for, but what he found in its place was still a dark room, without doors or windows, all chances of a beacon of light peeking through abandoned to the darkness.

His mind was a scary place.

"Talk to me."

Magnus sighed, angling his head to look at Ragnor's pale face. His green eyes looked dark in the night, but they still held the softness he reserved just for his friends.

"I thought I needed to be alone," Magnus said, his voice barely over a whisper, but the noises of New York had somehow subdued, as if the city itself recognized the importance of his words, of how their late rarity had made them precious. "That it would be best for everyone. To protect them."

"You mean to protect Alec," Ragnor corrected softly.

A silence, and then a sigh. "Yeah."

"And it's not working," his friend stated in a monotone, leaving no room for argument.

"No," Magnus confessed.

"You're not protecting the people you love by leaving them, Magnus," Ragnor told him, and there was the weight of a thousand sufferings in his gaze. "You're just leaving them, that's it. You hurt them, and you hurt yourself. You can build all the walls you want, try to bury your feelings as deeply as possible, but at the end of the day, being alone doesn't prevent you from hurting. It makes you more vulnerable to it."

"How did you survive, then?" Magnus murmured. "How did you survive alone in that room for two years?"

"I wasn't alone," Ragnor said, not an ounce of doubt in his voice. "I had you with me always."

Magnus choked on a sob, but quickly urged his tears back, shaking his head.

"I did a terrible mistake, didn't I?" he whispered, more to himself than to Ragnor.

"So what?" Ragnor exclaimed with a soundless chuckle that seemed older than his years. "We all make mistakes. We all have struggles. We are all fucked up, Magnus. The real question is whether or not you let it shape the person you are. And I know you, my friend. You are much more than your struggles, and even more than your mistakes. I'm willing to bet Alec knows that too."

"Alec probably hates me right now," Magnus said, pushing his palms against his closed lids. "And I don't blame him."

"Alec could never hate you," Ragnor scoffed. "The kid doesn't have an ounce of hatred in his heart. He loves you."

.

"I fucking hate him," Alec gritted out through clenched teeth, sending a vicious blow to the punching bag facing him.

Raj, who was standing a few feet away from him, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, scoffed out a humorless laugh.

"We will find him," he said, in a tone meant to be reassuring.

"I can't wait for him to show up," Alec grunted. "We have to find him first."

"It'd be easier if you were willing to ask that resident hacker of yours," Raj argued, pushing off the wall to walk to him.

Alec sent another blow to the punching bag, catching it before it came back to hit him in the face, and blew out a deep, heavy breath, wiping sweat off his forehead with the hem of his t-shirt.

"No," he said, in a tone that left no room for negotiation. "That's the point of this. That's why I contacted you. I don't want any of them involved."

Raj shook his head and pushed the bag away to face Alec, brow furrowed sternly.

"Alec, they will know eventually," he pointed reasonably. "And they will be very, very mad at you."

Alec's shoulders slouched in defeat, the fight leaving him temporarily.

He had gotten used to the hole in his chest in the past two weeks, in the absence lingering in every of his movements and making him ache all over.

He had found another way to fill it, one that wasn't gentle touches, tender kisses and a loving presence. It was quite the opposite, but it occupied the entirety of his mind, left him numb to any other thought, pushed aside the pain as his attention was focused on his goal.

Raj had been a steady presence at his side. When Alec had told him what he had in mind, he had argued, called him insane, but he had accepted to help eventually, when he had understood that Alec was going to do as he had planned no matter if Raj was willing to help or not.

They had seen each other pretty much everyday since then, but not much had changed. They weren't any more advanced than they had been when they had first met in a quiet coffee shop in Brooklyn.

"I know," he sighed, pursing his lips. "But I'm doing this for them."

"For them, or for Magnus?" Raj asked, the knowing edge of his tone painfully notable.

"Magnus and I are done," Alec stated, and his fists twitched with the urge to throw another blow to the bag.

Raj sighed. "You're not going to change your mind, are you?"

"No," Alec said.

Raj took a step back and plucked his phone out of his pocket, but he looked like it was the last thing he wanted to do, like he was dreading his own actions.

"I may have a lead," he announced in a self-depreciative voice that made guilt wrench Alec's stomach.

He knew it was unfair of him to involve Raj in his quest for freedom. Raj wasn't part of their team. He worked with Catarina, which meant he wasn't on the good side of the law, but what Alec had asked of him was on another level entirely.

"What?" Alec blurted out anyway, stomping back to him hastily. "Why didn't you tell me straight away?"

"Because you're going on a suicide mission," Raj sighed. "And you're a good man, but you're hurting too much to realize that. If something happens to you because of information I gave you, I'll have it on my conscience."

"It's my choice," Alec told him with unwavering confidence. "If something happens to me, it'll be on me, not you."

"Not sure Magnus and your team of Earth's mightiest heroes will think so," Raj deadpanned, rolling his eyes. "Hodge will kill me. He's got that protective dad vibe over you."

"Hodge is like a father to me," Alec admitted with a quick nod, "but he also respects the fact that I'm an adult who can make my own choices and assume their consequences. I won't let them pin it on you if anything happens to me, okay?"

Raj seemed hesitant for a moment, chewing on his bottom lip with a look of pure doubt in his eyes but he eventually nodded, running a hand on his features with a defeated sigh.

"I don't know where to find Sebastian," he said. "But I know someone who might. His name is Meliorn."

.

Simon Lewis liked being alive.

He liked it even more ever since Isabelle had stumbled into his life with her high heels and heart-melting, but too rare, smiles. His life had been turned upside down in the past months.

He had gone from being an accountant in a boring office of Wall Street to being part of a team of world-class thieves. It was far from the life he had pictured for himself even a month prior meeting them, but Clary had asked for his help and it was against Simon's nature to say no to a friend in need.

Alec didn't ask for help.

It wasn't in his nature, but Simon could see the unspoken cry for help in every one of his haunted gazes. And it was enough to spur him into action.

Clearly, he wasn't the only one because when he called Isabelle to tell her they should try to do something for him, she told him Jace and she had already been planning an intervention, but they weren't sure how to do it.

Now, in the few months he had known him, Simon had learned two things about Alec that anyone who was lucky to call themselves his friend should know.

One, Alec was excessively, annoyingly, imperturbably stubborn, especially when it came to protecting the people he cared for or his feelings.

Two, Alec only listened to two people when they attempted to make him see reason: Magnus, who was unfortunately not an option at the moment, and Hodge.

The balance between these two facts was quite thin, and Simon wasn't sure the second one still applied with everything Alec had been through lately, far before Magnus breaking up with him two weeks ago. They still had to try, however. It was better than nothing.

When Hodge arrived to the Lightwoods' apartment in Manhattan in the evening, he looked exhausted, the bags under his blue eyes only emphasising the paleness of his skin. A wrinkle has started to show on his forehead and Simon was fairly certain it hadn't been there when they had first met.

"Where is he?" he asked Isabelle when she let him in, and even his obvious fatigue didn't cover the pregnant protective edge of his tone.

"Not home yet," Isabelle sighed. She too bore the weight of her brother's pain on her features.

Simon had held her through nights of restless cries of sorrow and worry more times than he could count. It was, if he was quite honest, partly why he wanted to do something about Alec.

Seeing Isabelle suffer, even if it was on her brother's behalf, was more than he could endure.

"He missed the meeting with Lydia and Aline," Hodge stated, as if they didn't all know that already.

There had been two empty seats that morning. They were all painfully aware of who should have been sitting there.

Simon wondered if that was what mourning felt like, feeling an absence lingering in a room even when there was no physical proof for it.

Except neither Alec or Magnus were dead. They were both still breathing - with the difficulties they faced, but still breathing.

"I texted him about it," Simon chimed in. "He said he had forgotten about it and that there was no point anyway because we hadn't made any progress on Sebastian. I still can't find his juvenile file. I have a few programs running that should finishing loading tomorrow."

"Hopefully we'll get something soon and Lydia and her Shadowhunters thing can take care of them," Hodge said with a quick nod. "I don't know how he is able to disappear from the surface of Earth like that."

"Me neither," Simon admitted dejectedly. "I wish I could give us something else. Anything. But I keep coming back empty-handed."

"It's not your fault," Isabelle told him, leaning a reassuring hand on his forearm. "He must have someone as good as you on his side."

Simon threw her a pointed glare, pursing his lips together and tipping his chin up.

Isabelle chuckled softly, her eyes lighting up, if gingerly. "Almost as good as you," she rectified, and leaned in to peck his lips chastely.

Simon nodded in satisfaction. It was the moment the front door opened behind Hodge and they all froze, only to relax again at the sight of Jace, who lifted an eyebrow.

"Why are you guys standing in the hallway?" he asked, slamming the door shut with his foot. "That welcoming committee thing is creepy, I hope you don't make it a thing."

Isabelle rolled her eyes. "We're talking about the intervention."

"Oh," Jace said, crossing his arms over his chest. "Do we have a plan of action for that? Because we all know that Alec is going to run away as soon as he realizes we're trying to make him talk. Talking isn't his forte. Especially lately. He barely gets two words out a day ever since that night."

"Has anyone spoken to Magnus?" Hodge asked, brow furrowed in concern. "I tried to call him but he hasn't called me back."

"I texted him," Isabelle said. "He didn't reply."

"He replied to me," Simon chimed in, but the absent edge of his voice announced nothing good. "He said 'I'm fine, Simon' and nothing else. He didn't even call me Sméagol or some other weird name starting with an S."

There was silence for a while, heavy with a tension that wasn't truly theirs, and they stared at each other, frowning for a pain that they didn't know how to nurse.

"I think Alec is planning something," Isabelle said eventually. "He's been weird for the last couple of weeks. And I don't mean just the not talking, being miserable weird. He's been… secretive."

Jace nodded pensively. "The other day, I tried to come in his bedroom and he rushed to the door so I couldn't get in and told me he was busy. He never did that before. Well, apart when he was with Magnus, but I definitely didn't want to come in then."

Simon grimaced. "I'm still scarred for life by what I've seen," he whispered, as if he was confessing a great secret.

Jace visibly suppressed a shudder. "Stop. I don't want to think about my brother and Magnus having sex."

"I'd rather walk into them having kinky sex than them being miserable like they are now," Isabelle disputed, earning a few groans of approval. "So… how do we make Alec talk?"

"Make me talk about what?"

They all froze and turned to face him with matching sheepish expressions. It was almost comical, or at least Simon would have found some humor to the situation in any other context.

Alec was standing in the threshold of the apartment, a sports bag hanging off his shoulder, hair still wet from a shower, and his eyes were sharp, but Simon could easily read the lingering ache beneath.

"We need to talk," Hodge said calmly, and Simon was grateful he did because he had been about to blurt out something stupid like "we're worried you're going to do something stupid so could you please not do that stupid thing you're stupidly planning to do?".

"Yeah, sorry I missed the meeting with Lydia," Alec mumbled dismissively. "Something else came up."

"Alec, what's going on with you?" Isabelle asked softly, taking a ginger step forward. "You've been acting very weird for the past two weeks."

Alec lifted an eyebrow, his shoulders tensing. "I'm fine," he gritted out.

"You're clearly not," Hodge said. "I know you and you're not fine."

"Well, my boyfriend broke up with me and there's a serial killer after us," he snapped. "Excuse me for not being happy enough for your standards."

Hodge shook his head. "It's not what I meant and you know it," he sighed. "We're worried about you. I am worried about you. You haven't been mourning for your relationship with Magnus. You've been… busy."

"I go to the gym," Alec retorted automatically, dropping his sports bag on the floor pointedly. "Helps me keep a clear head."

"I've heard you on the phone a few nights in a row," Jace chimed in sternly, arms crossed over his chest. "Whispering. What's up with that?"

"You've been spying on me?" Alec exclaimed, his voice hitching up with disbelief.

"Well, you don't give us much of a choice when you refuse to talk to us!" Jace argued.

"That doesn't give you the right to invade my privacy!" Alec blurted, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation. "Who I talk to is none of your business. Maybe I just found myself a new boyfriend."

Simon snorted. "Yeah, right," he snarled, voice heavy with sarcasm, before he could stop himself.

Alec shut his mouth abruptly, throwing him a murderous glare. His upper lip was twitching in anger, but it all seemed a hint too desperate.

"You're hiding something," Hodge said, voicing what Simon had been thinking himself.

"I'm not hiding anything!" Alec yelled. "I'm trying to heal! I keep myself busy because whenever I stop to think, I'm reminded of everything that happened ever since you -" he pointed an accusatory finger at his siblings, "- convinced me to follow you on this fucking suicide mission three months ago. I'm trying to move on! Am I not allowed to? Would you rather have me crying all day long over a man who doesn't want me in his life anymore?"

"Alec -" Hodge sighed.

"No," he snapped. "I'm done playing the Avengers with you. It brought me nothing but misery and heartbreak. And if you think I'm not allowed to walk away from it, well fuck you. I'm not going to wait for Magnus to change his mind to try to be happy. Fuck him too."

He grabbed his sports bag again, twirling on his heels and heading to the front door.

"Where are you going?" Isabelle called out, running after him to grab his arm.

Alec snatched his arm out of her hold. "Out," he hissed, before slamming the door shut behind him.

His impromptu departure was followed by a long silence, heavy and a hint dumbfounded.

Isabelle turned away from the door to look back at them, and she shared a quick glance with Jace before setting her eyes on Simon, who curved an eyebrow. He knew that look, and it never announced anything good on a Lightwood's face.

"He is totally hiding something," she said.

"Yup," Jace agreed. "He was lying."

Simon's eyes darted between the two of them. "You're about to do something stupid, aren't you?"

Hodge heaved out a deep sigh, patting Simon's shoulder in comfort. "Wait for it. I can tell you it's going to be invasive and that they'll be really stubborn about it."

Isabelle picked a pin out of her hair, a smirk pulling at the corner of her lips. "We're breaking into Alec's room, come on."

Jace was already halfway in the corridor leading to the bedrooms.

"We're going to regret it," Simon grumbled, but he followed anyway, knowing full well that there was nothing he could do to make them see the errors of their way.

"No pain no gain," Jace retorted.

"I don't mind having no gain," Simon said, pushing his hands at the very bottom of his pockets. "And I definitely don't mind having no pain. We've all had enough pain as it is. Can we just all move away to some island in the Caribbeans? Alec and Magnus can have makeup sex under a palm tree and forget everything about Morgenstern, the evil couple of assassins, and shiny rubies."

Isabelle smiled, albeit sadly, as she kneeled in front of her older brother's door.

"We all want that," Hodge said with a lenient smile. "But before they can have that, we have to protect them both, and I'm afraid this time we'll have to sneak into Alec's stuff to do that."

With this, Isabelle let out a triumphant noise as the door opened with a quiet click and rose back to her feet.

Simon walked in after them warily, stomach lurching with apprehension. He didn't know why, but he had the worst feeling about this, like the sky was about to fall over their heads and burden them with more and more ache.

Alec's room was like one could only expect it to be: tidy, clean and freakingly well organized. His bed was neatly made, the walls empty except two paintings that Simon had to wonder if they were skillful copies or stolen originals. On the desk laid Alec's laptop, and a few photo frames of his siblings where they were all smiling, a frozen testimony of a happier time.

Hodge walked to the desk, absently running his fingers on the wood and he turned to Simon, lips pursed in a stern grimace.

"Do your thing, Simon," he said.

Simon sighed, but obliged, taking a seat on the desk chair and turning on the laptop as the rest of them rummaged in the drawers and in Alec's wardrobe in search of clues.

It was a good thing that nowadays every device one could own was connected to each other because Simon found nothing that could help on the laptop, but he definitely did once he hacked into Alec's phone.

"Guys," Jace called out in a blank voice, and Simon averted his eyes from the screen to look at him. He was kneeling on the floor in front of a box that he seemed to have pulled from beneath the bed and he was staring at the content with a mixture of dread and worry. "I think it might be worse than what we had in mind."

In the box rested a 9mm pistol and bullets, enough to fill the magazine. There was nothing else, but somehow, Simon thought they all knew what purpose the gun was meant to serve.

"Yes," Simon allowed, with just as much horror as he could read in their eyes. "It is." He pointed back to the screen and the series of text messages he had hacked into displaying before his eyes. "I think Alec is looking for Sebastian. He wants to go after him on his own."

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Hodge muttered under his breath. "Why do you Lightwoods have to be so reckless?" He ran a hand over his tired features, and swirled back towards Jace and Isabelle, who were frozen in shock.

"Call Magnus."

.

The dark room seemed somehow darker every time Magnus closed his eyes and focused on finding his safe haven. The walls seemed to close in on him and he was suffocating with the pressure, begging inwardly for his eyes to finally adapt to the darkness so he could see something, anything, a tether to hold on to that would bring him back to the place he had created in order to ease his mind.

Sometimes, the darkness shifted and he could see, but it wasn't a welcoming change.

"I thought they would have joined us by now," Valentine had sighed exaggeratedly. "I guess I'll just have to give them a bit of a motivation. You're of no use to me anymore. I'm more interested in settling my unfinished business with Luke."

Magnus hadn't had the time to react, to dodge to avoid the bullet boosting his way. He had barely registered Valentine's cruel smirk as he pulled the trigger and it ripped through his stomach.

His smile was carved into his mind like a never ending torment. Even locked away, he remained, cold and unbearably ruthless, the wicked spark of his dark gaze plaguing Magnus' every attempt at pushing the memory away.

"You-You what?" the Ragnor of his nightmares had snapped sharply, tainting his nights with untamable guilt. "You-You killed me. Deal with it, you coward."

But Magnus hadn't. Ragnor was alive. Ragnor was alive and that was all that mattered, not the painful reminiscence of restless nights infested with cries for his friend that had never gotten a response. Not until Alec had come along to coarse away Magnus' torment.

Camille's mouth half open as she was about to spill the names of the assassins after them. The sound of an explosion ripping through his ears as the bullet lodged itself in her chest. The echo carrying on for too many seconds afterwards. The dead silence that had followed.

Camille laying on the floor, her lifeless eyes staring back at him, a pool of blood sprawling beneath her motionless body and staining his patent leather shoes.

But the bullet hadn't done it. Magnus had.

He had killed Camille the moment he had stepped into her life all those years ago. He had killed Ragnor in another, far more twisted way, because he was still breathing, but every breath he took was ripping through his lungs like the scars ripping through his back. But he hadn't killed Valentine.

And most of all, he hadn't killed his inner demons.

It all came back in flashes, and then he was back in the dark room again. The silence was deafening.

Slaying his demons wasn't easy. But finding what they had been feeding on seemed utterly impossible.

And then, Ragnor's voice resonated in the room, crashing against the wall and echoing over and over again until it seemed to anchor itself in his head like a soulful melody.

"My pain is mine and you have yours to deal with. So deal with it. Endure it. But don't you dare think you are alone with it."

But Magnus had given up. It had all seemed too much, felt too wrong.

He had stopped fighting.

"I"m not going anywhere," Alec had pledged.

It hadn't been long before Magnus had sent him away. It was his fault. They were both hurting because of him.

"Feeling down doesn't make you weak. You're not weak, and you're most certainly not a burden."

Alec's voice had always appeased him and somehow, even as an echo in his own head, it managed to do it once again. In the darkness of this room, Magnus started to see.

"You are much more than your struggles, and even more than your mistakes."

There was a beacon peeking from high above his head, a minuscule stream of scintillating light. It was so small Magnus wondered if it was a trick of his own mind against him, but for as long as he stared, it was there, never growing, but not diminishing either.

And Magnus reached out, the light playing on the skin of his hand like a taunting lure, but it remained elusive and inaccessible. Somehow, Magnus knew that it wasn't another insurmountable obstacle.

He just had to fight, and he had just remembered how to.

And there was one thing he was certain he had to fight for before anything else: he had to fix his mistakes.

The bullet didn't do it. But I didn't either.

.

When Magnus finally opened his eyes, it took him a few minutes to absorb his surroundings again. It was like the whole city had been muted, its constant buzzing now a muffled noise to his ears. He had gone deeper in his own mind, in his inner struggles than he ever had before, and he oddly felt both incredibly rested and exhausted.

He took another deep breath and jumped off the edge of the rooftop back to the ground to walk back to the door, taking the stairs down to his apartment. He needed a shower, then he needed to call Alec, and he could only hope that he would answer.

Whatever he had expected to find as he strode towards his front door, it wasn't the welcoming committee that was settled against the wall like they had been camping there for a long time, which wasn't impossible, considering Magnus was usually on the roof for hours when he locked himself into his own mind.

He froze completely, his breath hitching in his throat and almost dropped his keys in the process. They hadn't seen him yet and he contemplated on going back upstairs to hide until they would grow tired of waiting and leave, before mentally cursing himself for the cowardice.

It wasn't who he was. Magnus Bane was not one to back out of a challenge, even if said challenge took the form of angry Lightwoods siblings, if Jace's deep frown was anything to go by.

He inhaled profoundly, feeling his lungs rise in his chest and took the remaining steps down, walking to the little group gathered in front of his apartment.

Hodge was the first one to spot him and he straightened up immediately, thus attracting the attention of the rest of them.

Magnus sucked in his bottom lip, chewing on it nervously and his eyes darted to Isabelle. She gazed right back, her dark eyes baring more sadness - and it probably wasn't her own, Magnus pondered to himself bitterly - than anger.

"Hey," Magnus whispered, because he was afraid speaking louder would indeed ignite the wrath he felt he deserved.

Isabelle didn't reply, but she scoffed in what seemed to be a combination of relief and exasperation and she grabbed a fistful of his sweatshirt to hurl him forward, hugging him tightly.

Magnus stayed immobile for a while, mouth dropping in shock, but he eventually wrapped his arms around her and hugged her back, feeling his heart constrict in his chest.

"How are you?" Isabelle murmured against his ear.

"How is he?" Magnus asked in lieu of an answer, gently pulling back.

"How do you think he is?" Jace grunted, arms crossed over his chest stubbornly, his scowl deepening. "You dumped him."

"I thought it would be for the best," Magnus argued weakly, rubbing his fingers together in a nervous gesture.

"You thought?" Simon chimed in, quirking an eyebrow. "Past tense?"

He took a cautious step forward, like he was afraid Magnus would break apart if he rushed himself, and it made his heart clench painfully in his chest.

"I don't know," Magnus sighed, running a hand in his hair. "I miss him."

The silence that followed was resounding, and he darted his eyes away, fighting back the urge to rub his fingers against the scar on his stomach.

"We need you," Hodge said gravely, and Magnus blinked twice, surprised, before he focused his attention on him.

"Guys, I'm really not in shape for any illegal adventure," he muttered apologetically. "I don't trust myself right now and you shouldn't trust me either."

"We think Alec is going after Sebastian on his own," Hodge replied sternly, albeit not unkindly. "We tried to talk to him to bring him to his senses but he won't listen to us."

Magnus went still at once, eyes widening with bewilderment. "What?"

"He might listen to you," Isabelle chimed in gently. "We need you."

Magnus shook his head and pushed away the thought of hazel eyes full of tenderness staring at him, of whispered I love yous in the dead of the night, of gentle touches that had made him feel like the most important thing to at least one's world.

"I-I can't," he stammered quietly. "I wouldn't be of any help."

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Jace growled, pushing off the wall to face Magnus. "You know who you're not helping, Magnus? Yourself. You locked yourself in your apartment, you barely go out. I'm sure Raphael is doing your grocery shopping for you. Have you been out at all since you dumped Alec? And I don't mean the rooftop, I mean properly out."

"I've been out for quite some time, actually," Magnus offered, the ghost of his trademark smirk on his lips.

Jace rolled his eyes dramatically, but Isabelle and Hodge scoffed with amusement on the side.

"I meant seeing someone who isn't your roommates or your cat," Jace deadpanned. "My point is, you need to get your shit together and you're not going to do that by doing nothing all day long. I know it's hard, but you've got to take that one step into the void and risk it, or you're never going to get better."

Magnus stayed silent for a while, shoulders tensed and eyes shifting everywhere and nowhere, refusing to settle on a fixed point.

"I'm sure he doesn't want to see me," he murmured eventually, heart sinking in his chest.

"Maybe he doesn't," Jace allowed. "But if he's going to listen to anyone, it's you. We're scared, okay?" I'm terrified, his eyes said. "If he's truly going after Sebastian on his own, he's going to get himself killed, Magnus."

A world where Alec would get himself killed without Magnus having a word to say in it was not a world he approved of. No matter how petrified he was to find himself on the line again.

For Alec, he would risk it again. For Alec, he would risk it all.

"Okay," he said with a nod, ignoring their collegial sigh of relief. "What's the plan?"

"Well, we better figure that out soon," Simon admitted as he stepped forward, eyes focused on his phone, "because Alec's contact just texted him to say they're meeting with a certain M tomorrow night at the Seelie Court, whatever that is."

"It's a private club in Manhattan near Central Park," Magnus said, scrunching his nose up. "I haven't been there in years but I'm still a member. I can get us in."

.

The Seelie Court was on the Upper East Side, in a doorman-guarded apartment building that Alec would have never bet on hosting a private club. Raj seemed to know the place, however, and he exchanged a few words with the doorman before they were directed to an elevator that was all grandeur and extravagant gildings.

"Are you sure about this?" Raj asked him for what seemed to be the billionth time.

"Yes," Alec replied yet again.

The elevator led them to the sixth floor, and that was somehow even more surprising because Alec expected some kind of open rooftop. But the room they stumbled in was actually windowless, although it didn't feel as confined as it could have, the plain white walls scattered with plants and ground ivy giving it a welcoming allure. It almost felt like stepping into a greenhouse. There was a wide crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling.

Alec could truly see the appeal of such a place to take a break from the madness of New York.

And then, another doorman opened the unique door, facing directly from the elevator, and gone was the peaceful quiet from the hall.

The second room was everything one would expect from a nightclub: bodies grinding against each other, thundering beats, glasses overflowing with alcohol, and freedom.

Raj elbowed him gently in the ribs and Alec averted his attention from the dancing crowd to see where he was pointing. Over one of the bars, there was a mezzanine where you could surmise a smaller room, shadows moving behind a unique opaque window.

"That's where we're meeting Meliorn," Raj informed him, and Alec leaned in so he could talk directly into his ear over the loud music. "We still have half an hour to kill. Come on, I'll buy you a drink."

Alec nodded, following him towards the bar. The barman was a tall dark-skinned man with broad shoulders who greeted them with a wide smile that contrasted with his brawny appearance. Raj ordered two scotches on the rocks and handed one to Alec, who merely lifted an eyebrow.

"It's a private club," he reminded him. "They don't exactly serve beer."

Alec shrugged and took a long sip, revelling in the feeling of the alcohol burning his throat and heating up his skin. He turned around, resting his elbows on the bar to take a look at his surroundings.

It was the kind of place he usually avoided at all costs, loud, opulent and extravagant. His thoughts drifted to Magnus, who would have fitted perfectly here, meddling with the crowd like this world belonged to him. At least, he certainly had in a distant past, before all of this had happened.

His heart clenched in his chest at the thought. Too much had changed lately, and they were all tired of looking over their shoulders and living with the constant threat over their lives. Alec was more than happy to put an end to it, and even more to do it on his own, so none of his loved ones could get hurt. He was done waiting for another tragedy to happen.

He was done waiting for things to get better on their own. It was clear they wouldn't.

"Hey, do you want to dance?"

Alec blinked, pulling out of his thoughts to glance at the brown-haired man facing him. He was slightly smaller than him and had vibrant blue eyes that seemed a bit glassy, probably from the alcohol he had consumed himself, or something stronger that Alec didn't want to know about.

He shook his head sternly, jerking his head towards Raj as if that was enough of an answer.

The man laughed, throwing his head back, and winked at him.

"You're not with him," he said. "I'm mean, you're with him but not with him. Come on, let's dance. I'm sure he won't mind."

"I would mind," Alec retorted coldly.

He was fairly good-looking, Alec had to admit. His eyes shone under the neon lights of the club, long eyelashes casting shadows on his high cheekbones and enlightening his pale skin. He was even beautiful, like everyone in this club ethereally seemed to be.

Alec thought he was quite dull.

Everyone seemed quite dull in comparison to Magnus' scintillating and always exciting charisma.

Alec clenched his teeth and cursed inwardly. He wondered if Magnus had ruined all other men for him. Perhaps he would never move on.

Perhaps he would never want to.

The man laughed again, leaning a hand on the crook of Alec's elbow.

"I'm just messing with you, babe. Come on, Meliorn sent me to get you."

"Don't call me babe," Alec growled threateningly, eyes dark and sharp.

It didn't seem to faze the stranger, who only laughed again and tightened his grip, pulling Alec after him, Raj following after them, shaking his head.

They circled the bar and the stranger winked at the tall barman - he was even taller than Alec, and it was more impressive than he had expected. They were led to a storage room behind the bar, then to a set of stairs.

They stumbled into a small corridor with two doors facing each other, one right above the bar. It was the one the stranger knocked on, before passing only his head through. He said a few words Alec couldn't understand and stepped away again, holding the door open for Alec and Raj to go in.

The door shut abruptly behind them and Alec was startled for a moment by how muffled the music was once inside, lowering to a low buzz.

"Alexander Lightwood," a sulky, sensual voice called out.

The man was sitting on the couch in front of them, arms spread on a woman's shoulders to his right and a man's to his left, both unrealistically gorgeous. He was wearing a white shirt embodied with green and gold patterns that oddly seemed to match the leaf tattoo on the side of his face. His eyes were predatory, but not in a way that inspired desire, but rather one that had Alec resisting the urge to squirm on his feet.

They were deep, and he seemed to be able to read inside Alec's soul.

"I had heard about Magnus finding himself a toy boy, but I didn't really believe the rumors," he said airily, waving a hand over the woman's shoulder. "You are even more gorgeous than they said you were," he smirked, eyes raking over Alec unabashedly.

"I'm not Magnus' toy boy," Alec retorted, fists balling at his side despite his best effort.

"Oh, did he break your heart?" Meliorn asked, and he seemed impossibly delighted at the prospect. "He tends to do that, someone should have warned you."

Alec clenched his jaw, urging back the need to punch his smirk off his celestial features.

Meliorn chuckled and motioned for his companions to leave. They obeyed without a second thought, music bursting through the room loudly with their departure, before it subdued to a quiet muffled sound again as they shut the door behind them.

"No need to be jealous, dear," he said with a condescending smirk. "I wasn't talking about myself. I have too much self-preservation to put my heart in Magnus Bane's dangerous hands."

Alec had never seen any danger in Magnus' touch, in the gentle brush of his fingers along his spine or over his jaw, but maybe he had been too blinded by love to see it. He cursed himself inwardly. Magnus was many things, but a danger to Alec wasn't one of them. That much he was certain of.

"You don't know what you're talking about," he gritted out eventually, sliding his hands in his pockets before they ended up around the man's throat, choking the taunting words away.

Meliorn chuckled again, his fingers dancing in the air entrancingly. "The rumors did say you were strong-headed."

"I'm not here to talk rumors either."

"Oh, but you are," Meliorn replied, an excited flicker lighting up his dark eyes as he leaned forward in a swift movement. "You're looking for a ghost so you would be wise to listen to the rumors."

"I'm not looking for a ghost," Alec retorted with an exasperated huff. "I'm looking for a man and a woman, both very real, both made of flesh and bones. Don't turn them into some kind of myth. They're killers, nothing more."

Meliorn smirked again and Alec dig his hands deeper in his pockets.

"And you aren't?" he retorted. "Because I doubt you want to find them just to sit around a cup of coffee and have a friendly chat."

"Can you help me or not?" Alec snapped in lieu of an answer, crossing his arms over his chest.

Meliorn stayed silent for a while, eyes raking over Alec before staring into his own with unwavering intent.

"I can," he said eventually, nodding gingerly. "But I don't work for free."

"I've got money," Alec said. "How much?"

"I don't want money," Meliorn replied enigmatically and his lips twitched up, a mischievous spark tainting the green of his eyes.

Alec had been expected that much. Meliorn didn't strike him as the kind of person who cared much for money, because he had more than enough already.

He pursed his lips together and inhaled deeply.

"What do you want?" he asked, already regretting it.

"You're a thief, aren't you?" Meliorn said, as if it wasn't the reason why they were in the same room at this exact moment.

Alec nodded.

"I want you to steal something for me."

"Steal what?" Alec asked, curving a dubious eyebrow.

"That's for you to tell me," Meliorn replied cryptically, but on a tone that suggested it made complete sense.

"What are you talking about?" Alec gritted out through clenched teeth. "You want me to steal something for you, but I'm supposed to know what it is?"

"The important question is not what, it's from whom," Meliorn said, and Alec's stomach lurched.

"Then who would that be?" he asked, although he already knew the answer.

"Why, Magnus, of course," Meliorn replied, his playful grin broadening. "Who else?"

He waited for a beat for Alec to answer but he kept his mouth firmly shut. He wondered if the mere mention of Magnus' name would ever stop feeling like a punch to the guts.

"You see, he stole something precious from me a while back," Meliorn explained, in a dainty tone that made it sound like he was talking about someone other than himself. "And I can't get it back, but I can give him a taste of what it feels like."

Alec remained silent.

He wasn't about to tell this complete stranger that Magnus very much knew how it felt to lose something you cared about, to see it slip between your fingers as you were powerless to hold it back. Magnus knew what loss felt like more than Meliorn could possibly imagine, but his loss had never been material. Material possessions could easily be replaced. They didn't leave a hole in your chest like the loss of a closed one.

Alec wondered if that was one he had been experiencing lately. Grief.

"So, I want you to steal something from him for me," Meliorn said when he realized Alec wasn't about to answer. "Something he holds dear. You'd know better than I do what that would be."

It took half a second for Alec to figure out his response.

"No."

Meliorn smirked and leaned back in his seat. "I guess you'll have to find them on your own then, Alexander Lightwood. Good luck with that."

"I'm sure we can find another arrangement," Raj chimed in, stepping forward to stand next to Alec. "There must be something else you want."

Meliorn sighed as if incredibly bored and turned his head to stare at his hand resting on the back of the couch, picking at a loose thread.

"How about the lovely piece of jewellery around your neck?" Meliorn offered, his eyes shifting to Alec's chest, an almost feral look in them. Alec's hand shot up automatically to the necklace hanging over his heart.

"What's this one?" Alec had asked as they laid in bed both in the nude and legs tangled together, playing with one of the many rings adorning Magnus' long fingers.

It was the third one he had pointed at.

Magnus' eyes had lit up with pure mischief.

"It's from one of my first jobs," he had said. "I fell in love with it. I wanted to sell it anyway, because Raphael and I were going through a rough time then but he saw how much I loved it and told me to keep it. That we'd find another way to eat for the next month."

Alec hummed pensively, pulling the ring off and back on Magnus' finger. "It's beautiful," he had said simply.

Magnus had smiled, that genuine smile of his that made his eyes shine like a million stars, and took the jewelry off his finger, sliding it on Alec's instead.

"Take it."

"What?" Alec had exclaimed, voice layered with a hint of indignation. "No, it's yours. You love it. I can see you do."

"Not as much as I love you," Magnus had responded firmly, not an ounce of doubt in his voice. "Take it. I like the idea of you carrying a piece of me around."

"I'm always carrying a piece of you with me," Alec had whispered, pressing a kiss on Magnus' now naked finger before lacing their hands together.

"You're such a sap," Magnus had teased, but his grin matched the fondness of Alec's voice perfectly.

Alec had kissed away his smirk and let go of his hand to tug Magnus against his chest, his fingers dancing on Magnus' bare back, the added weight feeling as natural as their lips moving together.

"So," Meliorn said, pulling Alec out of his thoughts, "what is it going to be, Alexander Lightwood? The ring or the precious piece of information you need for your little quest?"

Alec swallowed hard and his movements were slow as they reached behind his neck to unfasten the chain. He kept it in one hand, urging himself not to tremble as the ring slid off the silver and fell into the other one. He closed his fingers around it, feeling one last time its weight in his palm, and the other weight, much heavier, it represented for his heart.

He took a step forward with a deep sigh, unlacing his fingers carefully and Meliorn unhooked his legs and jerked to his feet in a swift motion, looking so satisfied with himself that Alec had to resist the urge to cringe.

He was about to drop the ring in Meliorn's waiting hand when the door of the private room burst open, startling the three of them.

Alec froze entirely, his mouth dropping open with shock, at the sight of Hodge standing there, eyes dark and sharp.

"Meliorn," he gritted out, sending him a murderous glance. "I should have known it was you."

Meliorn didn't seem unfazed and his surprise quickly subdued to be replaced by his now familiar smirk.

"Hodge Starkweather," he all but purred. "Always a pleasure."

"Alec, step away from him," Hodge demanded and Alec was finally pulled out of his bewildered daze.

"What are you doing here?" he blurted, closing his fingers around the ring again and squeezing as if it could bring him some comfort.

"I'm preventing you from doing stupid, obviously," Hodge said coldly, taking another step in the room. "What do you think you're doing? You can't do what you're planning to do on your own, Alec."

"I can and I will," Alec growled. "I've had enough of the people I love getting hurt while I stay still and watch. This is my decision."

"Well, it's a dumbass decision so I've decided to ignore it," Hodge retorted.

At Alec's look of total fury, he sighed, his shoulders slouching slightly. "Alec," he said in a softer tone. "I am not going to stay still and watch as you get yourself kill. None of us is. We love you. Please come home with us."

Alec shook his head, tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. "No." Then, realization flashed in his eyes, and he blinked, looking directly at Hodge. "What do you mean 'us'?"

Hodge smiled gently. "Did you really think I'd come alone when I know how stubborn you can be?"

He walked further in the room, making a quick motion with his hands for the people following him to come in.

Alec was barely surprised to see Jace and Isabelle there. He knew they would have gone to the end of the world and jump into the void for him, just like he would have himself. He wasn't expecting the last person who came in, however.

His breathing hitched in his throat at the sight of Magnus, and his heart missed a beat, and then seemed to stop altogether.

It had only been two weeks since they last saw each other, but it felt like years. He didn't know what he had been expecting exactly - which was silly, really, because no one ever knew what to expect with Magnus - but it wasn't the sight of Magnus looking so… ordinary.

He was wearing a slightly oversized sweatshirt and a pair of jeans ripped at the knees with Converse, his face bare of makeup. He still looked as breathtaking as ever, but he looked different. Too different perhaps, but Alec couldn't have cared less because he was standing before him and it was enough to send his heart into overdrive.

Magnus gave him a sheepish smile, doubt and a hint of fear tainting his mesmerizing eyes, and took a cautious step forward. He completely ignored both Meliorn and Raj, his whole attention on Alec, gaze dancing over him like he was seeing him for the first time.

He looked like the distance between them was physically hurting him, and Alec could relate, but it also felt insurmountable.

"Hey darling," Magnus said softly, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed hard.

"Hey babe," Alec whispered before he could stop himself, an old reflex that had automatically resurfaced at the sight before him. It made Magnus relax instantaneously.

He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry," he muttered in a breath. "I'm so sorry."

"Are you okay?" Alec inquired, because this was all that truly mattered. "What are you doing here?"

"I've been told you were about to do something stupid," Magnus replied, his lips curving ever so slightly at the corner of his mouth. "And I can't let you do that unless that something stupid is me."

Alec scoffed, half in amusement and half in exasperation, and rolled his eyes. Relief was swelling in his chest, longing for a touch he didn't dare to allow himself.

"You're impossible," he murmured instead, shaking his head.

Something shifted in Magnus' gaze, full of hope and unabashed love. "But in a good way, right?" he said, voice layered with an uncharacteristic lack of confidence.

Alec could have told him what he wanted to hear, what he needed to hear, but it would have felt like a lie, and he had had enough of lies and half-truths.

"You broke up with me," he said in lieu of their usual answer. "You gave up on me. On us."

"I know," Magnus sighed, brow furrowed in a pained grimace that made Alec's stomach twist achingly. "I-I will explain. I will. But please, my love -"

He rose a hand as if to take Alec's, but seemed to think better a second later, rocking back on his heels and biting his bottom lip.

Alec sighed heavily and reached out to take Magnus' hand in his own.

He wanted to be mad, he really did. He wanted to be as angry as he was hurting, but this was Magnus and in no world could Alec ever make wrath overrule love when it came to him.

"Please don't do this," Magnus finished in a low, pleading voice. "I've seen what he's done to Ragnor. And I've been in your place, willing to sacrifice myself for the sake of the team, but look where it got me. I've hurt the people I care the most about. I've hurt you." He choked up a little and Alec squeezed his hand, his hold tightening on the ring in his other one. Magnus cleared his throat before continuing. "If anything happens to you -"

He cut himself off again, the words stuck in his throat by a sob.

"You left me," Alec said, because the vulnerable look in Magnus' eyes only managed to bring him back to that moment, two weeks prior, when Magnus had asked him to leave and not come back.

"Because I love you," Magnus whispered, but it was loud enough for Alec to hear. "Because I thought it would be easier for you. Because I didn't want anything to happen to you, and the people around me, they… they tend to… you know, die. Or get hurt."

"What?" Alec breathed out. It took him a few seconds, but eventually realization flashed across his features and he exhaled deeply, taking a step closer. He slid the ring back on his fingers, twirling it around his index. "Magnus, stop beating yourself up. None of this is your fault. What happened to Camille and Ragnor, it's not your fault. You can't blame yourself every time something goes wrong. The only people responsible for what happened to them are the ones I'm going after. Not you. Most certainly not you."

Magnus blinked, and his eyes were shining with unshed tears when he tilted his head up to look at Alec.

"It's not your role to carry the weight of everyone's sorrow on your shoulders," Alec said and he forgot about his previous qualms, reaching out to cup Magnus' face between his hands, thumbs brushing the few stray tears running down his cheeks. "And you don't make these decisions for me. Not for these reasons, at least. If you break up with me, let it be because you don't love me anymore, not because you think you're protecting me from yourself. All you did was break my heart."

"That's never going to happen," Magnus replied softly, and Alec lifted a puzzled eyebrow. "I'm never going to stop loving you."

Alec's heart leaped in his chest. "I love you too," he murmured.

Magnus sent him a smile, small and private despite their audience.

"Now, please, let Lydia and her colleagues do the hunting," Magnus said, closing his fingers around the hands that were still holding his face. "We'll find a way to stop them that doesn't involve one of us getting killed. Don't repeat my own mistakes."

Alec didn't reply for a long time, chewing on his bottom lip, and he was about to when a sulky voice interrupted him.

"That's cute," Meliorn snarled from the side, the spite evident in his usual calm side.

Magnus' lips twitched with anger and he stepped away from Alec, just slightly enough for his hands to fall from his face but not enough for Alec to miss the warmth of his body close to his own, facing Meliorn instead, an untamable rage flickering in his eyes.

"I'd shut the fuck up if I were you, Meliorn," he growled. "I'm not exactly inclined to forgiveness lately."

"That would break my heart if I cared about your forgiveness," he replied, voice heavy with sarcasm but eyes full of resentment. "I did think you'd show up. I've heard about Magnus Bane settling. I didn't believe it, but I can see it now. You look almost happy. Too bad it won't last."

There was a spur of movement, a mess of limbs and blond hair and a second later, Meliorn was slammed against the nearest wall, Hodge's fingers closed firmly against his collar.

"Shut up," he grunted. "You get anywhere near any of them again and I'll make sure it's the last thing you do."

His voice was so cold, so ruthless that Alec almost didn't recognize him. His heart swelled with affection all the same. Meliorn simply smirked again, faking terror.

"It's okay, Hodge," Alec said slowly, resting a hand on his shoulder. "Let's go. I'm sorry I worried you."

It took another minute for Hodge to let go, and he made sure to push Meliorn against the wall one last time when he did.

He turned to face Alec, his jaw flexing with irritation.

"Don't do that again," he growled. "I won't let you walk to your death. Not on my watch."

"Well, maybe on mine, then," a foreign voice called out from the door, somehow equally cold and amused.

The look of total horror in Hodge's eyes surely mirrored Alec's and he turned around slowly to face the newcomer.

Perfectly tamed blond hair over a pale, aristocratic face, with high cheekbones and green eyes devoid of any emotion, but the obvious pleasure he took in standing in front of them, a gun pointed straight at Isabelle's forehead. He looked just like Clary's drawing, but ten times more terrifying. Alec took a step forward automatically, ready to shield his sister with his body.

"Ah-ah," Sebastian said in warning, his smirk widening. "Stay." Alec froze immediately, dread stilling his limbs all at once. "Good boy."

Alec recognized the woman accompanying him as the one from the video, her long scarlet hair cascading on her slim shoulders. Her blue eyes were a mixture of sickening love and insane thrill as she stared as Sebastian. There was a gun in her hand too and it looked oddly big in her small hands, but no less lethal.

"Thank you Meliorn," she said with a grin, eyes flashing with craziness. "You made our work much easier."

Alec's heart was rummaging in his chest as he watched Meliorn straighten his clothes, wiping inexistent dust from his shoulders. Hodge took a step back, both hands up in surrender.

"I am going to kill you," he told Meliorn between clenched teeth.

"You would have to survive for that," Meliorn retorted with a smirk, before dismissing his whole existence as he swirled towards the couple in the entrance. "Anything for our queen," he added in a mellow tone that made Alec's stomach lurch with disgust.

Sebastian tutted him, but his attention was on his captives. He opened the door of the private room wider with his free hand.

"Follow me, my dears. Don't do anything stupid. I would hate to have to paint the walls with anyone's brain," he said, in a tone that clearly indicated the contrary. "We're going to have so much fun."

Alec shared a look with Hodge, and then with Magnus, whose eyes drifting away from the gun in Sebastian's hand to look at him.

"I'll get us out of here," he pledged silently when Magnus walked past him to get out of the room, hands up in the air like the rest of them.

I'm sorry.


I'm sorry. I can't help it. Cliffhangers are my jam.

Yelling happens on tumblr lecrit and on twitter _L_ecrit

This was beta'd by my babe Roja. Thanks for being awesome and putting up with my horrible self.

See you soon.

All the love,
L.